BACK		Miss You Nights

By Adelle Greenwood

CHAPTER ONE

Shane watched Adelle from the corner of the club as she danced happily with Kian. Everything about her was perfect in his eyes. Her flowing blonde hair and blue eyes that sparkled in the darkest light, and the warmest, friendliest personality you could ever imagine. It was obvious why he had fallen in love with her.

“Where’s your chick?” Bryan asked, interrupting Shane’s thoughts.
He nodded his head in Adelle’s direction.
“She’s just keeping Kino company for a bit.” He replied.
Bryan nodded.
“It’s pretty dead in here. Fancy taking the party to my hotel room?” he suggested.
Shane shrugged his shoulders.
“It’s your room that’ll get wrecked. Have you informed Aisling of your plans?” Bryan nodded.
“Go and get people rounded up. I’ll go and sort out some cars.” He said before disappearing through the side door.
Shane was on his way over to Mark when Adelle cut him short.
“Wanna dance babe?” She asked.
Shane looked at her wearing the figure hugging black halter-neck dress and couldn’t resist. He took her hand and led her to the middle of the dance floor.
He wrapped his arms around her waist as she wrapped hers around his neck.
“You okay? You looked a little peeved.” Adelle asked.
Shane nodded slightly.
“I was just missing you.” He smiled.
Adelle rolled her eyes playfully.
“I was only gone for two minutes.”
“Two minutes too long.” Shane replied quickly.
Adelle hugged him tightly as they slowly swayed to the music.
She squealed as ‘If Tomorrow Never Comes.’ By Ronan Keating blasted through the speakers.
“I love this song!”
Shane watched her for a few seconds.
“I love you.” He whispered.
Adelle looked into his eyes as he looked into hers. She slowly brushed her lips with his and kissed him passionately.

Adelle and Shane had been together for four years. They met when Shane and the band were just starting out. They were singing in clubs and he had bumped into her on the dance floor and sent her flying. Ever since, they had been inseparable.

Bryan hurried into the club expecting to see everyone waiting for him. When he realised that Shane hadn’t let everyone know about the plans like he said he would, he started doing it himself.
“Hey Mark, the party’s moving on to my hotel room. Help me spread the word.” He ordered.
Mark nodded and left the stunning brunette he was talking to standing at the bar.
Bryan stopped when he saw Adelle and Shane in a passionate embrace. He smiled to himself discreetly and carried on letting everyone know.
“Nicky, the party’s moving to my room.” He shouted.
Nicky nodded.
“Okay. Have you seen Stef?” he shouted back.
“Nah sorry mate, haven’t seen anyone except Aisling.”
Without another word, Nicky left to go and find her. She never disappeared at parties, but he hadn’t been able to find her all night.

Nicky made his way out of the club and made his way round the back of the venue. He made sure he was quiet, just in case.
“Stef?” He called quietly as he saw two shadows together.
“Nicky?” She called back as she distanced herself from the person she was with.
“What are you doing?” Nicky asked cautiously as he stopped beside her.
“Nothing!” She replied, too quickly for Nicky’s liking.
He squinted as he looked at the person standing opposite his girlfriend.
“Lee.” He said coldly.
“Hey mate, how you doing? Cracking party.” Lee replied nervously.
Nicky nodded.
“Cracking party, cracking girlfriend; seems you can’t settle with one.”
“I wasn’t doing anything mate I swear!” He lied.
“Course not. Stef I’ll be back at the hotel.” He said before hurrying off.
Stef ran up behind him and stopped him in his tracks.
“I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t kissing him, it’s obvious I was, but I am truly sorry. You’ve been abandoning me all night.” She cried.
Nicky pushed past her.
“Wrong Stef, I’ve been looking for you all night. I should’ve known I would find you with him; he’s had a bit of everyone the band’s been out with. Why should you be any different?”
She watched helplessly as Nicky hurried into one of the waiting cars and sped off up the road.
“You okay?” Lee asked awkwardly.
“Shut up!” She said before making her way back into the venue.

“Stef where you going? The party’s heading for the hotel.” Bryan insisted as he bumped into her.
When he noticed the tears in her eyes he turned more serious.
“What’s up babes?” He asked sensitively.
“Nicky’s just stormed off. I was with Lee, and…he saw.” She explained.
“When you say you was with Lee you mean in a physical, boyfriend/girlfriend kinda way?”
Stef nodded.
“Well then he’ll be a bit peeved for a while, you know how much we all hate Lee. He hangs around us all like we’re best friends, but we all know he’s only nice to us ‘cos of the girls we’re with. Go back to the hotel and talk to him. The sooner you sort it out the better, and he will calm down, after all, he wouldn’t want Lee to win.”
“Okay. Have you seen Shane or Adelle? I need to talk to them.”
Bryan put his arm around her and looked back into the hall.
“They’re…busy. They’ll make their way back to the hotel soon. Come on let’s get going, I’m hosting the party it won’t look too good if I don’t turn up.” He joked.

Shane slowly pulled away from their embrace. It took him a while to notice everyone else had left.
“Where is everyone?” He asked as he looked around the empty hall.
Adelle laughed.
“Don’t panic. They’ve just gone back to the hotel. We should be heading back now anyway, you’ve got a busy day tomorrow.” She insisted.
Shane nodded and took her hand.
“I haven’t forgot what day it is tomorrow…in case you were wondering.” He smiled.
“I’m glad. An anniversary is a big thing, I would be deeply hurt if it went by unmentioned.” She teased.
Shane smiled and led her out of the club.

The air was still warm from the sunny day they had had. As the couple walked down the steps towards the car, Lee appeared out of the shadows.
“Hi Shane! How have you been?” He asked enthusiastically.
Shane ignored him as if he wasn’t even there, and just kept his eyes locked on the car he was heading for.
“You look nice tonight Adelle, Shane’s been spending his money I see.” Lee said desperately.
Adelle done exactly the same as Shane and ignored him.
“Tramp.” She mumbled as she sat beside Shane in the car.
Shane laughed quietly.
“I would talk to him if he wasn’t only talking to me because he wants to get with you.” He replied.
Adelle turned and looked at him, and then kissed him on the lips gently.
“He hasn’t got a hope in hell with me. It’ll take more than him to separate us.”
She said before resting her head on his shoulder, and slowly drifting off to sleep.

CHAPTER TWO

“Sing to me.” Adelle ordered as she lay on the hotel bed.
“What do you want me to sing?” Shane asked as he slipped under the covers beside her.
“Written in the Stars.” She replied.
Shane sniggered quietly.
“You love that song don’t you?”
Adelle nodded.
“It’s the most beautiful song I have ever heard. I want it to be played at my funeral.”
Shane put his fingers to her lips.
“Don’t talk about things like that. You have a long while yet before you need to think about that kind of thing.” He said sensitively.
“Okay…sorry.” She said as she rested her head on his chest.
He gently stroked her hair as he started singing the song she always made him sing.
“Stay With Me,
Don’t Fall Asleep Too Soon,
The Angels Can Wait,
For A Moment.
Come, Real Close,
Forget The World Outside,
Tonight We’re Alone,
It’s finally you and I.

Adelle?” He whispered.
When she didn’t reply he knew she had fallen asleep. He smiled to himself slightly and closed his eyes, knowing he would fall asleep next to the person he loved more than anyone.

Stef slowly opened the door to the hotel room she shared with Nicky. She peered in and saw him sitting in front of the TV. She walked in and slowly sat beside him.
“I thought you’d be at the party.” She said quietly.
“Didn’t feel like it.” He replied bluntly.
“Look Nicky I know I was wrong, but I am sorry. I’ve been really down lately and he was just…there.” She explained.
Nicky looked at her for a second, trying his hardest to believe her.
“You should be able to tell me why you were upset in the first place.”
“I thought it was obvious! You can’t be oblivious to the problems we’re having. We’ve grown apart so much these last few weeks, I can’t help feeling you don’t love me.” She cried.
“I don’t love you? Let me ask you something Stef, how many times have I been known to cheat on you? NONE. Whereas I turn my back on you for two seconds and your snogging the face off one of my worst enemy’s! Don’t talk to me about love.” He shouted.
Stef reached her hand over and rested it on his knee gently.
“Nicky I do love you! More than the world, and if you think that because of what happened I can’t love you, then you don’t know a lot about the stuff you spend all your time singing about!” She insisted before standing up and running out of the room.
Nicky watched her leave, he wanted to call her back, but the words just wouldn’t leave his mouth.

CHAPTER THREE

“SHANE!” Paul shouted from the other side of the hotel door.
Shane stirred quietly as he could hear a distant voice calling him. Adelle on the other hand, was wide-awake.
“Shane! You have to go, the band’s waiting downstairs!” She whispered.
She smiled to herself as she started prodding his face. It seemed as if nothing would wake him.
She kissed his lips gently, and watched as he broke out into a smile.
“I knew if I was patient I would get that.” He laughed.
Adelle punched him playfully.
“Never again! Come on babe, you have to go to work.” She insisted.
“I don’t want to today. It’s our anniversary, I want to spend the day with you.” He moaned.
Adelle smiled.
“You have two hours of interviews, and then you have the rest of the day.” She explained.
Shane rubbed his eyes and sat up in bed.
“That’s better than nothing I suppose. I want you to go shopping and buy something though.” He ordered as he handed her his wallet.
“Buy what?” She asked looking at the money.
“Something that’ll make you smile. You’ll get your proper present later.” He promised.
Adelle shook her head.
“YOU make me smile, I don’t even need a present, and just knowing it’s my anniversary to you is enough. You’re all I want.”
“Well you’ve got me, for as long as you want.” He smiled.
Adelle leant forward and kissed him gently.
When she pulled away he looked at her expectantly.
“Can’t you do any better than that?” He joked.
She smiled and leant forward and kissed him again, but this time making it a lot more passionate. Shane wrapped his arms round her waist and pulled her down on top of him.
Neither of them could bring themselves to pull away, so they stayed in an embrace until Shane stopped suddenly.
“What is it?” Adelle asked.
“The knocking has stopped. I think they’ve gone without me.” He explained.
Adelle jumped up and ran to the window, she pulled the curtain across and then looked back at Shane.
“The bus has gone.” She explained.
Shane smiled.
“Looks like I’ve got what I want.”
Adelle smiled and then made her way to the bathroom.
Shane watched her admiringly as she walked across the room. She was wearing nothing but a white towel dressing gown, and she hadn’t brushed her hair yet.
Shane loved knowing that she didn’t feel like she needed to make an effort around him. She realised he loved her for who she was, not what she looked like. It made him feel almost normal.

CHAPTER FOUR

Adelle ran to the hotel room door. She pulled it open and was faced with Aisling.
“You ready?” Aisling asked cheerfully.
Adelle nodded.
“Just gimme a minute.” She said before running back into the room.
She walked over to Shane and kissed his hair gently.
“Sure you don’t mind me going babe?” She asked.
He stood up and smiled at her.
“Course not. I want you to buy anything you want. I need to get this place ready for a little surprise I’ve got for you tonight.” He admitted.
“I better get going then.” She said happily before pecking him on the cheek.
When she reached the door, Shane called her.
“What?” She asked.
“I love you.” He replied sheepishly.
“Love you too.” She smiled, and then left the room.

Adelle and Aisling walked down the corridor chatting happily.
“What’s Shane doing home? Bryan had to leave at god knows what hour this morning.”
“He didn’t answer the door, so they left without him.” Adelle explained.
Aisling laughed.
“We’ll have to try that sometime.”
“Where’s Stef? Isn’t she coming too?”
Aisling nodded.
“Yeah she’s meeting us at the shopping centre later, she’s had a fall out with Nicky…again.” She explained.
Adelle rolled her eyes.
“Do they ever stop?” She joked.
“I dunno, but it’s a lot more serious this time. She slept in mine and Bryan’s room last night, this morning when Nicky came to get Bryan he ignored her as if she wasn’t even there.” Aisling confided.
“Makes me appreciate how solid things are for me.” Adelle replied.
“Me and you both.”

Shane tied a white towel around his waist as he jumped out of the shower. Today he was extra happy; he and Adelle had been together for four years. He walked over to the bed and sprayed himself with aftershave, and then made his way over to the wardrobe.
He started humming the tune to ‘Written In The Stars’ and smiled when he thought about how much Adelle loved the song. He threw on some old faded blue jeans and a tight white t-shirt, and then went and picked his jacket up from the floor. He took out a little box and sat on the end of the bed. He opened the box to reveal an engagement ring.
“Tonight.” He said to himself smiling.

“So guys, we haven’t seen you for a while, what have you been up to?” The interviewer asked.
Bryan smiled brightly.
“We’ve been in Europe promoting the new album. We’ve been touring the world performing at a string of charity gigs, and I’ve also got married.” He said proudly.
“And how is your wife?” She asked.
“She’s grand. I’ve never met and never thought I would meet anyone that could make me as happy as Aisling does.” He admitted.
“And will there be children in the future?”
Bryan nodded.
“Definitely, now I’ve married her, that’s the only other thing I want in my personal life. We’ve been talking about it, and it’s going to happen some time in the near future.”
“And does the same go for Shane?” She asked.
“I imagine so. It’s actually his anniversary today, which might have something to do with his absence! When we’re away and Adelle isn’t travelling with us, he is either on the phone to her, or talking to me about her, he’s besotted. In a good way. You really need someone to keep you grounded in this business, and Adelle does that for Shane, as Aisling does for me.” He smiled.
Just then, Nicky’s phone went off. He looked at it and saw ‘Stef Mob’ flashing on the screen, so he cancelled the call.
Seconds later, Bryan’s phone went off. He saw it was Aisling and distanced himself from the interview.
“Hey babe what’s up?” He asked happily.
“Bryan we’re outside. Security wont let us in, can you come down?” She asked desperately.
“Ahh I’m in an interview at the moment, but I’ll send Paul down to come and get you.” He promised.
He was surprised when the phone went dead, normally they would call each other lovey dovey names before hanging up.
“Paul, can you go and get the ladies from downstairs? Security’s tight and won’t let them in.”
Paul, their security guard nodded and left the room.

The door came crashing open and everyone stood up when they saw the tears in Aisling’s eyes.
“What is it honey?” Bryan asked as he hurried to her side.
“There’s been an accident.” She choked.
“What do you mean an accident?” Mark asked.
The interviewer got up and slowly left the room, guessing this was to be a private moment.
“It’s Adelle.” Stef continued.
“Well come on, don’t make us guess!” Nicky replied angrily.
“She’s...she’s…dead.” She cried.
Everyone fell silent, and the only noise that could be heard was that of Stef and Aisling, who were struggling to breathe due to the tears.
Nicky hurried to Stef and held her tight.
“How did it happen?” Kian asked as tears filled his eyes.
“We were shopping and…and I don’t know. It just came out of nowhere. One minute she was laughing and joking, the next she was on the floor. We called an ambulance but she died almost immediately. They’ve taken her to the hospital anyway, just procedure I think they said, but I don’t know…” Aisling cried.
Bryan held her close.
“It’s okay honey it’s not your fault. Talk when you’ve settled down.”
Another silence, but this time it was broken by Mark.
“Has anyone told Shane?” he asked.
Everyone looked at him as if he had appeared out of nowhere.
“Oh Jesus, we totally forgot.” Stef replied guiltily.
“Who’s gonna tell him?” Kian asked.
Everyone thought about it for a few seconds.
“I will.” Bryan insisted.
“Are you sure?” Mark asked.
Bryan nodded.
“Yeah come on, we have to go now.” he said as he took Aisling’s hand and led her out of the offices.

