My life is so messy right now. Not only is it christmas and I have to find gifts for people, but I have to deal with the Air Force. I'm choosing to join the Air Force, and will most likely head out during the spring quarter of school, because I don't want to be at boot in the heat of summer in Texas. I forget what city its in. So to add to that I keep hearing stuff like Matt and I will most likely break up or Matt told me that his mum and sis had been talking and decided that we would either have to break up or I would have to join the Navy too. Not gonna be joining the Navy anytime soon, and I don't plan on breaking up with him just because he'll be gone. Okay so on Tuesday I was hanging out at Matt's and when he left to check on din-din I sat in his room thinking about all this gggrrrr stuff, which be the way included my parents loving input or should I say dad's. Dad made the comment I won't be thinking about Matt and that because soooo many guys will be chasing me at boot I will break up with Matt. Which of course makes me feel like he's saying I have no true commitment to Matt in anyway whatsoever. GGGGRRRR! Well when Matt returns with din-din. I want a hug of course. So I set aside the food and jump into his lap, but Matt shouts NO! In that tone of voice that scares me or makes me think of even worse things than what was already going through my head. I start shaking in his arms and tear are blosuming in my eyes, a brief a moment in his arms and I rush to the bacourse I don't shut the door all the way and so matt comes in after me. He's apologizing and all I can say is its not your fault. I'm thinking how could I blame you when you didn't know what was going through my head. Of course finding out that matt yelled NO, because he thought I was going to make him eat with me in his arms doesn't make me feel any better. He was hungry. So after he leaves and I calm down and am not crying anymore I return to the room to eat. Of course it takes me a while to get me appitite backk. But once done eating I rest my head in his lap and try to tell him what was going on in my head and how it wasn't his fault. While after a brief cry intermission I get it all out to him. So in a way everything was better. And that''s all I feel like saying today. Mabye all add more tomorrow or sometime.
Love Much,
Allycat
