we are one (2)
chapter three
We all end up on a near by beach to enjoy the late afternoon sun. The guys were relaxing in the sun. Shane and Mark were in a long debate about whether Mariah Carey's hair colour was natural. And of course Mark was not backing down. Kian and Bryan were challenging each other to arm wrestles.
Nicky looked at me and asked if I wanted to go for a walk. "Sure" I replied.
"Seeya guys well be back soon" Nicky told the guys. I think we got a grunt or two. So we headed off.
The trip up the beach was quiet for a while. My thoughts started to drift off and I began thinking how it was good that I got along so well with the guys, and especially with Nicky. He was a great friend to Mark and he was always so switched one. I knew I could go to Nicky just to talk or for him to listen. I knew I could go to Mark but not about everything. I wanted to tell Nicky about Mark, I had to before I burst. I had to get it out, things were building up and I needed someone to tell me that I was not crazy.
"Kel…Kel.... Kelly!" Nicky said shaking my arm.
"Wha, what, what's wrong?" I suddenly said snapping back into consciousness
"Well I was about to ask you the same thing, you seemed to have spaced out on me there?" he asked concerningly.
"I'm okay, I was just thinking about things," I said sighing.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he turned and looked at me with concern in his eyes. "No its…okay" I said drifting off.
"It's not okay, I can tell by your face that things are not okay. Its Mark isn't it?" He said. "How did you guess?" I said looking at him
"Well as far as I know it's the only life changing thing that's happened to you lately" "Thanks make my life sound dull," I added sarcastically
"No, that's not what I mean" Nicky confused.
"I know, I know, I was kidding" I added laughing lightly.
"So what's up then" he said leading me to a nearby seat.
"Where to start?" I began.
Nicky took my hand. "Its okay, just tell me what's in your head, I'm hear to listen." "Well to start with he drives me mad!" I said suddenly
"Mad! what do you mean?" Nicky added looking a little confused and off guard.
"It's just that each time I see him my heart pounds and my legs go week. I don't know if I want to hug him and never let him go or walk away." I told him.
"He played a big part in my life for so long. He was the most solid thing I had. When I needed him he was there. Even if it meant he sacrificed something he had wanted."
"I know" Nicky added. "Mark is very giving. He makes others happy before himself"
"Our relationship was special, we depended on each other, we loved each other. "We tried so hard to keep in touch. We were determined we would make it work. But it got hard. Each day we talked but then he was travelling more as the band took up more of his time. Soon it just became hard and we lost touch. Now he's back, I have lost total control." I added. "But I never stopped thinking about him, loving him or wanting him back in my life. I must be boring you." I said to Nicky.
"No, you need someone to talk to and I'm it" he said. "Go on" he added.
"Okay... So being with him at the party yesterday...it just brought everything back. I had accepted that I was probably never going to see him again."
"So have you decided anything then?" Nicky asked quietly.
I looked at Nicky, his eyes were so full with concern, I could tell he was understanding me.
"I decided last night that I need Mark back in my life. I still love him and I want him back. It's just…" tears fill my eyes.
"What?" Nicky said.
"I don't know how he feels." I feel a tear run down my check. I get up and walk away. Not wanting to cry in front of Nicky.
"Hey," Nicky came over to me. I start to cry more.
"Come here." Nicky says pulling me into him. He holds me tight until the tears subside.
"It will be okay, he doesn't know what he is missing" he added stroking my hair.
I pull away "god you must really think I am nuts" half laughing and wiping away the tears.
"Not at all, we all need to get these things off our chests. I know I do. And that's where Georgina comes in, she is amazing."
"You two are so lucky you are perfect for each other." I say looking at him "Thanks, so are you and Mark"
"I just hope he realises it." I add looking away.
Nicky pulls me in and hugs me again. "Me too" he added quietly. I was unsure where he had wanted me to here it or not.
"Thanks Nicky" I say as we pull away.
