And it all started with an e-mail. An e-mail that I got Thursday evening. All the e-mail said was 'Erika, get out an atlas' because Bennett and Burch were playing in Berwyn Illinois. So I did get out an atlas. Berwyn Illinios was in Chicago, in fact, it was a ways north of Tinley Park. And the concert was tomorrow. And we were going.
So I called up Jones, my heart already pounding with excitement, and told her to saddle up, and get ready to miss class on Friday, because we were GOING. Jones protested, of course. 1) she didn't realize Berwyn was all the way in Chicago and 2) BUT THIS IS TOMORROW!!! Anyway, to make a long phone conversation short--- JONES AGREED TO MISS CLASS AND EVERYTHING. And I was going to pick her up at 12:10 outside her Hobbit Hole the next day. I planned everything. [Jonesy interjection: I DID go to work and I DID go to one class] Now, the concert didn't start until 10pm Friday night, and we KNOW that B&B play until the cows come home. So driving back to Columbia from freaking CHICAGO was obviously out of the question. Essentially, we needed a place to stay--- and I, never to fear, came up with a fool-proof plan. This plan came in to play later, as you will see, and here it is, for your reading convenience.
LODGING PLAN:Plan A: E-mail Bennett and Burch list and ask them if anyone is attending the Chicago concert tomorrow, and if anyone would be nice enough to let us crash on their floor. This e-mailing idea was a Jones idea, as she was paranoid about plans B through G, which were all my ideas. so here is a copy of what we e-mailed the Bennett-Burch list:
This message is for anyone who is willing to help prevent the tragic occurance of two bennett-burch fans freezing to death by stupidly spending the night in their car:
My friend Jones and I casually went off our rockers this evening and decided that we just HAD to see Bennett and Burch at Fitzgerald's tomorrow night. Against our better judgement. You see, we live in Columbia MO, a good oh... 8... 9 hours away. Now all this is well and good, as driving all day through sub-zero temperatures can be quite fun--- but the problem is that we'll be stuck in chicago for the night. and we don't have any friends. and we don't have any money. but we do have tickets. Anyway, this isn't a problem for me--- i just told jones that i would find someplace to stay by asking the nice people at the concert if someone, anyone, would put us up for the night--- but Jones, well, she likes to be a little more prepared than I do. She suggested, in fact, strongly emphasized that I e-mail this list and see if anyone knows of any nice person whose floor we could borrow for the night. we will bring our own sleeping bags, and pj's, and food, and toothbrushes, and nitelite. and we won't be any bother. I have a problem with talking too much sometimes, but I'll keep quiet, I promise. And you'll hardly know we were there. And we'll leave the next day. My name is Erika Marshall, and Jones's name is Becky Jones, and we're just trying our luck. thanks all!
'it's 9 hours to chicago, we've got half a tank of gas, no money, no friends, no cigarettes, nine cans of Diet Coke, two bennett-burch tickets on will-call, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it.'Ok, so this is what we e-mailed the list. It's ludicrous I know. Now just keep all of this in mind, as I move on to what we will do if plan A fails:
Plan B: Approach friendly pleasant helpful Mr. Burch after the concert and ask him if he knows any nice people who wouldn't mind us crashing on their floor for the night.
Now, if plan B fails, and Mr. Burch doesn't know any friendly hospitable people, we will move on to plan C
Plan C: GET IN THE CAR with Bennett and Burch---carrying sleeping bags, pj's, etc.
Now, if plan C fails, and Bennett and Burch kick us out of their car, we will move on to plan D
Plan D: Get back in little Jimmy and spend the night. Freeze to death.
If Plan D fails, we will move on to plan E
Plan E: Drive to a motel that Jones saw on the way (only about oh… four hours away from Chicago) called the I-55 motel. Stay at the I-55 motel.
If the I-55 costs more money than we have (which I'm sure it would) we move on to plan F
Plan F: Try to drive back to Columbia in the middle of the night. Drive off the road. End up dead in a ditch.
And as a LAST RESORT
Plan G: Drive to Mother Jones Monument. Try to force Becky to SLEEP on the Mother Jones Monument. Get into a huge brawl with Becky at the Mother Jones Monument… and kill each other.
Alright, moving right along. So I have an alright night of sleep Thursday night, and Becky has an ulcerous night of sleep and wakes up super early, but either way I pick her up at 12:10 and we're on our way… TO CHICAGO. And we never look back. So we head off, and it feels PERFECTLY NORMAL. Two friends on a pleasant weekend drive. It doesn't feel like we're heading to Chicago at all. We listen to some good music and stuff and make absolutely RECORD time getting to Chicago. In fact, in the end, it only takes a little more than 7 hours to get to our destination, we are going so darn slick. We even get caught in Chicago rush hour GRIDLOCK, and still make it with plenty of time. What I am trying to say is, despite the Gridlock, that we get there at just a little after 7, which is great, since the concert starts at 10. oh BOY we will have PLENTY of time.
Ok, now the fun begins. So we do the obvious thing: we get out of the car, run through the cold, and get our butts into a building. [Jonesy interjection: It's was a little more complicated than that because Fitzgerald's is two or three buildings and we had to find the right one. I asked for help. That's monumental for me.]
OK: WE'RE IN!!!! Now. This is where I realize, I've got to pretend that everything is NORMAL. The last time I saw Wilco, I panicked, when off my rocker, and just made a FOOL OF MYSELF. The last time I saw Bennett and Burch---I panicked. The last time I saw Jay Farrar---not only did I PANIC but I gave him a DEAD STARFISH! Dagnabbit, I was NOT going to panic this time. I was going to act perfectly calm and normal and civil. The problem is: I KNEW if I saw Bennett and Burch… I WOULD TOTALLY PANIC!!!
