Second Chances
by Sheryl

"Take care of yourself." She managed to hold back the ingrained 'sir' that time, but Jack could tell that it had taken a conscious effort to do so. Old habits die hard, he thought as he waved her off, turning back to his chores and trying to ignore, at least for the moment, the familiar compulsive draw of his own nasty habit. He'd almost had himself convinced that he'd overcome these compelling -- unappreciated, he reminded himself -- tendencies to save the world. Almost, until Carter showed up.

Jack couldn't help but wonder if they had drawn straws for this one. Most likely, Daniel just plain refused to see him, leaving Carter with no other choice.  She'd come out of a sense of duty. He wondered what ol' Joe would think if he knew about his sweet little wifey coming up to the mountain to chat with the crazy old hermit.

Being a hermit wasn't such a bad thing, he thought. He really did like his peaceful existence up here in the mountains where he was able to live a simple, worry free, *guilt free* life. No people, no television, no military rules and regulations, just him and nature -- the great outdoors. He'd worked hard to create this atmosphere, to construct his blissfully ignorant state of mind where he could happily ignore the goings on in the world out there. No Aschen, no vaccine, no SGC, no President K....  He shuddered, stopping short, unwilling to validate that in his mind.

The only drawback to his hermit lifestyle was that he did miss his friends, sometimes. Teal'c had come to see him a couple of times and that had been great, but Teal'c had better things to do with his time these days, now that the Goa'uld were no longer the threat that they had once been.  Carter was married and besides, she worked for the Aschen -- they both did, her and her equally significant other. They had done quite well for themselves and Jack couldn't begrudge them that. Then there was Daniel. Jack hadn't spoken with Daniel for years.  He probably missed Daniel the most of all, but he'd never admit that to another living soul.

He'd forgiven Daniel almost right from the start. How could he not have understood Daniel's reasons for doing what he'd done? He couldn't be sure that he wouldn't have done the exact same thing if he'd been in Daniel's place. Although he'd never mentioned any of that to Daniel. Which was part of the reason they hadn't spoken for so long.

In spite of Jack's forgiveness and understanding - which were not exclusive to Daniel, he still resisted conforming to the new world order. Whenever he allowed himself to think about it too much, to dwell on the subject for too long, the old feelings of abandonment and betrayal came rising to the surface. They were always there, lurking, waiting for just the right opportunity to seep out, flooding him with a sense of loneliness and self-pity, reminding him he was living alone in a cabin, on a mountain, as far away as he could get from civilization because nobody else, not even his team, had been willing to trust him.

But that was then -- that was their choice and this was his and no amount of self-pity would ever be capable of enticing him to succumb to the Aschen way of life. 

He wasn't sure exactly what it was about the Aschen that made him so suspicious. He couldn't really pinpoint anything specific enough to justify making an accusation of anything illicit. Their so-called vaccine just seemed a little too good to be true, in his opinion.  He supposed a big part of it was that he simply mistrusted anything that came too easily. Beware of strangers bearing gifts. Nothing is ever free -- he'd learned that a long time ago.

- -  - -  - -

"Jack."

He'd heard Daniel walk up, somehow knew it was Daniel even before he spoke.

"Daniel." He leaned the ax against the tree stump and turned around, wiping his hands on his pant legs before extending one to his old friend.

"It's good to see you," said Daniel, accepting the hand after a slight hesitation, then grasping it firmly.

"Good to see you, too," Jack replied honestly.  It really was good to see Daniel, even better than he'd imagined. Familiar, like they'd never had a falling out, like they'd hung out together just yesterday -- he hadn't expected that. And Daniel looked good, practically the same, as if he hadn't aged at all.  But, then none of them had aged, really. The Aschen wonder vaccine slowed the aging process remarkably. The long sought answer to the fountain of youth, who in their right mind would turn down such a gift?  "I didn't think you'd come."

"I wasn't sure I'd be welcome."