CHAPTER FIVE

Bryan knocked on the door to Shane’s hotel room nervously, knowing this was going to be the hardest moment of his life so far. He had to tell his best friend that the love of his life had died.
Shane opened it, beaming brightly.
“Hi mate, come in. I’m just getting the place ready for tonight.” He said as he wandered back into the room.
Bryan slowly shut the door behind him and followed Shane.
“Shane I need to tell you something.” He said quietly.
Shane carried on as if he hadn’t even said anything.
“Don’t tell the others, but I’m planning to propose to Adelle tonight, just to make the day even more special.” He smiled.
“Shane listen to me.” He said adamantly.
Slowly, Shane stopped placing the candles on the chest of drawers and looked at Bryan seriously.
“What is it mate?” He asked.
“There’s been an accident…with Adelle.”
Bryan watched helplessly as he saw the smile slowly disappear from Shane’s face.
“What’s wrong?” He asked.
“They all went shopping today and…”
“Just tell me what’s happened to Adelle.” Shane ordered, cutting Bryan’s sentence short.
“She’s…she’s dead Shane.”
Shane laughed nervously.
“If this is some kind of joke it’s really not funny.” He said angrily.
Bryan shook his head as he looked down at the floor.
“It’s not a joke.” He promised.
Shane looked around the room as tears filled his eyes. Bryan stepped forward to comfort him but Shane stepped back.
“Where is she?” He asked.
“At the hospital.”
“Which one?”
“Oxford General.” Bryan replied.
Shane grabbed his jacket and left the room without saying another word. He walked down the corridor and ignored the group of friends that were sitting outside his room waiting for him.
Stef stood up to run after him but Nicky stopped her.
“Just leave him. He needs to be alone.” He whispered.
Moments later Bryan appeared.
“How was it?” Mark asked blankly.
“Not good. I think he’s gone to the hospital. I want to go with him and make sure he’s okay but…” He paused.
“But what?” Kian asked.
Bryan looked at Aisling, who was out of earshot.
“I wanna make sure she’s okay too.” He whispered.
Mark stepped forward.
“I’ll take care of her. You go and see Shane, no-one knows what he might do.”
Bryan nodded and walked to Aisling, pulled her to the side and hugged her tight.
“I’m gonna go and make sure Shane’s okay. Mark said he’d stay with you.” Aisling nodded.
“Okay. Take as long as you need.” She said before kissing him goodbye.
Everyone watched him walk down the corridor, hoping and praying that he would be able to comfort Shane enough.

Shane stopped the Porsche right outside the hospital entrance and ran up the steps.
A security guard pushed the door open and Shane ran over to the woman sitting behind a computer at the reception desk. He didn’t wait for her to notice him.
“I need to see Adelle…Adelle Greenwood.” He said coldly.
The receptionist looked at him over her glasses and then typed something into her computer.
“And you are?” She asked politely.
“Shane Filan. Her…fiancée.” He lied.
The woman spun round on her chair and looked at him sympathetically.
“I’m ever so sorry Mr. Filan, but Miss. Greenwood passed away earlier on today. I can’t give you permission to see her.”
“Just tell me what room she’s in.” He ordered angrily.
“Like I said before Sir, it is against our policy for visitors to see our patients under these circumstances.”
Shane looked at the computer screen quickly, and spotted all of Adelle’s details.
Name, Age, Address, Occupation, Phone Number, Parents’ Names, yes, it had her room number! 109.
Shane walked away from the desk without saying another word, and looked on all the signs until it showed directions for room 101 – 119. He hurried down the hall and stopped when he saw 109. He didn’t want to go; he didn’t want her to be in there. He wanted her to be back at the hotel, getting ready for a romantic night.
He took a deep breath and slowly walked towards the door. He swung it open and froze on the spot when he saw Adelle lying on the bed in the middle of the plain white room. It was empty and bare, with nothing in it but her.
“Excuse me Sir, you’re not allowed in here!” A doctor in a long white coat exclaimed.
He watched Shane for a few seconds, and when Shane didn’t take his eyes off of Adelle for one second, he began to sympathise with him.
“I can give you five minutes, and then you really must go.” He said quietly before turning and leaving the room.
Shane’s face turned white as he went and sat beside Adelle. She looked so peaceful; so happy.
When Bryan had told him she was dead, he didn’t believe him, mainly because he didn’t have to. But now, well now he did.
Shane slowly took her hand into his as tears filled his eyes.
“You know I used to wake up in the middle of the night and watch you sleeping. Sometimes I would sing to you and tell you how much I love you, other times I would just watch you quietly. It’s a horrible feeling knowing that this time I wont be able to watch you slowly waking up.” He said quietly as he choked back the tears.
“When I was at school I used to always say to my mates I never wanted to fall in love, because having little flings here and there was so much more exciting. I never liked the thought of being tied down to one person for a long period of time, but as soon as I met you I knew you were the one. You proved me wrong and showed me that love is ten times more pleasing than any fling. When I was with you I could walk down the street and not even notice the groups of women walking past me, because nothing else mattered to me but you. You’re the reason I could sing all the songs I have, and mean what I’m saying. You’re everything to me, and that’s not going to change.”
He stopped for a second to wipe away his tears, and then carried on talking.
“You always used to say that you would be the happiest woman alive as long as you could die being a part of me. And you are – you’re all of me. You made me the person I am, you made me strong and because of you I stand up for what I believe in. More than anything I wanted us to part as husband and wife, and even though many people would say that that piece of paper means nothing, it would’ve meant something to me. Now you’re gone I’m never going to sign one of those documents, because you are the only person I would ever consider marrying. We were so right together, and… I was going to ask you to marry me tonight. I feel stupid about leaving it so long, if I hadn’t been so scared about what you would’ve said, we might have already been married by now. I’m going to remember this day forever. Not because of what I’ve lost, but I’m going to remember it as the day that I asked you to marry me and you said yes.”
He wiped the tears from his eyes again and rummaged through his coat pocket until he found what he was looking for.
He took the ring out of the box and slid it onto her finger gently.
“You’ll always be my girl.” He whispered before kissing her hand.

CHAPTER SIX

“Shane!” Bryan called from the reception desk.
Shane looked up and watched his friend running towards him.
“I’ve been waiting for you. The receptionist wouldn’t tell me where she was.” Bryan explained.
Shane nodded and then turned and walked out of the doors without saying anything.
Bryan ran to catch up with him.
“Gimme your car keys.” He ordered as he held out his hand.
“Why?” Shane asked blankly.
“I got a taxi here so I could drive us back. You’re not in the right state of mind to be driving.”
Shane gave in without a fight and threw his keys into Bryan’s hand. He wouldn’t normally, he would die protecting his car in normal circumstances…but these weren’t normal circumstances.

The journey back to the hotel was a silent one, with nothing being said but the occasional remark from Bryan. He was trying his hardest to get Shane to say something…anything, but it seemed impossible.
He slowed the car down and parked in front of the back entrance to the hotel.
Shane jumped out before the engine had even been turned off.
“Hey Shane wait a minute!” Bryan called.
Shane stopped on the spot, and waited.
Bryan walked round the side of the car and stopped in front of Shane.
“I know your hurting, and I’m not going to pretend to know what you’re going through because I don’t. But she was a good friend of mine, so I have lost too.
Of course, none of us have lost as much as you, but if you ever want to talk, I’ll always listen…and so will everyone else up there.” He said, pointing to the top of the hotel.
Shane looked into Bryan’s eyes, and within seconds tears were falling rapidly. “I just miss her.” He confessed.
Bryan took him into his arms and choked back the tears as he thought about how upset his friend was.
“I know she hasn’t even been gone for a whole day yet, but it’s the knowing she never will be back that’s killing me.” He explained through the tears.
“It’s okay to cry mate, let it all out.” Bryan soothed.
“Why did it have to happen to Adelle? Why her Bryan? Out of all the people in the world it happened to the one I love!”
“As impossible as it may sound, it will get easier. And I know everyone says that, but it’s true. With time you’ll be grateful you had as much time together as you did. You’re so lucky to have found the love of your life already.” Bryan comforted.
Shane nodded.
“Yet so unlucky to have lost her so soon.”
Shane suddenly pulled away from Bryan and avoided making eye contact.
“Are you okay?” Bryan asked.
“I’ll never be okay. I just want to be alone.” He said quietly.
“That’s understandable, but don’t block me out Shane. You need to talk to make things easier.” Bryan insisted.
Shane gave him a slight nod and then walked past him into the open door.
Bryan hesitantly left him.

“How was he?” Aisling asked as Bryan joined her in their room.
“Let’s just say he won’t be recovering any time soon.” He said quietly.
Aisling closed her eyes.
“None of us will.”
Bryan sat beside her on the bed.
“I mean she was a great gal, and I loved her to bits as a friend, she would always listen, always help. And of course I’m upset; I’m cut up – but seeing the way Shane is, I feel bad for not feeling like he does ya know? I’ve never seen him like that before.” He cried.
“We have to remember that no matter how friendly we were with her, none of us knew her as well as Shane did. I mean yeah, she was my best friend, but I met her through Shane. He got to know her before anyone else did. She was his life, and everyone knew they would be together forever and that nothing would tear them apart…nothing except this.” She said as tears filled her eyes again.
Bryan put his arm around her and pulled her in closer.
“I hate seeing you upset, but I’m not going to tell you to cheer up ‘cos I know that will only come with time. I’m gonna get the band some time off so I can concentrate on helping you. And…I’m guessing Shane will need a break too.” He insisted.
Aisling nodded.
“Where’s Shane now? I need to see him…Adelle was making something to give to him for tonight, and I have it. I think I should go and give it to him now.” She suggested.
“Yeah, he’s in his hotel room. He didn’t say one word to me in the hour journey from the hospital, and when he finally did he burst into tears. You two knew her best out of us lot, maybe he’ll find it easier to talk to you.”
Aisling nodded and slowly got up, picked up her bag and then left to go and see Shane.

As she walked the ten-foot down the corridor, she felt like she was walking to her death, which she found ironic.
She was surprised to see Shane’s room door slightly open.
She knocked on the expensive wood lightly.
“Shane?” she called quietly.
She didn’t get any reply, but she could hear him in there, so she took it upon herself to let herself in.
Shane was sitting in the dark, in a single chair, staring at nothing – he wasn’t even aware of Aisling’s presence.
“How you doing?” She asked softly.
“Guess.” He replied shortly.
Aisling took a deep breath and then walked to Shane’s side.
“I know you’re grieving; we all are. But you can’t stop communicating with us – we’re the people that are going to help you through this, but we can’t do that if you don’t talk to us about how you’re feeling.” She said sympathetically.
“You two were close.” Shane said aimlessly.
Aisling nodded as she got a chair and moved it next to Shane and sat down.
“She was my best friend; such a wonderful, beautiful person. I couldn’t have asked for a better friend.”
“Do you have a reason to be here?” Shane asked coldly.
Aisling closed her eyes.
“Shane I know it’s hard for you to talk about her, but you have to try. You can’t send us away whenever her name is mentioned. She was a friend to all of us, so we’re going to talk about her. But yeah, I do have a reason to be here…” she said as she reached into her bag.
“A few days ago Adelle came to me for help…”
Aisling noticed how his whole body tensed as soon as he heard her name.
“What was wrong with her?” he asked.
“Nothing, nothing at all. She needed help because she wanted to do something special for your anniversary. She decided she wanted to make you a video. We started it, but it never got finished…I thought you might want it anyway.” she said as she held out the videotape to him.
It took him a while to realise what she had said, but when he did, he quickly took it off of her; he held it in front of him, staring at it as if it was something amazing. He walked over and put it in the video player and turned the TV on.
Adelle appeared on the screen smiling brightly. She had her Westlife album on in the background and for a few seconds she just stared into the camera, as if she didn’t know it was filming.
“Hi Shane! It’s me! I didn’t really know what to do for our anniversary, so I decided to make a video for you. I just want you to know how much I love you, and that you have made me so happy over the years we’ve been together. I never had a brilliant life before you; I was never popular at school, and I always liked the boys I had no chance with. But you. You’re different. You see the real me; you look inside and the fact that we’re still together after all this time proves to me that our love is real.”
Shane choked back the tears as he watched Adelle jumping around on the TV. She was wearing her pyjamas, and she was holding a piece of paper in her hands, as if she was just about to read something from it.
The screen went black and nothing else appeared.
Shane looked at Aisling.
“Is there anymore?” he asked quietly.
Aisling shook her head.
“She wouldn’t let me film her until she had practised whatever was written on that piece of paper.” She explained.
Shane fiddled his thumbs.
“Thank you.” He said before bursting into tears.
Aisling hurried to him and fell on her knees in front of the chair he was sitting at, and held his hands tightly.
“Please don’t cry Shane, think about all the good times you had together.”
Shane looked at her through the tears.
“I am. That’s what’s making it so hard – I’m never going to experience love again. Why did she have to leave?” he asked.
“She didn’t want to, trust me. It all happened so fast, but she was happy. And that’s down to you Shane, you should feel so proud for putting a smile on that girls face.” She comforted.
“What…what…happened today?” he asked slowly.
Aisling looked at him in confusion for a few seconds, and then realised what he was talking about.
“Someone…she was shot.” She said quickly.
She knew it would hurt him to hear it, but the quicker she said it the easier it would be on him.
As Shane heard the words, he felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. Who would want to hurt her? Who would want to kill her?
“Was she…in pain?” he asked as a fresh set of tears filled his eyes.
Aisling shook her head.
“It was quick. She was gone within ten seconds, but she was happy Shane, I know she was. Just before she…died…she told me to tell you she loves you. And she did Shane, she really did.” She choked.
“She was my best friend.” Shane insisted.
“I know she was.” Aisling replied.
“But it hurts to think of the good times. My heart aches; I feel so empty inside.” He confessed.
Aisling’s eyes filled with tears. Both because she missed her best friend, and because she felt so bad for Shane.
“Bryan’s booked some time off for the band. Why don’t you go away somewhere? It’ll give you time to clear your head.” She suggested.
“I wanna go home.” He whispered.
Aisling nodded.
“Ok, you can go home. I’ll get it sorted so you can go home tomorrow.” She promised.
“Thanks.” Shane replied quickly.
“Do you…do you want me to stay with you tonight? I’m not sure you should be left alone.”
Shane shook his head.
“No it’s fine, I need to be on my own for a bit. Just to go over everything.”
Aisling stood up and started heading for the door. She turned to look at him before she left.
“Remember that you’re the reason she died a happy person Shane. You’re what she lived for.”

CHAPTER SEVEN

“I’m sorry about the way I acted last night.” Nicky whispered as he lay beside Stef on the double bed.
“It’s okay. I was the one in the wrong. When I have a problem I should just talk to you. I was stupid to think that getting with Lee would make things better.” She admitted.
Nicky nodded.
“It doesn’t matter now. The events of today have made me so aware of what I could lose, and I’m not willing to chance it. Shane’s lost the one person he truly believed in; I don’t want to.” he replied.
Stef looked up and kissed him gently.
“Have you spoke to Shane?” she asked.
Nicky shook his head.
“No. I want to; but what do I say? Nothing will make him feel better.”
“Well he knows that we’re all here, and that we all care about him. If he wants to talk, he will. Until then we just have to wait.” Stef insisted.
Nicky sat up quickly.
“But are you sure? Maybe he thinks we’ll get fed up of listening to his problems. His whole world has fallen apart and I’m too scared to go and talk to him. How selfish am I?”
Stef sat up with him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.
“You’re not selfish at all. You’re just respecting his privacy. I’m sure he just wants to be left alone right now anyway. When things like this happen they just need time to think things through – it doesn’t always help to be surrounded by people at a time like this. You’re just doing what you think is best.”
“But Bryan’s at least making the effort to help. I’m just sitting around feeling sorry for him.” He cried.
“Don’t panic. After all that’s happened the last thing on Shane’s mind will be who he’s been speaking to or not. Now come here.” She said as she pulled him in and kissed him.
He pulled away and looked into her eyes for a few seconds before moving in for more of the kiss.
He felt sad for Shane, but there was nothing he could do except sit and wait. If Shane wanted to talk he would be there in a second, but until then, he could do nothing.

