diary

HOME

DOGGIES DIARY

This is a fun diary we have made from when the pups were still in mummy's tum tum. BEWARE HAHAHA language from puppies are OoooMahhh.

Hi There I'm Jess and I am the best

Oh "Woof" I am Conan and I am the best.



	SPOKEN FROM THE TWO PUPPIES. READ WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR. This diary Belongs To Jess & conan All Information In this diary belongs to jess & conan French. If read without the permission of us two dogs then we will not be held responsible for the bits and bites that may occur. Enter this Diary at Your own Risk Rated -: x Casual slip up swearing and poopies. Well, heres our story and god help you or is that us. There is only six days to go until I should arrive. I just hope that if I am not first in line to be born, that my brothers and sisters don't take their time in moving through the tunnel. I call it a tunnel because I know that a tunnel is very dark and also can be very squishy squashy. That is going to be the biggest spin out for me and my siblings. I just hope that I am the first to the booby for a feed because I am going to need one. Sometimes I wonder why when you make a entrance into the world the journey is so hard for us, and I suppose that we will never know that answer, what happens if my head gets squished or my butt gets stuck, oh my god I don't want to even think about it. I just want it to be over with so I can get on with my life. Maybe I will get a easy time if I don't come out first, what will I do, oh my god, oh my god. Then again if I am first it will be all over and done with and I will be fine, but then if I am first and I get stuck who will get me out, and what happens if I let the others out first and they forget about me, gee I have come to realise that our mums go through a hard and painful time having us, but has anyone thought of us little things in here and does anyone bother to ask us how we are or are you ok. Aye, Aye, Aye, well can someone answer that. Does anyone wonder how we feel and do we get rewards for the fight we have to deal with too, Arhhhhhh no NOT LIKELY. Sometimes I think that it is us little pups that get the raw end of the deal here. I just want out of here and I want to go home to my family where I will be safe and sound in their arms. There isn't that long to go so hopefully it will be all over with quickly. Well four days to go, and I hope that we don't run too late because it is getting very squishy in here and I have no more room left to move around, and with the recent heat wave we have had, my little spot I have in here is pretty warm. My poor birth mum has just about had enough too, she has got titties that are starting to sag, and it makes her look like a old old dog. She will have to do a lot of exercises to get back to her spunky self. I think the way we are all squashed in here that we may need makeovers. I hope that the next few days go very quickly so we can get this shit out of the way. Once this hard work is over I know that I will have myself a good feed and sleep for a while. I am tired just thinking about all of this, but what can I do, I suppose that I should be grateful that I have been chosen to enter this world. It's just like entering the world of aliens. Well, I think I better go have another sleep and rest for a while and hopefully I will get on with this diary over the next day or so. Pending when this thingy me bob is going to happen. I must admit my nerves are a little jumpy now that the time is drawing near, but in the end it will be all worth it. well its the 18th of December, and it is only two days away from my due date, and Christ I hope I don't run late because its bloody hot in here and getting more squishy everyday. Oh before I forget I have something to tell you that I am very excited about, and I can't hold it in any longer. I am being named after a very special dog called Jess and get this she was born on the 20th of December and that's my due date. Now how much of an omen is that, just think being born and being named after a dog that meant everything to my owners. How spoilt will that make me? Now all my new dad and mum have to do is find me a name that suits me, but that wont be easy because words and names are not enough to describe me because I am just to cute to have a registered name put to me. I have to have one, so I suppose that I will have to wait to see what they put to me. Anyway, I am going to have a quick puppy nap now as I think I am going to need it. Look I know that I keep raving on about my birth but I am shitting myself. I just be glad when it's all over. (sounds like that song ….. it's all over now baby blue. Bowwww Wowwwww Wowwwwww ). Haven't I got talent I can even sing? Huh wait till I smile, you just wait. I will get everything I want if I smile just like my Aunty Jess did. Anyway I will write again soon. Oh my golly gosh, I can't sleep in here, I am to nervous about this journey through time thingy and anyway it is such a tight squeeze in here I cant stretch out either and its making life very hard. I know all I seem to do is moan lately but you put yourself in my position and then tell me I have no rights. This life is getting so dam hard in here that I wish to hell it was over with. See here I go again. Sorry but I am a mess in here. Anyway I will keep babbling on and on and on till this is over and then I may give you all some peace. I think I need to be knocked out till this all over. Hmmmmm I wonder if they can give me this happy juice or a gas mask even until I am here. God look at me, I cant see in here cause I have my brothers and sisters fat asses sitting in my face. I not happy but what can I do. Well I suppose I better leave you alone for now or you will be sick of me before I get here. As I lay me down to sleep I pray to the doggy lord my soul to keep (quote - if my sole ever gets here) Arhhhhhhhh I know shuddup Jess and go to sleep, talk to you soon The day of my arrival Well it's the 18th of December 2002. I don't know what to do or where to start so please bear with me. Well, after all the raving and ranting I did to you early on the 18th, I didn't get much sleep at all. Guess what I arrived safely and soundly. My mother had me between 2-30 and 6-00 am today and oh my god what a spin out that trip was. All the talking I did to you lot gave me no sleep at all, so I am stuffed. I am doing really well as I knew I would and I am very proud to announce my own arrival. My mother's owner rang to let my mummy and daddy know about me and he said we are all doing just great. Well this trip I just had was something I never want to experience again, all the bloody pushing and shoving that goes on here HUH I tell you what it isn't as pleasant as you all think. Anyway I was born adorable and absolutely beautiful and I am off to have my well deserved feed and have a nice long sleep, and then prepare myself for my tail to be cut off ( OUCH ). All the stuff we wittle puppies have to put up with. I just need to keep myself sane until I am picked up by my mum and dad. As far as I know I will have to be on my best behavior when they come and lay their eyes on me for the first time. Well, I'm off now and will check you all later. Oh by the way, I was one of five bitches and two dogs. All of whom are very well. Just not as cute as me, but I did say that from the beginning. ======================================================================================================================================================================================================================== My first touch Well, I had my dad and mum come over here to Preston to visit me and my siblings for the first time on the 22nd of December, 2002. Oh my lord, I was as nervous as anything. I heard this knock on the door and all I think of is pick me, pick me, pick me please. So the tense time came of them walking in the door and looking at these seven beautiful puppies in the box and not to forget my birth mum, she was adorable and put on a really great show for my new parents. I must admit my mum is just super duper, she makes a great brew too. Anyway, I better get on with this. I had my tail docked and my claws done, so I am just adorable and ready to convince my new mum and dad that I am the one they need to take home. My mum was easy, my dad thinks we are all just pups at this age but I know he looked at me special too. Now, there is five of us girlies here and I know that I have competition, but that's alright because even though we are all drop dead gorgeous, I am the best. Well, the time came for us to be passed from hand to hand. They had a hold of each of us, but I just know that I felt special to my mum at first touch. There was a vibe that said we are meant to be. Anyway, I wont push my luck as I just have to wait patiently and I will do so because I am pretty sure I am going home with them. My dad laughed because mum sort of hinted of what she wanted. He had a funny smirk on his face which I thought arhhhhhhh easy got around. There is one of my sisters that my mum also likes and she wears the black collar, ( oh by the way I have a white collar on ). I was born the biggest, which means that I am more than likely the best of the lot. Just a little boofy head and a sweet look, and I think that was enough to win her heart, and dads too but shhhhhhh we will let him have his little play of saying I didn't look at anyone as ours yet, they are too young but I know that he would have had a special spot for me too, because if you look at it I think that I am the cutest. Anyway, I heard them talking on the way home in the car and it even made them forget where they were supposed to go. I just know that my big Aunty Jess will help me out on this one. You know she and I talk and she has told me don't worry you will be going home with them, you don't need to worry. That makes me feel a little more secure about my future; because what Aunty Jess wanted, she got. There is a good feeling about all of this, and as long as I stay looking good and as pretty I just know that in three weeks time they are going to officially name me Jess. I call myself Jess now, knowing that it just suits me to a tee. My eyes are not open at the moment but they should be within the next day or two. I still felt good just to hear their voices, and I know that they wont go wrong when they choose me. Mum was telling dad, ( did you see her cross her paws and go to sleep, wasn't she just beautiful ). Gee she has great taste you know. Not that I love myself or anything I just know I am adorable. Anyway, there is a final viewing in around three weeks time so I will have to really put on a show, and I think that's where I will call Aunty Jess in and get her to push it along. Well, time for me to go have another feast and a good sleep because I am going to try my best to be the best pick from all of them. I just want to say I love you mum and dad, so pick me, pick me, pick me please. I promise you wont regret it. See you in three weeks time looking my best. .My very last visit before they choose me. Well, the time is a coming on where I have to try and convince my mum and dad that I am the right one for them. This will not be a very good time for me, because I know that they will choose for sure this time. This is really very scary stuff for me, and I have a belly ache, and a headache and I really am going to poopy me panties. I know that they are going to arrange to see us all for the last time and leave one of us branded Jess and I just hope that I am the most adorable still there. I am pretty confident and I know that really they are going to choose me, its just this bloody waiting game that I cant handle at the moment. I just think if they were to remove all the girlies colored collars then they would still know who I really was. No matter what I know I am the cutest and the cheekiest and I know that will get me everywhere with them. You see they like a pup that has oooommmppphhhhh, just as I have. I got the looks, the eyes, the ears that will drop to their saddest looks, and the way my little butt swings as I waddle or should I say walk. How will they say no to me. I can picture the home that I will have and the life I will live and that's all I have ever dreamed of. I don't know what day they are coming over but I do know its very soon. Hopefully sooner than later because my little nervous system cannot handle this, its just too dam scary. I guess the day will come when its ready and I feel that I am the lucky one, if I am not the one they choose I will just feel like rolling over and dying. IT JUST MADE MY DAY Well, well, well, It was the 18th day of January 2003, And I really don't know where to start. My mum and dad came to see us all on this very day. Oh my lord what a bloody worry that was, I nearly pooped me dacks, only because I really wasn't sure if I was going to be the one after all. I really sort of had doubts when they picked up my sister a few times with the green collar. Stuff me, stuff me, stuff me is all I can say for that. I must admit shes adorable too, but in the long run I knew my mum wanted me and I had to wait for the big crunch from my dad. So sheesh, he stood me up, and even spread me legs and stuck me tail in the air, then made that other woman hold my head up high. At least I knew to be on my best behavior, Then still he didn't say a word. He just looked and looked again and said ok put her and green on the floor, So instead of standing high and mighty I just rolled to the side because if I hadn't I may have just shit myself. Then we waited and there was a little silence, And I heard mum say, don't do this to me for another week please. Dad just looked and smiled and said give her here, so I looked up at him with my sexy blue eyes and put my head a little to the side. Then all of a sudden he