"Don't be silly. You're always welcome, Daniel," Jack said, then he gestured to the cabin. "Shall we?"

Daniel followed him inside and stood in the entryway, looking around the cabin. "Nice."

"Thanks." Jack glanced over at him, noting that he seemed nervous, uncertain. He studied the walls, the floor, the ceiling, looking anywhere but at Jack.

"Coffee?" he asked from the kitchen, which was located in one corner of the basically one room cabin. Spartan, Jack liked to think of it as. He wondered briefly if the Aschen vaccine had cured Daniel's penchant for caffeine, but when Daniel perked up, nodding and taking a few eager steps in his direction, Jack knew the answer.

"This is hard," said Daniel a few moments later as he leaned against the counter. "I don't know where to start."

"Well, how about I start by getting rid of this big white elephant standing between us?" Jack offered, nonchalantly.

Daniel tilted his head, his eyebrows drawing together in a curious frown. "Um, okay."

"Okay, well, I'll just tell ya right now, if you came all the way up here to try and talk me into going along with this big plan of yours and Carter's," Jack said, handing Daniel a steaming cup of coffee. "You wasted your time."

"Oh yeah?" He followed Jack over to the living room area and sat down on the couch.

"I've already made up my mind to do it," Jack told him.

Daniel simply raised an eyebrow.

"You didn't really think I'd sit up here and wait while you guys saved the human race, did ya?"

Daniel visibly relaxed, then shrugged. "No, I guess not."

Jack took a sip from his mug. "Well, then."

"And to think, I spent hours coming up with the perfect argument," Daniel said, hiding his grin by taking a sip.

"Sorry, you'll have to save it for another time."

"Okay."

"On second thought, why don't you hit me with it now, just in case we don't get another chance."

"Jack...."

"No really. We haven't had a good debate since...you tried to convince me the Aschen vaccine was the miracle solution to all the world's problems." When he was able to meet Daniel's eyes, he had to smile at the look of stunned vulnerability.  In spite of Daniel's vast knowledge in the area of linguistics, Jack had always known how easily he could hurt Daniel with his simple words.  "Sorry, I tend to get a bit maudlin, these days." Yes, he was a jerk, but he was only human and he couldn't resist getting one last jab.

"Jack, I understand, I do. I-I just wanted you to know, that...well, I know it's a little late, especially considering the circumstances, but I'm really sorry for everything that's come between us," he paused and leaned forward, setting his mug on the table and clasping his hands together. "Believe it or not, I've really missed you all this time. A lot. Everyday."

Whoa. He had to hand it to Daniel, the guy had balls. Who else could turn around and bare their heart right after getting slapped in the face? Jack cleared his throat and smiled a little sheepishly. "Yeah, me too," he admitted in a soft voice.

"I don't regret what I did, though," Daniel continued. "You're alive today because...because of the vaccine. How can I be sorry that you're alive, sitting here right now, talking to me?  I just can't. I can't be sorry for that."

Jack nodded, his mind going back to a similar scene that had taken place years ago.

- -  - -  - -

"If you're waiting for me to apologize, you can forget it, Jack. I'm not sorry for doing what I did. I can't be sorry."

"So what?  Are you actually admitting that I never gave my consent to the vaccine?" Jack asked, although he knew the answer already.

Daniel folded his arms across his chest, a protective posture that was all the answer Jack needed. "What do you want me to say?"

Jack remained silent.

"Both Janet and Sam asked and you refused. I knew that you'd never give your consent. I knew you'd fucking let yourself die first. It's so ridiculous! You can be so damn obstinate sometimes." Daniel gritted his teeth, closing his eyes at the remembered scene.  "So I waited. I waited until you were far enough gone that you wouldn't know one way or another what you were agreeing to and then, yes, I did what I had to do." He raised his chin defiantly. "You can blame it all on me and you know what? I'd do it again."

