BACK Prologue: Promise Me Now

‘I love it here, just you and me.’ Kian said to Emily. They were sitting by the river on a beautiful summer evening, not a cloud in the sky.
‘Me too.’ Emily replied, snuggling closer to Kian. They had been together for nearly two years now, and were closer than any other couple they knew. Everything was perfect; they had each other, they had each found what they had been looking for. She glanced up at him and thought how the world seemed to be a better place whenever she was with Kian. He made her feel so safe, so loved. He was her world.
‘I wish we could stay like this forever.’ Kian said wistfully. ‘Nothing else matters when I’m with you.’
‘We will stay like this forever.’ Emily replied. ‘Promise me we’ll always be together Kian. We’ll always keep each other safe.’
Kian smiled at her. ‘I promise. Our whole lives spent together, deal?’
‘Deal!’ Emily kissed him. ‘Everything seems so right…so special.’
‘I know.’
Kian held Emily in his arms as they watched the sun setting on the horizon.
They didn’t need words, they each knew what the other was thinking, feeling, hoping…all the time they would spend together, all the love they would share for the rest of their lives.

~~~~~~~~

Chapter One: Don’t Leave Me

Kian walked up the driveway to the house he and Emily shared with a smile on his face. She didn’t know he was back; she thought he was in Asia with Westlife, only last night he had told her that they wouldn’t be home for another fortnight. He could hear the disappointment in her voice, which he hated, but he knew that it was worth the white lie just to see the look on her face when he walked through the door. He looked at the flowers he had stopped to get on his way back; they were red roses, Emily’s favourites. He smiled again as he quietly put the key in the lock and opened the door; he couldn’t wait to see Emily, to see the surprise on her face! He quietly closed the door and walked through to the kitchen. Emily wasn’t there. Kian put his bag down and was about to go into the lounge when something made him stop dead in his tracks. He could hear crying; he could hear Emily crying! He ran into the lounge and found her, curled up in a tight ball on the sofa.
‘Emily what’s wrong?’ he said, putting his arm around her. At first, she didn’t even seem to know he was there, and then she looked up but without any recognition.
‘Emily? Emily it’s me, Kian!’
‘Kian? But…but you’re in Asia…’ Emily said, between sobs.
‘Not anymore. I thought I’d surprise you!’ Kian replied softly. He hated seeing Emily so upset; and he didn’t even know what the problem was!
‘I’m so happy to see you Ki…’ Emily said, her voice trailing off.
‘Emily what’s wrong? Why are you crying so much?’ Kian asked.
Emily tried to smile. ‘Oh it’s nothing…nothing, I was just missing you that’s all!’
‘Well I’m here now!’ Kian said, kissing her. ‘Are you sure that’s all it was? Because you look quite pale…’
‘I just have a bug, that’s all!’ Emily replied.
‘Can I get you anything?’ Kian said, frowning as he saw the look of pain that crossed Emily’s face.
‘Yeah…yeah I wouldn’t mind some water?’ It was obviously a struggle for her to talk.
‘Okay, I’ll be right back honey.’ Kian said as he went out to the kitchen. He was worried; Emily looked so fragile! As he stood by the sink filling a glass of water, his blood froze. Emily was screaming, an awful sound unlike anything he had heard before. Instantly, Kian dropped the glass into the sink, where it shattered into tiny pieces. He ran back into the lounge, and saw Emily thrashing around in agony, tears streaming down her face. She was calling his name over and over. Kian bent down and took her in his arms. ‘It’s alright, I’m here.’ He said as he held onto her. He could feel himself shaking; he hadn’t even seen anyone in so much pain before and it frightened him.
‘It’s okay Emily, it’s okay, I’m here.’ He said, trying to convince himself.
‘Kian what’s happening to me!’ Emily cried.
‘I don’t know honey but you’ll be alright I promise you!’ Kian said. ‘I won’t let anything hurt you, ever!’
He couldn’t understand what was happening; Emily had always been healthy! Kian got up, but Emily grabbed onto him.
‘Don’t leave me Kian!’ She said.
Kian bent down to her. ‘I’m not leaving you! But we need to get you to hospital, I have to call for an ambulance!’
‘I’m scared, what’s happening to me?’ Emily said, looking up at Kian with a tear drenched face.
Kian couldn’t answer her. He only wished he knew.
‘You’ll be fine,’ he said. ‘Let’s just get you checked out before we start worrying.’
He smiled at Emily, trying his best to reassure her, to make her believe that she would be fine. But in truth, he wasn’t so sure. Emily looked so ill, so pale, so…so weak. Kian grabbed the phone and called for an ambulance, his voice shaking.
He looked round to make sure that Emily wasn’t listening; she wasn’t, she was in too much pain.
‘Please hurry, I don’t know if she can hold out much longer!’ Kian said to the operator. He hung up and went back to Emily.
‘They’ll be here soon sweetheart, just try to relax.’ He said.
‘I’ve never felt so much pain before Kian!’ Emily said, her voice sounding weak. ‘Please, just hold me?’
Kian took her in his arms; he could feel her body shaking, and her breathing becoming laboured. Where was the ambulance? He thought. He cursed himself for letting his brother borrow the car while he was away; if he hadn’t, then he could have got Emily to the hospital himself.
It seemed like an eternity, but at last the ambulance pulled up outside. Kian had been holding Emily all the while, trying his hardest to calm her down, trying to keep her conscious, but she was oblivious to his voice now, the pain was all she could think about. He watched in horror as the paramedics took Emily carefully from him, her body limp and lifeless.
‘Don’t hurt her!’ he said instinctively. ‘Don’t let anything happen to her!’ Kian followed as they took her out to the ambulance.
‘Keep talking to her,’ one of the paramedics said to him. ‘Just let her know you’re there.’
Kian nodded and sat down next to Emily. Her eyes were shut now, but he took her hand and squeezed it tightly.
‘Don’t leave me Emily!’ He whispered. ‘Remember our promise? A lifetime together!’
As he sat with her in the ambulance in the short drive to the hospital, as he looked at her pale face and tear-drenched eyes, he felt an awful feeling of panic, of helplessness. He loved her so much…he didn’t want to lose her, not now, not ever.