Kian took a mouthful of the drink he had ordered. He was sitting at the bar in the hotel, drowning his sorrows. He had been there for the last hour, and he had lost all track of time.
He turned his attention to the person getting served next to him.
“Umm could I have a WKD blue and a pineapple Bacardi Breezer.” She said confidently.
As Kian looked her up and down he decided she was his kind of girl.
She had dark shoulder length hair, and deep brown eyes. He could tell by the way she was talking that he would be able to have fun with her.
Kian threw a £20 note at the barman.
“I’ll get these.” He said.
The girl looked at him and smiled. She picked up her drinks and headed for the table her friend was waiting at.
A few seconds later she re-appeared beside Kian.
“Thanks for the drinks.” She said happily.
“No problem.” He replied quickly.
“Are you…okay?” she asked cautiously.
Kian shook himself out of his daze.
“Yeah I’m fine. So, what’s your name?” he asked.
“Shakira. And you?” she asked.
“Kian. Nice name you have, I’ve never heard it before.” He replied.
She smiled slightly.
“Thanks. Kian isn’t exactly common either, so straight away we have something in common.” She laughed.
“I’m sure that’s not the only thing.” Kian flirted.
Shakira looked around the bar wearily.
“Umm I hope you don’t mind me saying, but you look a little worse for wear. Are you sure there’s nothing wrong? Normally when someone gets completely out of it they have a reason.” She pried.
Kian looked at her but said nothing.
“I mean…I…you don’t have to tell me what’s on your mind, but if you wanna talk then I’ll listen.” She offered.
Kian thought about it. He knew it would help if he could let it all out, but he couldn’t. He had only just met her; what would she think if he started lumbering his problems on her already? But still…it was tempting.
“My friend died today.” He said out of the blue.
Shakira coughed quietly as she choked on her drink.
“I’m sorry to hear that.” She replied sympathetically.
“Yeah well…I’m sorry it happened.” He said into his beer glass.
“Was…were you close?” She asked.
Kian nodded.
“Yeah we were. Closer than I first realised. She was one of my best friends.” He explained as tears filled his eyes.
“Oh…it was a girl.” Shakira whispered.
Kian shook his head.
“It wasn’t like that. She was in a very secure relationship with another of my best friends, that’s how I was introduced to her.”
“Oh…to be honest I don’t know what to say. What will make you feel better?” she asked, not really expecting an answer.
He shrugged his shoulders.
“I’m not in the worst situation. My mate Shane, her boyfriend, is really cut up. He doesn’t know what to do with himself. He’s just stopped communicating with us.” He cried.
“With time I’m sure you’ll both become strong again. It just takes a while for something like this to sink in.” She explained.
“KIAN!” a female voice called from the doorway.
Kian and Shakira looked up at the same time, to see Aisling walking towards them.
She sat herself down beside Kian and ignored the dirty glances she was receiving from Shakira.
“I’ve just spoken to Shane.” She said.
“How is he?” Kian asked eagerly.
“Not good. But I got him talking and he’s going home for a few days tomorrow.” She explained.
“What? He can’t! We have to work!” Kian moaned.
Aisling looked at him in surprise.
“Kian he needs to clear his head. He isn’t any good to the band in the state he’s in anyway,” she argued.
“Band…you’re in a band?” Shakira asked.
Aisling rolled her eyes.
“Yes, he’s in Westlife honey.” She replied sarcastically.
Shakira sat gob smacked for a few seconds. All she knew was that she had met a good-looking guy, and he had just lost a friend. Never in her wildest dreams would she have guessed he was in the world’s biggest boy band.
“But we have an album to promote.” Kian continued.
Aisling shook her head.
“Bryan’s just got off the phone to Louis, everything’s going on hold for a few weeks.” She replied.
“Louis’s given us time off?” he asked in sarcastic dis-belief.
Aisling looked at him in disgust.
“Kian, Shane is one of your best friends, and he has just lost the most important person in his life. Why can’t you just have a little bit of sympathy? I’m sure you can handle having a few weeks off work for him to get himself sorted. If he was to go back to work now you would lose him as well as Adelle.” She shouted.
“Woah hold your horses!” he laughed.
“No Kian I wont! Think of Shane for a minute will you? She was my best friend in the entire world but I’m still putting Shane’s feelings before my own. You haven’t lost anywhere near as much as he has. He needs to go home. It isn’t what he wants, all he wants is Adelle.” She cried.
She didn’t mean to get angry, but she was feeling so low and depressed. She knew Kian was only drinking because it was his way of coping, but it still made her angry.
“I know you’ve lost your friend Ash, we all have! But don’t take it out on me!” Kian fumed.
“I’ll stop taking it out on you when you stop being so self-obsessed! You haven’t even gone to ask Shane how he’s feeling! What kind of friend does that make you? The one time he needs us, and I mean really needs us, and you choose to sit in the bar chatting up any old trash you can lay your hands on! He might be upset, but he’s not stupid – this is when he’ll find out who his real friends are!” she cried before running out of the bar.

CHAPTER EIGHT

“What’s happened?” Bryan asked as Aisling hurried into the room in uncontrollable tears.
She ran over to the bed and hid her face in the pillow.
Bryan went and sat beside her as he gently rubbed her back.
“What’s happened honey?” he asked again.
“Kian.” She replied.
“What about him?”
Ailsing rolled over and stared at the ceiling.
“He’s being so horrible! I know he was close to Adelle, but he isn’t thinking of Shane at all. As soon as I said the band have some time off he started going off on one. He said I was taking everything out on him and he’s just being so cold with me.” She explained.
“Don’t let it get to you babe. You know what a deutz Kian can be. When he realises he’s upset you he’ll come running back.” He promised.
“I don’t care. I don’t want anything more to do with him. Not until everyone’s completely over this anyway. You should’ve heard the way he was speaking to me Bryan, I’ve never heard him talk like that before.” She cried.
Bryan stood up and headed for the door.
“I’ll be back in a minute.” He promised, before quickly leaving.
He made his way down the stairs and to the bar. He spotted Kian straight away.
He was sitting in a corner with a dark-haired girl Bryan had never seen before.
Kian stood up when he saw Bryan walking towards him and faked a smile.
“Hi mate, how you coping?” He asked nervously.
“You have a nerve.” Bryan replied angrily.
Kian rolled his eyes.
“Look if this is about what just happened with Ash then I’m sorry okay? But she tried making me feel bad by saying how I’m not a real friend to Shane, I really don’t need to hear that kind of stuff right now.”
“Well you need to hear this. This isn’t just hard for Shane; it’s hard for all of us. We all need to be there for each other, and we don’t need YOU moaning about the fact that we’ve got a bit of time off work. We need that time! And if you feel you don’t, then maybe you wasn’t quite as close to Adelle as you originally thought.”
“Oh not you as well surely! Bryan I know we need that time, I need it more than anyone, but we need to get on with our lives.” He explained.
Bryan shook his head.
“What makes you think you need the time? Kian we have a friend sitting upstairs that would have died to save her. He’s totally lost – as if he’s just appeared into an unknown world. You seem to be coping pretty well.” He said as he looked over Kian’s shoulder at Shakira.
“Don’t bring her into this okay? If I had met her any other time you guys would be fine with it, but because it’s now, you’re all against us!” Kian screamed.
“Is that…Shane?” Shakira asked quietly.
Bryan and Kian both looked in the direction that she was pointing.
There he was. Just by the way he was standing it was obvious he was tired. He was looking around as if he had a reason to be there. But deep down he knew he didn’t.
Bryan dismissed Kian and hurried over to help his friend. One that really was in need.
“You okay mate?” He asked softly.
Shane looked at him as if he was an alien from outer space.
“I’m…were you fighting?” he asked.
Bryan shook his head.
“No. We were just having a dis-agreement. It doesn’t matter. What are you doing down here Shane? Do you want a drink?” he asked.
“No. Adelle never did like me drinking too much. She said it would affect my throat, and then I wouldn’t be able to do what I loved most.” He said as his eyes filled with tears.
“Okay don’t drink, we can just…” Bryan started, before Shane cut him short.
“But I didn’t love it more than I loved her. I loved her more than anything.”
“I know you did mate, you don’t need to tell me that. Come on, let’s go for a walk.” He said as he held onto his best friends shoulders and led him out of the hotel.

They walked quietly down the dark streets. Bryan didn’t want to say anything – he knew if the silence were to be broken, Shane would have to break it.
“Do you believe that some things are just meant to be?” Shane asked out of the blue.
The question took Bryan by surprise. He was prepared to give the answer he thought Shane would want to hear; but he didn’t know what he wanted to hear.
“I don’t know…but I think everything happens for a reason.” He replied.
“I think I do. But only some things. What happened today wasn’t meant to, that was down to someone sick in the head.” Shane said as he looked into the sky. Bryan nodded.
“I know. But what happened didn’t happen because of something that she had done, or you had done. And nobody would’ve been able to stop it from happening…not even you.” He said.
Sometimes it was so easy to know what Shane was thinking.
“Don’t you think? I would’ve known something wasn’t right. I would’ve made sure she was safe. I would always protect her. If I could have jumped into the line of fire to stop it getting to her then I would’ve.” He insisted.
Bryan nodded but didn’t say anything. Somehow he just knew Shane was going to say more.
“It just hurts you know? To think that if I was there things could’ve been different.”
“Shane don’t blame yourself. I know and everyone else knows that if what happened could’ve been stopped then you would’ve stopped it, but you couldn’t.
Nobody knew it was going to happen. And the person that done this will get what’s coming to him.” Bryan promised.
“I would love to meet the person behind this. I would give them some idea of how she felt earlier today…”
Shane closed his eyes as he choked back the tears.
“…But then he still wouldn’t feel as much pain as I do now.”

CHAPTER NINE

Aisling walked along the hall to Stef’s room. She knew Bryan was out talking to Shane, because he had phoned her to let her know, and she just wanted to talk to someone.
As she looked ahead of her, Shakira walked out of the elevator. She had keys in her hand. Kian’s keys.
She stopped and blocked the corridor so Aisling couldn’t get passed.
“I know I came across as a bit of an idiot earlier…I just want to apologise.” She said quietly.
Aisling laughed to herself silently.
“Well I was a bit funny with you too. It’s not exactly a good time for us at the moment. I know it must have come as a bit of a shock to find out that you were sitting with a member of Westlife, but as time goes by, and if you stick around, you’ll get used to it. We don’t look at them as superstars. They’re our friends, boyfriends or whatever.” She replied.
“Yeah I know I just wasn’t expecting it. Kian’s told me all about Adelle, and I’m sorry to hear about it, and I hope everyone’s okay, even though I don’t know any of them.” she said sympathetically.
Aisling nodded gratefully.
“Thanks. I’ll pass your words on to the others.” She promised before walking off.
She knocked on the door she had been heading for, and was surprised by how quickly Nicky answered it.
“How’s Stef?” Aisling whispered.
“See for yourself.” Nicky replied as he stepped back to let her in.
Aisling walked into the room, and was surprised to see Stef spread out on the sofa.
When she noticed Aisling’s presence, Stef stood up and hurried to her friend. They hugged each other tightly and within seconds they were both crying.
Nicky, who had been watching from the doorway, decided to leave them alone.

Shane woke up to the sound of Aisling banging on his door.
“Come in.” he called half-heartedly.
Aisling slowly appeared before him, still in her pyjamas.
“You ready?” she asked, although just by looking at him she already knew he wasn’t.
“Ready for what?” He asked.
“You’re going home. The rest of us are staying here in London, just to set the record straight. The press are going crazy over you guys at the moment. You’re going back to Sligo until Thursday.” She explained.
Shane sighed heavily.
Today was Monday, which meant he didn’t have much time at home. But he would only get asked questions about Adelle; at least in London people knew to keep quiet.
Shane slowly got up and walked into the bathroom. His things were already packed; he had done it last night when he couldn’t sleep.

Shane admitted that the shower made him feel a little better, a little more alive, but the hurt was still there.
He quickly dried himself with a towel and threw on a pair of old jeans and a plain black t-shirt.
He grabbed his suitcase and took one last look around the empty bedroom before leaving and gently closing the door behind him.
He was surprised to see Aisling in the corridor waiting for him. She had been back to her room to get changed, and had since returned.
“You ready?” she asked.
He nodded.
“Are you going to Ireland too?” he asked.
She shook her head.
“No unfortunately, but someone needs to keep you company on the way to the airport, and I figured you wouldn’t want to be surrounded by the guys.” She explained.
Shane smiled at her slightly.
“Thanks.” He whispered.
“No problem. Anything to help you move on.” She replied.
Shane stopped in his tracks.
“I’m never going to move on. I’ll always love her.” He insisted.
“Of course you will, I didn’t mean that. I just meant, I want to make it as easy as possible for you.” She explained.
Shane slowly followed Aisling along the corridor, down the stairs, through the reception and into the waiting car outside.
He climbed into the back seat without saying a word, whereas beforehand he would always fight with the lads to sit in the front. Aisling watched him helplessly as she sat herself in the front seat.
She wanted to talk to him, but didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t turn around and tell him everything would be okay, because it wouldn’t. For him or for her. She had lost her best friend too.

Shane sat looking aimlessly out of the window all the way to the airport. It hurt as he was trying so hard to stay strong, and to not cry in front of anyone. More than anything he wanted to fall into someone arms and be told things would get easier, but he knew they wouldn’t; however many times he was told.

CHAPTER TEN

“Ready?” Aisling asked as she opened the car door for Shane.
He had been in a daydream and hadn’t even realised the car had stopped.
“I’ll be fine on my own now.” he lied.
Aisling smiled at him weakly.
“Well I’ll come with you to the boarding gates anyway. It’ll give me peace of mind knowing you’re actually on the plane.” She explained.
Shane nodded in agreement as he grabbed his bag from the boot of the car.
Aisling ran to the front of the car to explain to the driver she would be back in a minute, and Shane just walked off without a word, and made his way to the terminal.
Aisling ran to catch up with him.
“You’re in a hurry.” She laughed.
“I just wanna get home.” Shane replied expressionless.
Aisling nodded but didn’t say anything. They walked to the correct terminal in silence, and didn’t speak again until they reached the boarding gate.
“You take as long as you need. If you’re not up to coming back on Thursday then don’t.” Aisling ordered.
“You might not see me for a while then.” He replied.
Aisling smiled, thinking he was joking, but she realised he wasn’t when she looked at him and saw the serious look on his face.
She shook her head slowly.
“It doesn’t matter. Just look after yourself.”
Shane nodded and started walking away, but quickly turned back.
“Ash!” he called weakly.
She turned back to face him and waited for him to talk.
“I know it’s hard for you too, and I wish I could help you through this, but I’m not strong enough.” He confessed.
Aisling put her hands up to his face and smiled.
“It’s okay. I have Bryan to look after me.” She replied.
“I know I just don’t want you to think that I’m being selfish. I know the world doesn’t revolve around me, and I know I’m not the only one affected by what’s happened, but I just…”
“It’s okay, you don’t need to explain. Now go, before you miss your flight.” She ordered.
Shane threw her a weak smile and then hurried to catch his plane.
Aisling watched him go, and she thought about how much he had changed. He seemed so lifeless now, as if it was a struggle to talk. He used to be so lively and energetic, he used to be happy…

Bryan sat up as his mobile started ringing.
“Hello.”
He smiled when he heard Aisling’s voice on the other end.
“How did it go?” he asked.
“Okay. He’s on the plane now. He even managed a bit of a smile. I’m in the car on the way back.” She replied.
“Okay. And what about you? Are you okay?” He asked sensitively.
“I’m coping. But I don’t want to sit around all day, I want to keep my mind occupied, do you mind if we go out somewhere?”
“No course not. I’ll jump in the shower now and I’ll be ready and waiting for when you get back.”
“Okay, I’ll see you in about half an hour then.”
“Okay bye.” He said before putting the phone down.

