Manners At The Mall

There are certain sounds or smells… that make most people a little happier. Over the holiday season we seem to have an abundance of these positive triggers - Freshly baked cookies, a choir singing carols, colourful Christmas lights. Some of these triggers even make our hearts race a little faster…The sight of Santa Clause to a child, Mistletoe, and the New Year’s countdown.

I have my own personal set of triggers. They make me giddy, excited and deliriously happy.

They include the sweet sound of my credit card zipping through cash register. The glorious display of “clearance” and “sale” signs plastered over every surface of stores. The tantalizing smell of freshly dispensed cash from the ATM.

Fellow Toastmasters, honoured guests, the Holiday season is not only a time for friends, family and celebration – It is a time for shopping.

And during my many years at the frontline of holiday shopping, I have noticed a complete and total lack of manners from my fellow shoppers. Now, I understand that when Christmas carols are played in malls, people begin to get anxious. BUT PEOPLE. Where is your Shopping Etiquette?

Based on my experiences this shopping season, I have created a list of shopping manners and etiquette for everyone to follow. These rules cover the three stages of shopping – Pre Shopping, Shopping, and Post Shopping. With these rules you will be equipped for every retail experience.

Let’s start with Pre-Shopping. This stage occurs in the parking lot, outside of the store. Here, emotions are high, and anticipation of shopping often clouds peoples’ better judgment. It is extremely important that everyone follow the Pre-Shopping etiquette rules to avoid any major incidents.

Rule Number One – Parking Space Right-of-Way

When circling the parking lot for that perfect spot, the rules of the road still apply. People making right turns have the right of way over those turning left, you must stop at all stop signs, and do not run over or hit any pedestrians (Even if they cross without looking both ways – an etiquette no-no as it happens).

When you spy a parking space, signal with your blinker that you have claimed it. When the coast is clear of pedestrians and oncoming traffic, you may pull into the spot.

Now, here’s where it gets tricky. If two cars are after the same spot, whoever arrives at the spot and signals first wins.

If by some fluke two cars reach the spot and signal at the exact same time…we revert to the “right handed turns have the right of way” rule. The logic is simple – Right turns are easier than left turns. It’s less of a commotion for everyone when a car can just zip into a space.

This brings me to the second rule of the parking lot: USE YOUR BLINKER.

I cannot stress this enough. A simple little wrist motion makes all the difference in the world. How are people going to know what direction you want to travel, or what parking space you have claimed if you don’t signal?

** May include **: I am a nice person. If I see someone signaling to get into my lane of traffic, I let them in! BUT.. no signal, I have no clue what’s going through their minds, so I don’t give an inch.

And for heavens sake, put your blinker on long enough for people to actually SEE it blinking. This (flash hand) is not a proper signal. A little “1/2 blink” doesn’t cut it. THIS (flash several times) is a clear, notifying signal.

Once you are safely parked, you may proceed to the Shopping experience.

Inside the store, the “rules of the road” still apply: walk to the right, only enter the left side of the aisle to pass, slow walkers keep furthest to the right, etc etc. If you are ever in doubt, ask yourself “Would I do this on the highway?” If the answer is no, then DON’T DO IT IN THE STORES.

For instance, you are stuck behind a slow walker, and there are several people with carts walking towards you. Do you try and pass the slow walker? Well, let’s apply the “highway” rule. Would you try and pass a transport truck when there is oncoming traffic? OF COURSE NOT. (Unless you are Evil Keneval).

So Don’t do it in the stores. You just hold up everyone when you jump lanes. ** May include** Now all of the oncoming shoppers have to wait until YOU get around the slow walker. Just be patient, and wait until the coast is clear.

Another area of Shopping Etiquette to mention is regarding the use of shopping carts. Do not block displays with your cart, do not block aisles with your cart, do not bring your cart into a tiny store, and most importantly, WATCH OUT FOR PEOPLE when pushing your shopping cart.

I was recently looking at an item on a bottom shelf of a display, and a woman and her shopping cart came barreling through, hitting me, and catching my purse in the wheels of her cart. She dragged my purse (and my still attached arm) several feet before the bag became untangled and I was released.

** OMIT **: After this purse entanglement incident I began to fantasize about having my very own body guard for shopping. He would be large, and intimidating. Any fellow shopper who runs me over with a cart, steals my parking space, or tries to take a sale item away from me, will have to deal with Bubba. It would be great...Unless I run into another shopper with a body guard. I guess then it would turn into a tag team match.

~ in best wrestling voice~ “LIVE this Sunday Sunday Sunday, watch as the Shopping Champs Leslie ‘the Destroyer’ Gough and tag team partner Bubba take on the challengers ‘Granny Greta’ and Spike in a NO RULES street fight…”…

Ok, so I like to dream about putting Shopping rules violators in their place. (I think maybe it’s a good thing that Santa didn’t bring me a stun gun for Christmas. I might be tempted to use it while shopping…)

But I digress. The final area of etiquette to cover involves the Post-Shopping experience. Basically, once you have found all of your items in the store, this portion involves the checkout and exiting the building.

Some pretty intuitive rules apply in the checkout line, but you would be surprised at how many people do not seem to understand basic manners.

Do not cut in front of people already in the line, do not ram people from behind with your cart, keep your children from grabbing other people… ** May Include*** and do not say “oh, I forgot shampoo. Billy, go get me some shampoo” as the cashier is ringing up your purchases, ultimately holding up the entire line while Billy runs to get your shampoo. That is just rude.

However, the biggest offenders of Post-Shopping etiquette are the sales clerks and cashiers.

Here is a brief list of offences I have encountered on a regular basis:

1) Cashiers who can not do basic math, giving back the wrong change

2) Sales Clerks who roll the purchased clothing up into a ball, and then put it in the shopping bag. I should not have to iron my brand new shirt before wearing it.

3) Cashiers who do not wait for the correct change after I clearly announce “I have the correct change”.

After the check-out, you proceed to the parking lot. The same rules apply here as they would in the Pre-Shopping stage. One common rule for both Pre and Post shopping is the “doorman” rule.

It is only polite to hold the door for others. However, you must not allow one person to hold the door for an entire stream of people! It has happened to me MANY times. Do I look like a doorman? Am I wearing a uniform? NO. So don’t abuse those who open doors for others.

Inevitably you will run into people who are unaware of these Shopping rules…But, do not lose your cool!

OMIT: For instance, if someone cuts you off or gives you the finger, do not follow them around the parking lot and wait until they park their car, then get out, and call them all kinds of filthy names. I have witnessed this first hand, as well as other similar shenanigans. Let me tell you - it does not end well.

That said, you have every right to call an error to attention in a nice, pleasant “just an FYI” kind of tone. Or, you can yell and scream bloody murder from the comfort of your car (make sure all of the windows are rolled up though).

I have witnessed far too many Etiquette violators in my time as a shopper. Although I have been mighty tempted to retaliate, I remind myself that the Shopping Etiquette rules apply to EVERYONE…even me.

If we all follow these golden rules, shopping will be free from parking lot fiascos and inner store shenanigans. It will be a merry, jolly, happy time. {pause} …like it should be.