I remember, once, one of the village elders telling me that when you wake up, you’re never the same person you were when you fell asleep. I didn’t understand it at the time, and the fact that he was falling down drunk didn’t help, but it makes a little sense now. I went to sleep a simple deckhand, and woke up a princess of Amber.

It’s all happening so fast; I barely have time to grasp one concept before another is thrown at me. Shadows, pattern … not to mention all these huge beasts running around. I’d like to see what the captain would make of one of these ‘horse’ things.

I don’t know what to make of these people I seem to have joined, either. Amanda is nice enough, I suppose…I’ll take Flora’s advice and try to learn from her, try to become a lady of Amber, on the off chance that something should happen to King Random (dear gods, keep him safe). Flora herself…I don’t know. She said she’s been looking out for me…but why in the world would she have wanted me to challenge Martin’s right to the throne? I’m not used to all this…I don’t know a thing about court politics. Marina doesn’t even have a king.

That warrior might have some information on that sort of thing…though he might not want to talk about it. He just lost his, after all…and I’m not sure I really want to ask. I might not be able to get him to shut up afterwards.

The wizard…he scares me a little. Reminds me of the stories the priests tell us of how the gods flooded the world to stop the evil from destroying it. If he alone could cause that much destruction in a ‘spat’ with his brother…maybe it was someone like that who threatened Marina. At the same time though, he’s rather fascinating…I don’t think that expression of his has wavered even once, with all that’s happened. I wonder what he thinks…

The others I haven’t really noticed anything much about…I don’t think they understand what’s going on anymore than I do. It must be something big…people getting ambushed and shot at and half-mental men and worlds destroyed…confused artists finding out they’re heir to the throne of a place they just realized existed in the first place.

In a way…I almost feel relieved. I can stop feeling guilty for all these years, when I though I was such a horrible daughter, a horrible person, because I couldn’t truthfully say I really loved my parents. Since I now know they’re not my real parents, that makes it better…doesn’t it? Or do things really not change, since my father is dead, and my mother probably dead.

My father. I wonder what he was like…Flora described him as a wonderful man, but I’m still not sure how much I trust her (how did she get my dress size, anyway?). I’ve sat and looked at his trump for hours, trying to think of what I might of said to him if he were still around. I can’t think of a thing.

Well, what’s done is done. Whether or not he was actually as proud of me as Flora claims, I’ll do my best to make it so he would be if he were here (not knowing what would have made him proud could be a problem, but I can try…). And just keep praying to Thalassa that nothing happens to Random.

And the dust settles…for now.

The funeral for King Random’s son was held…reminded me of Marina, a little, only far grander. It would have been uneventful enough, had Don Joseph not gotten attacked by some sort of Chaos creature disguised as a dagger…I swear, I simply do not understand this place.

We returned to the castle…as I do not yet feel entirely comfortable among the little group we seem to have formed, I wandered off on my own through the castle. It figures it’d be Corwin I’d run into, rummaging through one of the other prince’s rooms, no less.

I wanted to kick myself. Face to face, alone, with the man who killed my father, probably the best opportunity I’ll ever have to ask everything I’ve been dying to know…and all I could do was stand there and stammer stupid, inane little questions about Chaos creatures. And then he left. I feel like such an idiot. What kind of man is he? What kind of man, to have hated my father so much? And what kind of place is this, that a man can kill his brother, the king, and walk free, unpunished? Or…what kind of man was my father, that his murder could be accepted and go unavenged?

There’s so much I want to—need to—know, but I don’t know where to turn. I can’t seem to ask anything intelligent of Amanda’s aunts and uncles…and they clearly have no patience for anything less. Perhaps there is some record of events in the castle library…I hope I’ll get a chance to visit there soon, once this little side trip is done with.

Speaking of which…this whole business makes me rather uneasy. With all that’s happened…it’s like we were sent out to find a rogue eel, and found a school of sharks. Nasty sharks, at that.

And I’m not so sure all the sharks are in the Shadows…I had a mysterious visitor the second time we stopped in Shadow, who seemed to know an awful lot about my being heir to the throne…and who accused Don Carlino of plotting to kill King Random. I shared this information with the rest of the party, in a way…Amanda and Audney chose to jump to conclusions about the validity of what I was told, and pretty much jumped him, and sent him back to Amber…only to learn that the incriminating items and thoughts had apparently been planted on him, with fingers being pointed at Fiona. He doesn’t appear to like me very much now, and I can’t say I blame him. I’ll apologize, of course, but only for the way Amanda and Audney acted. I do not regret anything I said. There was nothing else I could have done, really…I would rather him try to kill me than have Random die and end up as someone’s puppet on the throne.

Why is it every time I put pen to paper these days, there’s so much to tell I hardly know where to begin? They say the beginning is best…I suppose I have to agree.

There is far too much to tell to tire my hands by reciting every single detail of every day; suffice to say we tracked Amanda’s assailant to his apparent place of residence. There is little to tell about Peter Jackson, who was- is- quite thoroughly mad (he wouldn’t stop screaming when he saw me), and even less to say about his house…except for that room.

