Mpok Ati stopped and turned back, "Look for yourself, Usin. She’s in the bedroom."

"What? You’re telling me to go to a woman’s room while she’s inside?" Rausin looked at her mother in amazement.

"She wouldn’t notice. Just go and look for your self." With those words she left Rausin and walked to the kitchen to start washing the glasses and plates.

Rausin stood at the doorway of the bedroom, looking inside. The woman was lying on the bed, her eyes staring at the ceiling. She was murmuring something.

Rausin turned his head towards his mother in the kitchen, "Mak, I think she’s awake."

"Just go in." His mother answered shortly.

Rausin turned his attention back to the woman. He stepped inside and walked slowly closer to the bed. He watched her and followed her gaze. She was not exactly staring at the ceiling, she was staring at empty space.

Rausin bent down towards her to hear the words she was saying.

". . south . . go. . south . ."

"Go south." Rausin said the words.

"That’s what she keeps saying." His mother was already standing behind him.

Rausin turned to her mother, "You mean she just keeps staring and saying those words over and over again?"

His mother nodded. " I think this girl has lost her mind."

She sat on the bed and caressed her arm. "Poor girl." She waved her hands in front of her, but she didn’t respond.

"Look at her Rausin, she’s very beautiful."

Rausin came closer and watched the woman carefully.

"Yes, she is, Mak."

"Come and touch her skin, my son. It’s so smooth, like the alabaster floor of Meneer Janssen’s mansion."

Rausin chuckled and shook his head, "Alabaster floor?"

"Come touch for yourself . . . go on." She insisted him to touch her.

Rausin touched her arm and caressed it. He turned to his mother and smiled, "You’re right, Mak. It’s like touching alabaster floor, but much softer and warmer." He said mockingly to his mother.

"Speaking of woman," His mother started, "Mpok Siti came by this morning. She was telling me that her daughter Mirah, you remember her right? You saved her from Ali’s wife wrath. Well, she likes you very much. Mpok Siti wants us to have a stronger and closer relationship as family. You know . ..."

"No!" Rausin "Mak, please . . . I don’t want to hear this."

Mpok Ati motioned him to sit on the bed next to her. She hugged him and caressed his hair with love.

"Will you listen, until I finish speaking? Hmmm?"

Rausin broke free from her hug, "No. I said No!! I don’t want her, or any other woman."

Mpok Ati gave him another hug, "Why, Usin? Because you still love Marni?"

This time Rausin broke the hug with force. He was now standing in front of his mother. His face was dark, yet he wore no emotions. It was frightening for Mpok Ati ‘cause she knew that he was in anger.

"Why can’t you stop mentioning her name in front of me, Mak? Huh? She was a whore. And she is dead!! She was murdered, and I’m happy for it. I wish it were my own hand that took her life. She’s out of my life. That damn whore is dead, Mak!! Dead!! Long gone!!"

Rausin spoke the words in high tone. Never before he talked to his mother in such way. Never before he talked to anyone that way. Yet, Mpok Ati knew Rausin wouldn’t get carried away by his anger, as always. He only needed a few minutes to let go of the anger boiling inside, then it would subside. She had to bring the subject up, everyday if it was necessary, until Rausin realized his fault.

He was standing in the middle of the bedroom, looking down at the floor now. Breathing heavily. He was calming himself down.

Mpok Ati stood by him and reached his face, "Are you done?"

Rausin hugged her, "I’m sorry, Mak. I didn’t mean to be rude to you.."

Mpok Ati nodded and smiled. He took his arm and led him to sit back on the bed. The woman was still staring at the air, speaking the same words. They looked at her for a moment.

"Will you now listen to my words, my son?"

Rausin nodded.

"I know you don’t want me to bring up the subject about Marni. But Usin, sometimes the past is not meant to be forgotten. And believe me, I know that first love is very hard to forget."

"Mak, please.."

"Let me finish, allright?"

Rausin didn’t answer.

"Allright?" she demanded his approval.