~~~~~~~~

Chapter Two: I’ll Never Let You Go

Emily slowly focused on her surroundings. It wasn’t familiar…she wasn’t at home…where was she? She tried to sit up but felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.
‘Don’t try to move Emily, just rest.’ It was Kian. ‘You’re in the hospital.’
Then it all came back to her; the pain, the awful, pounding pain in her chest. She had felt as though she was dying, she thought that nobody would ever find her until she saw Kian there. She remembered the relief when he had held her; it was then that she knew she was safe.
‘What…what happened?’ she asked. ‘What’s wrong with me?’
‘They don’t know yet.’ Kian replied. ‘The doctors ran some tests whilst you were unconscious, to try and find out what had happened.’
‘When will we get the results back?’ Emily asked.
‘The doctor said that he’d tell us as soon as they knew anything.’ He kissed her forehead. ‘Try not to worry, I’m sure everything will be fine.’
Emily tried to smile at him. ‘Yeah.’
‘You had me worried there!’ Kian said.
‘I’m so glad you found me Ki…I don’t know what would have happened if you weren’t there…’ her voice trailed off as tears welled up in her eyes.
‘Ssh, don’t cry!’ Kian said, putting his arms around her. ‘I promised you that I’d always be there, didn’t I?’
Emily nodded.
‘So there’s no need for you to ever worry, okay? Because I’ll always be there.’

~~~~~~~~

Emily felt as though time was standing still as she watched the doctor’s face. She couldn’t believe what he had just told her. Heart failure? But it couldn’t be, not at her age! She was too young! They must have mad a mistake, mixed up her test results! She looked down at Kian’s hand, so tightly wrapped around her own. He was firing questions at the doctor, demanding that they make her better, but Emily couldn’t speak. Occasionally, parts of what the doctor was saying would register. She heard him talk about a transplant, she heard him say that it was her only chance. But it couldn’t be right, it couldn’t be!
‘We’ll put you on the waiting list right away.’ The doctor was saying. ‘But I’m afraid that it could be a long wait; it’s purely down to a bit of luck on your side.’
‘And so what do we do in the meantime?’ Kian asked.
‘Well, we can give Emily some medication to try and ward off infection, things like that, and we will do our best to make sure that she’s comfortable.’
‘How…how long can she wait before having the operation?’ Kian said.
‘It’s hard to say, but if we haven’t been able to perform the surgery in, say, six months’ time, then I’m afraid her health will have deteriorated quite a lot.’ The doctor replied.
Kian looked away as he spoke. ‘But that won’t happen, right? You won’t let that happen!’
‘I can promise you now that we will try our utmost to make sure that Emily receives the best possible treatment.’
After the doctor had left, Kian turned to her. When she saw the pain in his eyes, she finally gave way to the emotions that had been building up inside of her and she cried, she broke her heart. Kian held onto her tightly, and she could feel his own tears against her face.
‘It’ll be alright!’ he kept saying. ‘I’ll be here for you, I know we can get through this!’
Emily just shook her head silently. There was a long road ahead of them, and she wasn’t sure if she had the strength to go on.