It strikes me odd, now, that he would have anticipated someone with Audney’s particular ability to come and attempt to unlock the door as she did- though I suppose if he could contrive to poison all Amberites, he could have put the poison pin in the lock as well. Can’t say I’m too terribly upset by it, though…it led to some interesting revelations. Audney is not only a shapeshifter, but apparently could put a claim on the throne of Chaos if she chose…but I digress.

The memories of that room arouse my interest and send chills down my spine at the same time. I want to know why and how it amplifies trump, how it turned the sketch into a card (better yet, why a card with the strange chalice symbol on the back instead of a unicorn, that actually worked), how it gave me the power to…to do what I did. And more importantly, I want to know where it went when it trumped itself away from the explosives we set (at least, that’s what I think it did). Part of me wants to go looking for it, another never wants to set foot in it again. We’ll see…

The rest of that day is a blur…going here and there, discovering heritages and people who at least claim to be allies (of some of us, anyway…Urza, too, could claim the throne of Chaos, and he has at least one powerful supporter). After a rather complicated setup to convince Alderac and Julian that Peter Jackson had been beheaded, we finally returned to Amber. As I had intended, I went in search of information about my father; I found much more than I had bargained for. Fiona led me to his tomb (I wish I had not let my parentage slip to her…I have the vague feeling it was a bad thing to do), where I had thought to spend a while in solitude, but Flora soon joined me. To make a long and confusing story short, she revealed that not only was she my true mother, but that my father lives. He underscored that revelation by joining us at that moment.

I had no idea what to do, what to say, if I should say anything at all. They’re my parents…despite the way they dumped me in some backwater shadow, and the fact that I’ve only known them for a few days, I love them. I have heard repeatedly since arriving in Amber that you can’t trust anyone, especially not family, but…despite all that, I do trust them. I don’t think I could doubt them if I tried. More than ever now, I am determined to make them proud (if I can avoid the crown in the process, all that much better). That sounds rather…cliché, now that I write it…I suppose I can be excused, knowing the condition I was in at the time I decided it (the first time I’ve ever really been drunk- not pleasant).

The next morning, it appeared our little group was about to part ways at last, if only temporarily. Urza, Alderac, and Don Joseph wanted to go tearing off after Phyrexians; Amanda and Audney wanted to go to Chaos to seek out Audney’s past. I, for one, had no desire to go anywhere, as I told Audney later on when she asked me to go with her and Amanda. Amanda, however, wanted everyone to be able to get in touch with everyone else. No harm in that, I said…just give me a place and enough time. So off we went to Amanda’s Discworld; apparently time moves faster there, so I’d be able to create the 30 trumps I need to do quickly.

It would have gone well enough, I think…but I had to let my curiosity take over. The chalice symbol on the back of Peter’s trump…it appealed to me, somehow. So I tried it out. It worked; worked beautifully, in fact. The trumps took less time to do, and making them that way invigorated me somehow. I didn’t even have to sleep…it was a wonderful feeling.

Of course, such things must have a down side…when I had almost completed my task, we discovered, through a bit of experimentation, that the trumps I had made with the chalice back had taken control of the shadow. What happened then will haunt my dreams for a good while yet, I think; it was violent, terrifying, and beautiful. The shadow changed…trumps and pattern were useless, as some dark vision of something that might have been Amber grew around us…then the phoenix came and covered it and us in flame that didn’t burn; the strangest part was how it transformed the trumps I had made, and somehow gave me all the reality of Discworld. Which, by the way, came back as soon as this was all over. We immediately returned to Amber, to tell someone what had happened, only to find that it had been struck while we were gone, with exactly 28 meteorites- the number of trumps I had completed.

In the vain hope to get some part of this madness sorted out before anything else could happen, we went to see Dworken; another blasted lunatic. He seemed to believe I was a child of Brand, but I think that was of because of what happened in Discworld. After a while, he starting growing spikes and strange stuff, so we thought it best to leave; at least, Amanda, Alderac and I did. As we passed what Amanda had named the Pattern room on our way back, I felt a strange pull from it (I’d felt the same thing on the way down). She offered to show it to me, which I gladly agreed to. All I remember is admiring its beauty; then I’m on my back, halfway across the room, with Amanda on top of me, and my hand bleeding. I’m told I tried to cut my hand and bleed on the pattern, which according to Amanda would destroy it. I don’t remember it at all; truth be told, I was too busy worrying I’d permanently injured my drawing hand.

When we finally left the room (I didn’t want to go- I’m not sure why) we were again joined by Urza and Audney. And then, while in the infirmary, Don Joseph appeared on one of the beds, looking like he’d just lost a fight with a very angry tree. It seems there’s some power at work that just doesn’t like our group being split up for any great length of time.

Audney, however, was impatient to be off, as was Urza, so they all went their separate ways. I stayed in Amber, as I said. I really would like a complete set of our group for myself, if nothing else, and there’s not enough time to work while traveling. So I went out to my father’s tomb and worked. A while later, I realized I had an audience. I waited to see if he would do anything, but he just watched me work…I must admit it made me slightly nervous (I can’t remember the last time an attractive man spent that long looking at me). He waited until I flipped the card over to do the back before he said anything; I’m very glad I didn’t make the mistake of leaving or making him leave before then. He wanted me to make the trump with the chalice back…I thought he must be insane- after what it had done to Discworld, he wanted me to do it in Amber? But he showed me what I’d done wrong, and taught me to do it correctly. The trumps are not only more powerful this way, but they give me power, somehow. He then healed my hand after I told him about what had happened with the Pattern, and left. Though he gave me a trump of himself before he did- I think I would have followed him if he hadn’t. Well, tried to, anyway. Morgan…I wasn’t sure what to think of him. I wish I had made up my mind sooner…it’s a bit late now.

