Cordelia giggled, unable to control the mirth stealing over her whole body. There was something about a likewise laughing Angel that made it impossible for her to stop.
"Oh no... oh no stop." Cordelia grabbed onto her sides that threatened to split open from laughing so hard. "Stop it Angel! I don't want to know any more!"
"But Cordy, don't you want to know what other songs I sing when I'm in the shower?"
"Stop!" She stuck her fingers in her ears. "Lala la la la. I can't hear you!"
Angel gently removed her hands from her ears and continued. "You know, I've been practicing 'Stairway to Heaven' ..." Another outburst of laughter followed from Cordelia.
"Oh ... oh god." Cordelia rasped between much needed breaths. "Oh god Angel. You're so ... you're so weird."
"I know. But you still love me, right?"
"Yeah I still love you." They paused, an unexpected silence descending. Cordelia suddenly realised that their 'love' could in actuality be deepening into something ... more. But what?
But how could there be more? She had realised long ago that she had secretly harboured ... well, more than friendly urges for her former boss. And even though the events of the last few months had hinted to her that maybe Angel had reciprocated those feelings to some degree, she had never thought they would ever act upon it. Mainly because of the whole curse thing. Sure it was dealable when Angel was all friendly and nice, but what if they went further and ended up going pelvic? And - best case scenario? He'd experience that one moment of true happiness with her that would bring the leather pants wearing side of Angel out. Worst case scenario? They would find out she and Darla had one thing in common - not making Angel truly happy during sex.
"Hey, you're shivering." Cordelia tried to shake the kooky thoughts from her mind. Going pelvic with Angel was ... the farthest thought from her mind right now. Particularly now as he was taking his jacket off and wrapping it around her, his body so close she could feel his breath on her skin.
Angel was inhaling unnecessary air just to keep himself calm. Noticing that Cordelia had been trembling with the steadily cooling night, he had unthinkingly decided that he should take his jacket off for her, forgetting of course, the actually put it on her part.
He took a deep breath and hoped that he wasn't giving himself away. This was bad. He had had decades to learn to stay in control over his urge for human blood, only to find that same control wasn't really helping with that other urge. The urge for Cordelia.
"Is that better? Ah ... warmer?" He looked at her, scanning her face.
"What? Yeah, thanks." She unthinkingly stuffed her cold hands into the pockets of his jacket. "Won't you be cold?"
Angel stood beside her, his red silk shirt buffeted by the slight breeze. "Ah ... vampires don't feel cold remember?"
"They don't?" Angel shook his head. "Then why do you always wear those huge billowy coats all the time, even during summer?"
Angel was puzzled, unable to find an answer to her impeccable logic. "I don't know. I guess ... I just like to."
Cordelia smiled. That was so like Angel. "So you could be cool and mysterious guy."
"That's it." He smiled back.
They walked along in silence until Cordelia caught site of the Ferris wheel. "Angel ..."
Angel took one look at its size and shook his head. "Oh no ..."
"But Angel," she pouted, artfully showing her lower lip. "Please?"
Angel looked again at the wheel ... looked to the height that it reached. "I'm scared of heights."
Cordelia did a double-take. "Angel, you're a vampire. If you fall off you can't die."
"I know." Angel said plaintively. "It's just that ... me and heights ... it goes way back ... it's not pretty ..."
Cordelia was puzzled. "But I've seen you do your stalking thing up on roofs and stuff. You've leaped between buildings with a single bound. You've ..."
"It's just something ... I mean, with buildings you've got your bricks, you've got your mortar. With those things ..." he glanced up at the Ferris wheel, "you've got nothing. Air. A whole lot of air. Are you sure you don't want to, oh I don't know, eat? Maybe we could have coffee. I like coffee."
"Angel ... please?"
Angel took one look at her expectant face and capitulated. Was there anything in the world he wouldn't do for her? "Okay. Just remember ... I'm doing this for you Cordy."
"My hero." She smiled girlishly at him. "Oh, don't forget to buy the ice-creams! Double--"
"--choc chip mint fudge, yes I know." Angel finished for her. "Anything else?"
"Nope." She grinned in satisfaction. Cordelia could definitely get used to this. Getting Angel to do whatever she wanted without the guilt trip. This was way better than manipulating him with the Darla thing, because he was doing this because he wanted to be with her. Which could only be all good.
* * *
"Angel, you're so stiff. Could you just relax already?"
Angel kept his gaze straight ahead, looking out towards the vast expanse of Santa Monica Bay. "Remember this was your idea Cordy. I told you, me and heights ..." He carefully avoided looking down and pretended not to notice the violent jolting of the car as it carried them higher and higher ... and then abruptly stopped.
"Cordy." Angel felt utterly ridiculous, being trapped inside an old rickety car on an even older Ferris Wheel. "You know I'll still hurt like hell if this thing breaks and we fall off, don't you? I mean, I won't die, but --"
"Relax vampire boy." Cordelia looked at him pointedly. "By the way, if this thing breaks I'm the one that's gonna be Creme Broulee. Just look at the view and you'll be fine."
He was looking at the view. Seeing Cordelia against the stunning backdrop of the Californian starlit sky was certainly a view to savour. In fact, it was all he had been looking at.