~~~~~~~

Chapter Three: Almost Strangers

Kian watched Emily as she stared out of the window. She was almost unrecognisable now. Since that awful day four weeks ago, she had become withdrawn and lost in a world of sadness. Kian hated to admit it, but he could see that she had almost given up. All her spark, all her energy, had gone, and in it’s place was misery and sadness. Kian wanted to help her so much, but she wouldn’t let him in. She had shut him out, she wouldn’t open up to him and it was breaking his heart. If he tried to hold her, she would pull away. If he tried to talk to her, she wouldn’t reply. The closeness they had once shared was gone, now Kian felt as though they were strangers. Emily had been allowed to go home two days ago, whilst they waited for a suitable donor to be found, and Kian had hoped that it would make all the difference but it hadn’t. She was just the same as she had been in the hospital. He had spent every waking moment by her side whilst she was in hospital. He didn’t want her to feel alone; he wanted her to know that they were in this together. And although she was hurting him so deeply by shutting him out of her life completely, Kian wouldn’t give up on her. He believed in her; he only wished that he could make her believe in herself.
‘It’s so good to have you home Emily.’ Kian said quietly. He knew that he wouldn’t get a response, but he wouldn’t stop.
‘I hated being here alone. This house is about you and me, without you in it, it felt so empty.’ He continued, watching her face closely for any reaction, no matter how small. ‘You’re everything to me…without you, I’m nothing.’
But Emily’s expression remained unaltered. Kian sighed, and stood up.
‘I’m going to get something to eat, would you like anything?’ he asked.
‘No, I’ll have something later.’ Emily replied, still staring out the window.
Kian went through to the kitchen and leant on the table, his head in his hands. He couldn’t understand why she was so cold to him when all he wanted to do was be there for her! He knew how scared she must be, and he wanted to let her know that she wasn’t alone, that he was going through it all with her, but she wouldn’t let him. Instead, they each had to face their fears alone.

~~~~~~~

Emily could hear Kian talking on the phone from the bedroom. She was meant to be resting, but couldn’t seem to relax. What she really wanted was Kian to hold her, for them to be like the old days. She knew that she only had herself to blame. She had shut him out through her own choice. Kian had tried so hard to reach her, but she shunned him and she hated doing it. She could see the pain in his eyes, the hurt on his face, every time she pulled away from his embrace, every time she ignored his kisses, his love. She knew that all he wanted to do was look after her, and that was all she wanted too. But she couldn’t share her feelings with him, because she knew that once she truly opened up about how she was feeling, she wouldn’t be able to stop. She didn’t want to be a burden to Kian; she didn’t want to tie him down, especially as she didn’t know how long she might have left. She didn’t want to leave him with a broken heart, so she had decided that it would be better for both of them if she kept her distance. It had seemed to be the only solution at the time, but now she wasn’t so sure. She could see what she was doing to Kian every time she saw his face. Then something happened to make her feel even worse. Emily had been lying there in the dark, listening to Kian’s voice, for a while when suddenly she became aware that something had changed. His voice sounded…different. She sat up, trying to make out what he was saying. Then she realised what it was. He was crying. And it wasn’t just a few tears by the sound of his voice.
‘She won’t let me near her anymore!’ Emily heard him saying. ‘I don’t know what to do!’
Emily bit down on her lip, and layback down in the bed to try and shut out his words, but they kept coming back.
‘I never thought she could forget about me just like that. I thought what we had was special!’ Kian was saying. Emily closed her eyes.
‘Oh Kian,’ she whispered. ‘I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry!’

~~~~~~~

Chapter Four: Learning To Love Again

Something had woken Kian but he wasn’t sure what. He looked at the clock and groaned when he realised that it was only 2.30am. He turned over and was about to go back to sleep when he realised that Emily wasn’t next to him. He sat up and looked around the room; no Emily. Kian got out of bed and put a light on. He went through to the landing and listened for a moment. He could hear muffled crying, it sounded as though it was coming from the lounge. He went downstairs and saw that there was a light on, but the door was shut. He slowly opened it and looked in, where he saw Emily, sitting on the edge of the couch, her head buried in her hands, her body shaking with sobs. She looked so fragile, so alone. He walked over quietly, so as not to make her jump, and sat down next to her. He gently put his hand on her arm, and she turned to look up at him. They just looked at each other for a moment, in silence.
‘Oh Kian, I’m so sorry!’ Emily said at last.
Kian took her in his arms and held her. She was crying so hard.
‘I’m so sorry!’ She kept saying, over and over.
‘Ssh, it’s okay sweetheart, everything’s okay now.’ Kian said. He felt tears fall down his own face. They were tears of relief; at last Emily was letting him in, maybe now he could tell her that she wasn’t alone. They held onto each other tightly, neither of them wanting to let go.

~~~~~~~

Emily was the first to wake up the next morning. Last night had proved to be a turning point; she and Kian had cried together for hours, neither of them saying a word, but each knowing how the other felt. Eventually, they fell asleep in each other’s arms. She looked over at Kian, who was still fast asleep. She gently brushed his hair out of his face, and smiled. He looked so peaceful, and so vulnerable. She hated herself for hurting him so much; he didn’t deserve any of it. She knew that all he wanted to do was love her and take care of her, but she had been hurting and couldn’t open up to anyone. But the way he had stood by her, the way he never gave up on her…well, it proved that he was something special. She knew she was lucky to have him. Just then, Kian stirred and opened his eyes.
‘Good morning.’ Emily whispered.
‘Hey.’ Kian smiled. He motioned for her to come closer, which she did. ‘I’ve missed this so much.’
‘Me too.’ Emily said. ‘I’m sorry for shutting you out Ki…I didn’t mean to hurt you!’
‘I know you didn’t.’ Kian said. ‘But why did you, Emily? What made you feel as though you couldn’t turn to me?’
‘I didn’t want to bring you down with me.’ Emily replied. ‘I didn’t want to hurt you…I knew that if I gave way to my emotions…if I talked about them with you, then I might never stop…I didn’t want to be a burden.’
‘Emily how could you even think that?’ Kian said, hugging her. ‘You could never be a burden to me! I love you, don’t you know that? I’d do anything for you!’
‘I know…I always knew…’ Emily said. ‘I guess I was scared that you wouldn’t want me anymore.’
Kian kissed her. ‘Don’t ever think like that again! I’ll always love you, no matter what!’
Emily smiled, and then sharply sucked in her breath.
‘What’s wrong?’ Kian said, sitting up.
‘Nothing, it’s nothing.’ Emily replied.
‘It doesn’t look like nothing to me!’ Kian said. ‘Do you want me to call a doctor?’
‘No I’ll be fine, really.’ Emily said. ‘It’s just a couple of twinges, that’s all. I get them every once in a while.’
‘I didn’t know…’
Emily looked at Kian and saw in his eyes the hurt she knew he was trying so hard to disguise. She hadn’t told him anything about how she was feeling, simply going for a lie down when the pain started.
‘I should have told you. It’s nothing to worry about; the doctor explained it all to me before I left the hospital. The medication keeps me well most of the time, but every so often I get a bit of pain.’
‘Emily you don’t have to keep all this to yourself.’ Kian replied. ‘I want to help you, I want to go through it with you!’
‘I know, I promise I won’t shut you out anymore.’ Emily paused. ‘I’m so scared Kian…I don’t want to die!’
Kian held her and whispered ‘you’re not going to die. We’ll get you that transplant Emily, I know we will!’
‘I wish I could be so sure!’ Emily said, crying.
‘You can be.’ Kian said, smiling at her. ‘When have I ever lied to you?’
‘You never have.’
‘Exactly!’ Kian said, wiping the tears from her eyes. ‘And I have no intention of starting now!’