I completed the trump I’d been working on (it was Alderac), and tested it out. The most amazing thing- I was able to step through the trump without him pulling me. I think it only works with certain people; I tried it again with Amanda and it didn’t work. The rest of the group had joined up in the shadow I stepped into- the Serra we’d met earlier in our travels was false, apparently, and we were in the home of the real one. A whole lot of healing and such went on (Alderac had gotten beaten up badly by some warrior in Phyrexia, and Audney brought her shapeshifting lover back from a pile of ash- it was odd). Oh, that reminds me…I have to get ahold of another one of those meteorites somehow…

From there, we went to Urza’s shadow Dominaria, where they were apparently having some sort of problems fighting off an ice age or something. Amanda, using the trump I had made for her of Prince James, found out that there were Phyrexians attacking Hollarin, so we all went there to try and help out. Oh, the best part about Dominaria- we met Urza’s grandson Franklin. Possibly the most adorable child I’ve ever met…and the cheekiest, too. I like him.

To again shorten this long story, it was discovered that Hollarin had enough mana to filter some off into Dominaria- we just had to keep the Phyrexians from wrecking the place first. So we went into battle; or more accurately, my companions went to battle. There wasn’t much I could do until the black knight made an appearance- hand to hand fighters are of little use in such situations. But the black knight did come…my companions and Prince James launched an all out attack on the warrior, to surprisingly little effect; I tried to use the…ah, skill I’d picked up, in hopes it would do the same thing the second time around, but the warrior’s mind was too much stronger than my own. They did eventually get the helmet off, at least…to find it was Diedre. I don’t know much about her, but according to what Amanda says, she’s supposed to be dead (like that means anything around here), having fallen into the Abyss with Brand. I can’t help but wonder…could Brand be alive as well? But why wouldn’t he have shown himself if he was? Gone through with what he wanted to do originally? No, I do not believe he is. At least, not outside of the Abyss.

Before anyone could do anything about the situation, however, a figure in red armor appeared, holding a golden chalice aloft (it must be the one on the back of the cards- what else could it be?) and all our enemies vanished, just like that. Again, lots of healing followed, along with cleaning up spells and setting up the feed from Hollarin to Dominaria.

Not really knowing what else to do, we returned to Dominaria, but to a different location this time. Some sort of ancient ruin…it was kind of creepy. Urza wanted information on the Thran and the Phyrexians, so Don Joseph, Alderac, and I went looking for stuff on Thran, Amanda, Audney, and Laine (who had joined us after the battle in Hollarin) went for stuff on Phyrexia. The room our group found had that same feel to it as the one in Peter’s house…I wanted to stay, to study it, but not with the others…so we left, quickly. When we returned, I thought I could finally get some work done while Urza studied the metal book we’d brought back, and finish the trump of Audney. My mistake. The others returned; Laine and Audney walked outside; I finished my trump…and all hell broke loose. The lights flickered brighter for a moment, that was all…but it was enough. I put the trump in my pocket, but Amanda saw…she asked to look at it. As much as I do not want my companions to think me untrustworthy, I knew she would not understand about the chalice trumps, so I showed her one I’d had of Lilith, from Marina. She bought it…Don Joseph, however, did not. He pressured me to show all of my trumps…I didn’t know what to do. It seemed my only option was to leave- but when I tried, they overpowered me mentally and I slept.

I awoke to find my father beside me- how he knew about all of this, I have no idea. Amanda and Don Joseph were hesitant to give me back my trumps when I asked…like they could keep me from them anyway. They’re mine.

What happened next is like a dream- my opening a portal with trump for my father’s army, using myself as a living trump to get us all to Phyrexia, then again to get my father and myself inside the castle. For the life of me, I can not figure out why he sent me ahead while he battled Deidre- what did he think I could do against the figure in the red armor by myself? What did I think I could have done, for that matter? As it turned it out, it was Morgan…I’m not sure what came as more of a shock…finding out he was the one in control of the chalice, and his offer for me to join him…or him running me through with his sword.

I now know one of the worst feelings one can experience in life. I have felt it, and never again do I wish to let myself feel it; that complete and total helplessness I felt as I watched my companions slaughter Morgan. I have no idea what it is I would have done if I could have done something other than bleed and watch…but being able to do nothing is a terrible feeling.

Strange…I feel vaguely as if I have lost something now; I cannot for the life of me name what it might be, though. Perhaps the teacher, information, and maybe even the friend I might have had in him? The power of the chalice? The trumps still work, so I don’t think it’s that…the trust of my companions, maybe, though I think none of us ever truly trusted the others to begin with.

