Charter member
#0, "Beer Drinkers' Troubleshooting Guide."
A long time ago this was put up on the AOL Terris boards. In a good mood so I thought I'd just drop it for all you to read.
Beer Drinkers' Troubleshooting Guide
~ Courtesy of Battle Huntress Valeria, Blade of Zir ~
SYMPTOM: Drink fails to give satisfaction and taste. Or Shirt front is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open while drinking OR glass being applied to wrong part of face
ACTION: Buy another pint and practice in front of mirror. Continue with as many with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfected
SYMPTOM: Drinking gives no satisfaction and or taste. Glass is unusually pale and clear.
FAULT: Glass is empty
ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
SYMPTOM: Feet wet and cold.
FAULT: Glass is empty
ACTION: Turn glass the other way up, so that the open end is pointing at the ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet wet and warm.
FAULT: Incorrect bladder control.
ACTION: Go and stand next to the nearest dog, after a while, complain to dog's owner about the lack of house training. Demand a pint as compensation.
SYMPTOM: Bar Blurred
FAULT: You are looking through the bottom of an empty glass.
ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
SYMPTOM: Bar Swaying
FAULT: Air turbulence is unusually high. May be due to darts match.
ACTION: Insert Broom handle down back of jacket
SYMPTOM: Bar Moving
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another pub, if you aren't, complain loudly that you are being hijacked by the Household of Aid and or any house/temple/guild you dislike.
SYMPTOM: Furniture moving under you.
FAULT: Bar fight.
ACTION: Join in!
SYMPTOM: You notice the opposite wall is covered with ceiling tiles and strip lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backwards.
ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, then stay put.
SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, and you have a mouthful of broken teeth and dog ends.
FAULT: You have fallen over backwards.
ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, then stay put.
SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark.
FAULT: The bar is closing.
ACTION: PANIC!!!!!!!
SYMPTOM: You wake up to find your bed cold, hard, and wet. You can't see your bedroom walls or ceiling.
FAULT: You have spent the night in the gutter.
ACTION: Check your watch to see if it is opening time. If not, then treat yourself to a lie-in.
SYMPTOM: Your hand is bloody and covered with broken glass.
FUALT:You broke you pint in your hand.
ACTION:Lick the rest of the beer off your hand and buy more.
SYMPTOM:Nobody has any cups of alchohal.
FUALT: Bar has run out of beer and stuff.
ACTION: Run outside and dash around in circles and yell "MORE BEER!!"
SYMPTOM: Your face is damp and all you can see is greenish stuff.
FUALT: You have fallen face-first into your own vomit.
ACTION: Wipe your face off and buy some more beer.
SYMPTOM: You seem to be in jail.
FUALT: You broke into the bar after it closed.
ACTION: Yell somthing annoying util they let you out then brake into the bar agian.
Scroll