looked at my sister again, you know that little bitch that has the green collar, and I thought, This is it, he doesn't want me. Then I seen the soft sooky look in his eyes, he cuddled me, gave me a smile and said, Yes, we are having her. He then said oops hang on I need to check her ears, so I relaxed in his arms and thought please be right. Finally his decision was made and I could let the big bag of wind go in my poor little belly. You all really don't understand how hard my life has been, just pining and waiting for this day to come. I was so excited when I heard that "yes" So now I am the jess, I am the best, I am the just right. It has been a traumatic few weeks waiting for this. My poor mum thought she was having kittens at some stage, but hopefully now she will settle down and just look forward to me coming home. I know dad is gonna be a whopping big softy, I could tell that in his eyes yesterday, and his touch makes me feel so safe. Well, my mum and dad are coming back to visit soon, and in the meantime I can put my little butt down, tuck my head in between my paws, and relax. I just hope that the days go really quick. I just want to go home where I belong. I will miss my birth mum, and her owners and all my brothers and sisters but I can see them at any time I want. What more could a doggy ask for. Well, I am off to have some tucker and a snooze, I was so dam excited that I didn't sleep much when they left, but now the little ticker is a beating normal again, I am off to have a long one. Talk to you soon. "oh" by the way dad. I knew you would. Love you lots and cant wait to be in your arms. My most nervous visit Well, today is the 4th of January 2003. Im a nervous wreck over here at preston knowing that I have my mum and dad coming here some time today to see me and my other rellies. Don't they realize that I want them to pick me, even though I am confident about all of this working out the way I want, I know that I have competition with my siblings. Hopefully today they will say "yes yes yes" its her we are having, and at least then I will know that I am the jess they really did want from the start. I must remember to look and act my best today when they get here so that they have no doubts about this in any way, shape or form. Oh and while I am thinking straight, I am not happy about the registered name that my mum and dad chose for me. The one that they picked is tooooo long "huh", what a dam cheek our kcc have down here. So seen's it isn't going to be veltmysta Christmas angel we will try for veltmysta crazy for you. Then if that doesn't get accepted then who knows what I could end up being, I think if I asked for the name fark her harder I would get that with not a problem. Excuse my humor but it is a joke isn't it. "now back to where I was" I know that they said they wouldn't choose until at least 4 to 6 weeks of age, I have this vague feeling that mum will decide today and dad will melt when I look into his eyes. I suppose that I better go and await the decision of my mum and dad and just hope that they do decide today, event though I know it is a bit early, I do stand out in the crowd as they will see today. I suppose that I could just say, take me, take me, and be done with it, but I guess I will have to wait. Continued from my most nervous visit. Well, at 3 o'clock today I am getting a visit from mum and dad, so until then I will sit here feeling sick and nervous in the tum tum. I am just hoping that today is the day they choose. I don't like this icky wicky feeling in my tum tum, its going to drive me in sane until I am branded jess. Arhhhhhhh doesn't that name jess look so sweet on me. For instance, pick up the other bitches here and they are not a jess in anyway at all. Well, its not me mum I have to convince because shes already sucked in, but its me daddy'io that I have to get on side here. i suppose that I should be making a plan for him before he gets here today instead of talking here to you lot. Maybe dad deep down already knows its me he wants, just that you do remember what I said back in the start of my diary about the big man image dad and his dad who is me poppy has. They are both a pair of bullshit artists with the image they hold, but I suppose they can only dream. Nothing wrong with dreaming, "is there" Well, I am going to have a feed and a snooze now because I don't want bags under me eyes or rolls of flubber dropping to one side of me body, I mean to say that's something me daddy would say no too, and we cant have that "can we " just a word to you mum and dad before I go on me merry way. "mummy I love you because you know that I am the best" and "daddy dearest, darling, most adorable man there is, please choose me, please choose me and I love you from the bottom of my tiny paw prints to the tip of my adorable head and don't forget you are the bestest daddy in da whole wide world" well, the time came and I got lots of cuddles, and I got lots of love, then I decided to lick my mum and my brother sean right on the face, and then I sucked his ear, mmmmmmm that tasted yummo. Anyway mum wanted to name me jess there and then but me dad was still not one hundred percent sure, so I guess I will sit and sulk and be the sad little puppy that I am until the next time they visit me. I don't think daddy realizes the stress he caused me and my mummy that day and even little baby sean wanted me there and then. Well, I don't know what to do now, because I am sitting here very sad and lonely just wondering if they want this poor little puppy. Really, deep down I know I am the best here, But what I can I do to convince me daddy that I am the one that he loves and needs to take home. His a hard man and drives a hard bargain. My mummy is sad to, but she will keep hoping just as I am going to keep doing. Anyway they are returning to me soon to have another look and by the next visit I will know if I am going to be the one and only, or the little lost soul that's left behind. Sometimes it's a tough job choosing a puppy but in all honestly I am the most dearest, sweetest thing you ever have seen. Anyway, I will have to wait and hope that they visit very soon, just so I can be held and hugged by my mummy once again. One thing I did do was I pooped all over my dads jeans he had on, maybe he wasn't very happy with me, but gee daddy if you had just been wormed and had something shoved up your ass, Wouldn't you do the poopy thingy too. Well, im off to have another feed now and a snooze, I think being a wittle teeny puppy like me is a hard job. I will catch up next time and remember, Every puppy needs a special loving home and I know there is only one home for me, I think if they don't take me with them, I will pack my wittle doggy bag and run away from home, I just hope that if I do that I don't starve myself, or get runover by some little maniac kid on a pushbike. Well I seal this with all my love and my very own