| SAHAJA YOGA MEDITATION AS TAUGHT BY SHRI MATAJI NIRMALA DEVI |
| Jan Waterfield, Edinburgh, UK |
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| Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi |
| The Founder of Sahaja Yoga |
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| MY EXPERIENCE OF SAHAJA YOGA |
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I remember, aged four, asking my Mother who was God and who made him. She had to confess that she didn't know. The dissatisfaction that I felt with her answer continued for a very long time and the desire to understand what was truth never left me. How should human beings treat each other? How could they access what was best about themselves without hurting each other or resorting to religious fanaticism? How could they find their true identities without resorting to external props or disguises like money or fame? What was true love, that didn't depend on flighty emotions or ego?
I come from an English family of academics, very used to finding the answers to questions in the thousands of books that they cherish, yet strangely unable to sustain marriages or practise the tolerance and idealism that they would argue for politically. I became determined never to become really close to anyone or believe in anything unless my instincts were satisfied and at least some of my questions could be answered. An externally successful life acted as the cover for internal despair. Nothing was truly satisfying, not relationships (however many), not money, not travel, not music, not solitude, not therapy, not company, not alcohol, not drugs, nothing. In 1995, my then flatmate heard an advert on Jazz FM for a meditation programme at the Royal Albert Hall. She heard the words 'you are not this body, or this mind, but you are the spirit' and she knew that she had to attend. I was typically cynical, expecting it to be another instant fix, like the latest diet or clothing. A year later, I reluctantly attended the same programme, where Shri Mataji was speaking. I remember nothing about what was said, and I certainly felt absolutely nothing when people were asked if they felt a cool breeze. All I did feel was a very quiet reassurance somewhere deep inside that Shri Mataji was speaking the truth (although I couldn't have told you what it was she said). I didn't attend any other meetings for at least six months. I was determined not to feel pressurised into some sort of collective hysteria, and I also felt very strongly that if this was true then it wouldn't be in a hurry to sell itself to me and I could take my time about it. I went to the Sahaja yoga meetings in Covent Garden and very very slowly understood that the peace and silence achieved in those meetings were settling something fundamental inside me. Satisfaction was to be found in this extraordinarily simple method of meditation that was open to anyone, and depended only on that person's genuine desire. Slowly I began to enjoy my life and to my intense surprise and joy was able to get married to someone (without fear, doubt, panic and the instant desire to escape). I slowly understood that my noisy thoughts and anxious questions could be gently dissolved into the vast expanse that is God's love, and most importantly, that I could still be true to myself at the same time. This subtle and utterly non-invasive yoga opened my heart and continues to do so. Personal testimony by Jan Waterfield, Edinburgh, UK |