~~~~~~~

Over the next few days, Emily poured her heart out to Kian. She told him everything she had been keeping inside of her, and although it was hard, and there were a lot of tears from both of them, she knew it was worth it. Kian had to know.
‘Don’t think you have to hide how you’re feeling.’ Kian said as they were eating a take away one evening.
‘I won’t, not anymore.’ Emily replied. ‘I was stupid to have ever done it in the first place.’
‘Just remember that I love you no matter what happens or how you’re feeling, okay?’ Kian said, smiling at her.
‘It’s such a relief to talk about it, even if it’s painful.’ Emily paused. ‘I don’t feel too good tonight…I don’t think I can eat anymore.’
Kian got up and came round to where she was sitting. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘I just feel really…weak.’ Emily replied. She shrugged and tried to smile. ‘It’s probably nothing.’
‘Do you think you’d feel better if you had a lie down for a bit? I could clear up here and then maybe later you might feel a bit better?’ Kian asked.
‘Yeah I think that sounds like a good idea.’ Emily said, standing up. ‘But I feel awful leaving you to do the dishes!’
‘Yeah well, that’s what I’m here for, right?’ Kian grinned at her.
Emily laughed. ‘It’s nice to know that you know your place!’
‘Thanks very much!’ Kian replied. ‘Do you want a hand getting upstairs?’
Emily nodded. ‘I wouldn’t mind, I don’t think I have the strength to get there myself tonight.’
Kian helped her upstairs and made sure she was comfortable before leaving her. He hated to see her like this; she really did look ill tonight, it brought it all home. The sooner a suitable donor could be found, the better, Kian thought. Seeing her tonight…well, he wasn’t sure how much fight she had left.
A while later Kian was woken by the telephone. He had fallen asleep on the couch in front of the TV. He flicked the switch to turn it off, then got up to answer. As he did so, he noticed the time. It was nearly midnight; who would be ringing at this time of the night?
‘Hello?’ He said.
‘Hello, is that Mr Egan?’ The voice on the other end said.
‘Yes, who’s this?’
‘I’m calling on behalf of Doctor Poole.’ The woman continued. ‘Can you get here as soon as possible please? A suitable donor has been found for Emily, but if this is going to be a success, we need to carry out the transplant tonight.’
Kian couldn’t say anything; all his prayers had been answered, he couldn’t believe it!
‘Mr Egan? Can you get here within the hour?’
‘Huh? Oh sorry, yes, yes of course we can!’ Kian replied. ‘We’ll be there.’
Kian hung up with a massive smile on his face. He just stood there for a moment, taking it all in. then he raced up the stairs to wake Emily.
‘Emily!’ He shouted. ‘Wake up!’
‘Kian why are you shouting?’ Emily replied sleepily.
‘Didn’t you here the phone? That was the hospital. We have to get there quickly, they’ve found a donor for you!’ he couldn’t hide the excitement in his voice.
Emily blinked at him. ‘You’re joking!’
Kian shook his head. ‘No, I’m serious! Come on, this is it!’
Slowly a smile crept over Emily’s face as the realisation dawned. ‘But they said it could take months!’
‘I know.’ Kian replied. ‘Don’t question it, let’s just go!’
He threw a few things into a bag while Emily got ready, then they went out to the car. As Kian started the engine up, Emily put a hand on his arm.
‘Wait.’ She said.
Kian looked at her and frowned. ‘What?’
‘Wait a second.’ Emily said again.
‘But we have to get to the hospital Emily!’ Kian replied. ‘We have to get you better!’
‘I know, but there’s a risk involved too.’ Emily said quietly.
Kian turned the engine off and looked at her. ‘But we don’t have any other choice!’
‘I know that too.’ Emily said. ‘But…well, this could be the last time I see this place!’
‘Emily don’t talk like that!’ Kian said. ‘You’re going to be fine, you’ll be back home before you know it, living life to the full again!’
‘Nobody knows that for sure though.’ Emily replied. ‘Just give me a minute, please?’
Kian didn’t know what to say. It was true, nobody could guarantee that this operation would be a success, but it was their last chance. If Emily didn’t go through with it, she would die. If she did go through with it, there was a chance that it wouldn’t be a success, but there was also a good chance that it would give her a full recovery. Kian knew, no matter how hard this was, that there really was only one option.
After a couple of minutes, Emily said ‘we’ve had some god times here, haven’t we?’
‘We’ll have even more good times here soon, when you’re all better.’ Kian replied.
‘You’re not going to let me give in, are you?’ Emily said, smiling.
‘Nope. So let’s go!’ Kian said.
‘Alright.’ Emily said. ‘You’re right, I know you are. But I can’t help feeling scared.’
‘Do you want me to be honest?’ Emily nodded.
‘I’m just as scared as you are. I don’t want to lose you Emily! I don’t know what I’d do without you, you’re my world! But I know that our only chance of happiness lies in this operation, that’s why you have to go through with it.’
Emily knew that he was right. ‘Well then, what are we waiting for?’

~~~~~~~~

Chapter Five: Right Here Waiting For You

Kian searched the doctor’s face for a clue, but it remained blank. It had been nearly four hours since Emily had gone into the operating theatre, and he had been given no word on her condition yet. He stood up and went over to the doctor who had just left the theatre.
‘Excuse me, but is anyone going to tell me how my girlfriend is doing in there?’ he asked.
‘Oh yes, Mr Egan, isn’t it?’ the doctor replied.
Kian nodded. ‘I’ve been waiting for someone to tell me what’s happening for four hours!’
‘I’m sorry about that, but our main concern has been Emily’s health.’ The doctor said. ‘I’ll find a nurse to come and talk to you just as soon as I can.’
With that, the doctor walked away. Kian sat back down, he couldn’t understand why he wasn’t being kept up-to-date!
What if they were keeping something from him, something bad? He wondered. He looked at the faces of the people around him. The waiting room was fairly empty, apart from a young couple that each had their arms around the other.
They looked inconsolable; Kian guessed that they were waiting for news on a child. He watched them comforting each other, telling each other that everything would be okay. He could see how much the couple were relying on each other to get through this; they needed each other. It made him feel so alone; he knew that he had to be strong for Emily, but who was there to be strong for him? Although he hadn’t ever shown it, the strain of seeing someone he loved so dearly fight so hard for survival was starting to take it’s toll. He hardly slept at night for worrying, he thought about Emily every second. He didn’t know if he could carry on without her in his life.