Which, oddly enough, brings me to think of Marina. What possessed me to pull that trump when I thought to evade Don Joseph’s questions, I don’t know. In truth, I didn’t completely lie to them; I do miss the place. Or rather, I miss my friends from there. I had few enough of them, true, but they were there. Lilith, young Daran, Janessa. People I could trust, who trusted me. There is none of that here. Again and again I hear it…trust no one. I will miss my friends dearly; I have trumps of them, but I know that if I contact them, they will immediately tell me about my mother…and I’m not sure I could stop myself from telling them what really happened to her. And I certainly can’t go back to Marina in person. Why would I want to? The place was a crib, then a cage, though I didn’t know it. What would I do there? Tell my ‘father’ that it was I who broke his heart, killed his wife, for the sake of mere curiosity? No thank you.

What I wouldn’t give for a place to go that I could truly call my own. Some sort of haven…I don’t think I’ll find it in Amber. Perhaps among the shadows…someplace to work on my trumps in peace. I can tell I was right…I can no longer work on the chalice back trumps in the presence of my companions- they tend to flip out. And I do intend to keep making them; why not? They don’t do any harm now that I can make them properly- whatever Morgan’s faults, I am grateful to him for that. I will make the trumps, and make sure I am never helpless again. Perhaps I will even remake the family set- with a few exceptions. I just need a safe place, with fast time…worst comes the worst, I might even try to find that room…

I’m beginning to think my father’s tomb may not be the best place for peace and quiet around Amber castle any longer. It seems every time I’m there, people find it convenient to pop up behind me with dire warnings and other such things…though in some cases, I find it hard to complain. Like the most recent occurrence…even though he did run me through, it was something of a nice surprise to turn around and see Morgan (I’m thoroughly convinced now…death is a very uncertain condition around here). And as it turns out, it was just one of his shadow-selves that did that; though the part of me that has apparently become truly Amberite was loath to believe him, I must admit I did. I realize now what the feeling of loss was about…I’m just glad it was temporary.

His visit was short, like before…he did have time to explain a little about Deidre, give me a couple little gifts and warn against bringing his body back to Amber; unfortunately, it was a little late by the time I tried to tell Amanda the same. The fake body had already exploded…some sort of bomb inside it. Very clever, really…I knew that fight ended too quickly. The blast got Fiona and Bleys very badly, not to mention a good bit of the library.

Since there really wasn’t much we could do about that little catastrophe, Amanda, Audney and I went with Alderac back to Belladine, to see if he couldn’t rebuild it. His subconscious must have been plaguing him…either that, or he has a lot darker personality than he shows. Slaughtering children…though he blames it on Don Joseph. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s true. Again and again I’m warned against him and his plans for Amber…pity there was nothing I could do until it was too late.

There really wasn’t anything for me to do in Belladine, so I used the trump Morgan had given me earlier. Kairos, as I named it, has become the haven I wished for…after I learned how to control it, and it’s time flow, that is. I managed to finish all the trumps I lacked of the party in what was only an hour or two for the others. Childish as it may seem, I love seeing the expression on Alderac’s face when I walk through the trump contact without being pulled. I don’t, however, like stepping through trumps to hear my mother being bashed up against a wall for no apparent reason. I’m not quite sure how I managed to trump her away without having to touch her, but as long as it got her out of Gerrard’s hands, I wasn’t going to question it.

My next move was also rather reckless, now that I think about it; calling on someone who I trusted more with my heart than my head, with questionable alliances and powers, to save the life of my mother. I’m just lucky it worked out as well as it did. On a similar note, I don’t know quite why I couldn’t just come out and say what I wanted to say to Morgan; ‘among other things’…geh.

When Mother finally awoke, I asked her what the hell had prompted Gerrard to do what he did…she wasn’t sure, but she thought it might have had something to do with his finding out that she was my mother, or maybe that Father was still alive. I trumped Amanda, to have my worst fears confirmed. She’d told her father everything…how can a person know so much and so little at the same time? If she hadn’t agreed to come with me to try and track Father down and warn him, I…I don’t know what I would have done, and just quietly, I don’t want to. I don’t think it would have been happy.

It took longer than I liked to get the rest of the party together (we did, however, learn that Urza had the chalice; I filed that away to tell Morgan later), but we did eventually get going. We wound up on a beach, with a little boat called the Butterfly waiting, all ready to go. So we went…and wound up on an island with a ruined town around a silver castle, with a lovely stained glass window of a silver rose. Amanda said it was Avalon (my father’s twisted sense of humor makes itself apparent once again).

Not really caring if the rest followed or not, I ran towards the castle, then stopped as the sounds of battle became evident. For a minute I was afraid it would be my father, but it turned out to be some knights and some of those creatures he had me summon through the trump gate. Amanda, Lane, Don Joseph, and Alderac stayed to fight…I didn’t have time for such foolishness. I had to get to my father, so I went around it. Urza and Audney apparently just followed me.

