Monthly Rant  @#$%&*! August 2002
Guide to Dubbing TV-aired Anime
After months of hard work, including but not limited to begging, pleading, and yes, even thievery, I have at last managed to scrounge up a copy of the official guide to the dubbing of TV-aired anime. This is an exact replica of the outline used by the translators and editors to provide us the viewers with quality North American anime to watch on our weekday afternoons. Please relax and enjoy the fruits of my labor, and note that anyone who assumes the previous paragraph to be factual is taking me far too seriously and should perhaps stick to reading dramas.

Thank you so much for your time and energy involved in this project. Please use the following as tips and guidelines to help with a proper translation and most importantly, editing of the original Japanese script.

1. The target audience for any cartoon, and of course, anime is a cartoon, falls somewhere between the ages of five and twelve. No one over that age watches these series, so therefore that is the age we must keep in mind when editing and dubbing this show.

2. Japanese names are too hard to pronounce. Therefore, please create a dubbed name for each character.
Look at the name and try and choose a familiar name that appears similar, though not necessarily pronounced alike. In this cases when there are no names which look like the Japanese name. In this case, pick the first name that comes into your head.

3. Never use the endings "chan" "san" or "sama" at the end of a character's names. Small North American children have no idea what these endings mean and if they hear them, they may become confused and think this is a foreign animated show.

4. Any consumption of an alcoholic drink shall be referred to as "drinking juice." A drunken state should be referred to as "having too much juice."

5. We want the characters to talk modern. When choosing a word, use cool up-to-date phraseology. In the case of exclamations of excitement you may use "Groovy!" If a character refers to a well-known Japanese celebrity, replace that name with a North American equivalent like Cristina Agulara.

6. If there seems to be a developing of romance, even if the form of a childhood crush, between a questionable pair of characters, make sure the audience knows they are simply "special friends."

7. The choosing of proper voice actors is important. While many characters may have a deep husky voice in Japanese, this is intimidating, so for the English version, just anyone with a light bubbly tone will do.

8. If a female character has too much of their chest exposed, simply zoom in on the face of the character. Trust me, no one will notice.

9. We want the show to be free of violence. Anytime a character strikes another character, this needs to be cut, regardless of the reason, severity, or lack thereof for the striking.

10. It is okay to change a character's gender, as long as the audience has no way of telling the gender was changed.

15. Remember, characters do not die. They may get "knocked out" or "disappear for a while," but they do not die. (This is too violent.)


-Miranda J.