dAN'S NIGHT OF HELL

tHE FOLLOWING STORY IS TRUE

oNE NIGHT SOMETIME IN 2001, i WAS RESTING IN MY c fLOOR pENTHOUSE WITHIN bOWLAND cOLLEGE.  i WAS STARTLED TO HEAR A MOANING AND A GROANING COMING FROM SOMEWHERE DOWN THE CORRIDORS.  i SHUDDERED TO A CLIMAX THEN WENT TO FIND THE SOURCE OF THE DISTURBANCE.  i WAS CONFRONTED WITH WHAT APPEARED TO BE A DRUNKEN HUMAN, STAGGERING UP THE CORRIDOR TOWARDS THE TOILET, i THEN REALISED IT WAS NONE OTHER THAN dANIEL p. cAREY, cRIME ACCOMPLICE TO sTEPHEN P. sMITH.  mYSELF AND ANOTHER MEMBER OF THE pSYCHIATRIC STAFF HELPED THE PATIENT INTO HIS ROOM WHERE SHE LET ME TAKE OVER.  dAN WAS IN MAJOR PAIN, HE WAS HURT BAD.  hIS SHOES WERE STUCK ON.  wE LOOKED AT EACH OTHER AND SUDDENLY HE DREW A KNIFE ON ME.  i SHUDDERED AGAIN AND SAW MY LIFE FLASH BEFORE MY EYES.  tHEN IN A MOMENT OF BRAVERY i FOUGHT THE KNIFE FROM THE COCK-SPUNKING MADMAN AND USED IT TO CUT THE SHOELACES FROM THE ACTUAL SHOE.  hE THEN PROCEEDED TO URINATE IN FRONT OF ME IN SOME KIND OF PAGAN RITUAL.  i THEN PLACED HIM IN BED WITH HIS FAVOURITE PLASTIC CARRIER BAG, JUST IN CASE HE NEEDED A SMALL SICK. tHE END.

tHE LACE WAS CUT FROM THE RIGHT SHOE

sHOELACES - cUT WITH kNIFE

dAN NOW WEARS SHOES SUCH AS THESE ON THE RIGHT.  nO LACES MEANS EASY TAKE-OFF AND A HASSLE FREE NIGHT