Episode
#51, aired January, 28 1961
Written by N.B. Stone, Jr.
Directed by Robert Altman
Guest Stars Walter Burke, Ian Wolfe
The
episode starts out in San Francisco, 1863, at the Harrison Corporation, which has
several divisions, such as The Harrison Banks; Mill; Mining and Equipment,
etc. The miserly old Mr. John J.
Harrison is seated at a table looking down at a map. His assistants are
explaining to him that they now own all the silver claims in the territory,
except one. The remaining claim is owned by Tim O’Brien, a ‘stubborn Irishman’
who refuses to negotiate with them.
We
learn that O’Brien has almost $100,000 in the Virginia City branch of the
Harrison Bank, and he’s just bought $10,000 worth of mining equipment from them
and has yet to be billed. Old man Harrison orders his men to close the doors of
the VC branch and declare it insolvent; then demand O’Brien pay for his
equipment immediately. When O’Brien is unable to pay up, they can foreclose and
get their hands on his claim.
The
assistant tells him that they might have one problem: Ben Cartwright is a good
friend of O’Brien. (apparently, everybody knows Ben Cartwright) The old geezer
dismisses this, saying Ben Cartwright will have problems of his own soon enough
and hints that he’s somehow planning to acquire the Ponderosa in the near
future.
Next
we see Ben gathering papers from his desk, and Joe admiring his pa’s new
briefcase. “This is really a good looking briefcase you got here, Pa.” Ben takes it from him with a smile, and
says, “It ought to be; it’s genuine kangaroo.”
(Genuine Kangaroo?)
Ben
is wearing his coat, holding his hat, obviously ready to head out. Hoss and
Adam (also with his coat, looking ready to travel) come inside and Hoss tells
Ben that the horses are ready. Ben pauses at the door and reminds them that his
policy whenever he and Adam are away on business is to leave one of the boys in
charge. Hoss and Adam both get these superior looks on their faces, both
feeling pretty confident that Hoss will be The Chosen One. Little Joe looks all
disappointed. Darn it, he never gets to be the boss.
“I’m
leaving you in charge, <dramatic pause> Joseph.”
The
boys all look stunned. Hoss says, “What?” Adam glances at his pa like he’s trying
to figure out if he’s joking, or perhaps been into the scotch?
(Sidenote:
Adam’s facial expressions make this episode, IMO. He doesn’t say a whole lot,
but all through the episode his expressions are priceless.)
Joe
doesn’t know what to do. He says, “Me?” like he can’t quite believe he’s The
Chosen One. Ben tells him that he’ll be
in charge of the ranch operations and make all the decisions just as he would.
“Ya mean I get to be the boss? The head man?”
Ben tells him that he’s giving him a blank check as far as the ranch is
concerned. Joe gets all gleeful looking, and says, there are some changes he’s
been wanting to make. Adam looks so amused here. He can barely keep himself
from laughing. Oh yeah…Joe running the ranch. This is gonna be good! Ben stops
at the door and turns back. “Changes?”
Joe
assures him only improvements: cleaning the stable, repairing fence posts,
things like that. Hoss is looking like he’s just been sentenced to 20 years of
hard labor. One might get the feeling that for some reason, he doesn’t have
much faith in his little brother’s leadership capabilities.
Joe
can’t push Pa and older brother out the door quick enough. As soon as they’re
out he turns back to Hoss with this maniacal gleam in his eyes, like he’s
possessed. He is the all-powerful Chosen One - Boss of the Ponderosa.
As
Adam and Ben are leaving, Adam (amused) asks his pa, “You sure you know what
you’re doing?” Ben tells him yes, he wants Joe to learn responsibility. He
needs to know that running a ranch as big as the Ponderosa isn’t as easy as it
seems. Adam predicts they’ll come home and Joe will have traded the Ponderosa
for a salted gold mine in Alaska. J Ben tells him not to worry; Joe will be too busy working to get
into mischief. Sure, Pa. Whatever you
say.