Shane stared aimlessly out of the plane window as it started taking off. He didn’t want to leave London, but he knew he had to if he planned on having any kind of life again.
He was hiding behind a pair of sunglasses that Adelle had brought for him, the news of her death had been splashed across the front page of every newspaper, and he didn’t want to get noticed.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Shane stood outside his house as he tried to think of a way to explain why he had come home. Nobody was expecting him, but he didn’t know whether they had heard the news or not. He took a deep breath and then knocked on the door.
Within a few seconds, Mae had answered. When she saw her son standing there, her face was one of both happiness and sadness. She opened her arms as she greeted him.
“Shane my poor baby, come here.” She cried.
Shane hurried to her and hugged her tight. At last, he felt like he could show his feelings.
“Hey Ma. I got some time off because…”
Mae pulled him away and looked into his eyes sorrowfully as she nodded her head slowly.
“It’s okay son, I know.”
He nodded back at her and a silence fell between them until Mae broke it.
“Well it’s freezing out there, come in quickly, I’ll make us a cup of tea.” She insisted.
Shane grabbed his suitcase and hurried into the house. He followed his mum into the kitchen and sat himself down at the table as Mae made the tea.
“How long are you home for?” She asked.
“I’ve got to go back on Thursday, but if I really feel like I can’t, then I can stay a wee bit longer.” He replied.
She nodded as she sat down opposite him and placed a cup in front of her son.
Shane looked at her as tears filled his eyes slowly.
“You’re the only person that hasn’t asked me how I am.” He informed her.
She threw him a weak smile and slowly put her hand up to his face.
“I’m your mother, I don’t need to ask, I know you feel like your world has ended. When your friends ask you how you’re doing, they only do it in hope that you’ll turn round and say you’re fine, because even though you’re not, it’ll make them feel that wee bit better. But me…it’s my job to look after you, I don’t want you to put on a fake smile.” She insisted.
Shane tried to sound positive and strong when he answered her, but he couldn’t, and his sadness was obvious.
“I just don’t understand why it happened. She had never done anything wrong, she had never hurt anyone…I’m starting to wonder whether me loving her was the reason.” He confessed.
Mae shook her head frantically.
“Don’t ever think that Shane, you and Adelle found something that few ever do. Your fans wouldn’t want to harm her because you loved her, if only for how upset it would make you.”
“Well somebody wasn’t thinking about me…or Adelle.” He said softly.
“Look why don’t you go upstairs and try and get some sleep? You look tired.” Mae suggested.
Shane nodded and slowly stood up and left the kitchen.
He walked up the stairs slowly; he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep, no matter how hard he tried.

Back in London, Bryan walked into the hotel reception and looked at the three remaining band mates.
“Okay guys, I got a call from Louis, and he wants us to do a charity gig on Wednesday night.”
Everyone groaned silently.
They never minded doing anything for charity usually, but right now they just didn’t feel up to it. But Louis had said, so they knew they would have to.
“It really was too good to be true. Actually having time off.” Kian said sarcastically.
Bryan threw him an evil glare and then looked back at the others.
“We have to be at Wembley Arena at 10am on Wednesday morning to rehearse. We’ll be singing ten of the songs from the Greatest Hits, and that has to include some of the new ones. The actual show starts at 7:30pm, and we’ll be on stage at roughly 8 right through to 9. The charity is the NSPCC.” He said at once.
Nicky stood up and looked at Bryan.
“How are we going to work that? Shane sings lead on all of the songs.” He pointed out.
“Well we’ll sing the first five and the last five songs on the album. Everyone learn them over the next few days, and Nicky, you cover Shane’s parts.” He ordered.
Nicky nodded in agreement.
“What about me? Don’t I get anything extra?” Kian asked rudely.
“Quite frankly Ki, I don’t care what you do. I’m going out with Aisling today so you lot sort it out between yourselves.” Bryan said as he walked out of the door and left the rest of the group sitting in silence.

@@@@WEDNESDAY MORNING, WEMBLEY ARENA@@@@

Bryan, Kian, Mark and Nicky all sat around on the stage while they talked through the plans for the night ahead.
“So then we’ll turn and Nicky, you’ll say thank you's and all that yeah?” Mark asked.
Nicky was daydreaming, and didn’t hear him the first time.
“NICKY!” Bryan shouted.
“Wh..What? Yeah that’s fine.” He said quickly.
Bryan’s look softened as he realised what Nicky had been thinking about.
“He’ll be okay Nix, he’s a fighter.”
Nicky nodded slowly.
“Yeah, I hope you’re right, I really do.”
At that, everyone turned when they heard something crash behind them. After a few seconds, Shane walked round the corner. They all jumped up and ran to his side.
“What are you doing here? You’re meant to be in Sligo ‘til tomorrow.” Bryan insisted.
Shane nodded slowly. His face was pale, and it was obvious that his break to Sligo hadn’t done him any good.
“There wasn’t anything to do. I had too much time to think.” He replied weakly. Nicky nodded.
“So how are you feeling?” He asked.
Shane sighed and faked a smile.
“Yeah I’m good…better. Seeing me Ma and all that helped me a lot. I still miss Adelle but as long as I keep busy I’ll do fine.” He lied.
“So are you taking part in the show tonight?” Kian asked.
Shane nodded.
“Yeah, I need to get back to work.” He insisted.
“Okay, but if you ever need a break, or just want some time out or something then just let us know.” Bryan instructed.
Slowly, everyone parted from Shane and got into their stage positions. Shane stood in between Bryan and Nicky, but didn’t have a clue what he was expected to do.
As Kian ran past him, he handed him a microphone.
“Okay Shane, first up we’re singing Written In The Stars.”
Shane froze on the spot. He couldn’t sing it, not yet.
As the music kicked in, everyone stood waiting for Shane to sing. When he didn’t, everyone looked at him confused.
“Adelle loved that song.” He mumbled.
“SHIT! Sorry mate, we’ll sing something else.” Bryan promised.
Shane shook his head frantically and threw the microphone to the floor.
“No I can’t…I can’t do this.” He said before running off.

Bryan found Shane sitting in the ‘Promotion Office’ alone with his head in his hands.
“You okay?” He asked as he sat beside his friend.
Shane quickly looked up and nodded.
“Sorry I’m just being stupid.”
Bryan shook his head.
“No you’re not at all. We should’ve thought…I think we’re going to have to have a drastic change to the style of our music.” He joked.
Shane looked at him straight faced.
“It’s just the first time I’ve heard the song, or even thought about it since…well you know.”
“Yeah I know.” Bryan whispered softly.
“I think I will sit out of the gig tonight. Do you mind?” Shane asked.
“No course not. But Shane, while were on the subject of Adelle…” He started.
“What?” Shane asked quickly.
“Well while you were back home, someone needed to start sorting out the funeral.”
Shane’s eyes widened, he hadn’t even thought about the funeral.
“Who’s doing it?” he asked.
“Well Aisling was going to do whatever needed doing until you came back, but she wasn’t up to it. So Kian took over.” Bryan replied.
Shane stood up quickly and made his way to the door, but stopped before he left the room.
“Good luck with the show tonight.” He said, and then disappeared.
Shane rushed back onto the stage and went and joined the rest of the group.
“Kino can I have a word?” He asked politely.
Kian nodded and jumped up. Shane moved backwards so they were out of earshot of the others.
“What is it mate?” Kian asked casually.
“Bryan’s just told me you’re sorting out the funeral.” He said quickly.
Kian nodded but didn’t say anything.
“Well scrap it. Now I’m back I’ll do it.” Shane promised.
Kian shook his head.
“Wait a minute mate, I’ve put a lot of work into this, I think I should at least get some say in it.”
“Well you don’t. I know the kind of day she would want everyone to have, and I want it to be just the way she dreamed of.” Shane insisted.
“Yeah well I can do that.” Kian replied.
“No you can’t! I’m the only one that can do it the way she would want it.” Shane shouted before leaving the arena, with everyone looking on, shocked at his little outburst.
Kian walked back to the rest of the group and shrugged his shoulders.
“Adelle seriously fucked up that guys head.”

CHAPTER TWELVE

Shane sat in his hotel room staring at a blank sheet of paper. He had a picture of how the day needed to be, but he couldn’t put it onto paper. Seeing it there in black and white would make it even more real than it already was. He hadn’t remembered putting his CD player on, but he heard it then. He closed his eyes to stop the tears falling as the words to ‘No Place That Far’ cut into him.

‘I can’t imagine, any greater fear, than waking up, without you here. And although the sun, will still shine on, my whole world, will all be gone…’

He had always believed that he would be with Adelle, wherever
she may be, but now, well now he knew she was just too far out of his reach. Without realising, he started doodling broken hearts on the paper in front of him. He slowly ripped it up and left the room, leaving no indication of where he was going. But then, he didn’t know himself, all he knew was that he needed to go somewhere…somewhere to think.

As the sun disappeared and the moon took its place, Shane sat by the side of the river, throwing stones into it one after another. People, mainly couples, walked past him regularly, but never gave him a second glance.
After an hour or two, it was pitch black and he couldn’t see anything except the occasional glint of the water reflecting on the moon.
“Why do I always lock myself away?” He asked himself out loud.
“I never let anyone help me. I always have to be the independent one, I cant let people see how weak I can be.” He continued.

Bryan knocked on Shane’s room door gently; he had gone there straight from the concert. When he didn’t hear anything, he took it upon himself to go in. The lamp that was sitting on the desk was on, so he walked over to it and picked up the pile of ripped paper.
As he tried putting the pieces back together, it didn’t take him long to work out what had been drawn. He saw Shane’s jacket had gone, and started to panic. Shane not being there wasn’t a big deal, but with the state he was in, it was slightly worrying. Bryan knew his friend was always in control of himself, but right now, he couldn’t honestly say whether Shane was suicidal or not.

Bryan hurried down the steps to Nicky, who was standing at reception waiting for Stef.
“Nix!” He called.
Nicky turned to him and smiled slightly.
“What is it?” He asked.
“If you were taking Stef somewhere that wasn’t actually anywhere, where would it be?” Bryan asked quickly.
Nicky gave his friend a confused look.
“Is this a trick question?” He asked cautiously.
“No. Look, if you wanted to take Stef somewhere romantic that you could just talk and think, where would it be?” he asked.
Nicky shrugged his shoulders.
“I dunno. To that little river I suppose, the one up the road. Why?”
Bryan patted Nicky’s shoulder before running off.
“I’ll explain later.” He promised.

Bryan ran down the whole length of the river, and although he was exhausted, he knew he had to find Shane. It was hard to see in the blackness of the night, but he tried his best.
He slowed his pace as he heard a voice. Straight away he knew it was that of his friend, so he walked until he could make out what was being said, and then stopped to listen. He didn’t want to interrupt Shane just yet; he was opening up, even if it was only to himself.

“…I deserve everything I get. I don’t look after what I have, I don’t realise what I have until…until it’s too late...” Shane carried on. He obviously didn’t mind who heard him, because he was speaking at a relatively high level.
“…And then I blame it on everyone around me, even though the only person I can blame is myself. Everything that happens is down to me.”
“No it’s not.” Bryan said softly, as he stepped out of the shadows.
Shane turned quickly and jumped up, he hadn’t known anyone was listening, especially not anyone that might actually know what the hell he was talking about.
“Nobody’s to blame.” Bryan insisted.
Shane looked out to the water.
“Is that really what everyone thinks?”
Bryan nodded, not that Shane could see him.
“How could anyone blame you? We all know you weren’t there.”
“But I bet everyone’s thinking that I should’ve looked after her better than I did.”
Bryan took another step towards Shane and rested his hand on his friends shoulder.
“You looked after her the best you could. And that was enough.”
“Maybe not.” Shane whispered quietly, but not too quiet for Bryan to hear.
“It was always obvious how much you loved her, you didn’t need to say anything. You did the best you could for her; you put her before you put yourself. I think that says enough.”
“Kian doesn’t think so.” Shane said thoughtfully.
Bryan rolled his eyes.
“Well who cares what Kian thinks? He’s just being immature because he always believed that one day he would have a little fling with Adelle, and then they would live happily ever after, he kinda knows now that it just wont be. Even though everyone else could have told him that from the start.”
Shane shrugged his shoulders.
“Maybe, maybe not. Nobody knows what the future holds. They could’ve got together.”
Bryan laughed to himself quietly.
“Trust me mate, she only had eyes for you. As soon as she got with you, no other guy stood a chance.” He insisted.
Shane looked at Bryan and smiled weakly.
“She was the only one that didn’t know Kian had a crush on her.”
Bryan nodded.
“Yep, or maybe she just thought that it doesn’t matter, so why bring it up? You knew she was yours and yours only, that’s why you didn’t mind her and Kian going out places just the two of them. You may not have trusted him, but you trusted her.” He explained.
Shane closed his eyes as they started to fill with tears.
“Yeah…I did.” He admitted.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Bryan and Shane walked along the river slowly as they headed back to the hotel.
“People will start thinking me and you are a couple if we keep coming to places like this.” Bryan joked.
Shane looked at him, but remained straight faced, causing Bryan to look at the floor.
“Bad joke on my behalf.”
“My friend’s coming to London tomorrow. She’s only here for the funeral, but she’s coming a little early.” Shane explained.
Bryan nodded.
“That’s fine. Is it anyone we know?” He asked.
“No. Her name’s Ashley; she’s one of my closest friends, but I choose to keep her away from this part of my life. I don’t think she’s even been to see the band on tour.” He admitted.
Bryan smiled.
“Well it’ll be nice for you to have someone from home. Someone you don’t spend everyday of your life with.”
Shane sighed loudly.
“Yeah, I hope so. But Bryan, don’t ever moan about spending too much time with Aisling, it might not seem like an advantage, but you’d soon miss it if she were to go.”
“Speaking from experience?” Bryan asked.
Shane nodded.
“Totally.”

As Bryan and Shane walked back into the hotel reception, everyone was sitting around, anxiously waiting for their return.
Mark ran over to them and sighed heavily.
“Where have you guys been? We’ve been worried sick.” He cried.
“We…we just had a little talk, everything’s fine.” Bryan promised.
Mark gave him a weary look and then nodded slowly.
An awkward silence fell on the group, until Bryan broke it.
“So…are there any plans for tonight?” He asked.
Nicky nodded.
“We’ve hired out the V.I.P section in Click. We’re all ready to go, we were just waiting for you.” He replied.
Bryan nodded and turned to Shane.
“Wanna come?” He asked.
Shane shook his head silently.
“Oh come on mate, it’ll do you good to get out.” Nicky insisted.
“I’m not in the partying mood.” Shane whispered.
Bryan patted him on the back lightly.
“Well maybe you need to go to a party to get in the mood. It’s worth a try, if you wanna come back then one of us will bring you.” He promised.
Shane slowly agreed, much to the delight of the rest of the group; it didn’t seem right if they went out without everyone. It was obvious to them all when someone was missing. Of course, now there would always be someone missing, but they had to get used to that.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Bryan tried to enjoy himself as he interacted with groups of people, but his gaze kept falling on Shane, who was sitting alone in the corner, drinking more than the rest of the band put together.
Aisling, who was by Bryan’s side, followed his gaze and hugged him gently.
“Why don’t you go and see if he’s okay?” She asked.
Bryan shook his head.
“No, he’ll get annoyed with me always hovering around him.”
“Maybe, but it’ll make you feel better knowing you’ve tried.” Aisling insisted. Bryan smiled weakly.
“Yeah…I suppose so. I’ll be back in a sec.” He promised, before planting a kiss on her forehead.

“So…how are you bearing up today?” Shakira asked as she cuddled up to Kian at the bar.
He nodded and smiled.
“I’m better. Having someone to comfort you definitely helps.”
“And Shane?” She asked.
Kian shrugged his shoulders as he looked over at Shane.
“Don’t know. If he wants me to know, he’ll tell me.” He insisted selfishly.

