Don't click "SEND" on that hate mail just yet, Buster!
Let me explain...
I love anime cons as much as... um... someone who really loves anime cons! Let's face it though, there are a few things about these events that seem to have been ::overlooked:: by the gods of Anti-Annoyingness. So, while a con has it's really really great points, it also has it's really really sucky-make-you-want-to-die points. That's EXACTLY what this rant exploits! Still friends?
Oh come on! Even Mecca is packed with sweaty men!!!
I recently attended Anime Expo. The biggest freaking con this side of the prime meridian (1)! One might think "What could possibly suck about that?" Well, let's not get me started! No... actually you probably should get me started , otherwise we won't have a column this month!
Think I'm over reacting?
*Begin rant*
10. It's entirely staffed by teenagers.
Slightly confused teenagers at that! Like ones that won't help you find your ID after they take it from you at the registration desk (2). Even that's forgiveable. What isn't are the types that sit around brooding and refusing to help anyone. You're getting paid for that buddy! Maybe it's just me but, upon seeing a staff member looking miserable and wearing dark shades inside the dealer's room... one kinda wonders aloud "Are you going for the dissassociated-urban-youth-thing? Or the I'm-going-blind-thing?" (3) Cheer the hell up! You're surrounded by anime... which is full of freaked out characters just like ya!
9. Self-righteous Vampyres, Klingons, SCAdians, D&Ders... etc.
Nothing against these fine people but, um, did you happen to see that HUGE-ass sign that says "ANIME expo"???? It might be a little hard to see it behind all those people dressed in kimonos... it helps if you squint! These people don't seem to realize that there are cons FOR THEM! Yep! A whole shindig just for y'all. It's fine if they show up... really is! I don't care who likes anime. What I DO care about is the fact that they show up... realize there's not a damn thing here that has to do with them... and try to make others miserable in retalliation. You're really doing a great job of fighting that whole negative connotation thing that's associated with you guys! Way to go!
8. The Lines
Ok. It's a big con. Yes, I know that! Lots of people are attending. Yes, I know that. We don't have enough staff to accomodate. Bullsh*t! Grab Mr. Depresso from the dealer's room and have him help in the registration line! I don't mind waking up at 5 am for this. I don't mind driving accross 5 hours of straight up Mojave desert. I don't mind getting lost in the smog of your lovely city. I don't really appreciate the 2 hour wait to get a freaking name tag though! When you've got 400+ people waiting in a line that wraps around two resort hotels. You might want to up your staff a bit. At least have more than 10 terminals! This is where that teenager thing really shows through by the way...
7. Table crowders.
If you're buying something, fine! Buy it and move out of the way! If you're browsing, go ahead, browse away. If you're waiting to meet your friend, or resting for a bit; could you PLEASE find a more appropriate spot for that??? Like OUTSIDE maybe? It seems these people are always aimlessly chatting away right in fromt of the last copy of the tape you want. There comes a time when being polite gets difficult.
6. The know-it-alls.
"Hi! I'm a middle aged guy! I still live at home, and I probably got dropped off here by my mom! I will now tell you, in exact detail, everything about a particular series. I will them continue on to inform you that my version of the facts is the ONLY version. I will not let you escape this conversation unless your eyes are hemmoraging or something equally emergent. You will see me many times throughout the day and find me engaged in the same conversation with various happless individuals. I'm what gives anime fans a bad name!" Let's get him!
5. PERVS!!!
The motivations behind some anime watchers are questionable. Unfortunately, the odd ones seem to make up a good deal of the con guests. Yes! I went dressed as Eudial. Yes! She wears a low cut shirt! (this IS anime!) I start talking to a girl dressed as Lilith (of Darkstalkers fame) and you'd think these guys suddenly de-scrambled the porn channel!!! Drooling like a bunch of Pavlov's dogs (4)! I swear... two cos-playing females end up within 5 feet of each other and every guy within a reasonable radius wants to pose for some weird picture with them. I'd better not end up on any site requiring "Adult Check"!!!
4. Prima Donnas
Nothing is cooler than seeing a really well-made, elaborate costume. Unfortunately, nothing sucks more than the people in them. "Excuse me! I need 10 feet of personal space in this crowded hallway so that I can spend 45 minutes striking poses for pictures. I won't let you take my picture outside because the lighting isn't right. If you snap my picture when I'm not ready... I practically storm off in a mini tantrum. Oh! I also have to stop every few minutes and have my 'assistant' fix some miniscule detail on my costume." Puh-Leeeeez!
3. Amateur photographers who come up with poses they want you in.
'Nuff said! This could fall under "pervs" too! :)
2. Misplaced retail clerks
The shady, trench coat muppet from Sesame Street comes to mind. You know. the one who calls everyone "Mack" and is selling a mixture of consonants and vowels? Well, these pushy table people are just as rediculous. "Here! Let me sell you on the idea of this beat up artbook. Then let me show you the one still in it's original plastic wrap. I'm going to tell you it's the last one, even though three more are in plain sight!" Jeez! this isn't the mall! And I don't think you're on a commission! Lighten up!
Still think I'm over reacting???
1. The cos-players who never EVER go out-of-character.
Oh MAN do these people piss me off!!! It's ok to be in character during the actual cos-play, or while posing for pictures. That's the idea! But going around with a dim mastry of a language you've only heard in cartoons, or drawing your sword every time you get angry, or doing that high pitched, squeaky voice thing all the time... it's a bit much! Hate to tell ya! If you go dressed up as Akane, that's cool! If you try to beat up every Ranma you see... that's going off the deep end! Even worse, if they start running away in blatent terror... please DO NOT scream "BAKA!!!" down the hall after them! Some people might actually consider that obnoxious(5)!
ALSO...
If you leave, take off your damn costume! Put some shorts on for crying out loud and quit wandering around town with a cardboard Murasame... you're scaring the locals!
*end rant*
Sorry! Had to get that out of my system!
FOOTNOTES!
1. This may be speculation!
2. It's a long story!
3. (poorly) Quoted (and blatently stolen) from the "Back to School" movie.
4. Pavlov: A guy with too much time on his hands that actually did experiments with drool! Take an education course in college, you'll hear all about him!
5. Yes... I actually witnessed this!