"So I'm thinking that this is another one of those things you don't put on your creature of the night resume." Angel looked at her inquiringly. "You know, 'scared of heights' ... along with singing, dancing and tanning?"
"I dance." Angel objected indignantly. Sure he didn't do the type of dancing so popular in the twentieth and twenty-first centuries, but he still had some moves on him. He could slow dance and ... waltz. He did a mean waltz.
"What like, waltzing? That doesn't count. Anybody can waltz. My uncle Ebenezer can waltz. Even the homeless guy three blocks down from Wesley's apartment can waltz. " She leaned closer to him, assaulting his senses unwittingly with her fragrance. "I'm talking about moving in time with the music, letting the beat overtake your whole body, letting go and just seeing where it takes you. You know ... dancing."
Angel twisted in his seat as he was assaulted by a slew of images of Cordelia swaying sensually to some music, eyes closed, a picture of surrender and invitation.
"Yeah but, you know ..." He tried to exorcise the persistent imagery out of his mind. "Slow dancing is good too. You've got your mood music, your touching, your ah ..." Oh god. Did he have to go there? Now instead of image after image of just Cordelia dancing alluringly in front of him he had a mental slide show of holding her in his arms, swaying gently to the steady rhythm of her heartbeat, her breath searing his cold skin with its fire, its warmth ...
"Yeah I've seen you slow dance with ..." She paused, silently cursing herself for nearly bringing up the B-word. Just when they were having such a great time. Did she really need another session with broody Angel? "With um ... hey how about those stars? All bright and ... shiney."
"It's okay Cordelia." She turned slightly to face him, half-afraid of seeing how much Angel was still hurting due to her Buffy comment.
But he surprised her by smiling gently. "You can say it ... her name I mean. I won't go broody on you."
Cordelia kept her doubt to herself. "Don't get me wrong Angel. It's not like I don't like her or anything ... and it's not like I don't know what she meant ... I mean, means to you." She bit her lip. "I just didn't want to see you all mopey tonight, just when you were having such a good time."
"Cordelia," surprise colouring his voice. "I won't fall to pieces every time you mention Buffy's name." He paused, his mind reeling with explanations. "I love her, I always will. But ..." Seeing Cordelia's face drop, he hurried on. "But you know, we just weren't meant to be. I mean, she needed a normal guy in her life, and I obviously wasn't it." He paused. "Doyle told you about that day when I turned human, right?"
She nodded. "The day you made the Powers take back."
"Yeah. You know why I did that?" This was hard. Angel wasn't too keen on revisiting old memories, particularly as painful as the ones associated with Buffy. But he had to make Cordelia understand the way he felt right now. Somehow that was really important.
Cordelia shook her head.
"It was because I saw what our future would've been like if I had stayed human." He paused as he fought the onslaught of memories of that night, when he had battled that demon without his vampiric strength and had been seriously hurt. "She would've died. I would've have died. But ... most importantly ... those people we were meant to help would've died. I couldn't let that happen."
"I know." She whispered, hating to hear the tremble of pain in his voice.
He swallowed but forced himself to continue. "But you know what else I realised? That I've only just realised?"
Cordelia shook her head again. Maybe if it happened once with Buffy it could happen again?
"That all these obstacles ... these reasons ... they've all led me here. To L.A ... to you and Wesley and Gunn and Fred. Maybe this is what I'm meant to be doing and ... who I'm meant to be sharing my life with. Which would mean ... that all the choices I've made up until now have led me here to this very moment." With you, he added silently. "Buffy will ... always be in my past, and I've accepted that." He took a deep breath, hardly believing what he was about to say. "I've moved on. I'll always love Buffy, but ... I'm not in love with her any more. In a way ... I think I that when she died, I grieved for both her and our possible future together, and now--"
"--and now?"
"It's all different. I'm different."
There was silence as Cordelia tried to absorb everything he was saying. "I'm glad." She said quietly. "I mean, I'm glad that you're not still hurting, and stuff." She paused, looking down at her toes. "And how come I had to drag you here just to hear all this stuff about you Angel? You know we could've had this conversation on sea level, and judging by the way that you're scrunching up all over the place it would've been a lot more comfortable."
Angel returned her daring grin. "What can I say? Me and heights ..."
She beamed at him. "Now aren't you glad I bullied you up here?"
"Yeah." He shifted closer to her, studiously avoiding rocking the car. "What would I do without you Cordy?"
"Well, I guess you would've coped if I'd ended up stuck in Pylea."
"I would never have left you there." Angel turned, his earnestly endearing eyes boring into hers. "That was never a possibility, even if ... even if it meant that I could never return."
"Really?" Cordelia asked incredulously. "But ... what if I get stuck in some other demon dimension place? What about your shanshuing and stuff?"
Angel shook his head. "I'd still ..."
"You'd still? Really?"
"Absolutely."
Cordelia shifted, creeping closer and closer to Angel until her body was moulded next to his. "You're sweet. Broody, but sweet. " She sighed as she leaned her head on his shoulder, her face grazing the slinky smoothness of his shirt. She felt him shift and put his arms around her and Cordelia was content.
At that moment Angel was content. The stars twinkled in the clear night sky and the sounds of the crowd below wafted up to them in a cacophony of sounds. But he neither saw nor heard them, because at that moment he held Cordelia in his arms ... and everything was perfect.
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