Next
we see Joe sitting with his feet on Pa’s desk, reading a pamphlet on bulls? and
dictating all the chores he wants Hoss to accomplish. Not too much later, we
see Hoss whitewashing the smokehouse and Joe strolls up, eating an apple and
tells him he better knock on it if he wants to go into town. Hoss gets all
happy. Oh goody! Joe’s gonna let me go to town with him! He mentions there’s
another brush – hint, hint. Good idea! Joe grabs the brush, dips it into the
bucket and hands it to Hoss. Two brushes will get the job done much quicker.
What a boss. J
Later,
after Hoss is finished with his chores, we see the two of them ride into town.
Joe tells Hoss that he’s going to the telegraph office. When Hoss asks why, Joe
says he’s going to buy a prize bull and shows him the pamphlet he’d been
looking at. Hoss says, that bull costs
$1000.00! And Joe reminds him that Pa left him a blank check and told him to
make all the decisions.
He
goes into the telegraph office where one of his old pals happens to work. This
is Joe’s first chance to awe and impress his friends with his supreme all
powerfulness. He tells his buddy that he’s in town on business. “Now that I’m
running the ranch,” he says in a deep, mature voice, “I have a lot of business
to take care of.”
(Note:
Joe wants to send a wire to Placerville, but apparently there are no lines
between VC and Placerville as of 1863.)
The
guy asks if Joe remembers how to send and receive Morse code and Joe says,
yeah, but he gave up on the idea of being a telegrapher. “It’s kinda kid’s
stuff compared to running one of the largest spreads in Nevada,” says Joe, in
his new, deep, mature voice.
Then
his friend mentions ‘the new rig’, and suddenly Joe ain’t so mature anymore.
They start talking rig parts and accessories - that kind of thing. The friend
tells him he got some sort of Victorian lamps?? I’m not sure what they’re
called, but they must be cool, because Joe is very impressed. His friend offers
to run out and get one to show him, if Joe will watch the telegraph for a
minute. Joe agrees and while the friend is out, a message comes in: “To J.R.
Huggins - Manager Harrison Branch Bank, Virginia City, Nevada. Declaring VC
branch insolvent. Stop. Do hereby order to close bank & forward all assets
to Harrison Corporation. John J. Harrison”
His
pal comes back all excited about showing off his new lamp, but suddenly Joe has
no time and hurries out of the office to find Hoss. He heads for the Bucket of
Blood where Hoss is, and interrupts his arm wrestling match to show him the
message. While they’re discussing how crooked Harrison is, according to Pa, and
how closing the bank will bust the town wide open, a mystery lady in a fancy
black and red outfit sashays past them for the first time. They both stop to
gawk at her, and Hoss lifts a big rain barrel out of her way.
They
decide to go into the bar and try to coax Tim O’Brien into taking his money out
of the Harrison bank, and putting it in another bank before the bank closes.
Hoss and Joe sit down with O’Brien and there’s a cute little scene where
O’Brien, who’s been drinking all the Irish Whiskey he can get his hands on,
says “whyyyy” in Joe’s face and Joe makes this sickly expression like
the guy’s breath is noxious, and Hoss scrunches up his nose and smiles, Aw,
ain’t he jist the cutest.
They
can’t talk O’Brien into getting his money out of the bank, so he decides that
they need to go snoop around and ask questions at the bank. Joe tells Hoss to
wait outside and keep a lookout. (While Hoss is doing his lookout thing, the
mystery woman makes another appearance, swinging her hips to the tune of some
swanky, Ginger Grant-ish type accompaniment music, as she walks by)
Next
we meet the bank manager, Mr. Huggins and his ‘assistant’, Mr. Finch. Mr. Huggins comes over to his assistant and
says that young Cartwright boy wants to see all the money and Mr. Finch
suggests they do what he asks, since his father is Ben Cartwright and he might
be interested in their financial structure. So they bring the money out from
the safe. $60,000 in cash and $100.000 in bonds. Joe shows them the telegram
about closing the bank and tries to reason with them, hoping that they’ll agree
to let him and Hoss take the bonds to the Placerville branch, get them cashed
and bring the money back so nobody will lose their life savings.