Shane looked up as Bryan sat down opposite him.
“Don’t you think you’ve had enough to drink now?” Bryan asked as he watched Shane reach out for another bottle.
Shane looked at Bryan straight-faced.
“Well what do you think Bryan? Do you think I’ve had enough.”
“I think you’ve had too much. Why are you drinking so drastically?” He asked. Shane laughed half-heartedly.
“You mean you seriously don’t know?” He asked.
Bryan rolled his eyes.
“Look you said yourself that Adelle never liked you drinking too much.”
“Well Adelle isn’t here is she? Isn’t that the whole point?” Shane shouted as he stood up.
Bryan stood up with him and tried to stop Shane walking past him, but instead, he got pushed into the wall.
“You all try and understand what I’m going through but nobody does!” Shane cried before turning and running out of the club.
Bryan crouched down and held his head in his hands. He looked up when he felt an arm gently slide round his shoulders. He tried to smile when he saw Aisling’s face in front of his own.
“You tried.” She whispered as she gently kissed his forehead.
“But not hard enough.” Bryan replied.
“There’s only a certain amount you can do, he can’t be helped unless he wants to be. Some things need to be done by him and him only.” Aisling insisted.
“I know I just…”
“He knows you’re only trying to help, and that’s why he’s being like he is. He feels vulnerable and dependent on you. He doesn’t want us to think he’s weak.” She explained.
Bryan nodded slowly “But right now he is.”
“I know, but he needs to build himself up again. He’s taken a massive blow, but he’ll come round…sooner or later.” She promised.
Bryan looked up at her and smiled.
“You always know exactly what to say.”
“It’s because I know how he’s feeling…I’m feeling exactly the same.” She admitted.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

@@@THE FOLLOWING MORNING@@@

Bryan sat at reception alone as he tried to think of a way he could get through to Shane. He knew he should listen to the people he loved when they told him he just needs time alone, but at the same time, he couldn’t stand the thought of his best friend sitting alone, misreading his act of kindness for one of self-assurance that he was okay.
Bryan was distracted from his thoughts by some commotion at the hotel entrance.
When he saw Paul, the band’s security guard was involved, he decided to go and see what was happening. He slowly got up and walked over to him.
There was a girl, around his age, with light brown hair and striking blue eyes, trying to get past Paul. Bryan smiled to himself slightly as he watched the pair. She was trying so desperately to get into the hotel, but she didn’t stand a chance.
“Hey mate, what’s the problem?” Bryan asked.
Paul turned to him and rolled his eyes.
“The normal. Trying to get in onto your floor.” He replied.
Bryan nodded as Paul continued.
“She’s trying to fob me off with some story about being a friend of Shane’s.”
“Ashley?” Bryan called.
The girl stopped struggling and stared at Bryan.
“Yeah. How do you know who I am?” She asked.
“Shane told me he was expecting you.” He explained.
Paul, who had been listening to the conversation, suddenly let the girl go, when he realised she was who she said she was. She threw him a dirty glare as she straightened her jacket, and then walked past him and smiled smugly.
She walked over to Bryan and smiled.
“So…it’s nice to meet you.” She greeted.
Bryan nodded. “You too. Shall I take you up to Shane?” He asked.
“Yeah please. How is he?” She asked back.
Bryan sighed heavily. “Think about how you would expect him to be, and then make it ten times worse.”
“That bad?”
“That bad.”
They both walked in silence for the rest of the way, and as soon as Bryan pointed out which room was Shane’s, he left her alone.

Ashley stopped outside Shane’s room and tapped on it lightly. When she didn’t get any reply, she knocked again.
“Shane its Ashley, you in there?” She asked softly.
Within a few seconds, the door had swung open and she was pulled into his chest as he hugged her tightly.
She pulled away and smiled up at him. “It’s good to see you too.”
Shane looked from her into his room, and then back to her.
“Come in, the rooms a bit of a mess, but you’re probably used to that around me.”
Ashley followed Shane into the room and shut the door behind her. She sighed as she saw the state of the room. It wasn’t typical mess; it looked more like the kind of mess he would have made when he was letting his anger out on…well…whatever he could find.

She sat herself down on the bed as Shane leant his body up against the wall opposite her. There was an awkward silence between them for a few seconds, until Ashley broke it.
“So…how are you?” She asked.
Shane nodded. “I’m good.”
Ashley rolled her eyes. “Don’t lie to me. I’ve come all the way from Ireland to help you, and I can’t help you if you’re not honest with me.” She insisted.
Shane shuffled nervously as he kept his eyes on the floor. “I don’t know how I feel. I haven’t felt like this before, so I don’t know how to describe it. But I know it’s not good… And I’m not happy.” He admitted.
“What are we gonna do with you ay?” She asked playfully.
Shane looked up at her, and they made eye contact for the first time. Ashley could see the pain in his eyes, and knew that he was a bomb waiting to explode.
She had to be careful what she said around him.
“Kill me?” Shane suggested.
Ashley stood up and walked to him quickly. She stood in front of him and took his hands in hers.
“Why say that Shane? You’ve got so much to live for, surely you wouldn’t want to throw all that away.”
Shane removed his hands from hers and walked past her, and stopped with his back to her. “What’s the point in living my life if I can’t enjoy it?” He asked.
“Shane what about your job? You love to sing. Singing was your life before…”
“Before Adelle came along.” He finished for her. “When I used to sing I enjoyed it so much because while I was doing it I would forget about all the unhappy things that were happening in my life…but that isn’t the case anymore. Singing doesn’t make me forget that she’s gone. Nothing is strong enough to make me forget. Not for a second.”
Ashley wrapped her arms around him and hugged him gently.
“You’ll be okay Shane, you’ll get you’re life back. That’s what I’m here to help you with. Grieve all you want, it’s good to get it out in the open. Cry until you’ve got no more tears left to cry.” She instructed.
“I already thought I had…but then I keep filling up with more. The pain hasn’t lessened at all since I first found out that she had………… I just don’t know what to do with all my spare time, it gives me too much time to think.” He admitted.
Ashley nodded but didn’t say anything. She knew her friend was grieving, and sometimes, in cases like this, no answer was the best answer.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Kian pulled out a chair for Shakira to sit on as they joined Bryan, Aisling, Nicky and Stef at the table. He took her hand and sat beside her, occasionally throwing her an admiring smile.
He admitted that they hadn’t exactly met under brilliant circumstances, and it probably couldn’t have happened at a worse time, but it had happened. And he was glad it had. Girls he had met in the past would have run a mile as soon as they knew what had been happening, but Shakira had stayed and helped him. And although they hadn’t been ‘together’ for very long, he couldn’t help feeling like he was falling in love.
“Bryan…” Kian called as everyone chatted quietly.
Bryan looked across the table at his band-mate, and waited for him to continue.
“I know I’ve been a total twat these last few days, I just want to say I’m sorry. I just didn’t know what to do, and I felt so awkward around Shane because of how he must be feeling…I just…”
Bryan nodded. “It’s okay. I know it’s been hard, and normally I wouldn’t react in the way I have done, but like you say, it’s just our way of coping.”

Everyone looked up as Mark joined them.
“Halo peeps, what the story?” He asked.
Bryan rolled his eyes. “Pretty similar to the story you asked me about thirty seconds ago.” He mocked.
“Aww, well someone sounds happier today. What happened?”
Bryan shook his head. “Nothing really. I’m just glad about the arrival of Shane’s friend. I think it’ll do him a lot of good, I met her earlier, and she seems a very…comforting person.” He explained.
Everyone nodded. Normally, when Bryan said a girl was a ‘comforting person’, they all thought he meant she was an easy lay, but they knew that because she was there for Shane, getting ‘laid’ wasn’t an issue.
As if on cue, Ashley walked into the hotel restaurant, with Shane in toe.
The table fell silent as Shane sat down. Ashley sat on the chair next to him.
Bryan was the first to speak. “Shane about last night…”
“Don’t talk about it please. I was in the wrong and I’m sorry. It was just the drink.” Shane said quickly.
Bryan was left speechless, but he was happy too. Aisling had been right, and it finally looked like Shane was getting on his feet again.

“So…what’s on the menu?” Ashley asked. She hadn’t been properly introduced to any of the other people sitting around her, but she was a confident person, so she didn’t feel like she had to sit out of anything.
Mark looked at her and winked shyly. “The menu’s in front of you love.”
Ashley smiled sweetly as she realised what an idiot she had just made of herself. And in front of Mark as well! She may not have met him before, but she had seen him around, and she knew a good-looking guy when she saw one!

An hour into their meal, everyone was chatting happily. Ashley and Mark had been locked in conversation since her first slip up, and everyone else was engrossed in a group discussion. It was almost as if Adelle had never died. As if she had never existed in the first place.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

As the group made their way out of the restaurant, they were talking about where they should go from there.
“You coming along Shane?” Nicky asked.
Shane shook his head. “No, I’m going back to my room.” He replied.
Nicky slapped his friends back lightly. “Come on mate, it’s should be a great night out tonight.”
“No I can’t. Me and Ashley are going to stay in and make some arrangements for the funeral.”
Nicky bit his tongue as he realised how inconsiderate he must have sounded.
“Okay, well if you fancy having a rest, gimme a call and I’ll arrange for you to get picked up.” He promised.
Shane threw him a grateful smile, and then slowed down to give Ashley a chance to catch up with him.
She was standing by the restaurant door with Mark, smiling as they swapped numbers. Shane smiled when she joined him.
“Nice night?” He teased.
“Under the circumstances.” She replied as she linked her arm in his and walked up the stairs.

The mood darkened as soon as they entered Shane’s room. As soon as Shane stepped in he could smell the light scent of Adelle’s perfume, and whenever he closed his eyes, if only for a second, he would see Adelle and him sitting on the bed, cuddling happily. He found it weird; it was always the same thing he saw. He figured it must mean something, but he just couldn’t think what.

As he laid himself on his bed, Ashley went and sat at the desk, and placed several sheets of blank paper in front of her. She watched Shane for a few seconds, who was staring into the night aimlessly.
“Now then…where do we start?” She asked awkwardly.
Shane was brought back to reality at the sound of Ashley’s voice, and it took him a second to work out what she had said.
“I…don’t know.”
“Do you have any idea when you want it to take place?”
Shane shrugged. “I don’t want it to have to take place at all.”
“I know, but it has to. And if you don’t arrange it, it’ll end up being something just put together at the last minute, and you don’t want that.” She told him.
Shane nodded. He knew she was right, as painful as it was; he had to give Adelle the best possible send off. This was the last decent thing he could do for her, and he had to do it perfect.
He sighed to himself quietly. “I want it to take place on Monday. She always liked Monday’s…I don’t know why. And it has to be in a church just outside London. I can’t remember the name of it, but I know where it is. And I have the card for it somewhere, which should have the number and everything. I’ll let Aisling and Stef arrange flowers; they’ll want some input and they’ll probably be best at it.” Shane explained.
Ashley nodded. “And what about music?”
“I’ll do that too.” He promised.
“Don’t you think you’re taking on a bit much? You’re not exactly at your best, and there’s plenty of people that are willing to help you if you need it.” She asked.
Shane shook his head. “I’ll be fine. And if I do need help, I’ll ask.” He assured her.
Ashley nodded unconvinced. “Yeah okay…in that case, there isn’t really anything we can do ‘til tomorrow. We can get up early and go visit the church and stuff, get cars sorted out and whatever else. If you want it to take place on Monday we’ll have to work fast.”
Shane stood up from the bed and made his way to the door. He opened it and then looked back at Ashley.
“Don’t panic. Everything will be perfect…as perfect as it can be without Adelle.” He said before disappearing down the hall.

Ashley fell back in her chair and held her head in her hands. There was a light knocking on the door, so she called them in.
She smiled slightly as she saw Mark walk in and make his way over to her.
“Aren’t you meant to be clubbing?” She asked.
“Oh…yeah, but I didn’t feel like it. You okay?” He asked as he noticed the concerned look on her face.
Ashley nodded and threw him a weak smile. “Yeah I’m fine. Just worried about Shane.” She told him.
Mark wrapped his arm around her shoulders and bent down until his eyes were level with hers. “He’ll be okay. He’s spoken more tonight than he has the last few days, and he even looked…well…happy.” Mark comforted.
“Yeah, but he’s not. Not really.” She confided.
“How do you know?” He asked.
Ashley looked at him and let her eyes fix on his. “Because I know him. And I know when he’s trying to make people believe he’s fine, even though deep down he’s hurting. He’s not himself anymore Mark, he’s not the Shane I was expecting to see…he’s not the Shane I know.”

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Shane read through the leaflet he had picked up from the church, as he and Ashley made their way back to the hotel.
They had gone to the church, and spoken to the priest. To Shane’s delight, there was a cancelled booking for Monday, so he had snapped it up straight away.

Now, they were both together sitting in the back of the black people carrier, with no noise being made except for the occasional turn of a page in the leaflet.
“Are Adelle’s parents going to be there?” Ashley asked.
“Of course they are. She was their daughter.” Shane replied without looking away from the text.
“So…where did you disappear to last night?” She asked, as she desperately tried making conversation.
“Nowhere. I just walked.”
Ashley turned her attention to the window. She wasn’t going to get anywhere with Shane. She was guessing something had happened when he went out the night before, because since his return he had been acting different. He hadn’t exactly been depressed, but he just wasn’t making any effort to communicate. With her anyway.

Back at the hotel, Bryan was watching Aisling with admiration from across the room. He knew she was grieving, but she was doing her best to show a smile, if only to help the others along.
“Need any help?” He asked sensitively.
She looked up at him and smiled as she flicked through a magazine of wreaths and other funeral flowers.
“I’m fine.” She replied.
“Sure?” He asked again.
She slowly took his hand and kissed it gently. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re here with me, but I need to do this alone. It’ll help both me and Shane.” She explained.
Bryan nodded. “I understand. Do you want me to get out of the way?”
“I just need an hour or so. Thanks Bryan. I love you.” She whispered.
“I love you too.” He said before blowing her a kiss, and then hesitantly leaving her alone in the room.

Shane and Ashley were greeted at the reception by Mark, who had been waiting for them for the last half an hour. He ran to the car and pulled the door open.
Shane was the first to step out.
“Hey mate, how did it go?” Mark asked.
Shane nodded. “Good. It’s at 10am Monday.” He replied.
“Oh…that soon? Well that’s great. At least there’s no time to sit around.” He smiled awkwardly.
“I guess so.” Shane said softly.
Mark turned his attention back to the car as Ashley climbed out. He couldn’t help the smile spreading across his face at the sight of her. She was wearing a pair of jeans that had holes at the knees, and a big, black puffer jacket. Her brown hair was tied up with no real effort, and she had little make-up on. But Mark still thought she looked beautiful.
“I need to talk to you in a minute.” He whispered.
She looked at him and nodded, but didn’t say anything.
Shane looked at them both. “Don’t mind me, I’ve got plans for today. You two go off and do whatever it is you want to do.” He ordered.
“Well what are you going to do? What do you have planned?” Ashley asked questioningly.
“I’m gonna go and ring Adelle’s ma, I need to go and see how Ailsing and Stef are getting on with flowers, and I need to sort out music. Don’t worry, I have plenty of stuff to take up my time.” He assured her before walking off and leaving them both, not giving them a chance to reply.

Ashley sighed heavily and looked back at Mark. “Okay, we’re alone now. What do you want?” She asked impatiently.
“I just want…will you walk with me? We can go and get some lunch or something, I find it hard to talk on an empty stomach.” He explained.
Ashley rolled her eyes as she linked her arm with his. “Any excuse…” She laughed.
Mark looked at her and shrugged his shoulders. “Any excuse for what?” He asked. “For you to eat.”
They both laughed as they walked away from the hotel arm in arm.