"No problems, any time you need me I am here for you"
"Thanks, I appreciate it, We better head back."
*** back with the guys ***
"I wonder where Nicky and Kel have got to?" Mark asked looking around the beach.
"Probably Nicky has got Kelly under his spell and now she can not escape him" Kian added. "Ha Ha" Mark said
"So why do you care?" Bryan added.
"I just wonder what they are talking about" Mark looked down the beach.
"Probably You!" Shane adds "Yeah, anyway what's the deal with you two anyway?"
"What do you mean?" Mark questioned him
"Well now that you have met again"
"Yeah was it love at second sight" Kian joked.
"Hey that's a good…" Bryan started
"NO!" Mark interrupted him. "It was love at first sight. I never stopped loving her. I want her back." He said
"Well tell her!" Shane said.
"I just don't think that she wants it." Mark said sadly.
"Why do you say that?" Bryan asked concerningly.
"Just that the way she was talking last night she didn't seem sure." Mark added disheartened. "Talk to her tonight and tell her how you feel." Shane said to his mate.
"What happens if it's not what she want to hear." Mark added worriedly.
"At least she'll know how you feel," Bryan added patting Mark on the back.
"I just don't want to lose here." Mark said looking down at the sand.
"Just do what you feel is right." Shane said.
Mark was torn between telling here how he felt and risk losing her, or telling her he just wanted to be friends and hope that was what she was wanting. Mark was so unsure about what he should do. He didn't want to lose her, but he wanted more than just friendship. He was so confused.
A few moments later he looked up to see Nicky and Kel walking back towards them. They both looked a bit uneasy. Nicky leaned into Kelly as they got closer. "You okay?"
"Yeah, thanks"
"No worries" Nicky added.
But really she wasn't. She wanted to run and hide. She looked at Mark. He was looking directly at them. He made her stomach do flip-flops. His look was so intense. She wondered what he was thinking. He looked directly at her. She felt herself being absorbed in his eyes. She looked harder into his eyes. That look... She had seen it before. It was one of love and happiness. She looked again. Yes it was. Mark always had a certain look about him whenever he looked intently at her. She felt her heart change, she felt what she had felt years before when she was with Mark. She felt her eyes gleam with tears of happiness, and a small smile come to her lips. Did this mean that he felt the same way?? She wanted to go over to him and tell him everything. But she knew that she couldn't. She wasn't sure that she had seen that look or it her just wishing too hard.
Mark looked intently at her as they walked towards them. He looked deep into her eyes, there was sadness in them. She suddenly looked directly at him. They both looked deep into each other's souls. He had so much love to give. If only she knew he thought to himself. He refused to turn away. He hoped she would read his eyes and know what he was thinking. He tried reading her face and eyes. Her face changed suddenly, She looked happy, a tear came to her eye. Was he imagining it? There... A smile too started to creep over her lips. Yes. He did see it. He was sure. He wanted to believe it. Could he?
"Hey guys" Nicky added.
"We thought you had got lost" Kian joked.
"No not quite" Nicky replied
"Well should we head back then." Shane asked.
"Yeah" was added in unison by the rest of us. And everyone started to get up.
Mark got up and looked over at Kelly. She looked as though she had been crying. He just wanted to go over, hold her and tell her it would be okay. She suddenly looked up at him and saw him looking at her. Mark turn away. She looked at him wishing they could just both say what was on their minds.
Everyone slowly started to leave. They all managed to move ahead of her and Mark. Leaving them alone together. How convenient, Mark thought.
He went over to her, he wanted to ask her if he didn't imagine their earlier moment together. But it never came out. "Hey, have a fun today?" He asked making conversation. He was still thinking about last night though. Did she feel the same? Mark was still unsure, He didn't want to push something that he thought might not be there, but he was going to talk to her. He knew that much.
"Yeah, I had forgotten how much fun you guys can have." She said smiling at him. They both turned and headed for the car.