We were almost to the castle, thanks in part to Urza’s knowledge of troop movements, when some blue thing trapped us. GhostWheel (whatever the heck it is) had orders from Merlin to capture us. We couldn’t talk him out of it…I tried to reason with Merlin himself, but he’s seemingly as devoted to his father as I am to mine, and didn’t want me there to help Eric. It seemed we would have to do as he wished, until Lane suddenly broke through GhostWheel’s wall and gave Audney and I an avenue of escape (Urza had already gone to Merlin), which we took without hesitation. Audney shifted into her battle form, grabbed me, and flew to the castle. I almost thought we’d just gone from the frying pan to the fire, as the weir creatures seemed just as hostile towards us once we were inside as they were to the knights, but Audney again took the initiative (I just wish it hadn’t involved her flying through the window…)

It figures…I was almost pleased with myself. I did my father’s bidding, thinking I was helping save his life…I gated his device, I kept Merlin from helping Corwin in the final battle. It just figures that it was just that bitch Deidre impersonating Eric…I’ll kill her. I’ll kill her. I’ll…I don’t know.

What happened next is a bit of a blur after that…Audney and I fled Avalon to Kairos, where I allowed her to hang some spells and create a small artifact for me while I made some trumps and generally recovered. There was apparently some confusion to whether Deidre had killed Merlin or not…the final conclusion was that she had, but he’d been brought back to life with the chalice. I was surprised, but not overly…my mind was elsewhere. All I could really think about was wanting to talk to Morgan…whether to yell at him or take comfort in his presence, I don’t know.

The group reunited to have a meeting of sorts…those that had done other things after the battle besides rest told us what they’d done. Urza explained what he’d done with the chalice, and Don Joseph described seeing Morgan, Deidre, and the Phyrexians destroy Avalon (as if I didn’t have enough of a bone to pick with Morgan). Amanda had the most interesting story; she’d gone to look for Lane, and found him in a cell with a man who claimed to be Morgan’s brother, Michael. Apparently, Morgan can somehow empathically transfer his wounds to Michael, who then heals himself. Deidre, who Michael referred to as being his mother, had brought Lane there…Amanda took him back to Amber when she left.

It was decided that we would meet again the next morning, so Random could tell us what he wanted us to do…I immediately returned to Kairos and trumped Morgan. I pulled him through, and began firing off questions. At first, I couldn’t believe he didn’t know what I was talking about…but after seeing his mind, I realized he really didn’t have anything to do with any of what happened in Avalon. Which made me very, very happy, though I tried not to show it…I don’t think I could have taken it if he’d deceived me. Especially not now that he’s said he loves me…and I not only believe him, I’ve decided it’s time to stop dancing around the fact that I feel the same way for him. Let’s just say I adjusted time accordingly, and spent one of the happiest days I’ve had in a long time in his arms (in what was conveniently only half an hour of Amber time; I do love my shadow).

The next morning, Random asked us to go chasing after missing Amberites; Fiona, Bleys, Gerrard, and Flora hadn’t been seen for a while, and he wanted them back in Amber. We decided to start off in Serra’s realm, though Audney chose to go straight to Chaos on her own; I’m not sure why. From there, Amanda went to go see Michael again…I wanted to go with her, but she wasn’t sure how bringing along strangers would affect him. So I stayed with Urza and Alderac…we met a goblin planeswalker named Squee. An…erm, interesting individual, I suppose. We did manage to learn from him that Gerrard was in Dominaria, apparently flinging things around. And that’s exactly how we found him, once Amanda returned and we went there. He’d pursued Flora there, only to have her escape (thankfully). Amanda convinced him to calm down a little and return to Amber. We went walking towards Flora next…and ran into the tank she was driving. After some bargaining, we also managed to get her to go back (I just hope she’s in one piece by the time we get back there as well). Next was Fiona…had a little trouble keeping Audney on track; she wanted to go chasing some little black ball. I yanked her back through a trump a few times, and then she stopped. Though as it turned out, it really didn’t matter…the ball was headed for Fiona, too. She was chained up in a cell at the top of what we found out was her own tower…exactly the same way she’d imprisoned Brand, once. We freed her and sent her back to Amber as well, and set off after Bleys.

We found Bleys with Merlin, walking towards the source of all the trouble, and decided to join them. We eventually wound up at a pattern…I guess it must be a version of the one in Amber. Bleys started to walk it…and Merlin hit him in the throat with a dagger.

I find it hard to explain how Brand came to possess Merlin’s body, as I don’t fully understand it…something about trumping his soul around. For a moment, I think we all thought we were saved when Dworkin appeared…but it turned out he was on Brand’s side. Regardless, we were held helpless, and pretty much doomed, until Morgan and Lane came running to our rescue. We hellrode away, avoiding Deidre and the Phyrexians, to grab Michael, and then Morgan and I trumped everyone to Kairos.

The rest of the group were initially startled by the fact that Morgan was one of their saviors, and I suppose I didn’t help any by pouncing on him as soon as I got the chance (the looks on their faces were priceless, though…). After some cryptic explanations from both him and Michael, it was determined we needed to get the chalice from Serra’s realm, so Dworkin’s mind could be destroyed, and Brand defeated before he managed to remake the universe in his own image. So Michael used the living trump trick on the entire group...which was when I felt it. A trump contact in my mind, and another…

If we live through the coming battle, I’m going to have to figure out what’s the best way to tell Morgan…and think of a name for this kid.