He nodded his head.

"Usin, I never liked her, even from the first time you introduced her to me. But I saw how much you adored her, I saw how happy you were beside her. I didn’t have the heart to tell you."

Rausin looked at her mother with a sad look, "And I thought you liked her.."

"I did like her after a while. She was the one who taught you how to be a man. Ever since your father died, I always worried about how to raise you as a man. Marni had helped a lot, whether she realized it or not. Before you knew her, you were just a naïve boy. You get mature fast when you were with her. And I knew that she loved you very much. I knew that was true. So I learned to accept her in my heart."

"Mak, please.. she was a whore." Rausin sighed impatiently.

"Usin,.. Love is blind. You loved her for what she was, not what she did. It was true that she was a materialist. She sold her body for money. But she was willing to leave it all for you. That was the reason she got killed, Rausin. You know it. She was killed by one of her jealous clients. He didn’t want her to stop, he wanted her to keep serving him."

"She deceived me, Mak. Don’t forget that. I only know about all this after her death. I wasted my tears on her grave."

"And now you wasted your hate. Why would you hate a dead person, my son? You’re right, she had deceived you and betrayed your trust. But she had paid.. with her life."

Mpok Ati caressed her son’s hair and put his head on her shoulder, "Usin, when a person died, it is Allah’s work to judge, not ours. Let go of the memory of the dead ones, accept their deaths with open heart, but send a prayer for their souls in the afterlife. Speak of their good deeds. Then hopefully Allah would forgive their sins, because He sees that there are people in the world who still care for them after their death. It is not a sin to love. Even to love a whore."

"Usin, do you realize that your rejection to women is triggered by your vengeful heart towards Marni?"

Rausin stayed silent. He was sure that her mother knew him better than anyone else, sometimes even better than he knew himself.

"Your buried anger had clouded your judgment towards women, my son. Not every woman is the same as Marni. Some women would rather die than lose their dignity and pride. Open your eyes, and you will see. Promise?"

Rausin sighed, "Yes Mak. I promise you. It’s a hard thing to do, but I promise you I will try.

"Good boy."

"Mak. . please don’t match me with Mirah. I don’t like her. Not a bit!"

Mpok Ati laughed. "No, my son. I will never match you with any woman you don’t like. It’s your life, it’s your choice. If you don’t choose Mirah, then I won’t say yes to Mpok Siti. Besides, this world must be nearing doomsday, for a woman dared to propose a man. What a crazy world."

Rausin laughed with her, "I told you, Mak. If a man came to her with a spoon of diamonds, I bet she would forget everything she likes about me."

They both laughed.

"Now you help me get her to the back. I’m going to give her a bath. She’s so dirty.

Rausin smiled naughtily at his mother, "You sure you don’t mean: I’m going to give her a bath?"

Mpok Ati slapped his head softly and laughed, "Get going, silly boy. I don’t have all day."

Rausin carried her to the back of the house and put her on a chair. He noticed that his mother had prepared a bucket of water beside the chair.

"While you’re bathing her, I’m gonna get some grass for the cow. Just call me if you need me to carry her back inside." He went back in the kitchen and grabbed a cutting blade, then waved his mother goodbye.

"You have to get her to the city, Cornelius." Said Dr. Marcus van Sizoo who sat on the couch drinking whisky. He was a middle aged man with dark hair and dark eyes.

Cornelius Janssen stood by the window, holding a glass of whisky.

"But you said that the sun and the air in this village is much better than in Batavia." He answered.

"Yes, I did say that. What I mean is the hospital, my friend. I’m not around here often, and there is no hospital in this place. Damn, this place doesn’t even have a descent place but your house. Think about it."

"I thought she was getting better." Cornelius looked at his friend seriously. They were discussing the condition of Katrina Janssen, Cornelius’ only daughter. She was diagnosed with acute pneumonia.

