Satan entered a large building where a dog show was being held. Everyone, upon seeing the devil, ran screaming from the building. The only person left inside was a gray headed gentleman seated down by the obedience ring.
The evil incarnate spoke to the man saying "Do you know who I am?"
"Sure do" was the old man's reply.
Hearing that there was no fear in his voice, the devil asked "Do you know I could destroy you with a word?"
"Possible" stated the Old Timer.
Becoming quite perturbed at the total lack of terror, the devil screamed, "I COULD BANISH YOU TO HELL FOR ETERNITY OLD MAN, WHY DO YOU NOT FEAR ME?"
Unshaken, the man replied "I've shown dogs for forty years, I've gotten obedience titles on no less than a dozen dogs. I'm pretty sure that at least three of them were your children!"
The best piece of advice you can give any puppy owner is to get a newspaper, roll it up very tight, secure it with a rubber band and leave it on the coffee table.
Then when the puppy piddles in the house, chews up a slipper, or does anything it is not supposed to do, simply take the newspaper and big it on the top of YOUR head very hard while repeating.................
"I should have been watching my puppy"
"I should have been watching my puppy"
"I should bave been watching my puppy"
"I should have been watching my puppy"
A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away."
"What!" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!"
With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever went right to work, checking the poor dead dog out thoroughly. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said, "Bark". The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, who also checked out the poor dog on the table. As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook his head and said, "Meow." Then he jumped off the table and ran out of the room.
The veterinarian handed the man a bill for $600.00. The dog's owner went crazy. "$600!!! Just to tell me ny dog is dead? This is Outrageous!"
The vet shook his head sadly and explained. "If you had taken my word for it, it would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the Cat Scan.....