gUILTY

sOME MONTHS AGO NOW, i WAS SHOCKED TO HEAR THAT MY GOOD FRIEND, tV PRESENTER jOHN lESLIE WAS IN FACT A SEXUAL PREDATOR.  hE COULD EVEN BE A SEXUAL PSYCHOPATH.  tHE bRITISH MEDIA CHARGED jOHN WITH BUMMING OVER 900 Z-LIST FEMALES AND SHITTING ON mAX cLIFFORDS CREAM CARPET.  aRE THESE ALLEGATIONS TRUE?  dID jOHN SNORT COKE OFF lORRAINE kELLY'S FLAPS?  i THINK THAT ONLY JOHN KNOWS, BUT SINCE THE SCANDAL, hE HAS BEEN IN HIDING, pLOTTING HIS REVENGE.

aT THE FOREFRONT OF THE ALLEGATIONS IS NONE OTHER THAN WORLD CHAMPION ATHLETE fATIMA wHITBREAD.  tHE MAN-LIKE STAR WHO SHOT TO FAME IN THE 80'S SUGGESTED THAT lESLIE FROTTED HER GONADS AND SPAT MILK INTO HER RECTUM USING A STRAW.  aN ACT THAT SHE DID NOT ORIGINALLY AGREE TO BEFORE jOHN TRUSSED HER UP USING ZIP-TIES AND CAMEL FUR.

dOESN'T SHE LOOK LIKE jERMAINE jaCKSON!