"You call yourself my friend?" Jack shouted, pushing Daniel against the wall, unable to restrain his emotions any longer.

"Yes," Daniel replied quietly, stubbornly.

"Well, fuck you, Daniel! You don't even know what you've done!"

"I know exactly what I've done, Jack."

Jack was amazed that Daniel's voice was so calm and level. "No, I don't think you do, but I have the feeling you will." Jack let go of him and turned around, taking a few steps away from him. "And, I'm not just talking about me!"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Come on Daniel, open your eyes!" His voice rose again and he suddenly turned back, advancing on Daniel. "It's not that difficult to predict. Everybody is so busy celebrating right now they don't even want to think about the possible fall out. Don't you think it's the slightest bit odd that nobody is questioning any of this?"

"Maybe there's nothing to question, Jack," said Daniel, standing his ground.

"Right, what could possibly be questionable about a mysterious bunch of aliens showing up out of nowhere, offering health and longevity and asking for *squat* in return. No, nothing suspicious there!" Jack was raving, his words dripping with angry sarcasm. He paused and looked away, his fists clenching and unclenching as he tried to rein his anger.  Then, in a quiet, too-calm voice, he said, "The day is going to come when all of you will wake up and realize just exactly what you've done and you know what? By then it's going to be too late. As for me, I won't be around to see it happen."

Daniel looked up, suddenly apprehensive. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm getting out of here, going up to the mountains...someplace where I won't have to watch. That is," he added, "if the Aschen don't mind."

"What? You think they're going to start dictating to us what we can and can't do?  Watching our every move, like big brother or something? That's ridiculous, Jack. Listen to yourself."

"I am, Daniel. Although I seem to be the only who is."

"Maybe that should tell you something, Jack."

Jack stared up at the ceiling for what seemed like several minutes, then with a loud sigh, he turned his attention back to Daniel. "I don't know, Daniel. Maybe, it should," he said, now resigned.  With a weary smile, he patted his friend on the arm, turned and walked away.

- -  - -  - -

"I just wish...." Daniel shook his head slowly. "I thought you were being paranoid. I should have trusted you. I should have known better. Your instincts have never led us wrong. How could I have just dismissed you that way?" With a sigh, Daniel leaned back, resting his head on the back of the couch and closed his eyes. "God, Jack."

Jack let out a long, slow breath, running a hand through his hair. "Well, I wasn't right about everything."

Daniel opened his eyes and blinked. "What do you mean?"

"It's not too late," he said with a smile. "We can still fix it."

"Yes and I know that's what we have to do, but I can't help but think...well, if we are able to get some sort of message back to ourselves, if we're able to warn ourselves about the Aschen, then...."

Jack waited for Daniel to finish, already knowing where his thoughts were heading, but Daniel just slid his glasses off and rubbed his eyes, tiredly. Another image from the past popped into Jack's mind. SG-1, accompanied by Joe Faxon as their new offworld ambassador, coming through the gate. Jack with his hands in the air. Daniel standing at the end of the ramp, a look of helpless terror on his face, reaching for Jack and Jack yelling for Daniel not to touch him, then hurrying past on his way to the infirmary.

"If we're able to warn ourselves, there will be no vaccine, right?" Jack offered quietly. "No cure for the radiation poisoning."

Daniel looked up, met Jack's eyes and nodded slowly with that same look of helplessness that Jack had seen before.

"We don't know that for sure, Daniel. Who knows? Maybe everything will be different. For all we know, we'll never even go to 4C3."

"Yeah, but that's like such a long shot," Daniel said to the ceiling. "A very big gamble."

"True."

"How can I live with that?"

And Jack knew Daniel wasn't thinking clearly, he'd never been able to think rationally in a situation like this. Daniel was one of the bravest, strongest men he'd ever known. He would willingly, courageously sacrifice himself for the greater good -- actually, he had many times already – but when it came to asking someone else to make the sacrifice -- in this case, Jack -- Daniel lost all perspective, all ability to reach a logical conclusion.

