| Monthly Rant @#$%&*! |
| March 2001 |
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| So, you've decided to be an O.T.A.C.U |
| Well, not so fast! While we here at O.T.A.C.U. headquarters are pleased to see underlings ready to do our bidding, we don't accept just anyone! We look for many traits in our hopefuls; evilness, battle agility, motivation, style, cool limit break, command, and overall panache. There are many steps to becoming one of the O.T.A.C.U. elite. What follows are some tips to help build your resume once you decide to submit to the organization. * The Name: A cool name is vital to being a member of an elite warfare unit and should preferably begin with one of the following titles: Lord Lady Count Countess Master Mistress General Arch Hime Almighty Sir Dame After that may we suggest a Japanese name or a hyphenated fantasy-esque name that has evil overtones. Here are a few examples. "Lady Noctourna-Phantasm" "Master Spirit-Blade", "Hime Setsuna" * Next is the area of special skill. This can be a limit break, a magical ability or an ancient fighting technique. Every member of O.T.A.C.U. has some sort of special skill that he/she can contribute to the team. We may be evil, but we're awfully cooperative. Think about a skill that's right for you. For example, can the lower half of your body morph into a piece of rotary equipment? Are you able to "power up" to a stronger, better version of yourself? Are you able to experience osmosis with another O.T.A.C.U. member so as to create one "super being"? Can you build a structurally sound super weapon of distruction in the midst of battle duress? Each skill is valuable in it's own way so please do not hesitate to let us know of any skill on the basis that it might be "weird"! * How to dress for the interview. As you may have guessed, we are not an organization with a "casual friday" approach to business. Each of our members and officers must be dressed so as to weaken the enemy at all times. You can accomplish this by going on what traits you have naturally. If you are a tall, imposing individual, we always suggets armor! There are so many different styles so be sure to find the one that you feel the most comfortable with. No one will be frightened by a warlord whose breastplate keeps riding up! If you are of the female persuasion (or the commonplace evil, effeminate male) We cannot stress the many advantages of flowing fabric enough! The billowing allure casts that I-can't-look-away effect on your enemies. Also the shearer the fabric, the better. Expose the navel whenever possible, and fasten all garments with silk chord. You don't need to worry about how these clothes will hold up in a fight because you won't NEED to fight... get it? If you don't exactly have physical mass or sex-appeal on your side, may we suggest a mobile suit? Mecha weapons are excellent protection, not to mention they scare the bejezus out of any potential threats! For the more lithe, sinewy types, you cannot beat a ninja gi, or a standard mandarin dress, respectively. And if wardrobe cost is a concern... there's always plastic! * Past Experience: You may have noted this section of the application and not known exactly what to write. Highschool and college are good to know of course, but what we are looking for explicitly are things such as number of cities leveled, number of mundanes enslaved/converted, vastness of anime collection, any and all spells learned, number of EXP, HP/MP ratio, and which land/air/water/space travel vehicles you have access to or can assemble. * Communications skills: All members of O.T.A.C.U. must be very computer literate. "Hacker" status is acceptable, however "Ritsuko" status is preferable. All members are expected to know battle protocall and stragedy tactics (i.e. small and cute always beats big and ugly, simalarly, many fighters will be just as strong as any single fighter) It is also desireable that you be fluent in "Engrish" So there you have it! Hopefully this pamphlet will help you in submitting your resume to O.T.A.C.U. for review. We cannot guarantee that you will be accepted for following these guidelines, but they will certainly help you on your way to a more totalitarian life! Best of luck in all your undertakings, Sincerely, Hime Sama Grand Chancellor of O.T.A.C.U. Organization for Totalitarian Anime Control Underground *Disclaimer* O.T.A.C.U. is a JOKE people! We're a bunch of nerds and we thought it would be funny to have a running joke saying that the WCU anime club is merely a front for our "true" organization... O.T.A.C.U.. If you still don't get it... nevermind! It's geek humor and WE thought it was funny ! :) |
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