~~~~~~~~~

Half an hour later, and a nurse called Kian through to a small room.
‘How is she?’ he asked straight away.
‘Emily’s out of theatre now.’ The nurse replied. ‘She’s in intensive care.’
‘Intensive care?’
‘Don’t worry, it’s normal after such major surgery. She came through the operation well, the odds are in her favour.’
‘Can I see her?’ Kian said.
The nurse nodded. ‘Of course you can. Come with me.’
She took Kian through to the intensive care ward, where Emily was lying, attached to all number of machines and drips. Kian’s instant reaction was panic, something the nurse picked up on.
‘Don’t be scared of the machines, they’re there to help us monitor her.’
Kian smiled. ‘She looks so fragile though…so pale.’
‘She won’t do, in a couple of days. Just talk to her, let her know that you’re there. It’ll help, I guarantee you.’
‘I will, thanks.’ Kian replied as the nurse left. He pulled a chair up next to the bed and took Emily’s hand in his own. He reached over and gently kissed her, as he did so Emily stirred slightly.
‘It’s okay Em, everything’s okay now,’ he whispered. ‘You’re going to make it.’

~~~~~~~~

Kian stayed with Emily over the next few days, as she slowly recovered. He talked to her whilst she was unconscious, and told her how much he loved her over and over again. As each day passed, Emily started to look better. She was able to talk to him for a little while, although she did have to be careful not to exhaust herself. And when she was too tired to speak, they would just sit together in silence, happy just to e with each other, just to know that everything was going to be all right. At the end of the first week, Emily suddenly said that she wanted to get out of bed and move around.
‘Are you sure this is a good idea?’ Kian said as he helped her to get up.
‘Of course it is.’ Emily replied. ‘I’ve got to do it sometime!’
‘But don’t you think you should wait for a nurse?’ Kian could see how weak she looked; he didn’t want her to rush things only to set her back further.
‘I’ll be okay; you’ll help me won’t you? I’d rather have you helping me than a nurse anyway!’
Kian smiled; he couldn’t help but admire her determination but he also couldn’t help feeling that this was happening too soon. He saw her biting her lip as she set her feet down on the floor.
‘Emily you don’t have to do this, you don’t have to prove anything to me!’ he said.
‘No…no I want to.’ Emily was finding this incredibly hard, but she didn’t want Kian to know that. ‘Just hold me, so I can get my balance?’
Just as Kian put his arms around her, Emily slipped and fell back.
‘Emily are you okay?’ Kian asked as he helped her to sit back down again. Emily didn’t reply; instead she put her head in her hands and wept.
‘Hey what’s the matter?’ Kian said, putting his arm around her. ‘Don’t cry!’
‘I can’t do it!’ Emily said.
‘It doesn’t matter!’ Kian replied. ‘You just need a bit more rest, that’s all! Then you’ll be fine, I promise!’
But Emily just shook her head.
‘Please don’t get upset!’ Kian said softly. ‘You’ve done so well; you’ve got through some major surgery! And I’m so proud of you!’
‘I can’t do anything for myself Kian!’ Emily cried. ‘I hate being in here…I hate being different.’
Kian hugged her. ‘Of course you’re different! You’re one in a million, don’t you realise that? Most people would have crumbled under all this, but you’ve been strong, you’ve kept going!’
‘No I haven’t.’ Emily said. ‘It’s all an act…I’m not strong at all!’
‘Yes you are, otherwise you wouldn’t be here now!’ he said. ‘You made it through.’
‘I wouldn’t have Kian,’ Emily replied. ‘If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be here now.’ ‘I haven’t done anything other than love you Emily.’ Kian said. ‘You made it through on your own. You found the strength you needed to make it inside.’
‘You were the only person who made me believe in myself…you believed in me, you made me realise that I could survive this. And I did survive this, because I had you.’ Emily paused. ‘You’ll never know what you’ve done for me Kian.’
Kian hugged her tightly. ‘I love you so much Emily; I’ll never leave you. I need you just as much as you need me.’

