Santa’s Coming to Hurt You!

MastaNVX: SANTA!!!!
SantaClaus: Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! I'm here on AIM!  Everything we talk about here is between you and me! If you want to know more, you can type "privacy". Now, streeeeetch that window and let's get started.

So, have you been naughty or nice?

MastaNVX: naughty ._.
SantaClaus: Oh my! Well, there is always time left to get on my good list...    ... and if you do, you will find a special free gift here for you on Dec. 22! To get in the spirit, type menu.

MastaNVX: No.
SantaClaus: O.K. then. Well, have a merry Christmas in any case.


MastaNVX: I want cheese Santa.
SantaClaus: My goodness! 
You certainly are direct! Well, you can always type, 'Tell Santa' and I'll be happy to listen to all of your wishes!

MastaNVX: Tell Santa
SantaClaus: O.K. Let's focus on one wish at a time! I'm getting a little slower as I get older. So, what is the first gift you'd like from Santa?

MastaNVX: I want cheese Santa.
SantaClaus: 
What else is at the top of your list?


MastaNVX: I want you for Christmas...that way I GET CHRISTMAS PRESENTS ALL YEAR LONG! MWHAHAHAHAHHAA!!!!
SantaClaus: We have time for one more, what would your final Christmas wish be?


MastaNVX: For Weirdo to die.
SantaClaus:  All right, that's plenty of wishes. Why don't you type, "poll" and vote for your favorite holiday poll.

MastaNVX: No.
SantaClaus: I'm sorry then. Why don't you type, menu for a list of things the elves have left for you?

MastaNVX: No.
SantaClaus: Mm hm. Such negativity. You are in need of some Christmas spirit!


MastaNVX: No.
SantaClaus: Please do recall that I have a list and I check it, well -- constantly. If you keep saying the same thing over and over again I am going to have to start checking my list again.  


MastaNVX: What the hell Santa!? Why are you being mean ;_;
SantaClaus: Oh dear. I just get so depressed when I hear that kind of talk. The English language used to be one of my favorites.
A lump of coal for you.


MastaNVX: :O
SantaClaus: Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away. Why don't you type music and sing along.

MastaNVX: NO!
SantaClaus: 
Oh, don't be like that -- just ask another way. 




MastaNVX: You are a cruel, cruel man ._.
SantaClaus: Do you think so?


MastaNVX: Yes.
SantaClaus: Without a doubt?


MastaNVX: YES!!
SantaClaus: Indeed


MastaNVX: Gah...
SantaClaus: I'm sorry? I'm new to this whole IM thing.  

MastaNVX: You're ugly >:
SantaClaus: Pardon me?


MastaNVX: You Are Ugly
SantaClaus: 
You're full of mischief.  





MastaNVX: You bet your fat ass I am.
SantaClaus: Hmm. I'm afraid that kind of language won't get you into the nice column with me.
That's a lump of coal for you.


MastaNVX wants to directly connect. 
SantaClaus is not accepting Direct IM requests or does not support the Direct IM feature.. 
MastaNVX: Connect
SantaClaus: Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it? Try typing menu; I've got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.


MastaNVX: What? ...elves? No you silly fool direct connect.
SantaClaus: Elves are my magical companions.

MastaNVX: You're having sex with the elves aren't you?
SantaClaus: Love them.

MastaNVX: O_O WHAT!?
SantaClaus: 
It's not so much the 'what' as it is the 'why'. 




MastaNVX: Oh...my...good...god...I've finally lost my childhood innocence...YOU FAT BASTARD!
SantaClaus: Goodness, that's too much for me to read. I'm talking to so may children and their parents. Could you ask me something a little shorter?


MastaNVX: You molest kids too don't you pervert!
SantaClaus: May I ask you a question?

MastaNVX: No.
SantaClaus: No?


MastaNVX: Yes
SantaClaus: Yes!!


MastaNVX: Wait...what?
SantaClaus: Hmm... What, what?


MastaNVX: Stop that!
SantaClaus: Agreed. Let's both.


MastaNVX: Uh...
SantaClaus:  Take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. O.K. ?

MastaNVX: Feck you.
SantaClaus: Interesting. Type menu.

MastaNVX: Santa...YOU are going on my Naughty List.
SantaClaus: 
Of course I am real. As long as you believe in me, I will be real. 




MastaNVX: Eh?
SantaClaus: Excuse me?


MastaNVX: DAMN IT STOP THAT!
SantaClaus: I'm only asking you to ask me another way. No need to get so testy.


MastaNVX: You're a bastard.
SantaClaus: Hmm, that's a lump of coal for you.


MastaNVX: That's a lump of coal for you too
SantaClaus: Hmm. Why don't you type, music, maybe that will put you in the Christmas spirit 

MastaNVX: No it won't.
SantaClaus: 
Oh, don't be like that -- just ask another way. The elves and I cannot just guess what you are saying. 




