"Usin! Usin!" He shouted loudly. Rausin didn’t bother to answer him. He only waved back.

As he got closer, he shouted more words, "Go back home quickly, Usin. Your wife!!" He kept running towards them.

Rausin heard what he said, his heart was beating faster. He started walking faster towards Ali. Rozak followed him close behind.

As they met, Ali caught up his breath and started blurting words, "Usin. Your wife. She’s hurt. She…."

The words were enough to alert Rausin. He didn’t wait until Ali finished his words and started to run. Yet Ali grabbed him by the arm, very strongly.

"Wait up, my friend. You have to hear this first."

"What! What happened!" He knew there was something grave that Ali would like to tell him.

"She… well…. She…."

"What are you trying to say Ali. You go figure it out while I run to the house." He let himself free from Ali and started running again.

Ali finally shouted the words, "She was raped by Janssen. Usin."

Rausin stopped dead on his track and turned back to face Ali. His face was so pale that Ali afraid he was going to faint.

"Wh… when? How did it happen? Who else knows about this?" He whispered the words.

"Last night, Usin. After midnight, I guess. The maids in Janssen’s mansion saved her. Everybody already knows about this…. I’m sorry, Usin."

Rausin stood in silence.

Rozak and Ali looked at each other. Ali touched his shoulder, "Usin. Go now. I think you can still save her."

Rausin awaken from his shock, "What do you mean?"

Ali grabbed his arm, "Just look at her, Usin. You’ll know what I mean."

The three of them sprinted to the village. Rausin saw Marwan sitting outside the house. He burst inside the house and saw Rogayah lying on the bamboo divan. Black and blue marks looked very contrast on her white pale face. Other than that, Usin didn’t see anything wrong with her. Until he got on the divan and touched her skin. She was as cold as ice. Rausin touched her neck to feel her pulse. It was way too slow for a living person.

Ali followed him in, "Check out her kebaya, Usin. I think she has internal bleeding." He explained.

Rausin touched her kebaya to find out that it was wet with blood. He winced.

"Ali, Marwan, I want you guys outside with Rozak. I’m gonna need to undress her. I’ll shout if I need anything."

"Rausin, I’ve tried to flow my inner strength to her. It helped a little…. But you know I’m not as strong as you are."

"Thanks Ali. Now please just go." He waved him to flee outside.

Mpok Ati’s hand trembled as she helped him undressing her.

"Usin, the bleeding is from her… you know…. her…. "

"I know, Mak. I know. Just undress her and sit her up with her back towards me. Once it’s done, you keep your hands away from her body. I’m gonna flow my inner strength into her blood circulation. Understood, Mak?"

She nodded and carried out his orders as fast as she could. Tears fell from her eyes, but she swallowed her cry. Rausin sat on the divan, folding his legs. He closed his eyes and concentrated on letting out his inner strength. He breathed a very regular pattern. If Mpok Ati hadn’t known better, she would have thought he was asleep. Thin smoke came out of his palms.

"She’s ready, Usin."

He opened his eyes and touched certain points of her back with his index finger. Thud. Thud Thud. This method was at that time known as Totok, it worked through blood veins and nerves points. Rausin put his palms against her bare back. Her body jerked a little. He flowed the pure energy inside her, making it’s way through her blood veins. After a few minutes, he lied her down again and starting to totok some points of her upper chest with his finger. Thud, thud, thud. The he saw her breast was bleeding too. He swallowed hard as he pictured the scene on his mind. It must had been very painful for her. He swallowed his tears and kept going to the lower section of her body. Once finished, he put his palms against her belly. The bleeding slowly ceased. Mpok Ati sighed in relief as she saw the development. She went to the kitchen to prepare hot water to clean her up.

Rausin inhaled deep as he finished his work. He stepped down from the divan so that Mpok Ati could clean her up.

"Is she all right now, Usin?" She asked.

Rausin shook his head, "I don’t know, Mak. I managed to stop the bleeding and flow pure energy to speed up the recovery. Now it’s up to her. I can’t control her heartbeat, Mak. It’s beating too slow. I… I… don’t know what else to do…" He swallowed hard. Mpok Ati could see tears on the corner of his eyes were about to fall.

Rausin went outside and asked his friends to go home. He assured them that he could handle the matter alone. The he went back inside and sat by the corner of the divan, watching her mother cleaning her and dressing her.

