Road maps to the Internet

Ok, so you finally got the computer out of the box and you're looking at about 20 alien pieces of metal that make no sense whatsoever. With a heap of high technology that looks more like a big metal bookend than the wonder machine you've been told you can't live without, you're ready to go online. In a moment of anticipation that reminds you of opening gifts on Christmas morning, you crank up your new Ramboost Ultra XP500, open up your AOL browser and hit connect. After the traditional chirping and whirring of the modem, which to me sounds more like the grinding of metal than anything that's supposed to sound normal, you finally hear that friendly voice come on your speakers… "Welcome. You've got mail". You've finally made it. You are now on the internet. Visions of yourself running through the taped finish line in Chariots of Fire have you in a slight daydream for a few seconds until you realize…ok, now what? How the heck do I go anywhere? You start clicking on every link that AOL has to offer, but you just can't find that link to the Bavarian Clog Dancing Team homepage? And you want to go check out all the cool web sites that guy in the Ashley-Hudson Paper has been blathering about over the past few weeks. But how do you get there?

First thing's first. To put in the web address you want to go to, find the place on your web browser (i.e. AOL, Netscape, Internet Explorer, etc.) that has a web address in it. The address will look something like this:

http://www.oocities.org/Vienna/9827/index.html. Click once on that address and it should be highlighted. Then hit your backspace and the address will disappear. Next type in the address you want to go to, which will ALWAYS start with http://. Once the address is typed in, hit the Enter button on your keyboard and hold on. You've just entered the information super highway. And yes, you will get road rage once in awhile, especially when traffic is moving so slow that you can go eat dinner, come back and that annoying little sand timer is still on your screen…mocking you. These are the times that you reach for your nitroglycerin tablets and Tums and wonder why you just paid $2500 for a big metal paperweight.

Let me direct you to the web sites that can get you anywhere on the internet. These sites are called search engines, and they are designed to help you find what you're looking for. By far the most well known search engine is called Yahoo!. You can look for specific topics by typing in a keyword at the top of the page and hitting Search, or you can click on predetermined categories and subcategories. The first addresses to appear in the search results are the ones that most closely match your search criteria, and are more likely to be what you're looking for. Then just click on the address you want to visit, and you're off. Webcrawler works like Yahoo! Since each search engine is designed slightly different, they may find webpages that the other one didn't, and vice versa. There will be some overlap, but if you want to find as much information on your topic as possible, then use as many search engines as you can.

The next site is called Infoseek. What I like about this site is you can refine your searches. Let's say you want to find web pages about how to train your cockatoo Spartacus. First type in the word cockatoo. Once the page is fully downloaded, go back up to the search box, and click on the empty round dot next to "Search within results". Next type in the word training. This will find all the sites that deal with training cockatoo's. Get it? Excellent way of finding more specific topics.

Ok, you've mastered Yahoo!, Webcrawler and Infoseek. That's excellent. Now I'm going to show you two webpages that search the search engines, saving you even more time. The first site is called ProFusion. This is all you really need for a search engine. ProFusion searches the top search engines, and then lists the top web addresses from these search engines. It does all the work of hunting down your quest for you. Bookmark this website, and you will never even need to utter the words Yahoo again. The other site is called Dogpile. It works the same way as ProFusion, but also allows you to search ftp sites and Usenet groups.

So, now you have the tools to go out and be a menace on the internet. Just remember to feed your dog once in awhile because if you've never been on the internet before, you will quickly realize that one link, leads, to another, leads to another, etc. Like Alice in Wonderland, you can follow links right down into the rabbit hole and have a heck of a time finding your way out. Good luck in your hunt for knowledge. I've got to go, I think my search for West African poodle shaving finally went through.