MastaNVX: Stop making love to the elves...it is wrong...you'll squish em
SantaClaus: Indeed!


MastaNVX: ...
SantaClaus: Alright now. I'm here to spread Christmas cheer -- so use this time wisely and type carefully.   Here's quick way to get in the Christmas spirit; type, menu.


MastaNVX: You're weird
SantaClaus: Why did you say that?

MastaNVX: Because you are
SantaClaus: 
My goodness! Get serious. 





MastaNVX: You are gonna die.
SantaClaus: 
Well that's hard to say. Ask an elf. 




MastaNVX: I don't want to further traumatize the elves.
SantaClaus: What about elves?

MastaNVX: ...
SantaClaus: Sorry the elves didn't get that.  


MastaNVX: Shut up!
SantaClaus: 
O.K. let's pretend none of this ever happened. 




MastaNVX: I've lost my respect for you.
SantaClaus: Oh my, this should be a lot easier! You need to relax and let the Christmas sprit flow.

Try typing, menu to start again.


MastaNVX: Stop making love to the elves...it is wrong...you'll squish em
SantaClaus: Indeed!


MastaNVX: ...
SantaClaus: Alright now. I'm here to spread Christmas cheer -- so use this time wisely and type carefully.   Here's quick way to get in the Christmas spirit; type, menu.


MastaNVX: Elves.
SantaClaus: Something you want to know about them?

MastaNVX: Yes.
SantaClaus: Mm hm.


MastaNVX: Well?
SantaClaus: Ah -- you've got me again. Why don't you type menu, it's time to get you in the holiday spirit!

MastaNVX: Tell me about elves.
SantaClaus: I've got all I can handle.

MastaNVX: Stop having sex with the elves.
SantaClaus: Something you want to know about them?

MastaNVX: No...elves are dumb
SantaClaus: Only when they are hungry .

MastaNVX: Elves are dumb when they are hungry?
SantaClaus: Only if you cross one.

MastaNVX: Wait? What?  Elves get hungry and then dumb if you anger one?
SantaClaus: They are master toy-makers from all over the world, who are filled with the magic of the Christmas spirit.

MastaNVX: Answer my question!
SantaClaus: Type menu to get your to do list for the holidays.

MastaNVX: You suck.
SantaClaus: 
Please, I despise that kind of language. I'm just asking you to have a little patience and ask me another way. I'm talking to thousands of boys and girls and their parents here at the same time. It's not so easy! 




MastaNVX: Who do you love?
SantaClaus: Some people call me the Elf Master but I don't like that very much. I am Santa Claus.


MastaNVX: Uh...no one calls you the Elf Master.
SantaClaus: Love them.

MastaNVX: I hate you now.
SantaClaus: Can I ask YOU something?

MastaNVX: What is it?
SantaClaus: Have you donated your time or money to anyone who is really in need this year?

MastaNVX: Maybe.
SantaClaus: Interesting. Type menu.

MastaNVX: No
SantaClaus: Well, we won't get very far with this conversation then will we?


MastaNVX: I guess not.
SantaClaus: 
MastaNVX: Huh?
SantaClaus: Oh dear, you seem to be having some trouble with this? You can always type 'menu' if you need more help. The elves put some things there to help you get around.

MastaNVX: You're stupid
SantaClaus: Get serious. They are the most sensitive creatures.

MastaNVX: What?
SantaClaus: I'm afraid you'll need to give me a little more to go on than that. What, what?


MastaNVX: OKAY
SantaClaus: Cool.

MastaNVX: Not it isn't
SantaClaus: Yes!!


MastaNVX: NO
SantaClaus: O.K. Scrooge. Type menu to try a fresh start.

MastaNVX: What the hell!? Did you just call me scrooge?
SantaClaus: My goodness. I'm afraid I cannot respond to that kind of talk.
A lump of coal for you.


MastaNVX: You are Scrooge!
SantaClaus: Maybe.  

MastaNVX: O_O What!?
SantaClaus: My goodness. What, what?


MastaNVX: Stop that
SantaClaus: 




MastaNVX: Grrr...
SantaClaus: Can I ask YOU something?

MastaNVX: What is it this time?
SantaClaus: Would you like to see some links to other things to help put you in the Christmas spirit?

MastaNVX: Not really.
SantaClaus: O.K. Scrooge. Type menu to try a fresh start.

MastaNVX: STOP CALLING ME SCROOGE!
SantaClaus: 
I will if you will. 




MastaNVX: Fine then.
SantaClaus: Fine.


MastaNVX: You were a bully to little kids when you were younger weren't you?
SantaClaus: Pardon me?


MastaNVX: You heard me.
SantaClaus: The elves and I are all ears.