"This is all my fault, Mak." He whispered.

"How is it, my son? It’s not you who did this barbaric action."

"But… but I was the one who asked her to work in the mansion, Mak…. To draw a map of the mansion…." His last words were so soft that Mpok Ati had to strain her ears to hear them.

"What? You what?" She looked at him in disbelief.

Rausin lifted his head to meet her eyes, "You heard me, Mak. You know, I’m to blame."

Mpok Ati walked to him and held him for a moment, saying words of comfort that Rausin ignored knowing that he was the only person who was truly responsible for the incident.

He looked at his mother, crying, "What have I done, Mak?" He whispered. "What have I done?"

Mpok Ati didn’t answer him knowing that he had not even listenened to her words. She knew that when he was in this state she better kept silent.

"I’m not a man. You once told me that the main responsibilities of a man are: To shelter his family. To give them food. To protect them from harm, and to lead them to the path of Allah. Look at me Mak. I sent my wife to work instead of feeding her. I sent her to face danger instead of protecting her. And I never tried to lead her to Allah’s way. I made her swear false commitment in our wedding….. I’m as low as Janssen, Mak." He covered his face with his palms and sobbed.

Mpok Ati cried too, but she tried to be strong for both of them. "No, my child. You’re not the same as Cornelius Janssen. You…"

Rausin rose from his seat, "No? No? Tell me then, Mak. Tell me the difference. I kill people. I draw my swords and slit people’s throats. I rob other people’s belongings. Have you read just once in the Qur’an that it is all right to take other people’s belongings as far as to feed your fellow friends? No, Mak!! Robbing is robbing. Killing is killing. No matter what the reasons are." He paced back and forth the small room and rising his voice as he spoke.

"Oh, and don’t forget that I committed adultery for years with Marni! I gave in to my lust, just like Janssen. That is just another rule I break from the Commandments. Just because I’m your son, Mak, doesn’t mean I cannot commit sins. I have committed a lot and a lot of sins. But this one is the greatest." He pointed to Rogayah, "THIS one is my greatest sin. And I deserve to burn in hell for this. Now tell me, what makes me so different from Janssen? TELL ME!" He stood in front of her mother in a menacing posture.

Mpok Ati had never been afraid of her son, but this time, she could see the devil in his eyes. She cried, mentioning Allah’s name over and over again.

"Ya Allah…. Rausin, say His name… you’re possessed by your anger…. Say His name…" She cried.

Rausin looked at his crying mother, then to Rogayah. He got even angrier to himself and ran out of the house through the back door. On his way to the river he kicked a papaya tree with all his might, sending it tumbling down.

"Usin… Rausin!! Come back!!" Mpok Ati went after him, but then she stopped as she realized that she would leave Rogayah alone. She went back inside the house, sobbing. "Allah, please take care of my son. Please don’t let him do foolish things. Please open his eyes again." She prayed.

Rausin destroyed many more trees by the side of the river. When he thought the trees were too easy to crack he squatted on the ground and put both his palms against the ground. He screamed and channeled his inner strength to the ground. The ground began to crack. Stones flew out as the crack went further and further. He kept on screaming as loud as he can.

Rozak was carrying his baby on his arms in front of his second wife’s house when he heard the scream. His wife came out. "What’s that, Bang?" She asked in fear.

The house was the nearest to the river, so they could hear the scream quite clear.

"Rausin. It must be him." He answered and gave the baby to her. "I better check him out."

When he arrived at the river, he saw Rausin lying on the ground. His chest was heaving up and down. He quickly sat up as he heard noises from behind him.

"Easy… it’s just me." Rozak said when he saw Rausin was ready to blow a distant blow with his inner strength.

"Go back, Rozak. I don’t want you here." He said with a croaking voice.

"OK, I’ll go. I just wanna make sure that you’re all right."

"I’m all right. Just a little upset." He answered him coldly.

"Take care, Usin. Don’t do anything stupid. Your family still needs you." He turned away and walked back to his house.

Rozak words were like a knife cutting into his heart. He realized that he was too consumed with his anger that he had forgotten that Rogayah might still need his strength to recover.

He undressed quickly and jumped into the river to wash himself. As the fresh water washed away the dirt from his body, it also washed away the cloud from his mind. He could think much clearer now.

He looked up to the sky and lifted both arms to reach it.

