"Do you think we can do this?" Cordelia asked almost whimsically as the credits of the movie rolled. Ensconced in a tangle of arms and legs, neither Cordelia nor Angel wanted to move from the comfortable confines of Cordelia's couch for fear of losing the unbroken serenity of the last two hours.
"Fight in the war?" Angel couldn't believe that he was doing this. Doing the extremely normal activity of watching a movie in the arms of his beautiful seer, feeling this good about life. He was mildly perturbed about feeling so contented. He was on a mission to save humanity wasn't he? On a mission to atone for his past sins, his past life as the Scourge of Europe, the torturer of souls, the vicious killer of innocents? What right had he to be feeling so many glorious hours of contentment, feeling the love and companionship of his beautiful friend beside him? This wasn't right.
But then again, Angel was feeling so good right now he couldn't really bring himself to care.
"No silly." Cordelia's friendly punch on the chest brought his thoughts back to the present. What had she been saying again?
"Do ... what?"
She untangled her legs from his that were still reclining on the edge of the coffee table and turned slightly to face him, tucking her legs underneath her. "This ... this friend thing we're doing."
That grabbed Angel attention. He felt suddenly anxious. Was Cordelia having second thoughts? Maybe she should. Angel knew that no matter how great he made her feel, how much he was willing to take care of her and make her happy, he was still a vampire. And that couldn't be healthy for a normal, beautiful girl like Cordelia.
It was sensible and right that she should have second thoughts. But did it have to make his stomach lurch so horribly?
She explained. "Okay, I know we're living on demon central and life's pretty much as not-normal as it can get here in L.A, but I'm thinking that our definition of 'friendship' is probably more not-normal than not-normal, making it not actually normal and I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't think we can be just friends and be okay with it." She looked at him expectantly. "You know?"
"Huh?" Angel liked to think that he wasn't stupid by any stretch of the imagination, but Cordelia's little insane bouts of logic really puzzled him. "So ... you think we shouldn't be friends? Or we shouldn't, you know, be friends?"
She rolled her eyes. "Basically, what I'm saying is that ... we should define our friendship ... and you know, do the talking thing ..."
Angel shifted so that he faced Cordelia more fully. He stretched his legs out in front of him as Cordelia waited, her eyes alight with an intense fire. She hadn't exactly meant to spring this on him so suddenly, but she realised that it had been nagging at her for the past few days. Sure they had agreed to do the 'friend' thing, but she knew deep down that they had just been biding time. Spending the entire weekend with Angel had been really, really fun, but they needed to work out how the 'friend' thing should go in the long run. To make it work ... and to make it last. Because she definitely intended to be with Angel for a very, very long time.
"Okay ..." Angel struggled to keep the neutrality in his voice. He knew he was scared, scared of the almost impending rejection he naturally felt he deserved. In almost any other situation he would just run away, do something, anything to avoid the outcome. But he couldn't here. As much as he didn't want to feel crushed and rejected, he had to stay - in the unlikely event that he would not actually be crushed and rejected.
"Friends." He pursed his lips. "We ... decided that."
"Yeah." Cordelia paused, absently twirling a strand of hair in her hand. "But are we ... you know ..." She looked at him questioningly.
"... Friends?" He ventured.
Her face contorted with annoyance. "No! A couple, dumb ass, a couple!"
"Oh." Angel couldn't believe she had actually said it. A couple. He was certainly down with that. "Is that a problem?"
"What?"
"Being ... you know ... a couple. Or something." He asked with hesitation.
"Well I have no problem with it ... do you have a problem with it?"
He shook his head. "No, I'm ... I'm good with that. You're ... good with that?"
"I'm good." Cordelia tittered nervously. "We sound silly."
Angel smiled sheepishly in return before his face darkened. "Cordelia ... You have to really think ... I mean, I'm a vampire."
She protested, "But a really cuddly one."
"Yes but still a vampire." He unwound the tendril of hair she had unconsciously been playing with and took both of her smaller hands into his. "If we ... I mean, I really love being with you Cordy. You make me smile ... and laugh and ... I don't remember the last person that really made me do ... that." His intense chocolate brown eyes bored into hers with suppressed fire. "But it's ... it's not going to be easy being with me. I mean, I brood ... and let's not forget the blood thing which is so not good for a normal girl like you, and you're young and beautiful and you should have a life with someone you can have Sunday picnics with and do other day-stuff with."