~~~~~~~

Chapter Six: From This Moment

‘This is the happiest day of my life!’ Kian said as he watched Emily walk towards where he stood in the doorway. She grinned at him; it had taken a lot of hard work but finally, nearly 7 weeks after the surgery, she was almost well enough to go home. Until now, she had only been able to walk as far as the window, and even then with the help of a nurse. But the last couple of days had seen a big improvement.
‘It’s all thanks to you Kian.’ Emily said, quietly, as she looked into his eyes. She could see that there were tears welling up in them, but this time they weren’t tears of sadness, they were completely the opposite. And it made Emily so happy to know how much this moment meant to Kian; after everything he had done for her, after all the times he had believed in her and willed her on, she finally felt as though she could repay him for his love. For the first couple of weeks after the operation she had been very down. She had cried for hours, and Kian had never left her throughout that time. She hated upsetting him, because she knew that her tears were hurting him, she knew that he hated to see her cry. But she really hadn’t been able to help it; there was so much emotion inside of her, she just had to let it out and Kian had been there, just like he always was. She couldn’t believe how lucky she was to have him, and now that she was better she felt determined to make him happy, she wanted to prove to him how grateful she was.
Kian put his arms around her and kissed her. He could hardly believe the change in her, she was almost back to her old self again. She had been so full of life before this, so full of life and so energetic. Nothing would get her down, her outlook was always positive. But since the illness, she had become depressed and withdrawn. Kian had stood by her though, every day he would talk to her for hours, telling her how much he loved her and that he would always be there for her. At first, he knew that she wasn’t listening, wasn’t believing his words, but after a while he could see that he was finally getting through. Emily knew that she never would have survived it all if it wasn’t for him. He was her strength, he was her everything. Kian was the only person who seemed to know how she was feeling, without her even saying a word. He had got her through the hardest weeks of her life, and against all odds she had made it. Emily looked up at Kian and saw how much he believed in her. She wouldn’t let him down; as long as he was there she would make it through.
‘I knew you’d get there!’ he said softly.
‘Only because you never let me think otherwise!’ Emily said, laughing.
‘It worked though, didn’t it? Kian replied, grinning back.
Emily nodded. ‘You’re my hero!’
‘Shut up!’ Kian said.
‘I wouldn’t be here now if it wasn’t for your love.’ Emily continued. ‘You’re love gave me the strength I needed to make it through.’
‘I’ll always love you Emily.’ Kian said. ‘No matter what we do or where we go, my love will always be there for you I swear.’
Emily looked deep into his eyes. ‘Thank you Kian. I’ll never forget that.’
Kian smiled back. ‘Come on. The doctor said that you can come home tomorrow; lets get you ready.’
Emily watched him picking up all the various bits and pieces around the room and putting them away. She couldn’t wait to get back home and start he life with Kian all over again. Now she realised that every moment was precious, she wouldn’t take anything for granted again.

~~~~~~~~

Kian stayed with Emily until late that night. They sat and talked about what they were going to do when she got home, and about their goals for the future for hours.
‘There is something that I’ve got for you…it’s probably my biggest ambition…but it’s a surprise.’ Kian said coyly.
‘Kian you can’t say that and leave me in suspense!!’ Emily replied. ‘Go on, what is it?’
‘If I tell you it won’t be a surprise, will it?’ He said, laughing.
‘Just give me a clue!’
‘Nope!’ Kian shook his head. ‘You’ll find out soon enough.’
‘I can tell I’m not going to get anywhere here, am I?’
‘All I will say is this: when you get home, look under your pillow.’
‘Ooh sounds interesting!’ Emily said with a giggle.
‘Well, I like to think it is!’ Kian said. He looked over at the clock and saw that visiting hours were up. ‘I’ve got to go honey, I’m sorry!’
‘Oh no, it’s not over already is it?’ Emily replied.
‘I’m afraid so.’ Kian said. ‘But never mind, after today we can be together for as long as we want!’
Emily smiled. ‘I can’t wait!’
‘Neither can I.’ Kian kissed her. ‘I love you.’
‘I love you too.’ Emily said. Kian hugged her, and reluctantly got up.
‘I’ll see you tomorrow sweetheart.’ He said, still holding her hand.
‘The day I’ve been dreaming of!’ Emily replied.
‘Me to.’ Kian said softly. ‘Sweet dreams.’
Emily watched him leave, and then settled down in the bed. She couldn’t wait until tomorrow when, at last, she and Kian could begin the rest of their lives together.

