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Wednesday 9 December 2003
Incorporating The Teely Times
Current Readership:
The Minister Decrees!
Dun Laoghaire to be relocated to Leitrim
Dun Laoghaire on the Move... At Last!
"The East Pier will look very nice on the Shannon. It'll be a bit of a tight squeeze but we'll manage" says County Manager Phelim McGillycuddy (64)
Dalkey to be placed on top of Darty Mountains, Dundrum be inserted into Drumshambo, Deansgrange to be dragged offshore and buried at sea, a great improvement all round say residents. In a related announcement the Luas line will now run through Roosky and Mohill, completion date of which has been put back to 3004.
Minister Seamus Brennan says he is confident the new time-scale will be adhered to.
Roy Keane turns over new leaf
"I'm going to be good from now on" he claims
"no more kicking, gouging or throwing the money-lenders out of the temple for me"
Gobblegate Plot Thickens Senate To Launch Investigation
"I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That President" Claims Turkey.