Comedy?

Ben Cartwright sat at the table sipping his coffee, and contemplating his many blessings as he did every morning. He had three fine, healthy sons, a large, prosperous working ranch and just about everything else a man could desire. He was silently thanking the Lord when he heard the sound of footsteps approaching. 

Glancing up, he expected to see Adam, but instead it was Little Joe who’d made it first to the breakfast table. “Good morning, Joseph,” he said cheerfully.

“Mornin Pa,” Joe replied, looking bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

Perhaps the boy’s maturing and beginning to understand the benefits of getting an early start, Ben considered hopefully. He tried to forget that only last week the same boy had been running around in one of Hop Sing’s old oriental robes, speaking what Ben assumed was supposed to be Cantonese, and claiming he was no longer allowed to attend school for ethnic reasons.  But, surely getting an early start to the day had to be a good sign, didn’t it?

Hoss came down the stairs next, in good humor as always. “Mornin’ Pa…Joe,” he greeted with a big smile as he took his seat.

“Good morning, Hoss.”  Ben passed the plate of flapjacks to Joe. “Is Adam up yet?”

“Yes sir, he’ll be right down,“ Hoss answered, looking pointedly at Joe. “Them flapjacks look mighty tasty, little brother and I sure could use some coffee.”

Ben watched curiously as Joe scrambled out of his chair, poured Hoss a cup of coffee, served and buttered his flapjacks, placed a pile of bacon on his plate then drizzled syrup over the top.  “H-How’s that, Hoss?” he asked with a tremulous smile.

“Well now, that looks just fine, Joseph,” Hoss said, tucking his napkin under his chin with a satisfied grin. “Thank ya kindly.”

Before Ben had time to question what the devil was going on, he saw Adam descending the stairs.

“Look at this!” demanded Adam, outraged, hands gesturing wildly at his head.

Ben studied his face seeing nothing out of the ordinary.  Oh, wait, now he saw the problem, although he was a little surprised by his son’s overreaction. “Adam, it’s only a pimple.”

Hoss grinned and Joe snorted milk through his nose. Ben glared at each of them sternly then cleared his throat and turned back to Adam. “I’m sure nobody will even notice,” Ben consoled patiently. “Why, I can hardly see it.”

“Not that!” Adam snarled. “This!” He bent his head forward and pointed to a spot near the top. Ben noticed what appeared to be a much shorter patch of hair curling in the opposite direction of the rest.

“Oh, I see.” Ben coughed and glanced at the other two boys, who appeared completely focused on eating their breakfasts. “”However did that happen?”

“That’s what I’d like to know,” he said with a sneer. “Missing books, clothing and trinkets are one thing, but now I’m starting to miss hair! What will it be next? A missing finger? Perhaps a toe?”

“Adam,” Ben chuckled a little uncertainly, “don’t be ridiculous.” He couldn’t help noticing that Joe had stopped eating and was now gazing thoughtfully at his oldest brother’s hands. Hoss scowled at the boy and subtly shook his head.  Joe simply smiled and went back to eating his flapjacks.

“I don’t know what’s going on, but when I find out…and believe me, I will…” Adam’s voice became low and menacing as he studied each of his brothers with narrowed eyes, “one of you is going to be very sorry.”

Hoss gulped, a look of fear in his wide, blue eyes.  “Now, Adam,” he said, raising his hands in surrender. “Now, don’t you be lookin’ at me like that. I didn’t touch nothin’ of yours.”

Adam smiled coldly, put his hands on his hips and turned a sinister glare on Joe, who was finishing his breakfast in record time.  Joe chugged the rest of his milk, wiped his mouth on his sleeve, placed his napkin on the table and stood up so fast he almost overturned his chair.  “Well, I best get goin’,” he said brightly, with a most angelic smile as he backed away from the table. “Don’t wanna be late for school.”

Adam nodded, raising an eyebrow as he appraised his youngest brother. “A villain with a smiling cheek, a goodly apple rotten at the heart,” he quoted, theatrically.

“Speakin’ of apples, I-I best get m-my lunch,” Joe said with a nervous laugh then quickly ducked into the kitchen.

Ben closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Okay, so, the early rising, early to school business was all very suspicious. He’d known it all along and hadn’t wanted to admit it to himself. But, what did any of it have to do with Adam’s hair? Missing books and clothing? Did he even want to know? No, no he certainly didn’t, he decided firmly. Whatever Joseph was up to, well, Ben had no doubt that Adam would figure it out eventually -- he was the smart one, after all. From the smug look on his face, more than likely he had it already figured out. Perhaps it might be a good idea for him to leave for Sacramento a few weeks ahead of schedule. Maybe he could even stay an extra week or two, just to relax a bit – he certainly deserved it. By the time he got back, hopefully things would be back to normal. Well, as normal as things got around there anyway. “Boys, I’m going to have to leave for Sacramento a little earlier than I’d planned. . .”

~ ~ * * ~ ~

Joe climbed on the bottom rung of the corral fence, grabbed hold of the saddle horn, then vaulted onto his horse and headed for town. He had to get there early so’s he could meet Sue Ann Jennings behind the big oak tree and get his five dollars. He hadn’t meant to cut that big of a chunk of Adam’s hair; next time he’d make sure to be more careful. Funny, Joe had thought for sure Adam would notice his chest hair first.  That hairy ol’ chest was startin’ to look a mite sparse, which is why he’d decided to let it grow back some before taking any more from there. He hoped Sue Ann wouldn’t be too disappointed.

He flicked the reins, wanting to make sure he got to school on time. He couldn’t afford to get in trouble and miss lunch recess. That’s when he was s’posed to meet Ellie Simmons and swap Adam’s sweaty, ol’ bandanna for that shiny, new pocketknife Joe had spotted in her pa’s store window. Last week she’d given him a bag of gumballs for one of Adam’s broken guitar strings. Why any gal would want any of his big brother’s worthless, smelly old junk was beyond Joe, but he wasn’t about to argue.

After school he planned to meet Becky Johnson at the creek. She was gonna pay him two dollars and sack of marbles for one of Adam’s dumb ol’ books. Joe had grabbed one by that Shakespeare fella. Since Adam had so many others by him, he’d probably never notice. He remembered Adam telling him that the story was a comedy. Either Adam had been trying to trick him, or he hadn’t ever bothered to read the book 'cause nobody in their right mind could call that comedy. None of that mattered now, though. Soon the so-called comedy would belong to Becky Johnson and Joe would be laughing all the way to the bank. 

Right after he finished doing Hoss’s chores.

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