Apparently
Huggins and Finch don’t realize that Joe is The Chosen One and Pa has left him
in charge to make all the decisions. They are not willing to go along with his
plan. The next thing you know, Hoss strolls in. Huggins and Finch are
unconscious on the floor and Joe’s tucking bonds into his jacket. Hoss asks,
What are ya doin’? And Joe tells him, Robbin’ the bank. (Duh)
A
little while later, Sheriff Coffee is on the scene, questioning Huggins and
Finch. He just can’t believe that Hoss and Little Joe could do such a thing.
When Ben finds out the boys are bank robbers it’s gonna break his heart. Roy
asks the Huggins and Finch if they have any idea where the boys were headed.
Huggins is about to say Placerville, but Finch interrupts and says he thought
he heard them say they were going south, toward Mexico.
After
the sheriff leaves Huggins says to Finch he could swear they said they were
going to Placerville, and Finch agrees. He has a plan and tells Huggins they’ll
let the boys go to Placerville and get the bonds cashed and makes a reference
that this will get their chestnuts out of the fire. (Chestnuts out of the
fire?) Finch lays out his scheme and Huggins is all for it.
They
plan to leave $10k in the safe to keep the bank running for 3 days, take the
other $50k and head towards Placerville to intercept the Cartwrights who will
be on their way back to VC with $100k in cash. After they steal the $100k from
the Cartwrights they’ll head for Switzerland, or the south of France, and live
the good life.
There’s
a little scene in here where they show Roy trying to send wires out to all the
Peace Officers in the surrounding area. They flash to Hoss chopping away at a
telegraph pole and Joe standing behind him eating an apple. Hoss asks, Joe, are
you sure we’re doin’ the right thing? And Joe’s answer is: “Pa said I was boss.
He said I make all the decisions, didn’t he?” J
Meanwhile,
Pa and Adam ride into town and the first thing they see is a Wanted Poster with
the faces of Joe and Hoss Cartwright - wanted for bank robbery. They immediately head for the Sheriff’s
office to find out what’s going on, only to find out that Roy has evidence and
witnesses that link Hoss and Joe to the crime. Ben refuses to believe his sons
would do such a thing. He’s appalled! Outraged! In a fit of temper he pounds
his fist on Roy’s desk. (Ouch!) After a
few deep breaths, he manages to regain control of his emotions. He calmly asks
Roy, as a friend, to give them time to find Joe and Hoss and bring them back,
before sending out a posse. Roy agrees, as long as Ben promises not to tell
anyone.
Back
to Joe and Hoss, in Placerville getting the bonds cashed. While Joe’s in the bank
and Hoss is on lookout duty, we again hear the swanky Ginger Grant music, and
see the familiar wiggling behind of the mystery woman. This time Hoss gets the
nerve to speak to her, only when she turns around – Blech! Ptooey! -- it ain’t
the same woman at all!
Joe
comes out of the bank with his big bag o’ cash and is ready to head back to VC.
But, Hoss is hungry! Can’t they stop and get some supplies first? Since they
left in a hurry, without Hop Sing packing them lunch. Joe checks his pockets, but he doesn’t have a dime. Neither does
Hoss, but he eyes the big bag o’ cash Joe is holding and suggests maybe they
could borrow some. Joe looks appalled; that wouldn’t be honest!
While
on their way home they camp out for the night and that’s when Huggins and Finch
sneak up and take the money and steal their horses.
Next
day Joe and Hoss are walking to VC, carrying their saddles and who comes riding
up? Pa and Adam. Ben demands an
explanation and Joe looks at Hoss, but Hoss says, You’re the boss. I’m gonna go
get me a drink of water. So Joe goes into his explanation, which really is so
far out, who could have made it up? But, oh boy, Ben isn’t buying it! He’s
ready to explode and doesn’t believe a word of their story. (This part makes me
wonder. Did he really think his boys would rob a bank and hide the money?) Ben
tells them that they’re going to go back, turn themselves in and stand trial
for bank robbery. The boys ask how are
they supposed to get back? and Ben says, “Walk.” As Ben and Adam are leaving, Adam
can no longer resist. “Like you said Pa, you really know Little Joe. He’ll be
cleaning the stable, repairing the fences….” Ben just says, “Ah, come on!”
