Adventures of the Banker Girls: Coffee

It is a jungle out there, and I am not kidding one bit. This is entirely true (well...) and it will shock and horrify you by the time I am done.

I was on a little bit of a field trip this weekend in the beautiful towns of Peterborough and Lindsay (Omemee, Little Britain, Valentia and all the little towns you run into going north on hwy 12 were also visited, but I blinked and missed a few of them so I can't comment on those ones). Now, I left bright and early on Sunday morning and this is where my problems started. You see, I attended a wedding on the Saturday night (well actually it started at 1pm) and I was the 'guest' of someone in the wedding party. I didn't know anyone. So, there really is only one thing to do when in a big room filled with strangers all wearing pretty dresses and suites. That's right. You head over to the open bar and make your own fun. A few long island ice teas later, and I was dancing like a fool, trying not to bump into anyone and cause a 'scene'. I'm sure you can imagine this picture (and the headache that followed the next morning). Now as the evening progressed, and more and more empty glasses appeared magically on my table, my memory became a little foggy. Now mom, that is because I was having just so much wholesome fun drinking ice tea made in Long Island that the time just flew by and I don't know at all what happened to all those hours between 5pm and 2am. (What did you THINK I meant?). So when I stumbled back home (Mom, my feet were so sore from dancing I couldn't walk!) and flopped onto my bed shoes still on, I slept straight through the alarm!

All I had to do Sunday morning was get up, get dressed and throw my laundry into the car and drive to Lindsay. Could I manage to do that on time? No.

Before you jump to conclusions, I was up at a decent hour, and I was dressed at a semi-decent hour, and I had my car packed kinda on time. It was when I called my mother to let her know I was leaving where things spiraled out of control. The woman talks...a lot. She would see me in 2-3 hours, but oh no, this juicy piece of gossip had to be heard NOW. So like a good daughter I listened, asked questions (ok ok I'm just as much of a chatter box as she is) and before I knew it, it was WELL past my schedule

A little side note.

Bankers love their schedules. They aren’t followed most of the time, but they LOVE to make them. Kind of like the government when it comes to promises....loves to make them, but rarely keeps any. I think it’s just the process of 'thinking out loud to everyone involved' that is appealing. Think about it. You talk out loud when in a grocery store going over all the things you need to buy ("ok, I need milk for the cereal, pasta for tomorrow's dinner...."), you talk out loud (or yell) when driving and you are trying to make the cars in front of you move faster ("Come on buddy get the lead out, what are you 90!"), you talk out loud when trying to answer a question on a test that you don't really know for sure.... ("ok, if John Donne wrote 'The Flea' before he met his wife, then 'Easter Wings' must have been written during his religious phase because he had just lost his wife and that made him turn all Godly, and Easter Wings talks about God a lot.......). Well, the last one maybe only I do...

But you get the point - we all talk out loud. And making plans and schedules is just a way to 'see if it makes sense' before the actual event - like debating in a grocery store between the ice cream and the broccoli. The problem is no one else seems to know that this was just a 'thought'. So, bankers understand that 'may 13th at 2pm' really mean "for now we will have it may 13th at 2pm, but it might also be at 4pm, or maybe even in July. It depends on what's going on that week...then I will know for sure"

Oh I kid!!! Bankers usually stick to their schedules ;-)

ANYWAYS.....I rush out the door before having my coffee. I need coffee in the mornings. I am a green goblin without coffee.

So the green goblin ran out of the door snarling and hissing and spitting fire about a mile in length (Robert Munsch esque?) when all of a sudden she remembered a little coupon for a free coffee at Timmies. The green goblin jumped for joy (something not recommended when recovering from the night before's festivities) and scurried off to her car for a coffee. There was only one problem. THE DANG CONSTRUCTION IN WATERLOO. It made driving nearly impossible, and the little green goblin started to throw a little green temper tantrum. But wait, what was that on the horizon? It was a Tim's just off the highway. SOLD to the little green goblin.

But driving on the new highway 8 was a challenge. How was she to know what lane to be in? How was she to merge with traffic when she had coffee on the brain? So she missed the Tim's.

FINE I will just wait until I exit at Whitby and get one at that little fast food complex right off the highway. This is going to be a very long drive...

But I made it to Whitby in one piece, and I was now a very pretty shade of emerald green (partly from lack of coffee, and partly from the long island ice teas - MOM I think it was food poisoning!!!). So, I pull off the highway, go around that very fun (sarcasm) exit ramp that goes around and around and around until I'm even brighter green, and dart off the road into the driveway of the fast food complex.

HOLLY CRAP. There are 203482034820348234 cars zooming around, and 204920349204 driveways all with signs like this:

So I make a few turns, get yelled at. Make a few more turns, get the finger. The road rage right now is pretty high, and combined with the fact that I am a little green goblin, heads were just about to roll. BUT I made it through the stress (counting to 10 doesn't work, I needed to count to 100000), and pull up to the drive through window, dig out my coupon and roll down my window.

"Welcome to burger king, can I take your order" - she then popped a bubble with her gum

NOO

So I make my order, all flustered none the less "umm a coffee?"

"Sorry, our machine is broken"

NOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

So I count to 1000000000000000000000.2034823048234 (bankers like very precise numbers) and make my order, again.

"Combo 1"

So at 10:30 I get a large grease ball burger with an artery clogging milkshake and attempt to make my way out of the fast food hell that I was trapped in.

*********

On the way home I passed about 2345 Tim's that had no line, no confusing signs and someone out side calling me: "Oh Leslie, please come drink our coffee... Please, please, you know you want to stop"

But a schedule is a schedule and I only budgeted for one stop. So the little green goblin had to drive past them all. A tear fell from her little green face as she drove into the country away from civilization and the aura of Tim's.