TRACY, CA - Last year around this time unease filled the air. All everyone knew was that something called WDFA was coming to town. Nobody knew who or what WDFA was, and there were rumors that there was some evil force coming to perpetrate horrors of unknown proportions. As it turned out, WDFA was merely an innocent concoction of some of the western USA’s best musicians performing a tribute to Van Halen.
Aside from the relief that the ominous rumors proved to be untrue, there was the ecstatic reaction among the citizens of Tracy at the prospect of not having to sit through yet another plodding set by those homos in Tracy/DC. Although hopes were shot down when it turned out that Tracy/DC would still perform, the sheer expertise and crotch-grabbing electricity of WDFA’s show more than made up for the disappointment that Tracy/DC performed yet again.
Fast forward to 2003, and we find the boys in WDFA ready, willing, and able to put on a sack-tingling extravaganza.
“I’m definitely ready for the show”, proclaimed lead singer Mark Walters. “Last year I had trouble reading some of the lyrics, so this year I am using a larger font. I may also experiment with putting the choruses in bold.”
Drummer Steve “Q-man” Quartarola, known for his intense preparation in the months leading up to the show, is locked and loaded. “I’ve looked through dozens of style magazines, gone through gallons of hair care products, and spent hours in front of the mirror. No doubt, this year’s will be my best hairstyle ever.”
For bass player Craig Lyons, the burden is far heavier. “Since the bass is the focal point of Van Halen’s music, the key is not only in duplicating Michael Anthony’s bass parts, but also recreating his style and tone. It’s a lot of pressure knowing that the success of the show rests with me, but hey…that’s rock and roll.”
Guitarist Ron Freschi looks forward to what he calls “a vacation”. “Since the bass is the focal point of Van Halen’s music, there’s really not a whole lot I need to do. I just show up, play a little guitar, and drink a lot of beer.” Freschi laughed so hard upon saying this that he fell asleep.
Gary Mears of GMP Productions, one of the shows promoters, says that attendance for the Tracy bash has shot up since the addition of WDFA to the lineup. “Let’s face it”, says Mears, “who’s wants to listen to a bunch of homos play AC/DC songs? With WDFA on the bill, we’re able to attract a much larger crowd, not to mention all of the babes that come to check them out.”
As the countdown to Tracy Bash 7 begins, the anticipation of another nad-exploding, scrotum-ripping, nut-busting performance floats palpably in the dry summer air.