BACK		Feels Like Home

By Stephanie

Something in your eyes makes me want
to lose myself
Makes me want to lose myself
In your arms
There's something in your voice makes my
heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
The rest of my life

Shane sighed, relaxing back on the cream soft sofa that was situated in the middle of the living room in his new house. She walked over, hitting the play button on the video recorder. "Here it goes!" She smiled, cuddling up next to him. He looked down at her, she was perfect…and the best thing about it, she was his. She laughed as the video started. "Oh my god, look at the way dad’s look at the camera!" She smiled up at Shane, who was already staring back at her. There was something about her that he couldn’t describe, something that he couldn’t see in anyone else, even if he tried. Her eyes, her amazing eyes that always sparkled when she smiled. They were beautiful green eyes with a hint of brown, just like his own.
"I love you," he whispered, fiddling with her long silky brown hair. "I love you too." She whispered back, her lips meeting his. Sharing a passionate kiss, their hands were going everywhere, pulling each other closer. As they pulled back, Shane couldn’t believe how lucky he was, no matter how many times he pinched himself, he still thought it was one big dream.
Watching their wedding video for the first time brought so many memories back to him, how he felt that day when he seen his beautiful Bride, walking up the aisle towards him. No surprise there, every time he looked at her, his knees turned to jelly and if she were looking his way, butterflies would form in his stomach. He just hoped it was always be that way…

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
If you knew how I wanted someone to
come along
And change my life the way you've done

With Juliette asleep on his shoulder, Shane thought of the times he had nothing. Sure, he could have been leaving his dream, having number ones with his four best friends…but nothing could compare to having love. He recalled the lonely hotel rooms…sleeping alone with no one to keep him warm, or tell his deepest secrets to. ‘If only she knew…’ he thought to himself, kissing her forehead. ‘If only you know how long I waited for you…’ He smiled to himself, ‘but you finally came’ She changed his life so much, and him. He had woken up and realised that the best things in life…really were free. If he was just an ordinary guy back in Sligo, didn’t have much money or looked like crap with smelly clothes…he wouldn’t care, as long as Julie was with him.
He thought back to the day they met, in his hometown, Sligo. She had been visiting a sick Aunt at the time. Westlife were doing well in the charts with Seasons In The Sun/ I Have A Dream and yea, she knew who they were. She was a massive fan, and going to Sligo was a big dream for her. After settling down in her Aunt’s house, she walked as far as the city centre. She seen the big restaurant sign from afar and followed it. Five minutes later and she was outside The Carlton Café, she couldn’t believe it. She had been a fan of Westlife since she attended the Childline concert that same year, where they sang Swear It Again. ‘I wonder if he’s home…’ She thought as she stepped into the café, ‘It is a few days until Christmas…maybe he is’ she thought, reading the menu. She ordered a coke and chips. She sat facing the window, pulling out a magazine from her bag, she began to read.
"I’m off!" Shane shouted up to his mom from the bottom of the stairs. "Alright love." She answered back, continuing her cooking in the kitchen. He stepped into the café from the private door that led into his family home. That’s when he first seen her. Her long curly locks flowing past her shoulders as she read something that was on the table. Her finger nails tapping the table softly as she read. She checked her watch, she had better be heading back, she thought as she got up and collected her stuff. Shane was in awe. She looked amazing in her black tracksuit bottoms, white tight top and a small black leather jacked. She was just putting her scarf on when she looked up to find Shane Filan a few feet away from her. She couldn’t believe it, and either could he. She had the most amazing eyes he had ever seen, and this amazing glow that lit up the whole room when she smiled at him. She paid her bill and walked over as far as him. "Hiya, I’m Juilette." "And I’m Shane." He smiled back, shaking her hand. And that’s what led to his love, his fiancée and now…his wife who he was amazingly proud of and loved her very much.
The lonely nights disappeared after that day, the lonely feeling he got when Georgina was with Nicky disappeared too. No one mattered anymore, it was only him and her…no one else.

Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where
I come from
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

As he pointed the remote towards the television, he switched it off. He sat in the dark, watching the flames dance in the fireplace with his wife asleep on his chest. He held her closer, taking in the smell of her hair. He felt so complete being there with her, so at home with himself. He felt like a love struck teenager again, ten years younger with his gappy teeth. He laughed to himself, thinking of the time he thought he was in love with his English teacher, and almost proposed to her once in front of the whole class. He thought she was perfect…but she was nothing compared to his Julie…his girl.

