if I let you go

chapter three

By the end of the year, the band had already become a household name in the popworld. They had signed with BMG/RCA and they'd started recording some songs. Magazines and television programs throughout Ireland and England scrambled to get them and their fan base was growing ever bigger. They were also one of the opening acts for Boyzone's 'Where We Belong' UK Tour and the crowd just loved them.

In December, they participated in the Smash Hits Tour around the UK. By the time the tour ended, they had won the 1998 Smash Hits Best New Tour Act award, beating such acts like Christian Fry, A1, Billie, B*Witched and more. It was an especially proud moment for the lads because the prestigious award for newly joined tour acts is voted by the fans.

Susan and Mellie would sometimes go to their shows or accompany them to interviews, if it was nearby or whenever they both had days off. Since the group had become famous, the girls had been busy, as well. They started college a couple of months earlier and were always hitting the books. Even though both sides had been busy, they would all still see each other every now and then. Kian and Mellie had became really close friends over the months and they would usually phone each other everyday.

Just before Christmas, the lads finally got some time off to do their own thing. They all went home to rest and enjoy the holiday. Five days before Christmas, Mellie celebrated her 17th birthday. She had a party at her place and she invited some friends including Bryan, Susan, Nicky and Georgina, Nicky's girlfriend. The other three lads couldn't make it because they were all still home in Sligo.

"Happy birthday, Mel!" Bryan said, handing her a blue envelope, "It's from Kian. He said sorry he couldn't make it." "That's OK," Mellie smiled bitterly. The party was actually quite good but there were things bothering Mellie: the absence of Kian, the absence of her own family, and the sight of Nicky sticking to Georgina just crushed her. She had liked Nicky from the very first time she met him. And even though she had known about Georgina for a very long time and saw her backstage sometimes, it was the first time she had really seen them together.

Mellie was so upset that she ran outside to the backyard. Tears started swelling in her eyes and her vision was getting blurry. She sat on the bench alone in the freezing cold wearing nothing but a black dress. "Hi!" a voice interrupted her loneliness. She looked up to see Kian standing beside the bench smiling at her. "Kian," she said faintly, "I thought you couldn't come." He sat down beside her, "I thought so as well, but I changed my mind," he said, "You're seventeen today, and it's special, so I just had to be here with you to celebrate it." "Thanks," she smiled weakly.

"So...you don't seem to be enjoying the party. Or are you just being sentimental because you're turning seventeen today?" he tried to tease her. "I'm OK, really ..." she looked at the ground. She just didn't have enough courage to look him straight in the eye. She knew if she did, she would burst into tears. "It's about Nicky, isn't it?" Kian asked slowly. She nodded, looking at him and finally bursting into tears. Kian hugged her tight, "Let it all out now," he whispered. After her crying subsided, she looked at him, "Did you know about this?" "I know you better than you think," he sighed "It's obvious that you love him from the way you talk about him, the way you act in front of him, the way you look at him." He paused for a moment. "Well, it wasn't all me," he confessed, "Susan told me about everything." "Remind me to tell Susan to keep her mouth shut, OK!" she smiled, but slowly her smile faded away, "He's so in love with Georgina. And all this time I thought he would like me. I'm nothing to him." "No, you're not just nothing," he said softly, "You are something. You never know, there might be someone out there who's actually wanting to be yours, wanting to have you as his, wanting to be loved by you, and wanting to love you more." He brushed his hair from his face and put his chin upon his hands, looking away from her. She took his hand, put it in hers and held it tight, "Thanks."

She looked at him intensely and realised how stupid she had been. She always knew that Kian was good looking, but she never realised how gorgeous he was until she looked at him under the moonlight. His beautiful blonde hair was shining, and even though his sky blue eyes were looking away, she could feel his love and warmth. She squeezed his hand and he turned around to look at her. "I was such a fool. All this time, you are that someone ... and I kept dreaming about Nicky. How stupid!" He smiled and put his hands on her waist. She laid her head upon his chest and hugged him. They didn't say anything at all.

As if it was already planned, little soft snowflakes started dripping from the sky. Mellie looked up at Kian's face and brushed the snow from his cheek. He leaned down, moving closer to her face ... and they kissed. Warm, deep, soft and intense ... in between the dripping snow of December.

chapter four