Sometimes on the sunniest day, you feel the worst. You feel incomplete; you want to be needed. Miriam needs something, is it Rivers she doesn’t know. She for sure knows that something is on her mind; someone is on her mind.
The doorbell rings, Miriam opens the door and sees Rivers there.
“Hi,” he says with a weak voice.
“Hey.”
“Are you doing anything today?”
“No, not really.”
“Wanna go to rehearsal with me today?”
“Alright,” Miriam walks into her house to grab a sweater, --nice, I’d get to see Brian and maybe I’ll get to talk to him again-- Miriam thinks to herself. She stops walking. --Wait, what did I just…--
They arrive upon the rehearsal place, which is Matt’s garage.
“Hey Rivers, hey Miriam,” Pat says as he zooms by on a skateboard. “Bye Rivers, bye Miriam,” Pat yells as he skateboards away.
“Man, I wonder when Pat will stop skateboarding,” Miriam says to Rivers cheerfully.
“I don’t know, but someday that skill he has will become useful.” Rivers replies. He feels weird; Miriam and him haven’t talked like that since… since… last week, he guesses. She seems so excited and normal right now.
“Hey Rivs, hey Mim.” Matt says as he walks towards them, “What’s up?”
“Eh, not too much.”
“The same old, the same old…” Miriam looks around the place, “Um, have you seen Brian, Matt?”
“Oh, he’s just in the house.”
“Ok, thanks.” Miriam then walks into the house.
Matt looks at Rivers, “Dude, that was… bold.”
“Yeah, no kidding,” Rivers say with disappointment in his voice. Rivers then proceeds to tell Matt what happened the other day.
Matt doesn’t know what to say about it except, “It’s all turning into like a friggin’ soap opera.”
“Matt, can’t you be more serious about this? This is the love of my life I’m talking about here.”
“River, but are you sure that you love her, and ONLY her?” Matt asks, “I mean, I think that, It’s quite likely that a while later, you’re just gonna fall in love with some other women.”
“But you don’t understand, Matt, you don’t!”
“Well, why don’t you ask yourself if you understand what you want right now before come telling me this and that!?”
Rivers doesn’t know how to reply to that, maybe he really doesn’t know what he really wants, who he really loves. But he can be certain that the moment right now, he wants no one but Miriam, nothing but Miriam’s love.
* * * * *
Brian sits on the sofa with a glass of water in hand, so pure, so fresh—like the memories when Brian and Miriam first met, how they quickly got to be such nice friends, how they then went to dinner together, and how Brian thinks he loves her. Sometimes he wonders what love is, is it the feeling of wanting someone? Or is it the feeling of protecting someone? Brian knows that he can’t have Miriam, he doesn’t dare. He knows that if Miriam can be happy, even she’s not with him, Brian will be happy for her.
Soft footsteps enter the room as Brian looks up and only find Miriam staring at him. He quickly looks away, and knowing that he has nothing to say to her, he gets up and exits the room.
“Brian,” Miriam quickly says before Brian leaves the room, “um… hi?”
“Oh, hi. Sorry I didn’t see you there, I was in um, some deep thinking.”
Excuses.
“It’s ok, I just came by to tell you that Rivers and I are here. Nothing special.”
Lies.
“Oh, do they need me or something, are we ready to start?”
Excuses, again.
“I don’t know. But um, Rivers just told me to come and check up on you.”
Lies, again.
Won’t they ever stop lying and making up excuses? Is it just so hard to be true to themselves and others?
Ch. 9