BACK		Before Your Love

To Lusia, one of my best on-line friends. Have a happy sweet 16 birthday!
Bonne anniversaire!
~Mattie~

So much to say
But where do I start
Will you listen to me
If I spoke from the heart?
It?s simple things
That keeps us apart
You know it don?t have to be this way
Can?t you hear it in my voice
You gotta listen to when I say?..

Nicky shut off the CD player. ?So what did you think?? he asked me for my opinion on his singing.
I pretended to think for what seemed to be an eternity. ?Well?.? I started. ?Don?t do that to me Lusia! Be brutal!? Nicky laughed and tossed my stuffed teddy bear at me.
I chuckled. ?It was pretty good. It suits you a lot Nicky.? I replied. Nicky grinned and lied down on the bed with me and we stared up at the ceiling in my room.
?I really missed you. You and your little blonde antics.? Nicky teased me.
I rolled my eyes in annoyance. ?You?re blonde too, you know??
He laughed. ?Yes, but at least I know the difference between ?Play? and ?Pause? on the VCR.?
I groaned. ?That was ages ago Nicky! I was just spaced out and you know that.? I punched Nicky in the shoulder.
?Ow!? he exclaimed and it made me giggle.
Nicky turned over onto his side and looked into my eyes. ?So, are you going to come to the homecoming concert??
?Nicky, if I want to be mobbed by thousands of fans because I?m your best friend, I?ll have to come in a full body armour.? I said.
Nicky put on his best puppy dog face. ?Please? I?ll love ya forever Lusia.? I sighed. It was hard to say no to Nicky. He was probably the most charming and persistent person in the world, but not to mention one of the sloppiest guys I?ve ever seen.
?Fine,? I said in a teasing tone. ?But you?ll have to get Ronan Keating?s autograph for me.?
Nicky moaned. ?You have like thousands of them Lusia!?
?Make it a thousand and one!? I laughed and tugged on his cheek playfully.

***** After the concert the next night *****

I waited backstage for Nicky to get ready to leave. The concert was brilliant, but really loud though. It gave me a great sense of pride to know that my best friend was part of one of the most successful bands in the world and it made me proud to know the fact that he could actually charm millions of fans.
?Hey.? I felt him poke me from behind.
His hair was all wet and his face was all red from all the dancing.
I smiled and hugged him. ?A great concert. No need to say anything else.?
?Thanks,? He replied and pulled on a baseball cap. ?Sorry I took so long. Kian having one of his famous long showers.? Nicky pointed to his hair.
I grinned. ?That?s alright. Why don?t we get a bite downtown??
?You read my mind Lusia,? Nicky patted his belly. ?I?m absolutely starving!?

***** A couple of hours later *****

?So, what are your plans for the next months?? Nicky asked me as he bit into a club sandwich.
I gulped my drink down. I hadn?t told him that I had been accepted to the University of Southern Florida to study communications.
?Erm?? I stuttered and took another sip.
Nicky ran his fingers through his blonde hair. ?Well, erm what Lusia?? he asked me with a look in his eye. ?Something going on that you haven?t told me??
I bit my lips. I could tell that Nicky would be extremely disappointed to know that I was going to be halfway around the world.
?I?m leaving for university.? I said, not giving out too many details.
Nicky smiled. ?Well, what is so bad about that? A toast to you for getting into university!? He raised his glass. ?And where pray tell is this great university?? Nicky took a drink.
I shut my eyes. ?Southern Florida.? I mumbled.
To my surprise, Nicky spat out the entire drink all over the table.
?Southern Florida?? He sputtered and wiped his mouth. ?Why didn?t you tell me??
I clenched my fists. ?Well, just as I predicted, you would make a huge deal out of it!?
Nicky set his glass down noisily. ?I thought we promised we would apply together to the University of Dublin after I finished the tour.?
I sighed in response. ?Nicky, I changed my mind. I don?t want to go to Dublin. I want to see the world and meet new people.?
I saw Nicky glare at me and his blue eyes had turned into a stone blue colour.
?I didn?t realize you wanted to get out of this country.?
?I don?t. You?re really busy with your job and I know you love it and I just changed my mind when you were gone to England.? I replied sadly, hoping that Nicky would see my point.
?To hell with my job! You?re my best friend and you?re supposed to tell me what?s going on with you!? Nicky?s voice was getting louder.
I felt my blood boil. ?So, you?re saying I?m supposed to sit on my ass all day at home until the day you come home for good. That doesn?t sound like a fun thing to do Nicky!? I yelled back, not caring that people were starting to listen to our heated conversation.
Nicky didn?t reply but instead looked out the window avoiding my eyes. I couldn?t take it anymore.
?Fine!? I exclaimed loudly and stormed out of the restaurant into the dark streets of Dublin.