So,
Ben and Adam head back to VC. They ride into town and see the citizens storming
the bank, demanding their money - a bank run. Ben promises that everyone will
get their money, even if he has to sell the Ponderosa. The citizens decide that
Ben Cartwright’s word is good enough for them and they leave. Ben and Adam
start to question the goofy teller, Mr. Johnson. He tells them that Huggins and Finch have decided to take a
hunting trip. Ben asks what specifically his boys took and Mr. Johnson, tells
him $100,000…in bonds. There was $60k
in cash right there, but they didn’t take that. This confirms the outlandish
tale that Joe and Hoss told them earlier. Ben and Adam head back to Roy’s
office and explain it to him. Yes, it sounds like it could be true, he’s never
heard of any bank robbers turning down ready cash. Ben thunders at Roy, and slams his other fist on the desk.
(Ouch, again) He promises that he will get the money, somehow. Even if he has
to sell the Ponderosa. “I started with nothing….”
Meanwhile,
Joe and Hoss stumble upon ‘two vacant mules’ owned by a scrawny,
hillbilly-looking farmer. Joe decides to “borrow” the mules. Hoss has some
reservations on this. First Joe has him robbing a bank, now he wants him to
steal mules? Joe is quick to remind his brother that a few miles back, when
they were talking to Pa, Hoss said Joe was the boss.
Later,
at the house, Adam and Ben are figuring out ways to get there hands on a quick
$100k when they hear a noise outside.
Joe and Hoss ride up on their horses, looking quite pleased. (This is my
favorite part) Ben and Adam hurry out of the house. Joe and Hoss dismount and
Joe walks over to Pa and proudly hands him two big bags o’ cash. Is this the
whole $100k? asks Ben. No, Joe tells him, it’s $150k. $100k from the bonds they
cashed, and they figured Huggins and Finch robbed their own bank to get the
other $50k. What happened to the Huggins and Finch? Well, they got away, Joe
admits a little disappointed. Not exactly, Hoss tells. They fell in the Truckee
River and are floatin’ on their way to Lake Tahoe.
Ben
is pleased. His sons are not bank robbers! The ranch is saved! The town is
saved! The Cartwright’s integrity is saved!
Adam
is pleased, too. “Where’d ya get the mules?”
The
smile disappears from Joe’s face and he gives Adam a desperate, pleading look.
Adam’s eyebrows raise, Oops? and he glances expectantly at Pa who is no longer
looking pleased.
Mules?
Hoss suddenly looks very guilty. “Oh, them mules.”
The
Chosen One explains, “We borrowed them.”
So,
now his sons have become mule thieves. He orders them to take the mules back to
the owner and pay him for renting the mules. Great idea, except they don’t have any money. A disgusted Ben
pulls out a wad of money and holds it out for Joe who is clearly fearing the
safety of his backside. He stays as far out of Pa’s reach as can possibly get
and snatches the money.
The
boys go back to the scrawny farmer dude and try to appease him. Joe offers him
$10 for borrowing the mules, but the guy just stares at them. Hoss tries to
explain that it was an emergency and offers him $5 more, but the farmer just
stares. They finally offer him the whole $25 and still he doesn’t respond. What
will it take to make things right?
Meanwhile,
Ben and Adam ride into town and return the money. As Mr. O’Brien is leaving the bank with his money, planning to bury
it in a tin can somewhere on his claim, Mr. Harrison and his assistants come
into the bank demanding to know why it’s still open. He’s informed that it
isn’t open any longer, ‘cause they’re out of money.
Ben
threatens that if he catches Harrison in any more shady dealings in Nevada
territory he’ll make sure the geezer ends up in jail. Harrison wants to know
who’s behind all this -- which makes Adam wonder where are Joe and Hoss?
Shouldn’t they be back by now?
Cut
to the last scene where Joe and Hoss are battered and beaten, lying in a heap
on the ground and the scrappy lil’ farmer is walking away with his mules and
his $25. Joe’s had enough of being The Chosen One and offers the job to Hoss.
No way. Hoss don’t wanna be boss. He’d rather just be a hired hand.
Theme/moral
of the story: Things aren’t always what they seem?