~~~~~~~~

Chapter Seven: Didn’t We Almost Have It All

Why did it have to rain on such a special day? Kian wondered as he drove to the hospital to collect Emily. It would have made it even better if the sun had been shining for her. But never mind, the main thing was that Emily was coming home! He had been awake for ages, just looking at the clock, waiting for the time to go and get her to arrive. It had seemed like an eternity, but at last it was here. Kian had tried to keep himself busy to make the time go by quicker; he had made sure that the house looked nice for her, and had been out and brought the biggest bunch of flowers to give her. He smiled to himself as he though about the biggest surprise of them all though; the engagement ring he had placed on her pillow, where she would find it later today. He couldn’t wait to see her face…he couldn’t wait to hear her answer. He prayed that she would say yes, it would make him the happiest man in the world if Emily agreed to be his wife! He had nearly lost her once; he wasn’t going to let it happen again! Just then, he noticed the road ahead was completely blocked off. Dam it! He thought. That was the quickest route! He sighed and turned left. He would just have to take the longer route instead, he had no choice. He hoped that Emily wouldn’t mind him being a few minutes late, that’s all. He put his foot down a bit; it was a fairly quiet road, and he was desperate to get to the hospital. The rain was pouring down now, and in the distance Kian thought he heard thunder. He knew it wasn’t safe to be driving this fast…but he didn’t want to let Emily down! He could hardly see the road ahead for the rain. The thunder was getting nearer; the rain seemed to be getting even worse. Just then, he saw something…it looked like a person, stepping out into the road…as the car got nearer, he realised that it was.
‘Shit!’ Kian said. He didn’t know what to do. He had a split second to decide before the car hit the person. Kian suddenly turned the steering wheel, and the car swerved to the right. As it did so, Kian realised that it was straight into the path of another car that was also travelling at a high speed. Kian shut his eyes tight, and braced himself. It all happened so quickly…and it was over just as soon.

~~~~~~~~

Emily looked up at the clock on the wall. Where was he? He was meant to be here nearly half an hour ago. She couldn’t believe that he would forget; they had waited for this day for so long! Emily had been awake for hours; in fact, she hardly slept a wink overnight. She was too excited about going home, couldn’t wait to get back to Kian. Today her life would begin again. Or at least, that was the idea. She couldn’t understand why Kian hadn’t turned up yet, he was meant to be here nearly an hour ago! Emily was starting to get worried; this wasn’t like him, he wouldn’t forget about her! Just then, a nurse came in ‘Is Kian here yet?’ Emily asked. The nurse didn’t say anything at first. Emily noticed that she looked uncomfortable; she wouldn’t look her in the eye.
‘What’s wrong?’ Emily said, starting to panic. The nurse looked so…so shocked.
‘Something’s happened, hasn’t it? Emily’s voice was starting to shake.
The nurse nodded slowly.
‘Oh God no, please not Kian!’ Emily said. She stood up. ‘No, tell me what’s wrong! Tell me Kian’s okay!’
‘Oh Emily I don’t know how to say this…’ the nurse began. ‘Kian’s been involved in an accident…he was brought in here a little while ago.’
‘But he’ll be alright, won’t he?’ Emily now had tears falling down her face; she couldn’t take this in.
‘I’m so sorry…his injuries are too severe…he can’t survive this.’
‘No!’ Emily cried. The nurse reached out for her and took her in her arms but Emily pulled away. She only wanted Kian.
‘He’s still with us, but he’s getting weaker. He’s been asking for you.’ The nurse said.
All Emily could do was nod in reply. She couldn’t breathe; she was shaking so much…she couldn’t believe what was happening, it couldn’t be right! She was leaving hospital today; she was going back to Kian! They were going to have the rest of their lives together, and now this…but she knew that she had to see him; she had to tell him how much he meant to her before it was too late.