Ok, so here's what I did: as I walked into the door, I kept my eyes STRAIGHT AHEAD, and I kept one thought running through my mind 'bathroom…bathroom…bathroom…' I really did have to piss, and I knew this was the only way I wouldn't panic. I saw a waitress and I said 'BATHROOM!!!' she pointed me down the hall, and I literally ran, keeping my mind focused. Jones followed me. We slammed into the bathroom. I hadn't seen them, but Jones had---Bennett and Burch had been about 3 feet away from us. They were sitting at the bar. And there was basically no one else in the building. [Jonesy interjection: They were discussing a song. Ed said, "I think it's an a minor here."]
Ok so we piss, and then have a total freak attack---we are just standing in the bathroom laughing and screaming and trying to get all of our hilarity out and most importantly CALM DOWN. I for one, was being SUPER LOUD. But I was determined not to make a fool of myself this time. So we made a plan--- an anti-panic plan:
We were going to leave the bathroom and go straight to our table. We were going to set up our table, that is to say that we were going to set up our photo of Ana on the table, and then play cards. I was not going to snicker. I was not going to laugh. I was NOT going to make a fool of myself
Here's a sidenote about Ana: I had a photograph of her posted on the steering wheel for the drive up. It is the photo in which she resembles EDWARD BURCH. Since we were going on such a dangerous uncertain trip, I thought we needed a picture of her, our inspiration, sort of like how a World War I flying ace has a picture of his wife or girlfriend or family or whatever in the cockpit. So anyway, we took the photo inside with us, and set it up on the table---so that she would be with us, in spirit.
Alright, we made straight for our table---and put our anti-panic plan into action. BY GOLLY, it worked! We're sitting at our table, playing SPEED, which is my new favorite game that Becky taught me (at one point, Becky also taught me how to play 'Ronnie's Game' but we won't get into that…) So anyway, as I was saying, we're playing Speed, when pretty soon, sure enough, Bennett and Burch (along with cello player Melissa Bach) are onstage doing sound check. And the kicker is, we are like, 3 feet way from the stage, playing Speed. And we were being louder than the soundcheck. We were, in fact, being super butt loud. (ok, it was just me. Jones was being fairly quiet. I was being bare super BUTT loud) [Jonesy Interjection: I may have been dancing and prancing around the table and flailing my arms, but I was still trying to keep the volume down.]
Now we are already having a blast, we're playing Speed getting super competitive (Jones and I, as you know, are just so DAMN competitive) and we get to listen to B&B bungling around onstage. They're singing, and exchanging banter, and testing things, and just generally SAGGING and it is SO MUCH FUN to watch them. We are just SMILING our heads off. And I nearly overturn the table every time I lose. ANYWAY--- As I said, we are being super loud- and Burch is on the side of the stage right next to us, and he suddenly is like "What are you playing"
And becky says, "Speed"
And he smiles and is like, "Are you ON SPEED?"
The answer to that was yes.
Anyway we keep playing, and I'm about to pick up a chair and throw it at Becky when suddenly…SUDDENLY…
I hear…THE BEE GEES… THE SONG IS COUNTRY LANES!! BURCH IS ONSTAGE SINGING COUNTRY LANES!!
I stand up, start screaming, and say 'THAT IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE BEE GEES SONGS EVER!!!'
So Burch kind of stops and I have a total freak attack and I am just like 'When I was 18 I was in love with ROBIN GIBB!'
He thinks all this is funny. And he's excited that we like the Bee Gees. Bennett ambles over and he starts saying, 'We're doing like… 6 Bee Gees songs tonight…'
And we're like 'OH BOY! SO which songs are you going to do?'
And I blurt out, inevitably, 'Are you going to do CRAISE FINTON KIRK?'
And Bennett says, 'Yes.' [Jonesy Interjection: I got the impression that they had been considering doing Craise Finton, but that it wasn't exactly set in stone yet. I like to think that Erika turned the tide. I also like to think that Craise Finton was all Burch's baby.]
He seems impressed. I am in UTTER BLOODY SHOCK. They are going to do CRAISE FINTON KIRK. Oh MAN!!! I could just CRY, I am so excited. So we keep guessing songs, and Bennett makes some impressed comment like 'Yeah, keep guessing.' Anyway, turns out they are doing 'IO' too, among others.
Oh my gosh. The whole trip is already worth it, just to hear a bee gees sound check, and to hear someone that is NOT ME say the words Craise Finton Kirk. All I can say to sum all this up is: I WET MYSELF.
So they finally finish up sound check, after much bungling. Bennett is wearing a grey sweater over a shirt. And the sweater has like a FOOT LONG hole in it. It is Hilarious. So they go back stage and over the next hour come in and out of the door at the back of the stage that is the backstage room. Bennett takes the sweater off, and comes out of the room smoking a cigar and drinking a glass of wine. We hear him say, 'Cigars and wine are my new thing. I'm trying to shed my bed-head image'
Jones and I order some food, and people finally start filling the place up. And I start losing at Speed, which starts making me BUTT hostile. We kept track of our scores on the back of Ana's photo.
So the opening band comes on.
And plays for a pretty long time. [Jonesy Interjection: Their last song was "for our friend Pete." The Kids Are Alright]
And goes off.
And we cram in another game or two of Speed, which I lose. Then a nice girl named Liz, who is studying law, and is friends with Bennett and Burch, comes and sits at our table, with her notebook and hi-liters in hand.
AND THEN THE CONCERT BEGINS. THE CONCERT BEGINS IN THE BEST WAY I HAVE EVER SEEN A CONCERT BEGIN IN MY LIFE, OR EVER WILL SEE A CONCERT BEGIN IN MY LIFE.