"She was, a couple of months ago when I came here." Sizoo explained. "Obviously she stayed in the house all day for the whole two months. She’s getting worse now, Cornelius. You have to bring her out. Don’t keep her inside like a pet."

"She didn’t want to go out, Marcus. What can I say? Everytime I told her to go, she said she hated her companion. I even paid a young woman from the village to keep her company. But she doesn’t like her either. She’s a beautiful young woman, Marcus. I tell you, the most beautiful woman in this village."

Marcus van Sizoo laughed out loud, "What kind of companion is that? That’s your companion, not hers. Get somebody her own age, Cornelius. I believe there’s a 16 or 17 year-old girl in this village. Well, it’s your problem, my friend. I told you if you can’t get her to walk under the sun, you better take her to Batavia where she can receive proper medication."

Van Sizoo rose from his seat and walked towards him. He patted his friend’s shoulder, "Cornelius, she’s your only daughter. Her life is much much more important than the money you found in this village. You lost your wife because you love money and opportunity more than you love her. Don’t lose your daughter too. Not this way."

Cornelius sighed, "All right, all right. I’ll take care of the matter, Marcus. I’ll ask Mirah to find someone else to play with her, to take her for a walk."

Cornelius smiled wittily. Marcus caught that smile and commented, "And you’re gonna make her a mistress, eh?"

"Oh Yes my friend. You can’t possibly know how exciting and erotic this woman is. And all I give her is money and she would adore me like a God." He laughed.

"Ah.. your type of woman." Marcus commented.

"I better leave you while you’re in good mood. I’m gonna make my rounds."

"Marcus! Why are you doing it? You sound like you really care for these miserable inlanders. You always do this in every village you’re visiting"

"Yes, Cornelius. I do care about them. They live in poverty and they have no doctors here. I’m a doctor, it’s my job to help them."

Cornelius waved his hands. He was actually in a good mood tonight. "Get out of here, stop your lecture Dr. Van Sizoo." He laughed.

Marcus shook his head, smiling. He turned and walked out of the room. Before he left he heard Cornelius saying, "Get me Mirah. I want to talk to her."

He smiled and left the mansion.

Dr. Van Sizoo knocked at the door. He waited for a moment, then an old lady came out with a surprised look. He remembered her face, but mostly he remembered this house. Two months ago when he had been doing his rounds, he found a very sick young man. Lucky he had come on time to save his life.

"Ah! Meneer Doctor." She hurriedly asked him to come in.

"It’s been a long time, Meneer. Please come in, come in. Would you like a glass of water?"

"No, no, thank you. I’ve had enough water now, Mpok. Every body offered me to drink, ha ha ha.."

She smiled and motioned him to sit on the bamboo divan.

"So, how are you? How is you son. . er. . "

"Rausin? Oh he is fine now Meneer Doctor. He’s fine."

"And yourself?"

"Oh, I’m old, Meneer. I get tired now and then, but I feel fine."

"Let me check then."

He examined Mpok Ati and smiled as he finished.

"You know, you’re one healthy person, Mpok. Now let me check on your son."

"Oh, he’s fine Meneer Doctor. His malaria is cured."

He smiled to her patiently, "No malaria can be cured, Mpok. It only subsided and dormant in his body. Once in a while, when his stamina goes down, it will reappear. And the attack becomes stronger than before."

Mpok Ati’s eyes widened, "He can die?"

"Yes. He can if he didn’t get quick and proper medication during the attack. The fever alone could cause internal bleeding. Anyway, let me just get a quick check, Mpok."

"Oh.. I’ll get him. He’s feeding the cow."

A moment later she came back and apologized.

"I’m sorry, Meneer Doctor, he’s already gone. I guess he’s going to the river to get some water."

"Ah I see. Well in that case, I better get going." He rose from his seat.

Mpok Ati seemed to hesitate. But before the good doctor went out the door, she quickly called him back.

"Oh, Meneer Doctor, there’s actually one more person in the house who might need your help."

"Indeed? Then show me to this person, Mpok."

"Come this way, Meneer."