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What Every Student Should Know
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"'ear about that 'Arry Potter? Blew up 'is aunt! We 'ad 'im 'ere on the Knight Bus, di'n't we, Ern? 'E was tryin' to run for it..."
~Stan Shunpike
"Talk about sommat else, Stan, there's a good lad. Them Azkaban guards give me the collywobbles."
~Ernie Prang
"What about those monster books eh? The assistant nearly cried when we said we wanted two."
~Ron Weasley
"Mom and dad gave me some money to get myself an early birthday present," said Hermione.
"How about a nice book?" said Ron innocently.
~Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger
"Hello Percy," said Harry, trying not to laugh.
"I hope you're well?" said Percy pompously, shaking hands. It was rather like being introduced to the mayor.
"Very well, thanks--"
"Harry!" said Fred, elbowing Percy out of the way and bowing deeply. "Simply splendid to see you, old boy--"
"Marvelous," said George, pushing Fred aside and seizing Harry's hand in turn. "Absolutely spiffing."
Percy scowled.
"That's enough, now," said Mrs. Weasley.
"Mum!" said Fred as though he'd only just spotted her and seizing her hand too. "How really corking to see you--"
"It's because of you, Perce," said George seriously. "And there'll be little flags on the hoods, with HB on them-"
"-For Humongous Bighead," said Fred.
"Who's that?"
"Who's that?"
"Ginny?"
"Hermione?"
"What are you doing?"
"I was looking for Ron-"
"Come in and sit down-"
"Not here!" Said Harry hurriedly. "I'm here!"
"Ouch!" Said Neville.
"Quiet!" Said a hoarse voice suddenly.
~Hermione, Ginny, Ron, Harry, Neville, and Professor Lupin.
"Then you should know, Potter, that Sibyll Trelawnly has predicted the death of one student a year since she arrived at this school. None of them has died yet. Seeing death omens is her favorite way of greeting a new class. If it were not for the fact that I never speak ill of my colleagues-'
Professor McGonagall broke off, and they saw that her nostrils had gone white. She went on, more calmly, "Divination is one of the most imprecise branches of magic. I shall not conceal it from you that I have very little patience with it. True Seers are very rare, and Professor Trelawny-"
She stopped again, and then said, in a very matter-of-fact tone, "You look in excellent health to me, Potter, so you will excuse me if I don't let you off homework today. I assure you that if you die, you need not hand it in."
~Professor McGonagall
"I wish I could have had a turn with the boggart-"
"What would it have been for you? A piece of homework that got nine out of ten?"
~Hermione and Ron
"Honestly, am I the only person who's ever bothered to read Hogwarts, A History?" said Hermione crossly to Harry and Ron.
"Probably," said Ron. "Why?"
"We mustn't relax! We must keep our focus! Slytherin is trying to wrong-foot us! We must win!"
"Oliver, calm down!" said Fred, looking slightly alarmed. "We're taking Hufflepuff very seriously. Serioulsy."
"Where is Wood?"
"Still in the showers," Said Fred. "We think he's trying to drown himself."
~Harry and Fred
"We don't now anything about werewolves-"
"-two rolls of parchment!"
"Did you tell Professor Snape we haven't covered them yet?" Lupin asked, frowning slightly.
The babble broke out again.
"Yes but he said we were really behind-"
"-he wouldn't listen-"
"- two rolls of parchment!"
"We got into a spot of bother with Filch."
"We let off a Dungbomb in the corridor and it upset him for some reason-"
"So he hauled us off to his office and started threatening us with the usual-"
"-detention-"
"-disembowelment-"
~Fred and George
"Worried abou' Buckbeak, an' no one likin' me classes-"
"We do like them!" Lied Hermione at once.
"Yeah, they're great!" Said Ron, crossing his fingers under teh table. "Er- How are the flobberworms?"
"Dead," said Hagrid gloomily. "Too much lettuce."
"Oh no!" Said Ron, his lip twitching.
"I dare not, Headmaster! If I join the table, we shall be thirteen! Nothing could be more unlucky! Neveer forget that when thirteen dine together, the first to rise is the first to die!"
"We'll risk it Sibyll," Said Professor McGonagall impatiently.
"Certainly I knew, Minerva," She said quietly. "But one does not parade the fact that one is All-Knowing. I frequently act as though I am not possessed of the Inner Eye, So as not to make others nervous."
"That explains a great deal," said Professor McGonagall tartly.
"My dears! Which of you left his seat first? Which?"
"I doubt it will make much difference," said Professor McGonagall coldly, "unless a mad axe-man is waiting outside the doors to slaughter the first into the entrance hall."
"Bad news, Harry. I've just been to see Professor McGonagall about the Firebolt. She -er- got a bit shirty with me. Told me that I'd got my priorities wrong. Seemed to think I cared more about winning the Cup than I do about you staying alive. Just because I told her I didn't care if it threw you off, as long as you caught the Snitch first." Wood shook his head in disbelief. "Honestly, the way she was yelling at me...you'd think I said something terrible... Then I asked her how much longer she was going to keep it..." He screwed up his face and imitated Professor McGonagall's severe voice. 'As long as necessary Wood.'"
~Oliver Wood
"And Potter- do try and win, won't you? Or Gryffindor will be out of the running for the eighth year in a row, as Professor Snape was kind enough to remind me only last night...."
~Professor McGonagall
"Pity you can't attach another arm to your broomstick, Malfoy," said Harry. "Then it could catch the Snitch for you."
"...I was asleep, and heard this ripping noise, and I thought is was in my dream, you know? But then there was this draft...I woke up and one side of the hangings on my bed had been pulled down.... I rolled over...and I saw him standing over me...like a skeleton, with loads of filthy hair...holding this great long knife, must've been twelve inches...and he looked at me, and I looked at him, and then I yelled, and he scampered."
~Ron
"Very haunted up here isn't it?" said Ron with the air of one commenting on the weather.
"Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business."
"Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git."
"Mr. Padfoot would like to register he ashtonishment that an idiot like that ever became a Professor."
"Seen anything yet?"
"Yeah, there's a burn in this table."
~Harry and Ron in divination
"I don't need help," Ron whispered. "It's obvious what this means. There's going to be loads of fog tonight."
"So you must catch it only if we're more than fifty points up," Wood told Harry constantly. "Only if we're more than fifty points up, Harry, or we win the match but lose the Cup. You've got that haven't you? You must catch the Snitch only if we're-"
"THIRTY-ZERO! TAKE THAT, YOU DIRTY, CHEATING-"
"Jordan, if you can't commentate in an unbiased way-!"
"I'm telling it like it is Professor!"
"Well hello Peter," said Lupin pleasently, as though rats frequently erupted into old school friends around him. "Long time, no see."
"You haven't got a godfather!"
"Yes, I ahve," said Harry Brightly. "He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with my news...check if I'm happy...."
~Harry and Uncle Vernon