I should have known better than to hope things would be quiet in Serra’s realm, or at least semi-peaceful; I could have used the time to think. But, as always, we seem to step into the middle of something wherever we go. Deidre and the Phyrexians were a step ahead of us, already moving towards Serra’s castle. We were greeted by Radiant’s smiling face…always happy to see us, as usual (yeah right). Urza went off to get the chalice, while the rest of us watched the Phyrexians’ approach and talked about what to do once we had it. The basic plan was to grab Dworkin, destroy his mind, and then recreate it so he could resist Brand’s influence. Sounded simple enough…presuming we had enough psychic power to yank him through a trump against his will.
Before any really solid plans had been made, I got a trump contact I couldn’t have blocked even if I wanted to. Urza came charging through it, chalice in hand…and sword in stomach. Apparently, his dead brother had almost beaten him to it. Not wanting to waste any time, we got together and, amazingly, successfully pulled Dworkin through a trump. Michael and Morgan did their thing, and the three were surrounded by light…I couldn’t see a thing till it was over…and there were only two bodies lying unconscious on the ground.
I’m a little ashamed of myself for that moment…all I could think was ‘Please let that be Morgan…” Self-centered of me, I know. I wasn’t sure what to think when it turned out to be someone no one recognized. I also wasn’t sure if I was more crushed about losing him or the fact that he’d never know about the child.
Regardless, Dworkin was taken back to Amber, and the rest of us went to Discworld. We got a nice little present during dinner…Urza’s brother has an even sicker sense of humor than some of the Amberites.
As it turns out, I didn’t really lose Morgan…some type of fusion deal went on, and both brothers were now sharing a body. I couldn’t decide if that made things better or worse, nor did I really have time to. We took off again, this time to see Franklin. He’s got his own shadow now, apparently…kid likes water, too. Reminded me of Marina, a little. Luckily, people went this way and that to take care of things, so I actually did get a chance to talk to Morgan…er, Micheal…erm…Michan? Morgal? Eh, don’t like that one. Anyway, we talked…I told him the news. I probably picked the least gentle way to do it, but I wasn’t in the mood to be nice about it. I wanted to scream and cry and laugh all at once…good thing I’ve learned to keep a straight face over these things.
He…they went out to have some sort of argument…when they came back, they had decided to try and see if the might/meek stone thing would help separate them…Michael was willing to have his soul kicked out of the body so Morgan could keep it, if necessary. Which makes me wonder, briefly, who was arguing which side of that debate.
We went to Urza for the stone…only to discover it was a fake, and that bastard Don Joseph was missing. We found his body not far away…lying, traitorous thief got what he deserved. Or so I thought. Should have known better…first rule about death among Amberites.
Knowing Brand probably had the stone, we made ready to find him and put and end to this…and we walked to him. He was in the process of carving a new pattern with the stone, and had Deidre, Mishra, and that bastard waiting to keep us from stopping him.
Truth be told, I remember very little about the battle before I ran to keep Don Joseph from interfering with Amanda’s destroying the pattern. It would be my luck to have my foot land on it.
Once again, I felt it. Helplessness. I couldn’t stand still; some sort of red tornado descended on me if I did. But once I started walking, I couldn’t stop…and realized in horror that I was rewriting the bits that Amanda had destroyed as I went. And I couldn’t even cut open my ankles as she had. Not only that, but my walking was preventing Michael and Morgan from using the chalice against their father. I couldn’t do a thing except cry and walk, and hope like hell someone either knocked me off or killed me before it was too late. Damn lucky for me Audney’s battle form has wings…she flew down, knocked me aside, and took my place on the pattern, though I don’t think she meant for that to happen. Regardless, it allowed me to run for the chalice, as Urza did something to destroy Brand’s physical form—I noted Deidre and Don Joseph had also been dealt with, and Urza’s brother fled. I wasn’t quite sure what I was doing, but it seemed like a good idea…I held the chalice high, and everyone else held onto me, and together we pulled Brand’s soul back into it. It made for a dramatic scene, at the very least. I remember nothing past that, as exhaustion overwhelmed me.

