God bless the kind and loving among us. There are too few. When people are down, when they are hurt, kindness can restore lives and souls. Something in me rebels at the very idea of anyone being TOO kind. And yet, my mind knows there is such a thing. Kindness can be like giving. It can be done out of a need to have people THINK we are kind. It can be a sign of confusion or lack of standards. It can be a need to be loved ourselves. We all want to be seen as kind and most of us want to truly BE kind. So, how do we examine ourselves and judge whether we are being kind or self-serving? Some questions that work for me are these: Is my reaction to this person's behavior going to encourage him to be the best he can be, or will it encourage him to behave in ways that are bad for him and those around him? Will it make him feel he is strong enough to control his behavior or will it make him feel helpless to do anything better? Is my reaction going to be so "understanding" that it does nothing to encourage him to not make this mistake again? True compassion for an individual often demands hard things from us. I know that we can be kind and forgiving of behavior without approving that behavior. Most of the time, it is very simple, to say things like "I understand how you got yourself in this situation, I have made mistakes too." Then go on to show them your concern and affection with hugs and encouragement to do what they can to fix the mistake and forgive themselves and move on. It is not necessary, it is even bad for them to say things like "You couldn't help yourself, or "We are all only human". That "only" human line is one of my pet peeves. Only human? If you are a religious person your belief probably states that you were "made in the image of God". Whatever else you can say about the God of many belief systems, He is noted for encouraging us to admit our mistakes, confess them for what they ARE and turn AWAY from mistakes and strive to be better, never forgetting that our mistakes do not keep His love from us. If you are not religious, you believe that man is the most highly evolved creature in the animal world. So, with that in mind, what is better for you and the people around you....to look forward to the best creature man might evolve to and strive for that, or to look back to our ties to lower animals and excuse ourselves for living DOWN to our basest instincts rather than UP to our higher potential? It is fact that mankind is a social creature so society MUST function for the good of us all. Saying that you do not live by other people's rules may sound independent and wise, but in many cases it is bad for both you and the society you live in. To state that you do not care what others think is a very narrow and small-minded view. To truly NOT care what effect your actions have on society makes you not only foolish and short-sighted, but unkind. Peer pressure works both ways. It can be a force for good. I have a favorite and very earthy saying that applies........"Even dogs won't poop in their own backyard if they can help it". Kindness is a wonderful thing. To see human beings that are kind to each other helps restore all of us. But kindness tempered with wise behavior? That is possibly our only hope for the survival of our American society. ~ Angelia (Artisan4zero@aol.com) ~ © Photograph by Marilyn (LaraOct7@aol.com) © June 15, 2003 Writers' Corner Index