“How’s everything going?” Shane asked as he approached Aisling, who had now moved herself into the hotel restaurant.
She nodded slowly and smiled. “It’s okay. I wish I didn’t have to do it, but I’m getting by.” She replied.
“I’m sorry, I’ll take over if you want, I just thought you might want to do…well…something.” Shane explained as he sat down at the table opposite her.
“Oh yeah I do! I just meant…I wish there wasn’t any need for me to be doing it.” Shane nodded. “I know. You kinda have to admit that it’s real when you’re sorting it all out.” He replied as he looked into the air.
“Yeah I know, but look on the bright side; at least we can give her a proper send off.” Aisling insisted as she tried lifting the mood.
“Definitely. And while you’re looking through there, pick whatever you think is best. Don’t worry about the price; money’s not a problem.” He whispered.
“Where’s Stef anyway?” He asked as he noticed for the first time that she was missing.
“Oh, she came by to help me, but I don’t know. She just burst into tears. It’s all a bit much for her, so I told her to just go back to her room and get some sleep until she’s feeling up to it.” she replied.
They both looked up as Bryan joined them. He placed a gentle kiss on his wife’s forehead, and then sat down beside her.
“So…everything’s coming along well I see.” He insisted.
Shane nodded, but didn’t say anything.
“Where’s the funeral taking place? Ashley said it was one just outside London or something.” Aisling asked.
“Oh yeah, it’s in Harlow. It’s a grand place, loads of land, and it’s really old too, Adelle loved it there, and she told me she wanted to get buried there.” Shane explained.
Bryan screwed his face up. “She loved it that much?” he asked.
Shane laughed to himself. “Yeah she did, but that isn’t the reason. Her brother was buried there too, she said she wanted to be buried in the same place he was.”
Bryan and Aisling stared at Shane open-mouthed.
“But…I…Adelle never told me she had a brother.” Aisling cried, sounding slightly hurt.
“She didn’t like talking about it. We only ever spoke about him once, but it was too painful for her, so we promised not to mention it again. I mean, I told her that I would listen if she ever did want to talk about him, but I knew she wouldn’t.” he explained.
“How…how did he die?” Bryan asked quietly.
Shane sighed heavily. “He was in the army, he was sent out to do something or other one day, and he was shot. He died straight away, but there was a picture found in his wallet. It was of him and Adelle when they were younger. Adelle was twelve and he was seventeen. She treasured that picture so much, sometimes I would find her just staring at it, and she wouldn’t even notice I was there.” he choked.
“Jesus I never knew…how must their parents be feeling? I mean, losing two children is bad enough, but for both of them to die because they got shot is awful.” Aisling whispered.
Shane nodded. “When her brother first died they went into depression, they didn’t find the time for Adelle, I think that’s why she was so scarred by it. But I think they’ve learnt how to deal with it now.”
Bryan shook his head. “I don’t think it’s possible to learn how to deal with death.”

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Mark watched Ashley from across the table discreetly as she took a sip of her wine.
“So…are you ever going to get round to telling me what you wanted to say?” She asked.
Mark smiled. “Well I was just wondering whether…I mean, I know you don’t take a ‘date’ to a funeral, but I just wanted to ask whether you would go with me on Monday.” He stuttered nervously.
Ashley took hold of his hands across the table. “Mark I would love to, but I need to be with Shane. He’s gonna need me more than you’ll want me.”
“I doubt that.” Mark whispered to himself.
“But…I’m guessing he’ll be sitting with Adelle’s family at the actual funeral, so I would be happy to sit with you. I’m gonna need someone to keep me strong.” She insisted.
Mark nodded. “I’m willing to do that. So…how well did you know Adelle?” He asked, as he suddenly felt very conscious of the fact that he blatantly fancied her!
“Well enough to know that she was what Shane needed. And to know that she loved him as much as she said she did. I never got to know her as a close friend, but I saw the way she was with Shane, and the way Shane was around her.” She replied as she drifted off in her thoughts.
“They really were great together weren’t they?”
Ashley nodded. “They were. I loved the way they didn’t need to tell each other how much they loved one another, they just knew. And they trusted each other more than I thought was possible.”
Mark nodded but didn’t say anything.
“So…have you found your ‘Miss Right’ yet?” Ashley asked casually.
Mark took a sip of his wine and then placed the glass on the table carefully.
“Not yet. But I’m looking, I want to find her before it’s too late.” He admitted.
Ashley rolled her eyes. “Look out girls, Marks’ on the prowl!” She cried.
Mark laughed a little but then turned serious as his eyes locked with hers. “There’s only one gal on my mind at the moment.” He whispered as he squeezed her hand softly.

Shane sat on the end of his bed alone. He needed to speak to Adelle’s parents’, but he had been trying to put it off all day. Other than himself, nobody knew Adelle better than her mum, which could have been what was making it so hard for him to talk to her. He knew they would meet at the funeral, so he tried convincing himself he could leave it until then, but he knew he couldn’t. If only out of respect.
He slowly walked over to his wardrobe and searched for his jacket, the one that he knew had his mobile in it. He hadn’t worn the coat since Adelle had gone; she had always loved the jacket, and she had been the last one to wear it. It was a navy blue bomber jacket, with several R.A.F badges stitched on it.
He looked at the phone, which he also hadn’t looked at since Adelle had died, and sighed as he saw that he had ‘12 Messages’ and ‘45 Missed Calls’; he knew they would all be saying basically the same thing. ‘Sorry for your loss.’ His heart skipped a beat as he opened the messages and among them was ‘Adelle Mobile’.
He smiled as he read it over and over. She had sent it the day she had died, when she had left to go shopping.

‘Hi baby its me. Wot time u want me bk 2day? Love u always, Adelle x x x’

Shane slowly ran his fingers through his hair as he read it one last time. Then he deleted all the other messages without reading them, and made his way to reception to see if he could find Mark and Ashley.

“You okay babe?” Bryan asked as he studied Aisling’s face.
She smiled weakly and nodded. “I’m fine.” She choked.
Bryan sighed heavily as he wrapped his arms around his wife. “It’ll help if you talk about it.” he insisted.
Aisling threw her pen down and hid her face in her hands. “I don’t know. It’s all just getting too much. I’ve lost my best friend and I haven’t even tried saying goodbye.” She admitted.
“Well that happens on Monday at the funeral. That’s when most people save their goodbye’s for.” Bryan comforted.
“But I was meant to be her best friend, and it doesn’t even show that I’m upset!” She cried.
“Of course it does! All the people that know you know how badly it has affected you. And it doesn’t matter what other people think anyway, you know you miss her, and I know you miss her. That’s all that matters.” He insisted.
She looked up at him through her tear-filled eyes and nodded slowly. “It’s gonna be hard on Monday.” She confessed.
“I know. But I’ll be there for you. I’ll always be here for you.” He promised.
She smiled as she wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. “I love you so much Bry, and when I think about how quickly someone can disappear, I get scared. I wouldn’t be able to live without you.”
Bryan rocked her from side to side gently as he comforted her. “You don’t have to live without me. I’ll never leave you, not for the world.”

CHAPTER TWENTY

Ashley looked out to the river as she walked back to the hotel, arm in arm with Mark.
“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” Mark asked when he realised what had distracted her. She turned to him and nodded. “It is. So peaceful too.”
He watched her as she looked back to the river. There was something so special about her, and already, he felt like he had never felt before. He had been trying to keep his feelings at bay until the funeral was over, and the atmosphere around the group was better, but he couldn’t. Not anymore.
“Shane doesn’t appreciate you enough you know.” He said softly.
Ashley sighed as she turned her gaze directly ahead of her, and concentrated on walking. “Oh he does really, it’s just hard for him to show any emotion at the moment.”
“I don’t think anyone could realise how much you’re really worth.” He complimented.
She looked at him and rolled her eyes playfully. “If only all guys could think the way you do.”
“But I see how much you’re worth. And I’m willing to let the rest of the world know too.” He insisted as he took hold of her hands and made her look into his eyes.
She laughed nervously. “And how are you going to get me on show in front of the world?”
“By loving you.” He whispered.
“Woah! Backtrack just one blinking minute Mark! A couple of days ago you didn’t even know of my existence, don’t you think you’re moving just a little too fast?” She cried.
Mark shifted himself nervously as he slowly ran his fingers through his hair.
“Yeah look I’m sorry I just…I got a little carried away. Forget I said anything.” He said as he quickly started walking.
Ashley grabbed his arm and pulled him back to her. “I’m not saying I don’t feel the same Mark, because I do. I just think it’s a bit soon to be talking in terms of love.”
Mark smiled slightly as he put his hand up to her cheek. “So how are we…what are we going to do?” He asked softly.
“The only thing we can do.” She whispered as she gently put her lips on his.

A couple of minutes later, they slowly pulled apart.
“I do love you. I know I do.” Mark insisted.
Ashley nodded. “Maybe.” Was all she said.
Mark sighed as he took her hand into his, and together they carried on walking.
“So, if we’re serious, how will it work? Everyone has to know.” Ashley pointed out.
Mark nodded. “The guys will be happy for us. And the fans…well they will be too.”
Ashley looked at him as a concerned look fell on her face. “Will I see myself in the press tomorrow?” she cringed.
Mark laughed as he shook his head. “I shouldn’t think so. It might be their job to catch pop stars doing things nobody knows about, but they have a heart. They ran the story of Adelle’s death, but they’ve given us some space. I suppose they’re guessing Shane will need it. I don’t know how long it’s going to last, but either way, it’s the most decent thing the press have done for the band so far.”
Ashley smiled. “Everyone’s got a little bit of humanity inside them.” she whispered.
“I guess you’re right. Maybe the journalists aren’t as bad as I originally thought; maybe they can relate to the people they gossip about.”
Ashley slowly lifted Mark’s hand up to her face and kissed it gently, before placing it back by her side.

Shane knocked on Bryan and Aisling’s door gently. After a few seconds, Bryan answered. He stepped outside into the corridor and closed the door behind him. Then looked at Shane expectantly.
“What is it mate?” He asked.
“Oh umm…I just wanted to speak to Aisling, I was wondering whether she had finished sorting out the flowers for Monday.” Shane replied.
Bryan shook his head slowly. “I’m not sure, but I don’t think she has. She’s done most of the sorting out though, but she’s just a little…upset at the minute.” Bryan explained.
“Is she okay?” Shane asked sounding generally concerned.
“Well no, but she will be. You know how it is; she’s just been locking it all up. It had to come out sooner or later.”
“Do you want me to speak to her?” Shane asked.
“Do you really think that’s a good idea? No offence mate, but she needs to be cheered up, and you haven’t exactly been the king of laughs lately.” Bryan whispered.
Shane nodded. “I know. Which is why I want to talk to her. Maybe it’ll do her good to talk to me…someone that feels the same as her.”
Bryan hesitantly nodded. “Okay, I’ll be down at the bar when you’ve finished.” He said before walking off down the corridor.

Aisling looked up and faked a smile as she saw Shane. She wiped her tears on her hands and stood up.
“You okay?” She asked as she tried to hide her sadness.
“Are you?” Shane asked.
She nodded quickly. “I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
Shane sighed as he looked around the room. “I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel as if you can’t talk to me about your feelings.” He whispered.
Aisling walked over to him and wrapped her arms round his neck. “No Shane you haven’t. I just…I stopped myself talking to anyone.” She admitted.
“So how are you really?” he asked.
She looked into his eyes and shook her head. “I don’t know what to do with my time. Bryan says its just shock, but how can it be? I mean everyone’s in shock, but that hasn’t stopped you from mourning her.” She cried.
“Everyone handles their grief differently. She meant different things to everyone. For you she was your best friend, to me she was…she is the love of my life. You and I knew her better than anyone, we need to stick together; we need to pull each other through.” He choked.
“I know. And I’ll try, I really will.” She promised.
Shane nodded. “We both will.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Kian rested his head on the doorframe as he watched Shakira from afar. She was standing by the bed, tidying up all of his clothes. He couldn’t stop the smile creeping onto his face as he watched her make her way back and forth to the wardrobe.
“I’ve been thinking…” he said.
Shakira jumped round with a scared look on her face. She hadn’t known he was there, but now she was starting to worry about what he was going to say.
“About what?” she asked weakly.
Kian slowly walked over to her and took her hands into his. He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and then looked into her eyes.
“I want people to know about you.” He whispered.
A confused look filled her face. “People do know about me.” She replied.
Kian smiled when he realised he would have to explain another way. “I want the world to know about you…as my girlfriend.” He explained.
“Oh…umm…why?” she asked.
“Because I think I love you.” He whispered.
Shakira sat herself down on the bed before she fell down, and just stared at him.
“I wasn’t expecting that.” She admitted.
“No I know. I wasn’t expecting to feel the way I do.” He replied.
“Oh Jeez, I can’t believe it! Kian Egan from Westlife has just told me he loves me! This kinda thing doesn’t happen to me!” she cried.
A look of hurt filled his face. “Shak are…are you with me because I’m in Westlife?” he asked nervously.
She shook her head quickly. “No I didn’t mean it like that. I just…I would see you on the TV whilst I sat at home eating Cornflakes, then a few days later I’m here in your hotel, actually with you. I thought that was too good to be true, but now? Things have just gone way past my expectations.” She laughed.
Kian’s gaze fell to the floor as he placed his hands in his jeans pockets. “You know, that doesn’t answer my question.” He insisted sheepishly.
Shakira stood up and put her hands up to his face, and smiled at him sweetly.
“If you had asked me that night we met, I would have to say in all honesty that I was attracted to your fame, but now, now I know you, and when I see you or hear you on the radio I don’t think I’m going out with a celebrity, I just think I’m going out with someone that sings for a living. I’m interested in you, not the pop star.” She assured him.
Kian sighed as he smiled. “So now you know…” he laughed.
Shakira nodded. “Yep, and I haven’t ran off, which is always a good thing.”
“You don’t know how hard it was for me to tell you that. I’ve been thinking about it constantly for the last few days. Well…ever since we met really.” He confessed.
“Well it looks like everything went to plan.” She whispered before placing her lips on his.
Within a few seconds, Kian had pulled away and was staring at her.
“Well not completely to plan, I was hoping that after I had said that, you would go on to tell me how you feel about me…I mean, I don’t expect you to say you love me; I’m known for falling in love too quickly. And I don’t doubt you, but I would just like to hear it.”
Shakira took hold of his hand and sat him down on the bed; she knelt down in front of him and waited until their eyes were locked on each other’s. “Kian I don’t know what love is, I’ve never felt it before. But when I’m with you…I don’t know, I’m just so happy. I feel like I’m on top of the world, and as if I’ve achieved something life changing. And when you’re not with me, even if I know you’re only going to be gone for a few minutes, I feel so down, and I just think about what I’m going to say when I see you. I’ve never met anyone like you, and I feel like I could live like this…with you…forever, and never get bored.” She explained.
Kian smiled as he brushed a piece of hair from her eyes. “You know what? I think that’s love you feel.”
Shakira nodded. “I hope so Ki, I really do.” She whispered.
Shakira stood up and sat herself on Kian’s lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and looked into his eyes lovingly. “You’re right Ki, I think I do love you.”
He put his hand up to her face and kissed her softly. He slipped his tongue into her mouth as it became more and more passionate, and then lay himself down on the bed. Shakira slowly started unbuttoning his shirt as she continued to kiss him, and Kian slid his hand up the back of her t-shirt and lifted it over her head, and then put his hands back down and started to unclasp her bra.

“Should we tell Shane?” Ashley asked as she cuddled Mark lovingly.
He thought about it for a few seconds and then slowly shook his head. “No I don’t think he’s ready for it yet.” he insisted.
Ashley nodded. “Yeah, we best leave it ‘til he’s feeling more…happy.” She replied.
Mark nodded in agreement as he watched his new girlfriend with admiration. They had decided not to go straight back to the hotel, and were now sitting by the river, talking about anything and everything.
“These last few days have been hard.” Ashley admitted.
Mark ran his fingers through her hair slowly and nodded. “Yeah but it will get easier. And I know Shane says that isn’t true, but it is. I think that’s what hurts him most, knowing that one day he will be able to wake up and smile, and it wont be because of her.”
“But it hasn’t only been hard for him. It’s been hard for all of you. Not so much me; I mean, I wasn’t here for the thick of it all; Adelle was a lucky gal to have all you as friends. You’re all obviously very close.” She insisted.
“We were lucky to have her.” He whispered.
He regretted saying it as soon as he felt her body tense. “I mean, she was a great gal, she always listened when we needed to talk, and she was always up for a laugh. I never ‘fancied’ her, so it was easy to find friendship with her. If the temptation’s not there…” he trailed off.
Ashley looked at him and gave him an understanding smile. “From what I’ve heard from the other guys, you all fancied her at one point.” She laughed.
Mark shook his head. “I think everyone uses the word ‘fancy’ differently. We had been on our own, five guys, for months, and then Shane suddenly brought her along and we were just glad to have her there because she was female. I mean we’re normal guys, obviously we had our fantasies, but that’s all they were. Shane was the only one that really felt like he had to make an effort around her, the rest of us just figured we were mates so it didn’t matter if we looked good or not.” He explained.
Ashley sighed as she looked out to the river. “Everything about Shane and Adelle sounds so romantic, almost as if it came straight from a fairytale.” She gushed.
“It was. Shane saw something in her that nobody else did. And even when they had only been together for a few days he was sooo smitten. He wasn’t afraid to let us all know how much he liked her. And it showed – just the way he was when he was with her. She made him the happiest guy alive.” He laughed a little when he realised what he had just said. “It’s ironic to think that now she’s made him one of the saddest.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

MONDAY – THE DAY OF THE FUNERAL.

