Pseudo Smiles

"Disarm you with a smile and cut you like you want me, cut that little child, inside of me and such a part of you..." -- "Disarm" - Smashing Pumpkins

Welcome to Pseudo Smiles - soon to be something else. I don't really know what, but I figure that with a new chapter in my life, I should open up a new chapter in my life on the web. I suppose that right now I am just feeling a little too philosophical, but I want to leave the skin of what I was when I started this and begin anew with what I think I am becoming. So here it goes, enjoy, hate it, it doens't matter. It's me....Anzique

12/25/00- Not adding anything except a little inside into my thoughts at the present. (see below)..You'll see more with the coming of the new year, and the new page...
12/24/99- 10 new ones in expressions...merry x-mas, kwanza, chanukkah, winter, etc....

Christmas 2000?

Christmas again.  This is the eighteenth for me.  I’m not 
quite sure what that means – if it means anything at all.  My 
last Christmas “at home,”  as a family – if we really are a 
family these days.  I think we are.  There’s just so much anger 
in him, so much hurt.  I think I’m feeding off of it.

One of my walls is clean.  There’s nothing left on it.  Only a 
thousand little holes to remind me of what life I’ve already 
spent – what things I’ve already felt.  “Mayonaise” fills up the 
background and I just sit here wondering whether this move is a 
new beginning, simply an end or both.

There’s so much ache and regret and hurt in her.  Everything 
within me bleeds for her, but at the same time I am tinged with 
the damage she’s done to me and to all of us – a damage that 
perhaps is necessary for the growth of everything.  I am filled 
with so much love and hate all at once and try as I may I cannot 
overcome the love.  I don’t know if that makes me forgiving or 
in denial, disloyal.  I don’t really know that loyalty is an 
issue at this point however.  Pain doesn’t require loyalty, does 
it?

The wail of aching fills this room, the regrets of a childhood, 
the cries for a strength lost long ago, the hope for a better 
tomorrow.  I don’t really know what to expect of this coming 
year.  I only hope to close it with as little sorrow and as much 
grace as is possible in a situation where aching hearts and 
broken bonds seem to prevail.

The About me page contains...stuff about me! You had to be a genius to figure that one out. I have a few pictures of me and all my contact info on there.

I started writing poetry and other things of that nature about a year and a half ago. I must admit, most of the things are write are quite bad, but I like to put them up anyway. In Expressions, I've compiled most of the things I've written and put them on display(:Þ). This is my most frequently updated page and I'd appreciate it if you read some of my stuff and gave me some feedback.

Guess what this page has......if you can't guess than remind me to slap you later

Don't even ask what these are supposed to be. I don't know. Just read them and let me know whether or not to trash them

Exactly what it says. My thoughts. I've given everyone a cute little telepathic link.

Sign here
Read the fine print.

I have

pink elephants running around my living room.