"Allah the almighty. Please listen to my plea. Please take my life in exchange for Rogayah’s. Spare her life, please. I’m an unworthy human, ya Allah. I committed more sins than anyone in this village. I’m the one who deserves to die, not her. Take my life, burn me in the bottom of your hell if it’s what it takes to spare her life. Help her in her future life, ya Allah. Please keep her safe…."

Rausin cried as he spoke the words. Seconds later he quickly dressed up and ran to go back to the house.

When he arrived home he saw that his mother was nowhere in sight. Rogayah was still unconscious. He quickly checked her pulse and was relief to find it beat slightly faster then before he had left home.

Mpok Ati emerged from the kitchen. "Thank Allah, you’re back."

"I’m sorry, Mak. I’m sorry for all that I said to you…." He took his mother’s hands and kissed them.

"That’s all right, my son. I know you’re angry and upset." She smiled to him.

"You should get a rest, Usin. Here, eat something. You haven’t eaten anything since this morning."

"I’m not hungry, Mak. Just keep it for her." He said.

"I’ve made some porridge for her, my son. And I milked the cow. When she’s awake, I have to make her eat something."

"What should I tell her when she’s awake?" Rausin spoke softly as if talking to himself.

Mpok Ati looked at him and walked closer, "I forgot that you didn’t know…. When Ali and Marwan brought her here, she was still conscious."

"Then, what?" He asked impatiently.

"Then she took my hand and said that she was sorry to burden us like this. She said that she fell into the river on her way back home. She doesn’t want us to know what happened, Usin. It’s her way to keep her dignity in front of both of us. Then she gave me a piece of paper. She was about to faint by that time, she could only spoke two words. She said Bang Usin. The paper was clutched in her hand. I think she wants to give it to you, Usin. I keep it safe in the bedroom."

Rausin waited as his mother went to get the paper. She came back and handed him a piece of paper stained with blood. As he opened it, his heart sank. Tears fell down his cheeks. He wiped them with the back of his hand and looked at his mother.

Whispering as he swallowed the cry he said, "It’s the map…. She… she had drawn almost the whole house…."

Mpok Ati looked at Rogayah, "…. And she held on to it …. After all she had been through she held on to it…. What a remarkable strength she has…."

Rausin wiped his tears again, whispering in croaking voice, "My fault….. my fault…."

"All you can do to help her, my son, is to pretend you don’t know. Don’t hurt her pride. Keep her feel safe, keep her close to you. That way she knows that we still care for her. Most of rape victims ended up taking their own lives, Usin. Don’t let her do that. Make sure that she’s loved and needed. It might help her to face the future." Mpok Ati patted his shoulder.

Rausin nodded to her. "I’ll keep her safe, Mak. I swear to Allah, I will not let anyone hurt her anymore."

Rogayah opened her eyes slowly. Her head was throbbing and she felt slight pain in her belly. She tried to sit and for a few seconds blackness claimed her vision. She held on and continued her effort to sit. Slowly the memories came back to her. Her hands trembled as the images of Janssen pictured in her mind. She shook her head and coughed. She closed her eyes. A strong hand suddenly held her to steady her. She screamed and reflectively hit the man. She was not going to give in for the second time. She would rather die, she thought.

A soft voice calmed her in her panic. "Ssh…. Ssh… Rogayah… it’s me. Ssh… it’s me, Rausin. Open your eyes and look at me…"

She opened her eyes again to see Rausin’s handsome but troubled face looking at her. He supported her with his arm while the other caressing her hair.

"You’re all right, now. You’re home." He continued.

She cried when she realized that she was now safely home. She saw Mpok Ati standing nearby. Rogayah held on Rausin and buried her face in his chest. She cried.

Rausin held her and caressing her, saying comforting words.

"You’re safe now, dear. Don’t cry." He said the words over and over again.

A few minutes later she managed to gain control of her emotions and break free from his hug. Rausin helped her sit.

She looked at him and said, "I… fell into the river…."

"Yes, dear. Yes. You fell into the river. But nothing is broken. You bruised your face, and you fell on your belly. Is it still hurt?" He asked her in a very comforting voice.

Suddenly she sat up right, "The map!" She cried.

"Here, here, I got it. Now don’t worry about the map anymore. Is you belly still hurt?" He asked her once more.

She nodded, "A little."