| Child of an Alcoholic
Written by Ann James Dedicated to the memory of my mother Here I sit on the ledge in my room, gazing out at the moon twinkling stars in the night The peaceful serenity, the bright moon light The hour is late and I sit and wait A child of eleven, with fears, dread and hate. Was it something I did? Was it something I said? Sat here with my feelings of sorrow The sting on my cheek and the hurt in my head The tears in my eyes and thoughts of tomorrow. Mixed up emotions, I can’t tell apart the hurt, love and feelings, all deep in my heart. Her anger, her rage, one day through another This woman I know as my mother How can I not love her? I needed a cuddle, I needed some love It must have been something I did Empty bottles, the smell on her breathe The look in her eyes, forbid In the dark I listen, the shouting begins It’s starting all over again I jump into bed and cover my ears I can’t stop the tears. I hear the footsteps, the creek on the stairs I shudder; my brain working fast I’ll promise to help her, ill do everything maybe she will love me at last The door slowly opens, she stood there defiant The familiar smell of Gin, The glaze in her eyes, the slur of her speech When she slept it was always a blessing The tears, the fears, so happy and sad Confused every day, was I good or bad? Now the truth is out and I feel her pain, it began as a habit; soon becoming a game. Twenty five years on, of pain and fear Loving and hating, crying and waiting Maybe one day, her strength will appear The whiskey will stop sedating. She’s gone now, her death came early No amount of words bring her back, they only add to the tragedy and yearning of her love I so missed and lacked For she had it all, her life could have changed We could have fought this together but denial and weakness, her strength had waned and now I have lost her forever I forgave her, I loved her, for she was still my mother. Written by Ann M James |
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