One of the most memorable dinner parties was my friends' Thanksgiving party. It was about 3 years ago. That was the night I broke up with my first boyfriend. My friend invited me over to his Thanksgiving party to cheer me up. It's was a really good dinner in a very nicely decorated apartment. (very gayish) There were about 10 guys and a lady in that table. Except for one guy (who is the only straight one), all the gay guys were involved. It was a nice party, and people seemed very happy out there, and the boyfriends seem so fine to be together. They laughed, made jokes, hugged, and enjoyed the dinner. They seems so sweet together that I wished I was one of them. However, couple months later, my friend told me all the guys in that table are single now. Some just didn't get along, some moved to another city, one got back with his ex, and the rest are just sluts.
It's not that difficult for me to know what I am looking for in my life. I have been looking for what a normal guy looking for. However, I was disappointed and wonder if what I am looking for is just an impossible dream. What I am looking for is simple.(or it seems like.) I need a guy to share my and his life with, along with good time and bad time. Sound simple but it can be complicated.
I recently talked to a guy in the phone and asked about what he is looking for in a boyfriend. He told me that "I am looking for a cute boyfriend in his 20's. nice body and smooth. educated, independent, discreet, and straight acting.......also, he has to accept my flaws." I asked what his flaw was. He anwered in his "homo-tone"...well, I am not romantic. I have to be discreet because of my profession. Also, I don't like to talk much...and actually, I haven't dated anyone for over a long period. (geez, I can tell the reason.)
Meeting an interesting can be difficult sometimes. Not matter how cute, rich, or popular you are, you always have moments feeling lonely. We all have expectation, which we call "type." Sex is an easy thing to have, but true love is not. I guess I might have been in love couple times, but then when I looked back, I don't think I can call it love. Usuallly, I fall in love with guys don't fall for me, or I don't fall for guys who falls for me. Either case, I won't call it love. Love is a mutual feeling, and it's about give and receive. Besides, I think love has its conditions. Love takes time, but I won't love a guy who treats me like I don't exist. I believe I can offer alot to my partner, but at the same time, I demand something to get back to me too.
I don't understand why there are so many guys in a very unhealthy relationship. Their parnters cheated on them or treat them like trash. Obviously, they are not happy and misreble, but they keep finding excuses for their boyfriends and keep going on. They allow them to take and take and never get anything in return. They might call it love. I call it obsession or stupidity. Everyone only has one life to live, and we are responsible for our own happiness. Why some people allow their loved ones to make their life sad? Of course, being single too long isn't fun, but at least, it is better than being with someone who doesn't love you. Life is short. No time to crying or being misreable for someone treating you like nothing.
Currently, I am single. That means my previous relationships didn't work out. Like I said, I fell for someone and did get hurt too. On the other hand, I am glad that I have the strenght to get up and walk again after the fall. I am not afraid to love again because I believe I am strong enought to love someone. Even I might get hurt again, I am still willing to take the risk. It takes a strong man to love, and it takes a strong man to get hurt. I don't fear love. Not matter how much I get hurt in the future, I believe I will get back to track and live my life well. I have been there and done that, and I will be able to be there and do that again.
This page is still under contruction.