signature. Yours forever jess T'was the 6th of February 2002 And you wont believe what you are about to read! Ok, oh my god where do I start on todays update. Well, ummmm, ohhhhh godddddddd!!!!!!! Well, as you know its close to me going home to my new mum and dad. So today they came to visit and just said how adorable I am, I am just so pleased that they chose me and stuck with that decision. Anyway, getting away from me for a while, this is what happened next. I sit here typing this with my paws over my eyes and thinking that with my ears covered up that I may be only dreaming about what I was hearing. So the story begins. When they walked into the house, to see us all seven of us were looking very beautiful laying on the couch, (like butter wouldn't melt in our mouths) hahaha So mum picked me up, hugged and kissed me all over and we sat and cuddled and then the same with dad. I decided that I didn't want the other puppies around either one of my mum and dad but I didn't really have a choice. So anyway I went and sat with me dad for a while, and bugger me blunders. I no sooner do that and one of me brothers decided he wanted to sit on me mums knee. Huh huh huh, good on him im thinking. You got buckleys and none to winning her heart as well. Mum was thinking about how lonely little conan looked, It was a pretty pathetic look I must say. So I didn't take much notice. Then bill, the bloke that owns me birth mum, and my new mum Lesley started talking about conan, it was conan this and conan that, shit a brick I thought to meself. What is this a blundering piece of hogwash or what. They were trying to say that conan was gonna be a street dog, what a bloody joke I reckon, and it was then they said that he would end up not knowing where his next feed was a coming from. Well excuse the bloody French but shit a friggin brick. They were not joking when they were talking about this. Anyway me dad said no way another dog yet. So I was relieved. Anyway, get this! Me bloody dad is sitting in the car driving home and then pipes his big mouth open and says if we could afford two dogs we would buy him. Huh well that got mum thinking and of course they both started going on and on and on about this bloody conan fella. Anyway the subject got dropped for a while so I could breathe a sigh of relief. Until Until until Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm It all started again. Next minute I know they get home in the front door and then they had the bloody cheek to ring eve and bill and say we want conan too. Well there went that idea of just a thinking about this thing of me brother conan coming home. Now I am gonna have to share me beds, me rellies, even me bloody tucker. I suppose that I aint gonna be able to have a piss or a shit in peace. Just bloody marvelous. Anyway, whats a girl supposed to do. When she has a handsome brother around and he is that I must admit. One good thing I suppose is at least when its cold or I feel like annoying some bastard we can do it together. Well at least I wont get the blame for all the destruction that gets done. Well, I have to shove me backside over all cause me brother conan wants his say now. I will talk again when I get over the devasting shock that has been put upon my wittle brain today and I suppose I better build a bridge and get over it. Well, introducing conan my brother! well, howdy doody folks. Im conan as you have already guessed. You know the one that thought he was gonna be a street dog. I am moving in wiff me sister and wooohoooo am I gonna have some fun fun fun. You reckon shes sweet and adorable, well listen to me. I am handsome, absolutely drop dead georgous, and most of all I am a male so I am the king of all. I wont be saying too much cause I don't rave and rant like these bloody females do. But you will soon get to know me, and believe me, You will only love me more each day. Well, im all excited now and I know I can sleep easy now and stop the pooping I been doing lately because I know I am going to a home that will love and care for me like a king which that I am. Love to you all. As ozzy osbourne would say I love you I love you all But your all fucking mad. Oops sorry the day before the biggest day of our lives well, the day is just about here, one more sleep to go. Conan has asked me to speak because he feels that us bitches yap on more than then. Probably true but that's because us females know how and when to speak. You look at us bitches for a example : what about when we cock our cheeky butts in the air, what response and where can we get in life doing such things, dont get me wrong I would never do anything like that because its not nice. (wink). Anyway, conan is telling me to get a move on, so I better do as he wants or he will go on and on and on and I will never here the end of it. Well, mum and dad are picking us up tomorrow night, and we Are just so excited about the whole thing. Conan and I have realized that if we are going to live in the same place then we need to get along in life, so we had made a paw shake on that one. Not that this will make me any less bossier than I am already, as you females out there know we have to have and show some authority. Anyway, conan isn't really that bad I guess I was just prepared to set out on me own without me brothers or sisters coming with me. Mum and dad went out and bought our tucker for us, and ohhhhhhh there is lots of treats hidden away, but I guess we will have to earn them. Now, as far as I know we are going to be picked up while the kids are left at home. I just hope they are awake and greet us too when we get there so we feel at home too. I know that we cant wait to leave and go home. I should say thanks to bill and eve for putting up with our naughty little ways and for the love and feeds that we got out of them. All the little puddles that grew into big ones and all the poopy piles they came across around the place. I know that having seven of us doing that sort of shit isn't a joke after a while, but I guess in the end we are all worth it. Well, I don't know what time they are planning on picking us up but we will be ready and waiting for the phone to ring so we can both earwig in on the conversation. See, humans think that we don't understand all that they gab on about, but I can assure you we know it all. I see that mum and dad got conan and myself (hows that for good English) a matching pair of collars, just we have different colours. I also know that we are going to have the pleasure of sleeping on their bed the first night home, I just wonder and I must talk to conan about this before we go to our new home, if we be really really really extra extra good, they might let us sleep there all the time. I guess that means we will really have to prove ourselves. I see me mum and dad are just thinking the same way we are, they are saying The week is going just soooooooo slow! Roll on Thursday please roll on. Well, conan has asked me to say something on his behalf, (lazy bloody sod, typical male) As I dictate for him, here we go! Woof Woof Woof Yap Yap Yap. Oi Oi Oi Conan we dont speak that way we are talking to bloody humans here ya nong. Now lets start again. Cough, splutter, Ahemmmm! I would like to thank first of all perdy me birth mum for having me, and to Bill and Eve for loving and caring for me in every way possible. Next I would like to thank Bill and Lesley me new mum, for helping me out in getting to the home I really wanted to go too. Then I really want to thank me dad Darren for being the big softy bum that he is for making the decision that I wasn't going to be a street dog, or dumped in any creek with cement and him realizing that me mum Lesley really wanted me anyway. So to all involved I Thankyou all and take my tail off to you. (go on! You know ya wanna peek at me (_!