Which was one of those frustrating, endearingly admirable traits that was just so...Daniel.

Jack knew this was one of those situations where Daniel would have more than his usual difficulty discerning between two evils. Save the world at Jack's expense, or Jack at the expense of the world. The choice was simple, yet impossible. And really, it wasn't even up to Daniel. Jack just needed for Daniel to realize that this wasn't his call to make.

Although he'd given up command years ago, Jack decided it was time for him to make one of those command decisions.  He needed to do this for himself as much as for Daniel.  "Daniel, we're talking about an entire planet full of people, the human race. I don't think we have any other choice on this one," Jack said resolutely.

Daniel didn't say anything for a long moment; he just sat staring vacantly at a point somewhere behind Jack.  When he finally spoke, his voice was barely audible. "I know, Jack. I know," he said to whatever he was looking at on the wall. "But, still...."

Leaning forward, Jack rapped once on the table in an attempt to get Daniel to focus on him. "There's still the Asgard, the Tok'ra...*Jacob*. Who can say? Maybe next time around one of them'll get here before it's too late. Jacob showed up right after you guys gave me the vaccine. Maybe it wasn't too late then." He shrugged, attempting to make his words more of a hopeful alternative than an accusation. "Nothing's for sure, Daniel."

"Yeah." Daniel nodded, finally expressing a hint of a smile.  "You're right, of course."

It was a small hope, feeble, but Daniel appeared to latch onto it. However things turned out, neither of them could deny that they had no other alternatives. This was it. The only hope; the only way.

"Daniel?" Suddenly Jack had the overwhelming urge to make amends, to right all the wrongs of the past few years.  He'd let enough time go by without giving Daniel the absolution he'd meant to, all those years ago. And, this could be their one last shot to make things right.

"Yes?"

"In case, well, in case I don't get another chance to tell you...."

Daniel looked at him intently.

"I would have done the same thing..." Jack made a vague hand gesture, "if it had been you lying in that bed."

Daniel swallowed hard, blinking rapidly, knowing what Jack had just said wasn't true.  He remembered Jack's pleading eyes, his whispered words. "Please Danny, just let me go." "No," he'd answered. "I can't do it, Jack. Please, don't ask me that." Even then, he'd known full well that Jack would have fought the entire universe to comply with Daniel's last wishes.  Jack had nodded and closed his eyes and Daniel had used that nod -- Jack's understanding and acceptance of his weakness -- to his own advantage. Daniel had betrayed Jack, betrayed their friendship and now...after all these years, Jack was forgiving him. Absolution.

"Thanks, Jack."

They sat silently, reflecting for a while and then Jack cleared his throat and stood up. "Well...."

"Well, uh, I should probably get back." Daniel stood, motioned at the door. "Are you...?"

"I need to do a few things around here first, lock up, turn off the gas and all that. You go on ahead, I'll catch up to you."

Daniel started for the door, then stopped. "When this is all over, maybe...maybe we could both come back here, if that's okay. I could definitely use a little R and R, we'll probably both need some. Maybe we could do a little fishing?"

"Sounds good, except...." Jack grinned. "Except, uh, there's no fish."

"Huh?" Daniel looked puzzled.

"No fish in the pond," Jack admitted.

"Ah." Daniel chuckled, shaking his head. "Well then...."

"But, you know, there are a lot of other things to do up here. I'm sure we could find something else."

"Okay," Daniel smiled. "It's a plan, then."

Jack walked him to the door, giving his shoulder a squeeze and a pat.

Daniel paused, his hand on the doorknob. "Jack...." He trailed off, seeming to struggle for what he wanted to say.

"I know," Jack answered, his dark eyes warm, assuring Daniel that he did indeed know. "Me too."

Daniel's eyes lit up and he smiled, meeting Jack's gaze, each of them saying everything that needed to be said without saying a word.



The end.

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