It is hard to believe that a week has past. It is hard to believe that a body could take so much pain. I ache in places I did not know had muscles.

Everyday he pushes me. I am just about ready to cut my hair off so he will not have something to pull me around with.

Still, he says, I do not show true passion or skill. That I do not try hard enough. That I should stop pining for my “blond beauty” because he is not coming back for me. Every time I hear that term come from his mouth, I want to rip him to shreds.

How many times in one day can I actually be called a fool? I lose count after number 10.

Yesterday, he practically threw me at a hydra. He repeatedly lets me get to the brink of death before he will step in. He says I must learn not to get in those kinds of situations.

I am filthy. All I want is a long hot bath. One without him watching me. One where I can actually take off my clothing and not sit in them in a cold lake. Not wear the same filthy things again and again.

Hotara gave me a lovely black dress. I shall wear it at his funeral.

I am finding it hard to maintain my elf form lately. I do not know if that is just a side affect of all the anger that is built up. I want to scream at him, but I just cannot. I find parts of myself shifting into panther form without thought now, at the slightest taunt from him. It is humiliating to walk around with panther paws while the rest of me is in elf form. But the urge to rip and claw is sometimes overwhelming. Growls issue forth from me without thought now. I fear what this time with him is doing to me. I do not know myself anymore.

He tells me that it is time for sleep now and to put away my silly book. As if I am a child. What to eat, what to wear, where to sleep. One would think I did not take care of myself before.

I am tired, but I will not admit it to him.