"Oh no mister, you're not sneaking out of this so easily." Her tone was half playful, half distressed, and Angel realised that she liked him. She really, honest to goodness liked him. Vampire issues and all. "I love you and you said that you love me so we're going to be together whether you like it or not." She smiled as she replayed her inane remark in her head, her tone softening. "Angel I've never had anyone that cares for me the way you care. I mean think about it, I dated jocks mostly and what are the chances they're gonna think of anyone other than themselves?" Her face dropped as she contemplated their entwined hands. "And the only other ... well, Xander didn't really ... I mean, he was nice to me and stuff but I was never ... I was never the most important person in the world to him, you know? The closest I've come to feeling that way was with Doyle and ..." She sighed as she brought her gaze to meet Angel's. "And I love feeling that way? It probably makes me a selfish whatever, but you're the only one to make me feel that way so you can't just leave with your big almost-designer billowy coat swaying all Gone With The Wind behind you, okay?"
"Okay." Was all Angel could squeeze out. If him being with Cordy even made her remotely happier than when she was without him then who was he to argue with it?
A few tantalising moments of crystal still silence descended as they revelled in their new found affirmation. Cordelia sighed happily into Angel's shoulder. This was the life. Relaxing from a hard day's work of having visions and fighting evil with her kind, gentle, sensitive, and unspeakably gorgeous vampire with a soul best friend slash whatever they were at the moment, and just enjoying life. This was great. She felt really great ... despite the visions and the headaches. She had Angel, her life in L.A, her almost-acting career, and actual friends.
"What are we going to tell the others?" She asked him suddenly.
"Tell ... who?"
"Wesley, Gunn and Fred, dumb ass." She told him in exasperation. "What are we going to tell them?"
"Do ... do we have to tell them anything?"
"What, do you think we should keep this a secret? Do you think they'd freak out or something?" Cordelia paused, trying to visualise the group's reactions. "Okay, do you think Gunn and Fred would freak out?"
"No, I mean ... no, I don't think we should keep it a secret." Angel twisted around in his seat and looked at her earnestly. "I mean, it's not ... I just meant that it's not something that's likely to be brought up during a normal conversation. I mean, it's not like we can go 'Hey guys, I think we've got a really big bad demon on our hands, and by the way me and Cordy here, we've got a thing but don't worry, we've got that pesky curse under control.' " He paused. "I just don't see it happening."
"Well we don't have to make a big deal out of it." Cordy reasoned. "It's not like we're getting married and we have to make a really tasteful full page society announcement or anything. Just ... they're our friends. Besides," she sighed, "it'd feel icky if we didn't let them know. Like we were doing something wrong or something. And we're not."
Angel's eyes lit up as he understood what she had been getting at. There was nothing he could do about his vampirism, but there was plenty he and Cordelia could do about having a healthy, happy friendship. Relationship. It was the least his beautiful seer deserved.
"Okay, we tell them." He agreed quietly. "How?"
"I don't know." Her face dropped. "Maybe we could, you know bring them extra donuts tomorrow morning with a little note inside like a fortune cookie, except with donuts ... except it can't be those jelly-filled ones..."
" ... or we could just act like we're acting now," he wrapped his arms around her and drew her to his unbreathing body, "and let them draw their own conclusions. They're smart kids. They'll work it out."
Cordelia took a moment to luxuriate in Angel's caring embrace before nodding. "Your plan sounds good." She yawned. "Geez I'm whacked. I think I'll be heading off to bed now." She stood up, stretching her lithe frame in the process before pausing and turning around. "You coming?"
Angel stared at her, dumbfounded. "Coming ... where?"
Cordelia resisted the urge to roll her eyes. God Angel could be so clueless sometimes. What did a girl have to do to sleep with her man? "To bed."
"To ... Oh." He ran his hand over his hair sheepishly. Of course. Huh.
"Unless of course you haven't brooded enough today and want to stay out here the whole night. I mean, be my guest ..."
"No, no ..." Angel interrupted quickly. No brooding for him. Somehow he really didn't feel like his ritual brooding tonight. Like he was going to choose brooding in a darkened room when he could be in bed with Cordelia ... well, sleeping. Sleeping was good. Sleeping was normal. And good.
He got up off the couch and allowed himself to be led by Cordelia. He grinned. This was definitely the life.
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