BACK		FHM

First things first - aren't Westlife just a bunch of millionaire boyband ******s?
Nicky: No! We're really just normal blokes who got lucky!
Bryan: We've got all this money but I haven't spent it on wanky art and big fancy rugs. My house is every FHM reader's dream: I've got a snooker hall and a putting green, and a yellow Ferrari parked outside.
N: I've got a full-sized bar and a football pitch. We've spent our money on toys, just as every decent bloke would.

You both look knackered. Did the schoolies outside chase you?
B: No, we were at a part last night and recorded Des and Mel this morning.
N: I could get bollocksed here. I've had two Guinnesses and I'm feeling it already. I was so drunk last night! Some fella kept trying to take our photo - I grabbed his hand and told him, "If you keep waving that camera at me I'm gonna ram it up your hole!" He was quite apologetic afterwards.

Are you constantly narked by camera-toting fans?
N: Bryan was having a piss once when some bloke leant over and took a picture of his knob. Our manager grabbed him, threw him outside and took the film. Then the other day me and Bryan were sat in adjacent cubicles having a ****e and a chat...
B: We'd had a few drinks mind...
N: ... Bryan climbs underneath with his camera phone, I'm sitting there, uugghh, straining like, and he takes a photograph.
B: Two days later I had my phone stolen. Whoever's got it has a picture of Nicky's trousers around his ankles with two big hairy bollocks hanging down.

After brawling with So Solid Crew, could you now take on any band?
N: We don't go out and start fights, but if someone went for us we'd have no problem defending ourselves.
B: Looking back at that fight, it was reckless. Everyone involved was drunk and had forgotten that Sting was on the next table with his wife and kids. A glass could have been thrown and hit one of Sting's kids in the face. Imagine!

So you could beat the crap out of Blue?
B: We wouldn't fight them, we get on well with them. :People are always talking about fighting - stupid fanny rock bands like Ash! Because we're in a boyband they think we're fannies, but we'd have no problem knocking the bollocks out of Ash.
N: If it came to a head-to-head, we'd knock 'em out.

What's the most drunk you've ever been?
N: Yours was the Brits, Bryan.
B: I'm not going to name names, but one of the other members of the band got so drunk one night he ended up drinking the water from a toilet.
N: True.

You spend a lot of time on the road - do you watch porn on the tour bus?
N: We normally have wives and girlfriends with us, so we just do it live!
B: In the early days we had porn in our van. It's not as readily available in Ireland, so we got our tour manager to go into this sex shop...
N: We all went in!
B: You're joking me. We were ****ting ourselves, so we made him go in.
N: Anyway, we got the porn and the six of us were all sat in the back of the bus, looking gob-smacked at this video. When we got to the hotel, it was the quickest check-in ever!
B: We go for hotel pay-TV now. It's our most expensive bill when we're away from our families.

Bryan, your wife Kerry Katona owns the nation's favourite giant norks. Ever get bored of playing with them?
B: Never! I still haven't finished! They keep me out of trouble - she knows I'll never look at other tits. It's like when you've bought a Ferrari, you don't look at a Mercedes.

What about your early days? Who in the band was most notorious for "groupie love"?
N: Kian still is. The man's a legend when it comes to women. Kian is living the dream.
B: He can walk into a hotel lobby in Sweden or somewhere, see an absolute cracker waiting for an autograph, whistle and take her upstairs without saying a word.

How many celebrity women have Westlife bedded, in total?
B: You're talking mainly Kian and Mark. I'd say those two are easily at the 15 mark.
N: I'll tell you what, there's an offer on the table for Kian and Mark from Jordan. Every day she either rings them or comes on to them.
B: Kian snogged her at Donegal... but I can't even say that much, really.

Nicky, you're dating the Irish PM Bertie Ahern's daughter. Ever stumbled across any official secrets at dad's house?
N: Ha ha ha! Um, no.
B: There are a lot of stuffed brown envelopes around his house, though!

Ever banged Bertie's daughter in a government building?
N: Ha ha! No.
B: You're an unmarried Catholic - you don't have sex.
N: Yeah, right.