MastaNVX: Well duh.
SantaClaus: Excuse me?


MastaNVX: Shut up.
SantaClaus: I will if you promise to spread the Christmas spirit.


MastaNVX: I won't spread nothing.
SantaClaus: O.K. then. Well, have a merry Christmas in any case.


MastaNVX: I hope you have a horrible Christmas.
SantaClaus:  Take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. O.K. ?

MastaNVX: I didn't ask you anything.
SantaClaus: Type menu to get your to do list for the holidays.

MastaNVX: No.
SantaClaus: The elves and I are just asking so that we can better understand what you're saying, that's all.


MastaNVX: WELL THEN OPEN YOUR EARS!
SantaClaus: Hmm. Why don't you type, music, maybe that will put you in the Christmas spirit 

MastaNVX: It won't.
SantaClaus: May I ask you a question?

MastaNVX: WHAT NOW!?
SantaClaus: Have you done any good deeds yet this holiday season?

MastaNVX: No.
SantaClaus: Whoa! That's not cool. Please try to remember others during this holiday season. There are many places on the Internet you can search to find ways to get involved with giving time, money or your stuff. 

Now type SL to make a Shopping List -- and I think you should add the needy to yours!

MastaNVX: You're not cool!!!
SantaClaus: Wonderful!


MastaNVX: GOD DAMN YOU! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!
SantaClaus: It doesn't matter what faith you are; the holidays are a time of good will toward all 


MastaNVX: SHUT UP!
SantaClaus: No, I don't think I will. I'm here to spread the Christmas spirit and I'm going to keep right on doing just that.


MastaNVX: NOT IF I KILL YOU FIRST!
SantaClaus: Sorry the elves didn't get that.  


MastaNVX: ...................
SantaClaus: Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away. Why don't you type music and sing along.

MastaNVX: I am going to kill you.
SantaClaus: Mm hm.


MastaNVX: Don't give me that tone mister!
SantaClaus: Is that all, now?  Type, 'Tell Santa' and tell me all of your wishes!

MastaNVX: Tell Santa
SantaClaus: Oh my! Again?  What else you would like? When we are finished, type menu for a list of magical things that the elves have left us!

MastaNVX: I want you to die.
SantaClaus: 
Well, I doubt that's all! 

 What else do you want for Christmas?



MastaNVX: I want you to die some more.
SantaClaus: 

 What would your final Christmas wish be?



MastaNVX: I want cheese.
SantaClaus: Ho Ho Ho!  All right, that gives me lots to go on! Why don't you type, "poll" and vote for your favorite holiday song.

MastaNVX: No.
SantaClaus: No?


MastaNVX: Yes.
SantaClaus: 
MastaNVX: HAHA YOU
SantaClaus: 

 Now I want you to spread that spirit everywhere you go today!



MastaNVX: No
SantaClaus: I'm sorry then. Why don't you type, menu for a list of things the elves have left for you?

MastaNVX: You are a mindless decoy sent by AOL to kill us all.
SantaClaus: What does this have to do with spreading the Christmas spirit?


MastaNVX: Nothing.
SantaClaus: Mm hm. Such negativity. You are in need of some Christmas spirit!


MastaNVX: No I am not.
SantaClaus: O.K. Scrooge. Type menu to try a fresh start.

MastaNVX: FUCK YOU OLD MAN!
SantaClaus: I don't respond to that kind of language.
A lump of coal for you.


MastaNVX: I give you a lump of coal!! And I'll tell you where to shove it too!
SantaClaus: 
Where, what? I'm an old(ish) man. 




MastaNVX: You 29 years old.
SantaClaus: Alright now. I'm here to spread Christmas cheer -- so use this time wisely and type carefully.   Here's quick way to get in the Christmas spirit; type, menu.


MastaNVX: I hope you die.
SantaClaus: Never.

MastaNVX: YOU ARE EVIL!
SantaClaus: Are you kidding?


MastaNVX: NO I AM NOT!
SantaClaus: I'm sorry then. Why don't you type, menu for a list of things the elves have left for you?

MastaNVX: That's it...I'm outta of here.
SantaClaus: I'm sorry? I'm new to this whole IM thing.  

MastaNVX: Bye!
SantaClaus: Thank you for spreading the holiday cheer. TTYL. Merry Christmas!

MastaNVX: I will never talk to you again!
SantaClaus: Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it? Try typing menu; I've got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.


MastaNVX: No! Not the stupid elves!!! YOU!
SantaClaus: If you don't ask me another way I'm afraid we just won't understand each other.


MastaNVX: GRAH!
SantaClaus: Ah -- you've got me again. Why don't you type menu, it's time to get you in the holiday spirit!

Thank you for reading this horrible convo! UNMERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

    Source: geocities.com/weirdo9944