I awoke in Amber castle; naturally, the first thoughts I had were of Morgan. I found him in his room, just waking as well. I stayed by his side as much as possible over the next few days, while I worked on a trump of Kairos. The chalice backed ones were useless, now. I’m a little worried about Morgan…he says he’s lost his mystical powers, at least temporarily. I took him back with me to Kairos, and adjusted the time flow…we spent a peaceful three fourths of a year…and then Michaela made her entrance. I thought it was a fitting tribute to Michael’s sacrifice, as did Morgan. Now if things would just calm down in Amber long enough to take care of her legitimacy…
The entire group was summoned not long after to meet with Random (I broke the news to Flora; she reacted quite amusingly to being a grandmother). By royal decree, we were all to go into shadow, relax, and not worry about Amber. It makes little sense to me that we were summoned from relaxation to be told to relax…not that it lasted long anyway.
I invited the group back to Kairos, for moral support if nothing else, as my mother was determined to start redecorating. Once she was at least partially satisfied, she gave us some advice about visiting shadow Earth and went on her way. We decided to go as a group…as much as I didn’t want to leave Morgan and Michaela, I figured it couldn’t hurt to go…at the very least, I would know what sort of places to go if Morgan and I ever decide to visit.
Of course, things are never that simple when you’re an Amberite, it seems. Not only did we find another cousin, one of Corwin’s, who had apparently been out of the loop for almost a century, we discovered a shipment of what Amanda thought was unfinished jeweler’s rouge- the only sort of gunpowder that will work in Amber. Just when I thought I’d put a safe distance between myself and that throne…
To make a long story short, we chased it here and there and all over the place…at one point, there were actual wild geese involved. Whoever the hell set this system up is either a nature lover in the extreme, or just has the typical sick Amberite sense of humor.
Either way, we eventually chased it to the shadow we’d originally found Peter Jackson in—it seems like an eternity since that happened. We weren’t there long when company arrived; Dayla, her children, and (surprise surprise) Peter Jackson. They weren’t there long when Peter got fried by something, black tentacle things started going nuts over the boxes, and then everything blew up. Literally.
Thankfully Urza was still keeping an eye on us from his tower…he portaled us all through. I wonder how he feels, now that his tower has become an unofficial ‘safe spot’ and hospital.
After that, things quieted down for a little bit. For me, at least. Alderac had to deal with his son showing up, and I think Amanda might have had some issues with her father as well. Gawain, the new cousin, wanted to pester Morgan with some questions about the Abyss, and I let him, for a little. Personally, I’d like to get ahold of some concrete information on the Thran…if they really are experts on trump, there’s much I’d like to learn.
At about that point, I missed Morgan and Michaela something awful, so I went back to Kairos. The others could trump if they needed me…I have a daughter to raise now, and a lover to marry.
But wouldn’t you know it, I’d only been there a day when I did get trumped. Audney wanted someone to go to Chaos with her. Apparently she’d discovered who had beat Lane all to hell earlier; her own father. So I put on the dress mother gave me (I discovered it has several forms—one’s a wedding dress…how convenient), thinking that if the heir of Amber, even if she doesn’t like the title, was going to Chaos, she might as well look good in the process. As it turned out, I didn’t even have to go in…well, couldn’t have if I wanted to. They weren’t too keen on letting an Amberite in after Gerrard’s last rampage. So I just sat on the edge of the Abyss (a very uneasy place to perch, let me tell you) and started on my second trump of Gawain.
I wasn’t there long when the rest of the group, except Urza, came walking through shadow. At the same time, Audney trumped me again, extremely upset. She didn’t get time to tell me about what before the rest of the group joined us. They were going to find…the Thran?! Gawain had somehow run into them, and now the rest of us are going to try. Gawain, on the other hand, went climbing down into the Abyss with some mountain gear…I’m not sure that man is all there in the head…