_) while I bow to you, cute aint it) I would really like to thank me sister Jess for talking to me about all this and excepting that I would be sharing things with her. Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou. Thats all. Wow Wow Wooooooowwwwwwww! Gee Conan, now there was a speech that was the biggest suck job I ever heard. Anyway we off to feed, snooze and poop and will be looking very forward to going home with our new family. signed Jess signed Conan The day we finally arrived home to our new home and the days that follow after ! Now, here's a story that you wouldn't want to miss out on. It was the night we were being picked up from our old place and going home to our new place, and wow we couldn't wait till we were on our way. We said our soppy good-byes to our mum Perdy and to the rest of the doggies. Gee, saying good-bye to Bill and Eve wasn't that easy, because they have been very good to us, and I know that they were fretting like puppies do too. Anyway, off we drove down the street with our dad sitting in the back with us, Im sure he thought we wouldn't and couldn't cope on our own, But we were fine. So mum pulled up the car and told dad to get in the front. So that he did. As we got around the corner and realized that it was a long road home, Me being little brave Jess just found a corner and went to sleep and dreamed about arriving home and sussing it all out. Not like me brother though, he didn't settle in the car, He was back and forth from front to back, and Christ he really wasn't pissing me off in the end. I moved to the other side of the car and went back to sleep. Then Conan looked like he was about to throw up, So mum wound the windows down because she said his gills were looking a bit green, whatever that meant. Anyway, he settled with the windows down and sat on the back floor, Thinking he would then sleep the rest of the way, Bugger me dead, he got up and down and went back and forth and by this time I really couldn't be bothered sleeping no more. He disturbed my sleep and that was that. Five minutes around the corner from our new home, Conan decided that he really wanted mum, but get this, she was driving the bloody car, and he was going to get on her knee one way or the other. He finally got his own way and was then happy, and he slept the rest of the way home. If he thinks his gonna sit that big ass on her knee for much longer he is a mistaken. Really mum doesn't realize but doggies aren't allowed to sit like that, what if she had to brake quickly, or turn really fast, just what if ….. Oh my god, I don't even wanna think, it would be like seeing that add on the television where that dog fell in the bloody dunny. I couldn't think what that would do for my ego if I was to land in shit like that. So our story continues. We got home, we had lots of excitement, the kids were up and they just done all that soppy stuff, awwww isn't she cute, ohhhhhhh his adorable. Sickening isn't it. Not that we don't like that of course. So anyway, we got fed our tucker and had a drinky winky, and then a poopy woopy. Anyway, I heard mum say to dad, NOW THEY BOTH SLEEPING IN OUR BED TONIGHT, And all dad said was GAWD! So off the four of us went to beddy byes. Mmmmm comfort, luxury, pillows, oh and they all satin. What a life. Things were great at the start, we all settled really well, even though mum and dad were separated for the first time ever, god that was like separating Siamese twins, and that's about how it is with those two. They were so sweet to move to the edge of each side of the bed and let us have to rest. Half way in the night, me of course starts dreaming and then twitching, and Christ Conan breathes heavy like his having SEX, oops sorry. So I decided to get under the blankets but dad soon moved me out and to the bottom of the bed. Not that it lasted long, Conan was sleeping huggled up with mum and me being real smart went to mums pillow. She wasn't happy I could just tell, but being our first night home she put up with me being where I wanted to be. I wrapped my little body around her head and went off to sleep like all good little puppies should. Morning came. They were both very very tired, mum even seemed a little grumpy. They took us outside for our piddle and then they fed us brekky. Mum fed us both a smacko for being good. Not to mention the pizza we tried the night we came home, but we wont talk about that now. Anyway, we new that we were going to be in the lounge for the next night because mums eyes were really hanging out of her head. We were very comfortable to, because we were allowed to sleep on the couch and if we got down onto the floor and couldn't get up again we had a big bed full of nice fluffy stuff that we had to lay on. That bed is just divine, our bodies just sunk into it and we went to sleep. We were very good to, we didn't poo inside at that time because we already got in bigggg wubble for that before hand. We are learning pretty dam quick here. When mum or dad slaps they really slap. Anyway, living here is fun, well when we not in trouble for something that we shouldn't do, like chewing on a baby or snapping at noses, or we not chewing wire off the doors. Mum caught us chewing and she told us NO, and we didn't listen, so what happened, SLAP…….OUCH…….we sure knew she meant it that time. So we both put her on slash ignore for a hour or so. She isn't a easy mum to get around and believe me she don't miss much either. That has to be from having kids. See we are really kids too, dad says Come on kids, inside. Or Come on kids, its tucker time. Or come on kids THAT'S ENOUGH. He got a stern voice to, but I suppose if we don't do naughty things we wont get into trouble. The way we see it, is if we be good then we wont get in wubble. Anyway, next day things are pretty good until late afternoon, and this was Sunday. I really think we may have pushed each other and pushed mums wrong buttons too. This is how it went. It all started off when it was time for a roast. Mum decided because Conan wasn't a pig like