A window breaks down a long dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see through the dark there's light

He carried her up the stairs and into their bedroom. He undressed her, even tried to plat her hair, ‘I don’t know how you do this, or sleep with this in your hair’ he said to himself, having no luck what so ever. He threw away the hairbrush, and tucked her into their bed. He climbed in next to her, keeping her close to him.
He could hear the noises of Dublin from where he lay. Could hear car alarms going off and windows breaking, sirens rushing past his house, weather it was an ambulance or the police…he didn’t know. All he knew is that he’d be alright, looking down at her as she slept…he’d always be alright…as long as she was with him. "You’re my girl…my beautiful angel" he whispered in her ear before he fell asleep.
Waking up the next morning, all alone. Shane was left in their bed as she went for her regular morning jog down to the beach. Shane sighed, about to fall back to sleep when he suddenly heart three loud knocks. It was only 8am but he felt the needed to get dressed and see her. Something wasn’t right.
As he opened the front door two policemen confronted him. He looked from one to the other. "What happened to her?" He knew it before they even spoke. "I’m sorry Mr.Filan…but you’re wife had an accident, she’s at The Matter hospital at the moment. It was a hit and run situation, we’re still looking for the suspect."
Shane nodded, and left the two police men, getting in his car and heading straight for the hospital. On his way there, he made sure to ring Nicky to inform if just encase anyone was looking for him.

If you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
If you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

He met Nicky at the hospital in the waiting area. He was only there for a few minutes when a doctor approached him, explaining everything. "She’s on a life support machine at the moment…it doesn’t look very good, I’m afraid. There is a chance she might not survive. You can go and see her, she probably can still hear you." He nodded and followed the doctor, trying to fight back the tears with the thought that he might actually lose her today.
The room was quiet. The only noise that was there was the low beep from the life support machine. He sat down near her, taking in every detail. There were five tubes around her face, a poppy bruise on her left temple and scars on the right side of her face. He took her hand in his, and held it tight up to his face resting both his elbows on the bed. "Hi Julie, it’s your Shaney baby here. You still look as beautiful as every baby, and everything is going to be okay, I promise you that." He couldn’t look at her any more; he could feel the tears burning his eyelids…about to fall. He stood up and walked over to the window, looking at the clear blue sky.
A while later, he returned back to his seat next to her. He started plating her hair, and he actually succeeded this time. He sighed, taking her hand again. "I love you baby, more than anything. Please, please pull through this. You’re strong, you can fight it. Please…pl…please" He sobbed, holding her hand tight when she suddenly squeezed his. "Julie!!!" He said with shock, jumping off his seat. "Shane…" She said low with interference in her voice. "Yes honey, I’m here." " Shane, I love you…" "I love you too, come on Julie…fight it!" He said with excitement that she was awake. "Promise me something…that you’ll …still go on with …out me, that you’ll …be strong." He started shaking his head, staring at her with worry, "No…no…no, don’t you start talking like that Julie…" The life support machine beeping continuously cut him off. A bunch of doctors burst in, surrounding the bed. "I’m sorry sir, but you’ll have to leave" One of them said, pushing him out. He didn’t even have time to think, everything had happened to fast. ‘This can’t be happening, not now…’ he thought, his face as pale as anything. A young nurse approached him, "I’m sorry sir…but we lost her. She’s gone." Shane started at her, " No! You’re wrong! She was talking to me before you arrived!" "I’m very sorry…" "No! We were only married for over a month! We were meant to spend our…our whole lives together!" He was crying now, really bad. "She’s my angel…she can’t be gone…she…she just can’t!" He cried, sinking to his knees. "She can’t…"
As Nicky dropped him home, and helped him in, Shane remember the three knocks he heard that morning, "The knock of death…" He said in a low tone. "What?" Nicky asked, not very sure about what he just said. "The knock of death…I heard it this morning, it’s what woke me up." "Are you sure?" "Of course I am! You were told the story, as a child weren’t you? Three knocks is the knock of death…why Nicky? Why my baby?" He said everything very low, still broken hearted and still crying. "I felt at home with her…I felt complete and now she’s gone. I’ll never be able to hold her hand…" He began to cry heavily again. "Won’t be…be able to…to kiss her anymore…or…or…hug her…WHY!?!??" He cried as Nicky took him in for a hug. "Last night was so perfect Nix, he watched out wedding video and she felt asleep one me…watching her sleep was the perfect moment ever…if only she knew what it meant to me…if only" He said, his tears falling on their wedding picture as he held it, caressing her face. "S he was my perfect Angel…"