After '96 I decided to fully explore more of my feminine side. I go out as much as possible by going to malls, restaurants, clubs, or anytime the opportunity comes up for new experiences. When it comes to dating I prefer men, but open to women and transgendered individuals.

My first experience with cross dressing came when I was  living in England. I visited the Transformation shop in London. The staff there was great and tried to make the experience a pleasant one. First of all they helped by picking a wig that would look good on me. Once we decided on the wig we went and picked out the outfit that would suit me. Once I changed into the outfit that was picked she led me to the beauty parlor and applied the makeup. When she finished with the makeup she selected some jewelry. Then came the final touch by placing the wig upon my head. I then was led into a room where the guest can read magazines, newspapers, or talk with the other guest. I admit I was not really comfortable since it was a new sensation but at the same time I really liked the way I looked as a woman.

I went back for another visit to Transformation  later within the year of '90. I decided to see how I really felt about dressing and looking like a woman. My second visit I enjoyed much more since I was more comfortable with the transformation. While I was on my second visit I spent most of my time in the main lobby looking at the different products that they carried and interacting more with the staff and some of the customers that came into the store.

During the next couple of years I tried to deny that I really enjoyed dressing as a woman and tried to increase my masculinity to hide my feminine feelings by spending time  with friends and other male oriented activities.
 
In '93 I decided to dress up again, but this time I was living in Las Vegas. I bought some items here and there and found a service to teach me how to do my makeup. I decided to go out on Halloween since
it would be a safe venture to go out in public and not having to worry about having to pass as woman.
I just loved being able to walk around in skirt and heels and all. That night I was treated as a lady and to my surprise few realized my true gender  After Halloween I only dressed in private especially after moving back to Salt Lake where I have a lot of family.

 
As I stated before in '96 I decided to explore some of my feminine desires. I started by calling the gay clubs to see if they tolerated cross dressers. When they said they do I got my feminine stuff together and rented a motel room to change which of course close to the club I decided to go to. I was nervous but was determined to go out. Once at the club I was amazed in how well I was accepted which made it comfortable for me. After that night I went out a few more times. Only reason I didn't go out more is that motels are not cheap and I didn't want neighbors finding out about Amber. I did make several new friends when out at the clubs. A couple of my new friends told me I could use their place to change when I wanted to go out.
 
In '97 I basically adopted the attitude I did not care  much in what others thought I just had to be myself. I went out at least once a week if not more. I started going to malls and other places with other transgendered friends I met at the clubs. After a few months I got to the point where I was going to almost anywhere by myself. I have let a few of my friends know about Amber and few of  them did not
mind the fact I cross dressed, others hated the fact and tried to convince me not to dress any more. I still had not  told my family about Amber and I was afraid to not wanting to take a chance ruining my relationship with them. At that point I felt more  feminine and still was unsure if I wanted to per sue going full time or not. 

In '98 I got into a really deep conversation with my mom about life in general. That day I found the opportunity to let her know about my feelings and desire to go out as a woman. She took it very well and she mentioned ever since I was young I was always searching to see where I would fit in. She just said whatever makes me happy would be fine with her and my dad. We talked about for some time and she wondered of I was thinking about starting hormones. I simply told her I was not sure at that time but the option was still in consideration. I was then told whatever decision I made I would still would be loved and accepted for who I am. My parents and brothers are comfortable with my choices and understand and accept major changes may occur down the road.

Later that same year I had the option of getting out of the Reserves or to stay in. I opted out and from that point simply started to become more feminine. I got my ears pierced and started to grow my hair out. At the point my life started to take a turn for the better and became much happier. Also at that point some of my coworkers noticed the changes. At that time I really did not try to hide whom I am but did not tell everyone just the ones that asked me about the changes.

In early '99  I decided to that I really rather be female and got a letter of recommendation to see a doctor for hormones from a psychologist from a support group that I attended. I made  a oppointment to see the doctor and he concured that I would be suiteable for hormones. I started the hormone treatment even though I still was working as a male. At that time I made an appointment with the human resources manager at work. During that meeting I explained that I did not like being a male and was in the process of  becoming a female and was beginging hormone treatment. I was told that would be alright and when I felt ready I could start working as a woman. Together we planned way to notity all the employess that starting the following week I would be coming in as a woman. All the employees accepted the change really well and seemed comfortable with the change. I myself felt so much better not having to hide the true self anymore. 
 
 

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Last updated by Amber 1 Aug '99

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