I walked quickly through the cold night, not caring that I had left my jacket behind with Nicky. I felt so angry and yet sad that it had turned out like this. I sort of regretted my decision to leave Ireland, knowing that I wouldn?t be able to see Nicky at all. A part of me wished that I loved him more, and the decision would have been so much easier.
?Wait!? I heard Nicky?s voice yell out from behind me.
I didn?t feel like arguing any further, so I started to run. Suddenly, It occurred to me that my shoes weren?t made for running for I was wearing black leather boots. As soon I felt Nicky grab my arm, my whole body fell down onto the cold cobblestone roads of the dark night.
?Oh!? I exclaimed as Nicky?s built frame toppled over me and the next thing I knew, I was staring up into his gorgeous cobalt blue eyes.

I wonder how I ever made it through the day
How did I settle for a world in shades of gray?
When you go around in circles
All the scenery looks the same
And you don?t know how
And I looked into your eyes
With the world stretched out in front of me and I realized?..

?Lusia.? Nicky?s voice murmured through the cold air between us.
I gasped in reply as his husky voice filled through my head. I never realized that his voice was so sexy. No wonder all the fans were drawn to him.
?Nicky,? I whispered back with tears in my eyes. ?I?m so sorry for keeping it a secret. I never wanted to leave you in the first place.?
Nicky?s blue eyes filled up with water and he brushed a loose strand of my blond hair away. ?I don?t want you to go too. You?re the most important person in my life.? He replied in a hushed voice.

I never lived before your love?.
I never felt before your touch?.
I never needed anyone to make me feel alive?.
But then again, I wasn?t really living
I never lived before your love?.

From that moment I looked into his eyes and saw all the sorrow and yet tenderness, I knew that I loved him. I remembered the day that my mother met Nicky for the first time when we were 9 and she said, ?That?s the man you?re going to marry Lusia.? Nicky and I had always laughed that off. Never did we know that my mother was right as usual.
?You?re just as beautiful as I always thought Lusia.? Nicky smiled at me and helped me up slowly, never letting go of my hand.
I felt my heart beat faster. Love had come here and now. It was for sure.
?Looks like my mother was right, wasn?t she?? I tucked my blonde hair behind my ear and looked down at the ground, not sure what to do next.

I wanted more than just an ordinary life
All of my dreams seemed like castles in the sky
I stand before you when my heart was in your hands
And I don?t know how
I survived without your kiss
?Cause you?ve given me a reason to exist?.

?Mothers are always predictable aren?t they?? Nicky smiled back and me and pulled my hand towards him. ?My own mum said the same thing to me too.?
I looked back up from the ground and saw a serious look on his face. I just never realized how beautiful Nicky was.
?I?m?. I?m?. falling?.? I couldn?t finish the words after trying to express the way my heart was feeling for him.
?I?m falling in love with you too.? Nicky said it for me and pulled me even more closer that our bodies were touching each other?s. I could even feel his irregular breathing and his heart pounding as well. The cold air showed his breath and it wavered over me like a magic spell.

I never lived before your love?.
I never felt before your touch?.
I never needed anyone to make me feel alive?.
But then again, I wasn?t really living
I never lived?.
I never lived before your love?.
I never lived before your love?.

I saw Nicky?s face inching closer to me and it was the moment. ?The moment? of my life was just about to happen. Nothing could ever stop it from happening. I followed suit and slowly stood on my toes and met him halfway and I felt his warm kiss on my lips. Thoughts were running all over my head and it was like fireworks going off.
I felt Nicky wrap his arms around my body and I touched his hair as we kissed underneath the dark skies of Dublin. It was no longer cold anymore.

And I don?t know why
Why the sun decides the shine
But you breathed your love into me just?.in?.time?.

?I? love? you Lusia.? Nicky whispered into my ears after we pulled apart.
I looked up into his eyes and my heart felt as if it was going to burst.
?Me too.? I whispered back and I hugged him tightly, letting the scent of his cologne float around me.
?Go to America,? Nicky said and hugged me tighter. ?I hear that distance makes the heart grow fonder.?
I giggled a little bit but I had to bite my lips from trying to cry.
?I love you Nicky.? I closed my eyes and laid my head on his shoulders and I felt him kiss me on the top of my head.
?I love you too.? He whispered and we hugged for what seemed to be hours. From that second on, I had found my real best friend and my soul mate.

I never lived before your love?.
I never felt before your touch?.
I never needed anyone to make me feel alive?.
But then again, I wasn?t really living
I never lived?.
I never lived before your love?.
I never lived before your love?.

~ Lyrics ~ Before Your Love ~ Kelly Clarkson (the winner of American Idol)