me, she gave him the small end of the roast and of course me the big end. There was heaps of meat on mine but me being me I pigged it in as quick as I could, just so I could nibble on the bone. So this is how our roast went. Jess -: Oi, Conan I got a bigger bone than you did, so ner ner ner! Conan -: Get over it Jess I am not a pig like you, and if I want your bone I will have it. Jess -: Oh no you wont, just try me on Conan and I will have your head. Conan -: Look Jess, I am sick of you wanting your own way all the time, you do nothing but pick on me, sit on me, jump all over me, take me bloody toys, well its time you stopped and I am going to get you back. Jess -: Yeah right Conan you are too chicken to even try to get my bone and I dare you to try it. Conan -: Well, that's all I needed to hear you bitch, Im a coming, and I a coming to get that bone, Grrrrrrrrr Grrrrrrrr Grrrrrrrrrr don't test me Jess. Jess -: Ho Ho Ho Conan you lump of shit, you think that growl scares me, I don't think so, oh god I feel the hair standing up on my back Conan so back off while you can, or I will rip you apart. Conan -: Yeah bitch hit me with ya best shot, Woof, Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, give me that bone bitch. Jess -: Huh, come and get it, don't you see boy you are pushing the wrong buttons and Im gonna rip ya bloody head off if you come one step closer. Conan -: Not this time bitch, I have had it with you being such a bully over everything and you think you got balls, well your wrong. Mum tells the rest from here. Then all of a sudden Jess is standing over her bone, back raised with hair standing on end and fangs showing, but at a instant turn around up went Conan's hair fangs out and this almighty growl, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR And the battle of the bone was finally won by Conan. You can imagine Jess's pride was just torn away and her feelings showed her pride was really misplaced. Conan wasn't going to let her do this anymore. For the rest of the night Conan walked head held high and tail in the air like he had just been crowned king. So you can all imagine what mood Jess was in then, she wasn't a happy puppy and you could see the word DESTRUCTIVE In the centre of her eyes. As it was I had already bathed the two of them today so they weren't really happy anyway. The saga continues -: Night time came around, and mum and dad went to bed after tucking all the kids into bed, all they wanted to do was watch a movie. Me being Jess decided that I didn't want them to have peace tonight, so I got into Conan's head and decided to plan a trail of destruction, BUT Ohhhh Shit we got caught in the middle of destroying a magazine and their mobile phone. Thing is we didn't get to finish the job properly. Mum walked out, and ohhhh shittttttttt I thought we are going to cop it, she just called dad out, and we both copped a smack for what we had just tried to achieve, Shit they know how to kill a dogs ego trip, "Don't They" Anyway, Conan being the wimp he is normally decided he wouldn't push his luck anymore, but not me, I knew that I was thinking bad and bad I was. I barked and howled all night just to see if I got a reaction and a reaction I got. Mum got up threw me outside without me bloody smacko I normally get, then she looked at me and told me I was a evil dog. Then she told me not to talk to her, Wow whats a pup to do to fix this problem that I caused. Maybe I might be better off trying to be good and not bad. Maybe then she wont call me evil, and tell me Im bad. What the hell did I do that for, What made things worse is we normally do our poopies outside overnight, but last night we decided paybacks to mum and dad were to do a good ten shits around the place (inside). Mums words were Not Happy Kids, Not Happy. This morning we have had some grace given to us, we are in the lounge at the moment trying to make up for being bad, lets just hope mum has a big heart to forgive us, or better that she forgets what happened here. Mum is the one that I thought would be the softy, but as its turned out, and we have realized this. Don't take a soft mum for granted, even she has her limits. Anyway, we will see how the day goes and if we can behave ourselves, and maybe she will give me a second chance. Not to mention that the old boy shoved bloody tablets down our throats, Don't know if he is trying to choke me. Its something to do with worms, so they tell us. Probably just a way of getting us back. Well, it was Sunday night and dad decided that we weren't going to play up and if we intended to he was going bounce up out of bed and go ape. Anyway, we tried him a couple of times and OUCH we got a slap, Told to get on the couch and shut-up. Wow, his hands are as hard as the old girls. Anyway, we weren't too bad so we got a treat or two from our mum, I think sometimes we are better being good than bad, its just every now and then we get this urge, you know that urge word, Well, the urge word in our lingo means, Go on doggies, lets test, lets test them. Sometimes its really not worth it. Anyway, Conan just thinks his it these days, since he thinks he got the upper paw on me over the roast bones, he thinks his bloody king of the kids. His head doesn't fit through the door these days because he thinks he is boss. I wish I had never let him get the better of me. Its ok though because one day he will push my little amber nose and I gonna take him to the brink. Sometimes I think that he reckons his like the lion, king of the mountain, Well we will see about that in time, let him have his glory for now and see how long it takes me to be pushed over the edge, you know, just like the coyote and the road runner. Of course, really I am the road runner, and his the coyote. You all may think that I am pretty cock sure of myself, but I am. He wont get his own way forever, meanwhile I will just sit back and vegetate. Then when the timing is right, Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Maybe, a nip or two on his little testicles will give time the hint, I know, you are all thinking what a nasty bitch, "Don't You" But, you try having some high all mighty dog nip your face and ears for nothing, then come tell me you wouldn't be the same. I just laugh at him underneath all of this because I am gonna get him back one day, just one day. Then I will be the queen bitch again. We didn't poop too much inside the house last night, because its really not worth the smack we get. Really, we do know we have to go outside but it all comes down to whom is willing to test who here. Only problem is, if we get caught in the act we really cop it, and then they throw us outside. If we don't get caught in the process of shitting, then they tell us we EVIL- DOGS! These days we find that if we get chucked outside for something then its worth going into our kennel. Not that any normal doggy would call it a kennel. We have sliding windows