Shane woke up in a sweat and looked at the clock beside his bed. ‘4:57am’. He sighed as he lay back down. It was the twelfth time he had woken up that night, and it was obvious he wasn’t going to get any more sleep. He looked out to the stars and smiled; Adelle was out there somewhere, probably having the time of her life, absolutely oblivious to the pain he was going through.
He ran his fingers through his hair and slowly climbed out of bed. He switched the bedside lamp on and made his way over to the wardrobe. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror as he was passing, and for the first time, he noticed the difference in his appearance. He had thinned out, and he looked like he hadn’t slept for a week – well, that bit was true – but for some reason, he didn’t seem to care. He couldn’t find it in himself to care about anything.
He pulled out the suit he was planning to wear; the exact suit he had worn for the cover of the bands Greatest Hits album, he chose it because Adelle had loved it, and she had even said she wanted him to wear it if they were to ever get married.
He quickly walked over to the bed and laid the suit down neatly, and then went back to shut the wardrobe. As he did, a box on the floor caught his attention. He hadn’t seen it before because the suit had been hiding it, so he knew Adelle must have put it there. He bent down and picked it up. It looked just like a shoebox, but it had stars and moons printed all over it. He sat himself down and slowly opened the box. There was a small piece of paper attached to something wrapped up. He pulled the piece of paper up closer to his face so he could see the feint writing.
‘Guess.’ He said out loud, sounding confused. He looked at the paper again to make sure he had got it right, and sure enough, he had.
Then he slowly started ripping the paper off of the other thing in the box. He was faced with a pair of the latest Nike trainers, but that wasn’t the important part, that wasn’t the part Shane couldn’t get his head around; the trainers were for a newborn baby.

Shakira stroked Kian’s back as he sat up in bed.
“What is it babe?” She asked.
He turned and looked at her and shook his head. “This isn’t right.”
“What isn’t?” she whispered as she sat up beside him.
“It’s Adelle’s funeral in a few hours and I’m not even talking to Shane. I should be there for him today; instead we’re both going to be avoiding each other. I’ve been so…self-centred.” He cried.
“Not self-centred honey; you’ve been grieving. As has everyone – I’m sure the rest of the guys are sitting up regretting something or other.” She insisted.
“Yeah maybe, but I need to clear the air with Shane. I suddenly feel guilty. Do you think he’ll be awake?” he asked.
“If you can’t sleep I’m sure he can’t either. And if he is, wake him up – it’s important. Do whatever you have to do.” She instructed.
Kian threw her a loving smile and kissed her forehead quickly. He jumped out of the bed and threw on a dressing gown.
“I’ll be back in a sec.” He whispered.
“Hopefully a little longer, because then I’ll know everything’s gone to plan.” Shakira smiled.
Kian stopped at the end of the bed and stared at her. “I love you.” He said softly before heading for the door.
“Oh Kian!” Shakira cried as he reached the door.
“Yeah?” he asked as he turned to look at her.
“Whatever happens, I think I know something that might make you smile.” She laughed.
Kian raised his eyebrows and smiled. “I’m listening.”
She laughed and pulled the quilt cover down to reveal her bare breasts, and then quickly covered herself up again.
Kian laughed and shook his head. “You’re a bad girl Shak.”
“Yeah but I’m yours so it doesn’t matter.” She shot back matter-of-factly.
“I’ll deal with you when I get back.” He threatened.
“I like the sound of that!” she smiled.
Kian laughed before disappearing out of the room.

Shane hurried to the door and opened it desperately. He was secretly disappointed to see Kian, but he didn’t let it show.
“Have you seen Ashley?” Shane asked quickly.
Kian shook his head. “No, but I need to speak to you, can you just give me a minute?” He pleaded.
Shane looked at him questioningly and then hesitantly agreed. He stepped out of the room and pulled it shut.
“What is it?” he asked.
Kian nodded to the door. “Can we go inside?”
Shane shook his head. “No I don’t want to wake Ad…” he stopped when he realised what he was about to say. He looked at Kian who was looking away, obviously feeling the awkwardness.
“…we can talk here.” He finished quietly.
Kian sighed as he nodded slowly. “Okay, well…I just want to say I’m sorry for you know, how I’ve been these last few days.” He explained.
“Don’t worry about it mate.” Shane replied.
“No I was out of order. You’re my best friend and the one time you need me I turn my back on you, and I know enough about friendships to know that that isn’t how its meant to be.” He insisted.
Shane looked in Kian’s eyes and could see that he truly meant every word he was saying. “Well I haven’t been there for you…” he started before Kian cut him short.
“I’ve got Shakira. Nicky’s got Stef, Bryan’s got Aisling, Mark’s got whatever gal he can find, but you haven’t got anyone…nobody in that sense anyway. We should all be looking out for you. Especially at the funeral.”
Shane smiled as tears trickled down his cheeks. “I knew you’d always come up trumps.” He joked.
Kian smiled as he realised he had been forgiven. “So…are you ready for the funeral?” he asked sensitively.
“To be honest I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for the funeral…not hers. She didn’t deserve what she got, any of it. I’m just trying not to think about what the day holds. I’ll deal with it when it comes.” He insisted.
Kian nodded and patted Shane’s shoulder. “That’s a good plan.” He whispered.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Kian held onto Shakira’s hand tightly as they walked down the hall quietly. Shakira was wearing a straightforward knee length dress, black of course, and Kian was wearing a black suit and tie.
“Think he’s ready?” Kian asked.
Shakira shrugged her shoulders. “Knock and find out.”
Just as Kian was about to knock on Shane’s door, he saw Mark running towards him.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
Mark shook his head. “No, it looks like the press have finally stopped being nice.” He replied as he held up a newspaper.
Kian slowly took it off of him and read it out loud so Shakira could hear.

“Westlife Star Says Goodbye
‘Westlife front man Shane Filan will today say goodbye to his girlfriend of four years. The girl, only known as Adelle, was killed last week for reasons we do not know. Shane, along with the rest of the band, have tried their best to keep out of the spotlight since the tragedy, and will go out as a group for the first time today as they attend the funeral to be held at Harlow General Church, the service starts at 10am today, so on behalf of the band’s many fans, lets hope they get through today and come out smiling…and singing.’”

“We can’t let him see it.” Shakira whispered.
Kian looked at her, and then to Mark. “She’s right. If he knows the press are going to be there he wont go.” He insisted.
Mark nodded. “Okay, you just make sure he goes straight to the car when he’s ready. I’ll leave now and I’ll take Ashley. If there are any photographers there I’ll try and make them feck off.” He promised.
Kian nodded as he watched Mark run back down the corridor. “You know, the chances are that because of this some fans are going to turn up too.” He explained.
Shakira stroked his arm gently. “We’ll just have to make sure Shane doesn’t get hassled by them.”
“I wasn’t thinking of that…they’re going to see me…with you.” He whispered.
A slight smile crept onto her face as she leant forward and kissed him softly.
“Well you did say you wanted people to know.”
Kian nodded. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay with it.”
Shakira sighed heavily. “So…we better get this show on the road.” She said as she nodded her head in the direction of Shane’s door.

Shane, Kian, Shakira, Nicky, Stef, Bryan and Aisling all stood outside the hotel as they waited for the cars to arrive.
Shane looked up to the sky and sighed. “Look’s like it’s gonna rain.”
Bryan, who was stood beside him, nodded. “Yeah, but the service is inside so it wont make any difference.” He replied.
“It wouldn’t anyway.” Shane said flatly.
Bryan slowly walked over to Nicky, who was standing with Stef.
“Hey Stef, can you do me a favour and just go and have a word with Shane? I think women are probably better at this kinda thing.”
Stef nodded and hurried over to Shane.
Bryan and Nicky both watched from a distance as she walked over and wrapped her arms around him.
“Haven’t seen you two around for a while.” Bryan commented casually.
Nicky laughed under his breath. “You haven’t missed much. All we’ve done is argue.” He admitted.
Bryan sighed. “Everyone’s feeling emotional right now, I’m sure things will smoothen themselves out.” He comforted.
Nicky shook his head slowly without failing to take his eyes off of Stef.
“Things were just as bad before. The only difference now is that we have something with importance to argue about.” He insisted.
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Bryan whispered.
“I mean we’re still together, she’s gonna need me today, but after that…” he trailed off.
Bryan’s mouth dropped open as he cottoned on to what Nicky meant. “You’re leaving her?!” he cried.
Nicky looked at him and shrugged. “I don’t know. If things change then no, but as it stands at the moment…well…let’s just say we wont be in this situation again.”
Bryan was about to say something but stopped when Stef re-joined them.
“Shane seems fine. I think he’s doing okay.” She explained.
Nicky rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah, I’m sure he’s feeling brilliant.” he said sarcastically.
“Look you two, not today okay? It’s hard enough as it is, Shane doesn’t need to see this, and he wouldn’t want to.” Bryan whispered harshly before walking off.

Everyone fell silent as the black limousine pulled up at the curb. Bryan rested his hand on Shane’s shoulder and looked in his eyes.
“You ready for this mate?” he asked sensitively.
Shane nodded slowly. “As ready as I’ll ever be.” He whispered.
Bryan smiled and motioned for Shane to get in the car, so he did. Shakira climbed in after him, and then Bryan after her. When they were all sat in the back, the car slowly started making its way to the church.
Shane stared out of the window, trying to think of anything except where he was going. But the harder he tried, the more he thought about it.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

The rain was falling rapidly by the time the limousine stopped outside the church. Shane could see people gathering outside the entrance, hiding under their umbrellas.
Nicky leant forward so Shane could hear him. “If we wait here a minute someone will be down with an umbrella.” He explained.
Shane looked at him, and then looked away without saying a word. He slowly opened the car door and stepped out.
He was immediately attacked by camera flashes, and reporters screaming every kind of question you could possibly imagine. He walked over to them with fire in his eyes.
“What do you want?” he cried.
“How are you feeling today Shane? You must be extremely upset.” One man asked as he waved a microphone in Shane’s face.
Shane grabbed it off of him, chucked it on the floor and stamped on it. “Why can’t you just leave us alone for one day? Why do you have to be everywhere?!” he shouted before running off up towards the church entrance.
Bryan, who had been watching from the car, got out and made his way over to the same photographer. “Why don’t you all try being a little human for once?” he asked harshly.
One photographer, and oldish man in a bright yellow anorak shrugged his shoulders. “It’s our job.” He replied.
Bryan nodded. “Yeah, but today isn’t part of ours! We don’t mind you being there every other day, but for just one day we need you to leave us alone.” He explained.
“I’m sorry I can’t! My boss will kill me!” another one shouted.
“He wont be the only one if you push it too far.” Bryan insisted quietly before heading back for the car.

Shane was greeted by sympathetic looks as he joined the crowd of people. He made his way through everyone until he found Adelle’s parents.
Adelle’s mum turned round and hugged him tightly. “Hi Shane, we were looking for you.” She cried.
Shane nodded. “Yeah I…the car was a bit late.” He explained.
Paul, Adelle’s step-dad, nodded and smiled. “You made her happy you know.”
Shane tried to smile, but it triggered off his tears. “Not as happy as she made me.” He whispered.
“Sarah’s here somewhere…you remember, Adelle’s old school friend? I think she’s gone looking for you.” Her mum explained.
Shane looked around and tried to spot her, but when he couldn’t, he turned back to them. “Do you mind if I go and find her? I need to talk to her about something.”
Adelle’s mum nodded. “Of course honey, we’ll see you inside.” She said as she watched him walk off. She turned and looked back at her husband. “He doesn’t look well.” She choked as tears filled her eyes. Paul pulled her close to him and kissed her forehead gently.

“Mark! I thought you said you would take care of the press!” Kian shouted as he found his band mate sitting on a bench behind the church with Ashley.
Mark stood up and nodded. “I tried but there were too many. There’s about twenty photographers at every entrance to the church. They’re here to get pictures and they wont leave until they have them.” he insisted.
Kian nodded as he looked down at Ashley, and then back to Mark. “What are you two doing round here?” he asked.
“Nothing!” Mark cried quickly, a little too quickly.
Kian laughed a little and shook his head. “Well I hope the two of you are very happy together, as that’s obviously what’s going on. Just…don’t tell Shane yet, this is his day, he needs it to say goodbye.” He explained.
Mark nodded as he looked to the floor. “But I think he’s gonna need more than a day.”

“Sarah!” Shane shouted as he spotted her.
She spun round and ran to him when she saw him, and didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms round him tightly. “Oh Shane I’ve been looking for you everywhere! It’s been so hard not having anyone I can talk to, not having anyone that knew Adelle like I did.” She cried.
“I’m glad you could make it.” Shane whispered.
Sarah was about to say something but paused when she saw the troubled look on his face. “What’s wrong?” she asked.
Shane laughed a nervous laugh and avoided making eye contact. “I’m at the funeral for the love of my life, isn’t it obvious what’s wrong?” he cried.
Sarah nodded slowly. “Yeah I know its just…it looked like you wanted to ask me something.” She explained.
Shane sighed heavily as he looked up to the sky. “There is…but not here.” He said as he grabbed her arm and pulled her round the side of the church.
Sarah looked at him bewildered. “What is it?” she asked.
“Did…did Adelle say anything to you about anything?” he asked.
Sarah nodded. “Yeah Shane, she told me pretty much everything, you need to be a bit more specific.” She insisted.
Shane ran his hand through his soaking wet hair as he paced backwards and forwards. “Did she say anything that she might not have wanted me to know about?”
“Shane what is this? Just say what you have to say.” She ordered.
“I…I found something today, and I don’t know what it means. I was meant to find out, but obviously, the plan was that I would be able to ask her if I didn’t understand.” He explained.
Sarah shrugged her shoulders. “What did you find?” she asked desperately.
Shane put one hand into each of his suit jacket pockets, and pulled them both out and held them in front of her.
“These.” He whispered as he opened his hands to reveal the boots he had unwrapped earlier.
Sarah fidgeted nervously. “I thought you knew.” She insisted.
“Knew what?”
Sarah looked into his eyes and smiled. “She was pregnant. The two of you were going to have a baby.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Shane crouched down and held his head in his hands. “What do you mean? Why didn’t the doctors tell me when I went to the hospital?” he asked angrily.
Sarah shook her head. “I don’t know. She was only a few days, maybe they thought if they told you that you would…I don’t know, try saving it in some way.” She suggested.
“I’m not stupid, I know you wouldn’t be able to save a baby if she was only pregnant for a few days.” He cried.
“I know, but some people are so desperate when they find something like that out that they’ll believe what they want to believe.”
Shane stood back up again as an awkward silence fell between them. Shane broke it when he broke out into laughter. “I can’t believe I was going to be a dad. I was actually going to be a dad.” He cried.
Sarah nodded. “You were.” She whispered.
The smile slowly left his face as the reality of it hit him. “All I ever wanted was a family. I was finally going to have that, the whole lot, but now I don’t have any of it.” he choked.
Sarah looked round to the entrance of the church nervously. “Everyone’s gone in.” she explained.
Shane nodded and quickly made his way round to the front of the church, leaving Sarah to make her own way in. She smiled as she watched him leave. She had always got on well with Shane, and the three of them had always had so much fun when he and Adelle had visited her. It was sad to think that she was now going to lose the friendship she had with Shane, because she didn’t want to. She really didn’t.