~~~~~~~~

Emily sat down next to Kian’s motionless body. As she did so, he opened his eyes and slowly smiled up at her.
‘Emily!’ he said, his voice sounding so weak it broke Emily’s heart.
‘I’m here honey.’ She replied, gently squeezing his hand. She turned to the nurse. ‘Can we be alone?’
The nurse quietly left and the room was silent, apart from the noise of the machines monitoring Kian’s heartbeat. Emily gently kissed Kian’s hand.
‘I…I want to tell you…’
‘Ssh, don’t.’ Emily said.
‘No…I want to say…I’m so sorry…I’m so sorry…’ He paused, and she saw the tears falling down.
Emily was crying too, she couldn’t bear seeing him like this, it wasn’t fair! After everything he had done for her…he was too young to die, she needed him too much to lose him now!
‘Don’t be sorry Kian, don’t ever be sorry!’ Emily said. ‘You have nothing to be sorry about!’
‘I don’t want to leave you Emily…’ Kian said, his voice barely a whisper now. ‘It’s my…my fault…I was driving too fast…I shouldn’t…I just wanted to see you…to bring you home…’
Emily reached out and took him in her arms. Through the tears, Emily whispered ‘Oh Kian, I know, I know.’
‘I’m leaving you now…when you need me…the…most.’
Emily bit down hard on her lip to stop her sobs. ‘No Kian, you were there for me when I needed you the most. You got me to where I am now…if it wasn’t for you…’ she paused, and took a deep breath. ‘If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be here now, I know that for certain.’
Kian tried to smile.
‘But I don’t know how I’m going to live without you!’ Emily continued. ‘You’re everything to me Kian, I would do anything to keep you with me!’
Kian reached up and wiped a tear away from her eye. ‘I’ll always be with you Emily…wherever…wherever I am. You’ll never be alone.’
‘But I want you here Ki! I need you with me, I love you more than anything!’ Emily said, crying. She had tried to be strong, but her emotions were overwhelming.
‘Whenever you need me…just…just look to your heart…I’ll be there.’
‘I’ll always love you Kian, time won’t change that!’
‘I’ll…I’ll always love you too Emily…I hope you can find happiness again…’
Emily could see that he was getting weaker.
‘Promise…promise me you’ll…live your life…don’t give up…’
Emily nodded, tears spilling down her face. ‘I promise Kian.’
‘Live…you life for…for me…’
‘I will, I will I swear!’
Kian tried to smile but he was too weak now, and Emily knew that it wouldn’t be long.
‘Never let go of your…of your dreams Em.’ He said softly. ‘I know…you can achieve anything…’
‘Thank you for what you’ve done for me Kian. I’m only here today because of your love…your love was my strength.’
Kian’s grip of her hand was getting weaker.
‘I’ll never forget you…’ Emily bent over and kissed him softly. She could taste his tears.
‘When you’re all alone…I’ll…I’ll be there….’ Kian whispered. ‘Always.’
Emily nodded, and tried to smile. She held onto him, both of them crying. After a while, she realised that it was all over. She gently let go of Kian’s body, and looked down at him. He looked so peaceful, as though he were sleeping. She could see that all the pain had gone now…he looked like the Kian she would always remember. She kissed him on the lips, slowly, lingering to savour everything about him, to remember him always.
‘Goodbye Kian.’ She whispered. ‘I’ll be loving you forever.’

~~~~~~~~

Epilogue: Forever In My Heart

The sky was so clear…Kian would have loved a day like this, Emily thought as she stood alone in the churchyard. She looked back, and saw that most of the guests had left. She slowly walked over and knelt down next to Kian’s grave.
‘It’s such a beautiful day for you Ki…it’s beautiful and sunny, just like you were.’ She said softly. ‘I wish you were here with me…’
Tears began to fall.
‘You showed me what love is, what it is to love.’ She said. ‘You got me through the hardest times of my life…I only wish I could have done the same for you.’
She paused to wipe away the tears. The sunlight made the engagement ring sparkle. She had found it the day Kian died, and although it broke her heart to think that he never had the chance to see her wearing it, she had vowed to never take it off. It would always remind her of the love they shared.
‘You were only here for such a short time, but I realise why now. You were sent to help me, I was too weak to fight on my own but with you by my side I could do anything. You kept me going…you never let me down.’
Emily stood up to leave. ‘You were my angel.’
She knew that she would never forget Kian; he had been the most amazing gift in her life. Through him, she had found the strength to carry on; even in her darkest hours he showed her hope. That’s why she had to live her life now; she was alive thanks to Kian; she couldn’t reject what he had given her, and she would live her life with his love always in her heart. There wouldn’t be a day that went by that she didn’t think of him or miss him, but until they could be together again Emily knew that her memories would see her through, even though they hurt so much right now.
‘I’ll love you forever Ki…’ She whispered. As she walked slowly away through the now empty churchyard, she looked up at the sky and smiled through her tears. She knew that Kian would always be watching over her, and that made her feel safe. One day, she would be able to think of him without breaking down, one day she knew that the memories wouldn’t hurt anymore. She also knew that the love she shared with Kian was the strongest bond of all, and that nothing, not even death, could ever break it. Kian had given her hope, given her strength…and he always would.

When I think back on these times
And the dreams we left behind
I’ll be glad ‘cause I was blessed
To get to have you in my life
When I look back on these days
I’ll look and see your face
You were right there for me

In my dreams I’ll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there will always be a place for you for all my life
I’ll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am, there you’ll be

Well you showed me how to feel
Feel the sky was in my reach
And I always will remember all the strength you gave to me
Your love made me make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

In my dreams I’ll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there will always be a place for you for all my life
I’ll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am, there you’ll be

‘Cause I always saw in you my light, my strength
And I want to thank you now
For all the ways you were right there for me You were right there for me

And everywhere I am, there you’ll be
For always