and all in ours. Then we aint normal doggies, we are just the perfect specimen of the nearest thing to humans. Our life here is great, not that we ever doubted it, its just that urge word every now and then that gets us into big wubble. We have also learnt that it isn't worth playing swings on mums washing, every time we think she aint looking we take a swing, but all of a sudden this voice pops out from bloody nowhere, with this Arhgggggggggggggggggggg! Then she says evil dogs and we cop a clipping round our dainty little butts. Shitting on the patio is fun too, because dad has to come straight out and strut his stuff. That's when we wait till his just finished cleaning and hosing down the patio and oops we did it again, and no we aint using the singing budgies song there, its just the way it is. His a big bear that thinks his the king of us, but that's ok he always comes and plays and talks to us, even after we done the bad thing. Sometimes we think we got it hard, but we haven't. Theres not too many doggies out there in this big lost world that would have the life we lead here. Its just a matter of not letting the URGE WORD take over our little minds. Conan & I are very lucky little doggies to have the mum and dad we have. There is one thing we cant get used of yet, and that is there is a little doll like thing that scoots around in some thing humans call a walker, well we used to be able to jump on that and have a nip, but get this, the little doll scoots his legs up like his racing a Ferrari around the Albert Park Lake track like schuey, and then he aims his front wheels at us and Brrrooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm He chases us, the little turd has taught us not to mess with him. Well, I suppose I better go have a nap, because the olds are going out this morning, and they are bloody locking us on the patio, don't you get the feeling that they don't trust us yet. Just before we go, just remember mum and dad, keeping us little doggies outside where we can catch a cold, and be eating by the ants or trod on by the scary monsters that come around when your not home, it will your responsibility if anything happens to us. I hope you both feel very guilty about leaving two little defenseless puppies out here all alone! Well, we are back, The day hasn't been to bad at all. Then again we have spent most of the day outside but its been really nice out here, then sun is great when you wanna get a suntan. Mum and Dad as you know went out today and we were very good little kiddies because we didn't get into one thing we shouldn't have. They were very proud of us and we were pretty proud of us too. We got full tum tums, and we happy as pigs in shit. Gee, you know when that URGE word doesn't hit our pretty little heads then we don't get in trouble and we get plenty of treats. Well, a couple of days have passed so time to update you on Conan and myself. Its been a lot of fun, heartache "hehe" and most of all its been perfect. Well, except when we do as we do. Well, about me now Jess that is. I have learnt to sit, my mum offers me a treat if I sit and it's worth doing as I am told because I get rewarded. It's not really that hard you know, you sit ya ass down on the floor and bobs ya uncle, a treat. As for Conan, well his a little slower than I but you expect that he is male. Not only that his too fat and lazy to do anything. As for me I am full of beans and full of life and that's why it's just great being top dog. Conan, I must admit, his as handsome as can be his absolutely adorable, not that I would ever tell him that. Every now and then I have to put him in his place, but I tell you this, his getting a big boy, its not going to be long before he towers me and he will be even harder to budge, but while I can I will rule him as I already do. Deep down his a gent that's what it is. We have loved being out on the patio, that's where we eat, and often sun bake and even play out there, and our kennel is out there to which makes life great. Right outside me mum and dads bedroom door. The past few nights we have slept in our kennel, its more cozy out there, cause when we sleep inside, we cant piss, poop or get back on the couch after we fall off. I have jumped up there once but can't seem to get my fat gut over the edge. So for now I would rather sleep in the kennel. Thank god we have our mum and dad, they are just great. We know that when we do something wrong we cop it, but we get cuddles a little while later. Lately I been testing by peeing and pooping inside the house, OUCH its really not worth it, as for me brother Conan he has learnt that going to the loo outside earns him a hug or a treat. He thinks his so good because he wanders out has a doo doo and comes prouncing back inside to, "you're a good boy Conan" How sickening. Ewwwwwwwwwww. I suppose I can't complain because if I wasn't such a trying bitch I wouldn't get in wubble. I sometimes wonder what it would have been like coming home on my own, I couldn't and wouldn't like to live without my brother being around these days, his good fun, and his a pretty cool dude too. We are having lots of this and that for our meals these days, we have had all sorts of vegetables and meat, and we even tried that hot vindaloo curry, shit was that a lip tingler, but was delicious. We tried fighting with it, but it didn't answer us. We have had chips, and fish, we have tried lettuce and tomato and ohhhhhhh we love pineapple. Mum even gave us a bit of choccy teddy bear biccys and mmmmmm they were yummoooo. Then what else? We have had a time out, and ummm toast with vegemite, now that's a treat. We love what dad dishes up for tea these days, we have pedigree with our crunchies (dad calls it kibble) but that's a Sydney lingo, im sure he will get down to the true sayings once mum trains him enough. Anyway, I hope that life stays the same, we are loving it here and we never want it to change. Its not long now till we have our booster shots, then we can finally go out and learn to walk on our leads. Lots of walking, we cant wait. Well, it's the 6th of March 2003 and if you haven't already noticed we haven't done much in the diary lately. I gather you wanna know why? Ummmm, Well you see the story goes likes this! As you know this is Jess, I am the talker out of Conan and I because his too dam fat and lazy to do anything, well almost anything. Mum and Dad have been a bit on the gggrrrrrrrrr side lately, not that we have done much wrong to make them that way. Look, I will come clean with you because I think every doggy has a right to their say and to say what they really want. It all started a week and a bit ago, We got a little bored with playing with our toys, so we seen the laundry door open a little bit, and noticed that's where lots of goodies were being held. First of all, we noticed a box sitting on the shelf, it was full of stuff that looked like snow. Sooooooooooooo, we ate