Crimson
Chapter 13: Gratification
***
After a half-hearted bite to eat, Nina exited the diner, leaving half of her
lunch behind. Her mind was on other things. She found herself wandering around the
streets of
She’d
set herself up for a fall, and taken it.
She
should have known that he wouldn’t have been receptive. He had never been a
people’s person, why had she expected him to suddenly become one for her? He
would only ever love one woman, even if she was dead. Hell, he was dead too.
Since
the grass was dry and warm, she had no resignation about crashing down on
it…ironically enough, in almost exactly the same spot that she’d led Kazuya the
night before. The night before came rushing into her mind as soon as she
inadvertently followed its every movement; his delicate, almost fearful hand
resting on her waist, the other lightly grasping her arm, his lips pressed to
her neck, his warming breath tickling the hair on the back of her neck. The
moments they shared sitting together after his little meal; his silent
submission to her attention. No wonder Jun loved him. She knew Jun was hired to
do nearly the same thing as her; dispose of him…only in very different ways. Ironic how he avoided it, really. Both fell for him, but one
succeeded in thawing out his icy heart.
She
was the failure. But she didn’t want to be. She knew she could have won him,
after all, she was, in the eyes of a great many, a lot more attractive than
Jun. Hell, she had curves…how did Kazuya resist the temptation?
Maybe
it was hopeless trying to win such a creature’s love and affection. And she
remembered how horrible she’d been, indirectly, to him in the past – sworn to
have him dead. Typical elusive Kazuya, though. He’d avoided her every attack.
And even now, his heart was eluding her. She wanted him, she had to admit it at
this point, but she was having a great deal of difficulty accepting that he was
out of her reach – he was too much of an enigma.
But
it was enigmatic, mysterious men that tantalised her the most. The charming
bastards that tried to tempt her and woo her outright ought to die; it was
these dark, elusive characters that had her screaming for more. Pity they were
always the hardest to get.
The
sudden awareness of another person nearby was the only thing that brought her
back to reality. Beside her, Jin had just sat down, and was looking at her
thoughtfully, his tilted on an angle, the side of a finger pressed to his rosy
lips.
“You
love him, don’t you?” His voice was without accusation or hatred. Bizarre.
She
blushed slightly, and turned away to face the river. “I don’t know who you’re
talking about.”
His
lips formed a soft smile. “What if I was talking about the man you kissed last
night?”
That
brought her attention to his words. Startled, she looked at him with
saucer-plate eyes for one moment, and found herself having to hold back tears
of shame in the next. She’d openly flirted with the boy’s father, and he knew.
“You…you don’t hate me…do you Jin?”
Both
his brows shot up with that, and he shook his head hastily. “No
no, of course not!” The smile returned to his
face, and he pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them.
“Why would I be? I mean…you are just trying to make him happy, aren’t you? Stop
him from being so lonely?” One would have thought it was a friend of brother he
was referring to.
She
shrugged. “That’s one way of putting it, I suppose. I’m so sorry Jin, I didn’t
mean to…well, I know how much Jun means to the both of you, and I don’t want to
replace her, because I know I can’t…I just, I dunno, Jin…I…”
He
interrupted her before she tied herself up in more knots. “Love him.” It was as
simple as that. He looked at her straight, staying silent until he had her
complete attention. “Nina, don’t you realise he loves you too?” The serious
tone in his voice was more than enough to make her eyes widen in surprise and
relief, but with definite disbelief. “I know you can’t replace Mom, she was too
much of a wonderful person for anyone to replace…but in your own way, you can
fill the gap in his heart. Imagine it…being alone for twenty years just after
you’ve discovered your first love…and being too scared to return, or fill the
growing void within your heart. I can see right through him, ya know?” He found
his eyes following a pair of ducks waddling about on the grass, frenzied by the
barrage of bread crumbs coming from a pair of young children standing on the
bank. “I can tell he loves you, Nina. The only reason he won’t let himself is
me. It’s my fault.”
His
last statement was barely audible, and when Nina glanced at him, he was looking
down at the grass, almost as if he felt the guilt for a crime he didn’t commit.
“Oh no, Jin, surely…”
He
held a hand up to stop her. “He said it himself. He feels guilty for pursuing
another relationship while he has a son. I’ve grown to know him incredibly well
in the short time we’ve known each other. He would never betray my respect by
going with a woman other than my mother; he knows what damage it does to a
child to have a parent show love to someone who isn’t the other parent.” His
soft, hazel eyes caught Nina’s. “But he forgets that I’m twenty-one years old
now. I’m old enough to look after myself, and I understand how he feels.”
Again, his eyes found the ducks, and he chuckled silently as one attacked the
other for stealing its bread crust. “Hell, I’m only this age and I feel the
pain of loneliness. I can only imagine how he feels.”
Now
if only Steve were so mature. She’d learned of her violation whilst in
cryogenic stasis. While she’s grown to appreciate her son, she still feels
filthy, violated, for being used as nothing but a reproduction machine, and
against her consent. Against her will. With a son like
that, Kazuya should have known he could let his soul rest at ease. A smile, for
the first time today, crossed Nina’s lips. “So you don’t mind me being around
your Dad?”
A
wide, happy grin broke across his face. “Of course not!
Actually, I think it would do him good. You’re so much better than a lot of
women he could have chosen from…if anyone were to try and replace my mother…I
want it to be you.”
Before
she could react, he reached out and hugged her as a close friend. “Go on, go
find him.”
She
took no second order; she stood up after returning his hug and giving him a
light peck on the cheek, and set out in search for the object of her dreams.
As
he watched her go, he felt two ways about the situation he’d created. On the
one hand, he was happy for his father. It was a good thing for him, this
relationship with Nina; but on the other hand, how could such a soul as Jun be
replaced? It hurt to see one parent find attraction in someone else, but
considering his family history, it was no sin. He was a ‘bastard child’ anyway;
the product of an unmarried couple’s enjoyment. But his parents were good people, that he couldn’t deny. He regretted nothing of his
past.
He
hoped, in fact he knew, he would regret none of his future to come.