To this moment, I’m not sure what possessed the lot of us to stand around and watch Gawaine make his descent into the Abyss. I suppose we thought we could help if it was needed, or more likely, rescue the fool. Corwin’s lost one son already so far…it would be rather inconsiderate of him to go getting himself killed, and deprive his father of another.
We waited for hours and hours, just watching the rope disappear down into nothingness. Eventually, it stopped…and then the whole setup just yanked itself loose and fell down into the Abyss. I couldn’t say I wasn’t expecting it. What I wasn’t expecting, however, was for Gawaine to step out of some black rip behind us. I felt the urge to leave quickly and the urge to push him back into the Abyss at the same time. Curiosity made me stay, though, as Audney and Amanda took off, leaving Alderac and myself with…well, I was pretty sure it was still Gawaine. He had this terrible aura around him…the man will never step into my shadow, or near my daughter if I have anything to say about it. He didn’t seem to think anything was different…and then he started pulling some weird tricks, ripping open a hole in the fabric of shadow, reminiscent of what happened in Discworld with the trumps, as far as I could tell. I vaguely remembered what Morgan had said when talking about the Abyss to Gawaine before…I was just reaching for my trumps, when I received a contact from Amanda, who had apparently fled with Audney to Urza’s tower. They had seen the effects of Gawaine’s messing around, and were concerned…I told them I had someone to talk to, and immediately trumped home.
Morgan was no happier to hear about Gawaine’s new powers than any of the rest of us, perhaps more so, as he was really the only one who understood what had happened. Somehow, in his climb, Gawaine managed to ‘assume’ the Abyss, and now had Abyssal powers. Since there wasn’t really any way to take them away from him, Morgan wanted to train him in a remote shadow. Despite his reassurances, I was loath to leave him alone, pretty much stranded, with that…thing. I knew, somehow, that no good would come of it…if only I had been more insistent on having someone stay.
But I wasn’t, and I left. I went home, and soothed my concerns in Michaela’s company. Until one night, Tristan vanished as he was putting her to bed; had I been a second slower, she would have hit the floor. From now on, I think I’ll be putting her to bed with my own hands, as long as I’m there. But just as bad as that…there was no trace of Tristan in the memories of any in my shadow other than myself. And Tristan is a shadow of Morgan…Again I remembered what he had told Gawaine of the Abyssal creatures. They had the power to erase people from existence…even from memory, along with all shadows of them…
The following hour or so was one of the worst of my life. Trying not to panic too much, I contacted Amanda, who took me on a hellride to the shadow we’d left them in. They were gone. We changed our destination to be Morgan’s location, and set off again. I don’t think she saw how close I was to tears, for which I’m grateful. If I can keep the public emotional displays to a minimum, then maybe I can keep Morgan and Michaela from being targets for whoever might wish me harm. Another reason to add to the list for keeping Random alive, and healthy. And getting him to spend lots and lots of time with his queen.
Our journey ended at Urza’s tower, where we found Morgan in the infirmary. It was as I feared…his psyche was non-existent. Like trying to have a telepathic conversation with a table. I couldn’t have cried then even if I had wanted to. Anger flooded through me, drying all the tears…all I wanted to do was find Gawaine. Find him, and make him undo whatever he’d done, or die trying. Well, to clarify…or make him die trying.
We did find Gawaine, back in that deserted shadow, sitting in his own little crater of rubble. I was too focused to care what his problems were…I just wanted Morgan back. He professed to have no idea what had happened or how to undo it, and as much as I hated it, I had to believe him. I consoled myself with the promise that if I couldn’t find a way to fix things, I’d kill him. I’d run him through with a 40-foot tree, if that’s what it took.
I was all set to leave him there in his crater, and go back to the tower, but then Audney approached me, and together we decided to go walking towards someone who would know what had happened and how to fix it. We eventually wound up someplace that may very well have been shadow Earth—I didn’t stop to check. The apartment building we stopped at had only one familiar listing; it could only be an alias of Bleys’s. We went to the door and knocked…and who should answer but Fiona. I can’t say I was surprised…but then, I was so focused at the moment I don’t think Don Joseph’s appearance would have surprised me. She let us in, and I told her about Gawaine and Morgan, but she said she wasn’t the one we were looking for. It hit me then—the chalice. Fiona was the one we gave it to. I asked after it, and she reluctantly revealed it from where it had been disguised as a table lamp.
I wasn’t sure what to do next, but I figured what had I to lose…I psychically contacted it. And what do you know, I found myself talking to Michael. Again, I told about Gawaine and Morgan, only to have my hopes crushed again. He knew nothing about it. That left only one option.
Brand.
Every part of me that values common sense and life and such things screamed at me not to even make contact; love for Morgan told me I had no other choice.
I cleared it with Michael…then spoke with my uncle. He was rather smug about the whole thing, telling me that he did indeed know how to restore Morgan, but I would have to grant him his freedom first. He professed to have given up his quest for conquest and whatnot, and even agreed to restore Bleys in the process, along with putting a rein on Gawaine’s powers.
Again, what other choice did I have? He made my escape with the chalice from Fiona and Audney possible, and away we went. I walked him to a shadow of himself, whose body he trumped into. Fiona and Audney caught up with us at that point—as he’d predicted, they didn’t understand what was going on. But he showed them…we all walked to a shadow of Bleys, who was also brought back…there was much hugging and joy, and then he and Fiona left, while Brand led Audney and I back to Urza’s tower. I must admit, I admire my uncle’s powers, if perhaps not how he uses them. Perhaps, when there is some spare time, I can go seeking out the Thran as Gawaine did.
The long and short of it is, my beloved was restored, and Gawaine was taught to control his new powers. A lot of recovery went on in the tower for the next little while…at some point, Audney got a visitor from Chaos, who denounced her heritage, and exiled both her and Lane from Chaos. I thought it better not to intrude…Amanda would no doubt comfort her.
After a time, Morgan suggested he and I head back to Amber, to make our engagement known…I admit, I was somewhat lax about telling people, but then, I didn’t think there were many ways to overlook that big shiny rock on my hand. So we did, and there was much happiness there as well…Random not only agreed to marry us, but to let us have the wedding in the castle. I suppose being crown princess has its advantages, after all…
We did try to keep it quiet, so Mother wouldn’t drive people crazy with preparations, but she found out anyway. In a way, I’m glad she did.
The wedding itself….well, what can I say? Besides being one of the most beautiful events I’ve ever seen (Mother does have style, you can’t deny her that), it was, as it was intended to be, one of the best days of my life. Mother even dressed down so she wouldn’t show me up, which was probably the biggest indication of her affection that I’ve had so far. Rather ironic, now that I think about it, that all this joy so closely followed one of the worst days of my life. Father was there, and Michaela was brought from Kairos…she’s too little to remember any of it…ah well. We can torture the poor thing with stories in a few years.
Of course, as things always seem to happen in Amber, the next morning everything went back to being nuts. Urza got a trump call from Franklin during breakfast, apparently calling for help. So the lot of us took off to see what we could do…we found him in his shadow, under attack by all sorts of forces. After getting him out, we went to Dominaria…took a short tour of there, and then Morgan and I went back to Amber to see if Brand was ready to send us off on our honeymoon yet. He found us before we found him…popped out of nowhere in front of us, actually. I would love to learn how to do that…
I’m almost ashamed to admit, I even asked the man in charge of the place Brand sent us to if he could find me some information on the Thran. Of course he had no idea what I was talking about…oh well. When I have more time…
Not long after that, it hit me. Michael. What had happened to Michael? Brand still has the chalice…I have a slightly sick feeling whenever I think about it. I feel I betrayed him, letting his father out and leaving him in there at Brand’s mercy. I’m hesitant to tell Morgan, though he’ll probably know better than anyone if there’s anything we can do. Brand had said that Michael could leave the chalice if he wished, and perhaps he did let him out, or maybe he’s in no danger…but still…there has to be a way to get that chalice back…