it. It wasn't that good but it was a something to do. Then we noticed dads tools and wow there was lots of things there we could get in to. We ripped the bags open got nuts, bolts, screws and whatever else we could get our sneaky little paws on and absolutely wrecked everything, Next minute mum comes out and WHACK OUCH OH MY GOD WHAT WAS THAT, We realized that mums hand had just collected us and she wasn't a very happy mum, she screamed yelled and even called me a evil dog, then a maggot! I knew she meant business. Poor Conan ran to the kennel hoping he was going to escape this dragon that had just finished with me. Mum and dad didn't speak to us for hours, and when they did say something it was YOU EVIL DOGS! Anyway, the rest of the day we were very careful what we did, cause we both new we pushed mums buttons real real bad. Next day came and it was on again, we decided to play with the washing on the line, I know everyone thinks we should have learnt our lesson, but not us we just had to push further UNTIL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tug of war time with dads jumper, we heard mum dobbing us both in, and next minute dad came out and OH MY LORD OUCH OUCH OUCH and more OUCHIES We both know we were doomed, he screamed and yelled and even had the cheek to tell us we were evil just like our mum does. Well, for the next couple of days we decided it was better to be good than bad, cause when we are good we get treats, but when we bad we get no treats, and get called horrible names. So lately we have been good little puppies and have got all the treats we want and lots of hugs and heaps of playtime, and we even sit on the couch like couch spuds. (or is that potatoes) Anyway, we are learning slowly, well for now anyway, its just sometimes to tempting to stay that way because we get a little hypo and just have to do bad things. Just before I finish up here today, we have got this little sucker that runs around in some walker, I think he thinks his a smash up derby champion, I got in his way and thought SHIT, he is going to collect me, and before I could move this little sucker rammed right up me ass and I got me fat backside stuck smack middle into the centre of his dam walker. His a pain in the ass, but I suppose we are at times as well. Well, I am off to pick on Conan again while I am still bigger than he is. Next just a few poems for you to read and then we will finally continue our story! Paw prints Walk a little slower mummy and daddy, says a puppy so small. I'm following in your footsteps and I don't want to fall. Sometimes your steps are very fast, Sometimes they're hard to see. So walk a little slower mummy and daddy, For you are leading me. Some day when I'm all grown up, That's what I am going to be, Then I will have some little puppies, Who'll want to follow me. And I would want to lead just right, And know that I was true; So, walk a little slower mummy and daddy, For I must follow you. I Know Because My mum loves me this I know because she always tells me so. My mum loves me this I know because she will never let me go. My mum loves me this I know because she always tells me so. My mum loves me this I know because she promised she would never let me go. My mum loves me this I know And now I'm happy that I know. Now I know what family is because my mum wont let me go. My mother wont let me go because she loves me so. A Puppies Hug When you gave me a Hug so bold It warmed my little heart And my soul If you ever feel Sad or blue I'll give that hug Right back to you If a friend you Want to be Then just give that hug Right back to me But if a hug Just wont do I'll smile at you And give lots of love, too I hope you liked the poems ! Now our story continues -: Well 6 months have passed by and we both have really given mum and dad a lot to be happy about and to be gggrrrrrrrrrrrrr about. Not that we dig holes and eat through wire to get through the fence, and not that if we cant through one side we can squeeze through tiny squares on the other fence side just so we can visit our two buddies. See its not easy being a Wei, we are always into something we shouldn't be and when our next door neighbours dogs call us we feel obligated to go and say hello, and that really gets up my mums nose. We have dog buddies either side of our fence line and I tell you the temptation is just too much. One thing we do that is good, is we have learned to alert mum and dad when someone strange approaches the house, then we get rewards. My mum screams and pretends shes getting attacked and me being the male of the two, well I go along with her and run to the rescue to see whats wrong. Mum better not cry wolf too often hahahaha. Over the past 6 months of our lives we have learnt lots, we have learnt to sit on command and we even sit with a silent command of mums eyes, aren't we just tooooo clever. We have also learnt to get up on the couch on command and we certainly know what up means. Sometimes I think mum and dad would like to pretend we are statues all because we give them a hard time. We have fun with the kids here too, they are all great, and this little baby that's here has just turned one year old and OH MY LORD! He like to see inside our eyeballs, so when we hold them closed tight he likes to pry them open, but I guess his only a kid and we know that he is just looking and probably wondering what we are. You see this little bloke crawling across the floor and approaching us and then that's when the dogs prayer comes into it hahahaha. Well I am still smaller than my sister Jess but I am learning that her size doesn't worry anymore like it used too. Sisters get so dam pushy and sometimes she thinks because she is bigger that shes the boss, but once and for all I realize that size doesn't matter. She steals my food but I am getting on top of all that now and I get what I want. Well as we get older I gather we will grow up to be the best weimaraners you know. Or is that us just dreaming? Or is that mum and dad dreaming. We cant complain our family loves us so much and when we get into any trouble and we get grrrrrrrrrr'ed at then I guess its for our own good, and when we are old and grey hahahaha we will appreciate it. (that's what they think) OOPS sorry folks. You see we Weimaraners have a great sense of humor and we like to use it, so if anything can make us look good then we go ahead and make our own story up, and when we do anything bad we just humor everyone because that way it makes everyone else look bad and not us two adorable doggies. Well I guess from Jess and myself (Conan) we say ta ta for now and maybe in a while we will add to our little episode, but in the meantime please if you have a weimaraner just love them as we are loved, we don't mean to be bad and we don't mean to do the things we do, but one thing we know is that we will always love and protect you even if it means our own lives. Signed by Jess & conan