There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him… and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream – my dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured…
I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain, known disillusionment, been betrayed by my own body… been tried by fire and hell many never face – yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.
I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept harsh truth, when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.
poem by Pandora MacMillian
People notice
There's a special glow around you.
You grow
Surrounded by love,
Never doubting you are wanted;
Only look at the pride and joy
In your mother and father's eyes.
And if sometimes
Between the smiles
There's a trace of tears,
One day
You'll understand.
You'll understand
There was once another child
A different child
Who was in their hopes and dreams.
That child will never outgrow the baby clothes
That child will never keep them up at night
In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all.
Except sometimes, in a silent moment,
When mother and father miss so much
That different child.
May hope and love wrap you warmly
And may you learn the lesson forever
How infinitely precious
How infinitely fragile
Is this life on earth.
One day, as a young man or woman
You may see another mother's tears
Another father's silent grief Then you, and you alone Will understand And offer the greatest comfort. When all hope seems lost, You will tell them With great compassion, "I know how you feel. I'm only here Because my mother tried again."
By Jean Rozon
A precious angel slipped away, no one heard a cry.
No time for Dad and Mommy to sing me lullabies.
My time with you was much too short. I had to leave too soon,
But love had joined us as I grew inside my Mommy's womb.
It wove it's way within our hearts, in all our hopes and dreams,
Until the very purest love became my tiny wings.
Although I could not stay with you, I knew right from the start,
That once you felt your angel's love, you'd keep me in your hearts.
I'm just a little angel but my time was not in vain.
As dark clouds that surround you give way unto the sun,
My precious parents you will see that any heart will sing,
If only for a moment it is brushed by angel wings.
Please e-mail me with the any poems or stories you want listed.
January 8, 2005
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