Demystifying Love

 

 

On a sunny and warm day in May, I ran down the crowded Philadelphia streets, hurrying toward my cousin’s wedding ceremony.  I was late, my high heals hurt like heck, and I think I was cursing the early morning start time of this shindig. 

 

But, as soon as I entered the crowded church, and saw the smiling faces of the guests waiting patiently, filled with anticipation and joy, I was overcome by a wave of emotion. 

 

Fellow Toastmasters, honoured guests, at that moment I was in the presence of true, unflinching love.  The entire church was filled with it.  It was so thick, I could feel it wrapped around me.  I decided that I MUST uncover the root of this strange emotion.  I had so many resources – my family, the written word, music, philosophy and ….well…the world!

 

I thought all I would have to do is take a look at my cousin John, and his bride Amanda, and the answers would be staring me in the face.   I recalled how the happy couple met:

 

Amanda and Jon first met in Philly, when Amanda was working as a concierge at The Sheridan Hotel, and Jon was in the city on business.

 

According to Jon, he breezed into the hotel lobby all suave and charming, and swept Amanda off of her feet. 

 

Amanda tells a quite different story.  She first noticed Jon when he tripped over his briefcase in the lobby.  Then he stumbled and bumbled over his request for “Flyer Philadelphia” tickets

 

Unfortunately Amanda could not fulfill his request.  She could not give Jon hockey tickets, but she could give him her heart.  And somehow, ‘Love’ seemed to just appear.

 

That didn’t help me much…Maybe my parents ‘love story’ would be a better resource. 

 

Apparently they met through mutual friends, and hated each other.  My father was called “the Animal” by my mother, and I believe my father had a slightly more harsh term for my mother.  I can not repeat it here.  Somehow one night the two of them managed to be in the same room for more than 10 minutes without screaming at one another…and I guess ‘Love” just appeared.   

 

Again, not much help.  What is it with my family and these UNHELPFUL stories?

 

I then realized that there are infinite definitions and ideas about what ‘love’ and marriage truly consists of. 

 

So, to get to the root of what love and marriage is, I needed some help.  I first turned to literature and the poets. 

 

The famous love poet John Donne wrote: “Love: is agrowing, to full constant light; and his first minute, after noon, is night”.  Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote that “It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all”, and Shakespeare wrote that “Love comforteth like sunshine after rain”.

 

These remarkable poets wrote beautiful words, there is no denying this.  But something is lacking.  First of all, these old poets are hard to understand on first pass (I STILL don’t understand all of Shakespeare, and I was an ENGLISH major!)  But, more importantly, poetic words cannot capture the essence of Love.

 

In literature, love and marriage are popular topics.  In Eric Segal’s novel “Love Story” he says “love means never having to say you’re sorry”.  According my father however, love means always having to say you’re sorry.    

 

Maybe literature is not the place look for an understanding of love. 

 

Turning to pop music, so many songs profess love and the joy of marriage.  Air Supply’s “All out of Love” describes the emotion as being something that a person requires for happiness.  Barry White can’t get enough of it, Diana Ross says you can’t hurry it and Meatloaf would do anything for it. 

 

And the list goes on. 

 

What my cousin and his wife have is certainly desired and sung about by Barry, Diana and Meatloaf.  Yet all the music in the world cannot capture the intricacies of a couple’s relationship. 

 

By this time I had managed to day dream right through the first few minutes of the wedding procession.  The music in the church changed, and I watched Amanda walk down the isle.  My mother started to cry.  My aunt started to cry, and the bride started to cry.   And I was no closer to solving the mystery of Love.  

 

After the ceremony I returned to my little quest.  Philosophy surely holds the key to understanding the depths and secrets of love.  Now, the drinks were flowing quite freely, and after 4 years at university, I knew that the best place to look for a philosopher was at a bar. [pause]  Everyone becomes a philosopher after a few drinks. 

 

The topic of love was brought up, and at once there were numerous ideas floating around.  The consensus was in agreement with Aristotle: “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies”. 

 

Again this definition is insufficient to capture what a couple in love share.  They disagree at times, they have different interests, and they sometimes value different things.  Both of them are independent people who are united through love. 

 

Also it has been said that Love is all around us - a part of every aspect of life.  Perhaps we can grasp a better understanding by looking at other areas of study. 

 

Surprisingly, the world of big business offers some insights into love.  The idea of partnerships and cooperation certainly play a vital role in both marriage and business.  My parents have become a team built on trust, respect and admiration, working together to create and build something special. 

 

That is where the similarities end.  My parents are not looking to mimic ‘The Donald’.  They certainly couldn’t care less about building a corporate empire.   

 

Could the world of science help explain love and marriage?  Hormones certainly play a crucial role in teenager’s attitudes towards the opposite sex.  Girls suddenly stop suffering from cooties and become the objects of desire for boys. 

 

Sex Ed class in high school sheds some light on how two people become attached to one another, but this is far too clinical. 

 

Love requires a more involved definition.  Cells and hormones and chromosomes cannot begin to explain the electricity between two lovebirds when they look into each other’s eyes.

 

Maybe the poets, musicians, philosophers, businessmen and scientists should take a moment and look at a pair of newlyweds.  My cousin and his wife, different and separate as they may be, are essentially united, dedicated and, most importantly, madly in love.  Their own undefinable kind of love

 

When I stopped trying to understand Love, and looked at my parents dancing amongst all of the other happy couples, and the newlyweds grinning from ear to ear, the quest to understand love and marriage became irrelevant.  A couple share something custom.  They share something exclusive.  They share something that can never fully be explained. 

 

If I or anyone here has wondered what love and marriage truly consists of, we need not look any further than a wedding, or even a movie theatre playing a romance movie – The room will be completely filled with love.