“You okay?” Bryan asked Aisling as they sat down.
She nodded and smiled weakly. “Yeah, this is the hardest it’s gonna get.”
Bryan pulled her in and kissed her forehead gently. “It’ll get easier.” He promised.
“I think after the service I’m just going to go and walk alone for a while. Just to say goodbye properly.” She whispered.
“You do whatever you need to do.”

Shane paused as he walked into the church. It was the first time he had seen the inside like this. The high wooden walls were decorated with bunches of white lilies coming from every possible direction. The choir were standing patiently at the front of the church, all dressed in navy blue cloaks.
Shane wondered what they were going to sing. He didn’t know any of the songs that were going to be played, because he had asked Aisling to take care of music at the last minute because it was too much for him. Aisling had assured him the music was perfectly appropriate, so he just had to wait.
Everyone was inside the church now, sitting chatting quietly. The church was full, but that didn’t surprise Shane, Adelle had done a lot of things for a lot of people, and he knew they would want to say goodbye.

Shane spun round when someone behind him cleared their throat loudly. He was faced with a short, brown-haired man who looked uncomfortable being there. Shane recognised him immediately as Adelle’s father, the one that had abandoned her and her brother when they were young.
“What do you want?” Shane asked coldly.
“To say goodbye to my daughter.” Dave said matter-of-factly.
Shane shook his head slowly. “She wasn’t your daughter. You gave away that privilege when you walked out on her.”
Dave laughed under his breath. “Ahh Shane, the guy that supposedly made Adelle happy. I always wanted to meet you believe it or not, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I’m still not sure.” He laughed.
“Well no you wouldn’t, you was never there for Adelle to tell you.” Shane replied harshly.
Dave rolled his eyes and stepped closer to Shane. “Look I’ve just come to say goodbye.” He said again.
Shane took a step closer to Dave and pushed him back. “You’ve already said goodbye.” He insisted.
Dave waved his arms in the air and smiled. “It’s a church, open to the public.”
“Not today it isn’t.”
“Look Shane, I know your trying to sound like you cared about her, and I’m sure part of you did, but all this…admit it’s to get publicity for the band.” He ordered.
Shane shook his head slowly. “I’m not like you, I had my priorities right.
You’re not getting in there. Nobody wants you here today, and Adelle wouldn’t want you here.” He explained.
“And how do you know?! If she was a decent person she would want everyone to be forgiven!” Dave shouted.
“As far as Adelle’s concerned, you don’t exist! She has one father, and he’s sitting in there with her mother. You never made any effort with her, don’t think that because she’s not here to argue with you everything that happened between the two of you will be okay, because I’m still here. And if Adelle wanted you here, I would let you in, but she wouldn’t, and I know.”
Dave pushed Shane, which sent him flying back a few steps, but they were soon face-to-face again.
“Adelle never loved you! All her life she wanted to experience the whole celebrity lifestyle, that’s all you were there for. Don’t EVER think she loved you Shane, because she didn’t, and that’s something that I know.”
Shane shook his head slowly without taking his eyes off of him. “What we had was real. Nothing you or anyone else can say will make me question that. Now I seriously suggest you leave, it’s the only decent thing you can do for her. If not, I’ll do the decent thing and make you leave.” He threatened.
Dave looked down to all the photographers and then turned back to Shane with a smile on his face. “But what about the press?”
“I don’t care about the press.”
A silence fell between the two, and Shane stood strong blocking off the entrance to the church. Dave slowly shook his head and turned to leave, without saying a word.
Shane watched him until he was no longer in sight, and then went and sat with Bryan in the church.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Bryan watched Shane cautiously as the chatter that had filled the church came to a sudden halt. He knew it was because the service was about to start, and if Shane was going to crack, he was going to crack today.
‘Everything I Do, I Do It For You’ by Bryan Adams started playing through the speakers, and five men slowly walked up the aisle, with the coffin resting on their shoulders.
Shane leant forward and held his head in his hands. He couldn’t bring himself to look; he didn’t want to be so close to her without being able to hold her.
Bryan rested his hand on Shane’s shoulder, and as soon as he sat back up Bryan could see the tears were going to start falling.
Shane looked at Bryan and slowly shook his head as if he was begging him to stop the service. For the first time, Bryan could feel the tears welling up in his eyes, but it was because he was watching Shane, watching Shane trying so hard to not be there, but failing helplessly.

The music slowly started to fade, and the coffin was placed at the front of the church, just a few feet in front of Shane.
He finally plucked up the courage to look at it, and when he did, it was as if his gaze was locked.
The vicar walked up to the stand and slowly started going through his speech, but Shane couldn’t hear a word of it. The only thing he was thinking about was the fact that the only thing between him and Adelle was a piece of wood. If he could just get up and move over to her they could be together again.

“Shane…would you like to say something?” the vicar asked softly.
Shane nodded slowly as he stood up. Everyone watched him as he walked over to the coffin, and kissed it gently.
“I’m always yours.” He choked.

Adelle’s mum started crying, along with most people, as they listened to Shane talking to Adelle quietly.

Within a few minutes, Shane left the coffin and made his way over to the stand that the vicar had been at before.
He looked out to the crowd and sighed heavily.
“I haven’t actually planned a speech, because I wanted everything that I say today to come from the heart, and if it’s rehearsed, it’s not as real as it should be. Adelle was always…” he paused as he looked at the coffin for a second. “I’m sure you all know what kind of person she was, and I’m sure you all had a taste of the love and kindness that she always showed me.”
Shane looked down to the floor as a tear fell from his face and splashed on the wooden stand he was standing behind.
“Losing Adelle has opened my eyes to a lot of things, most importantly that you should never take anything for granted. Life can change drastically in a matter of seconds, and when it does, we have no way of changing it back to how it was. On the morning of my fourth anniversary with Adelle I woke up and I honestly thought that life couldn’t get any better. Then a few hours later I was thinking it couldn’t get any worse. And that theory had proven true until today. Because not only have I lost Adelle, the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but I have also lost a child. The first child of mine and Adelle’s.”
Shane watched as everyone looked to their partners in shock.
“She was always so…she made me so happy, and I always wonder what my life would be like if I hadn’t met her, and all I can say is I’m glad I did. I love what I do, but I’ve never loved anything the way I love her, she was my reason behind everything, and she made me what I am, I just hope…I just hope she knows how much I love her, and that I’ll always be thinking of her, no matter what I’m doing.” he ran his hand through his hair as he tried to calm the tears that were now falling rapidly.
“She was the best thing that ever happened to me, and her dying was definitely the worst. She made me see the good in everyone, and she always used to tell me to stop thinking about the past and the future, because I’m wasting the present.” He sighed heavily as he prepared to open his heart even more.
“I remember once when the band were at home in Ireland, I had taken Adelle with me to meet my parents, and while I was there my Ma was taken into hospital. I just needed some time to think so I went and sat on the beach one night. As soon as I had gone Adelle had gone looking for me. When she found me, she didn’t say anything, she just sat with me and held me. She sat with me for hours without saying anything, and I think…that moment is very special to me, because that was when I first realised that I loved her, and when I first realised that she loved me.”
Bryan watched from a distance as he watched his best friend try with all his mite to be strong, but he knew it wasn’t working.

“The hardest part of this is having to say goodbye. It sounds too final, because I know I will see her again, under different circumstances. I know a lot of people doubted our relationship at the start, but I hope that everyone can see that we were only together because we loved each other, and it wasn’t solely because I got lonely on the road, or because she wanted to see what my kind of life was like. I never would have harmed her…she was…she is…my life.” He choked before breaking down. He crouched down on the floor and held his head in his hands.
Bryan quickly got up and rushed to his friend. He pulled him up and walked him over to the seats, where he sat him beside Aisling.

The crowd remained silent as Bryan made his way back to the stand. He pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket, and then looked out to the guests.
“I found a poem the other day, and everyone that knows me will know I’m not a poetry person, but when I read this one, it just seemed like too much of a coincidence that I stopped to read it. I think that if Adelle were able to say anything to her friends and family, she would choose to say this. I suppose it’s more for Shane, but nevertheless, it relates to everyone here somehow. It’s called ‘Remember’…” he paused as he looked around the church to make sure he had everyone’s attention. He was glad when he saw Shane concentrating hard, more than anything, he wanted him to hear this, and take note.

“Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.”

Bryan left it there; he knew he didn’t need to say anymore, the poem had said it all. He folded the piece of paper and carefully placed it back in his pocket, and then stepped down from the stand and made his way over to Aisling and Shane.
Shane stood up and stared at Bryan.
“I’ll never forget.” He insisted as he fell into his friends’ arms.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Shane stood alone in the rain as he looked down at the hordes of reporters that were waiting for him.
He turned round as he felt someone’s hand on his shoulder.
Ashley smiled at him weakly. “You ready to head back?” she asked.
Shane shook his head as he looked at the floor. “I need to be on my own for a bit.” he explained.
“Okay, let’s get you home first.” She said as she linked her arm with his.
Shane wriggled his way from her grip and stepped back. “I need to be on my own for a little while.” He repeated.
A tear entered her eye as she watched her friend. “Shane please don’t do this. Talk to me.” She cried.
Shane looked at her for a couple of seconds, and then slowly disappeared round the side of the church, without saying another word.

“Sure you’re ready?” Kian asked as he stroked Shakira’s face gently.
She nodded quickly. “Yeah. Suppose there’s no time like the present.” She replied nervously.

“If you want to wait for a while then we will. I don’t mind.” He assured her. She smiled as she squeezed his hand. “I want people to know.” she whispered. Kian nodded and then slowly walked out of the church. The couple walked in silence as they made their way down to the press.
Screams were coming from every direction as they came into view. Kian tried to smile, but then he thought ‘why? I’m at a funeral, I’m not supposed to be happy.’
He stopped by the photographers and listened as one by one they asked questions.
“KIAN!!! Is this your girlfriend?!” one shouted.
Kian looked at Shakira and smiled, before turning back to the reporter. “Yeah it is.” He replied.
“Does Shane know about the two of you?”
“Of course he does, all the guys do.” He insisted.
“How long have you been together?”
“Long enough to know its right.” Was all Kian said.
“Any signs of wedding bells?” another one asked.
Kian laughed. “Not just yet.”
“Is this a dig at Shane? ‘Cos he’s lost his girlfriend?” a young woman asked.
“No it fecking isn’t!” Kian shouted before dragging Shakira over to the waiting car.
“I knew we should’ve waited!” He growled when they were out of earshot.
“Why?” Shakira asked softly.
“It’s Adelle’s funeral Shak! I’m going to get so much stick for revealing this today.” he explained.
Shakira took his face into her hands and kissed him softly. “The press don’t matter. We know we didn’t do this to get at Shane, and that’s all that matters.” She whispered.
Kian’s face softened as he looked into her eyes deeply. “I really do love you.” Shakira nodded. “And I love you.” She insisted before leaning forward and kissing him tenderly.

“You sure you’re okay?” Bryan asked as he held Aisling close to him.
She nodded and even managed a slight smile. “It’s over with now. I’ll never forget her, and she’ll always be my best friend, but I’ve cried and now I’m done.” She assured him.
“I don’t want you to feel like you can’t grieve, because I’ll always listen, no matter what.” He promised.
“I know you will Bry, if it wasn’t for you I would still be too scared to show how I feel. I still have you, and knowing you’ll listen lessens the pain.”
“I hate seeing you like this Aisling, I almost resent her doing this to you…” he started before Aisling cut him short when she put her finger to his mouth.
“Don’t Bryan, saying horrible things about her wont help.” She insisted.
Bryan shook his head quickly. “No I know I just…you’re not your normal self, I like to wake up and see you jumping around the room. You’ve changed completely, and I don’t mean to say that I don’t like you like that, but I just want you to be happy.”
“I know.” she whispered before placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

Shane looked down as he stood in front of Adelle’s brothers’ gravestone.
“Today went well, it would’ve been nice if you could’ve been here, but at least I know there’s someone to look after her now.” he said as he crouched down.
“I took the job of protecting her off of you for a while, but I suppose you’ve got it back again now…for a while anyway. But I’ll be there with you both one day, and she can introduce the two of us properly. I’m sure we’ll get on great.” He whispered.
He looked at his watch and sighed when he realised how fast the time had gone. “Well, I’ve got to get going; there’s a few things I need to do. Look after her for me.” He said as he stood up and placed a rose on his grave, before turning and leaving.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

@@@ THE FOLLOWING MORNING @@@

Everyone sat around the table in the hotel restaurant as they ate their breakfast, trying to talk about anything other than the previous day.
“So…does anyone know when we’re back to work?” Mark asked as he looked around the table.
“No, Louis said he would phone and let us know, so we just have to play it by ear.” Bryan replied.
Mark looked at Ashley discreetly, who nodded and smiled.
Mark cleared his throat and prepared to break the news. “Guys, I have to tell you something…” he waited until everyone was looking at him until he continued. “Me and Ashley are…well we’re kind of…”
“They’re shagging each other!” Kian interrupted.
Shakira threw a mushroom at him and laughed. “So direct Mr. Egan!”
“That’s our Kian for ya!” Nicky cried.
“Umm excuse me guys, are you gonna say anything about what I’ve just said?” Mark asked.
Bryan looked at him and shook his head. “It’s come as no surprise. We were actually having a chat the other night and we kinda guessed the two of you were together. You’re well suited.” He smiled.
“Oh…well…thanks.” He said quietly.
“Cause to celebrate I think!” Ashley beamed.
“Yeah! Anything for a party! Anyone seen Shane?” Nicky asked.
Mark shook his head. “No, last time I saw him was at the church.”
“He wasn’t at the wake, and I didn’t see him around last night.” Stef added.
A worried silence fell on the group as Ashley spoke up. “Umm, I saw him yesterday, I was probably the last one to talk to him. He said he just needed to be alone for a while and he walked off.” She explained.
“When was this?” Kian asked.
Ashley shrugged her shoulders. “I dunno what time, just after the funeral.” She mumbled.
“And you didn’t think to tell us?!” Mark cried.
“I didn’t think it was important! He said he wanted to be alone and I didn’t want you guys looking for him.” She admitted.
“Oh well that was very thoughtful of you.” Mark replied sarcastically.
Ashley threw him a shocked look. “Mark he can look after himself!”
“Not when he’s in this state he can’t!” he shouted before getting up and rushing out of the restaurant.
The group fell silent as Ashley stared at her food. She had just seen a side to Mark she hadn’t seen before, and she didn’t like it. But she knew he was right, which made it worse.
“He’ll apologise if you go to him.” Kian insisted.
Ashley shook her head. “No. If he wants to apologise he can come to me. I only done what Shane asked; it isn’t my fault he hasn’t been back.”
Bryan sighed heavily. “He’s just worried about Shane.” He explained. “I know. We all are, but shouting at me isn’t going to tell us where he is.”

@@@ THE PREVIOUS NIGHT @@@

Shane staggered out of the pub and made his way down the dark, empty street. He had no indication of the time, but he needed to find someone, and he wasn’t going to rest until they were found.
As a couple approached him, he stopped in his tracks and waited until he had a clearer view of them.
“Lee?” He called.
One of the figures turned and stepped closer. “Yes ma…oh Shane, how you doing?” he asked when he realised who it was.
“I need to talk to you.” Shane mumbled.
Lee motioned for his partner to carry on walking, and then turned his attention back to Shane.
“What can I do you for?” he asked casually.
“What have you got?” Shane asked.
Lee shrugged. “What you talking about?”
“Drugs.”
Lee shook his head and stepped back. “No mate, sorry I can’t help you there.” Shane grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled his face close to his own.
“Well I have it on good authority that you can.” He seethed.
“Mate you’re not into that shit, why are you asking?” he cried.
“Because maybe I want to ‘get into that shit.’” Shane replied.
“Why?” Lee asked desperately.
“You don’t need to know.”
Lee nodded slowly. “I know the funeral was today. I was gonna go, but figured I wasn’t welcome. I wont give you anything, you’ll destroy yourself.” Lee insisted.
“I’ll make it worth your while.” Shane promised.
Lee shook his head and waved his hands in the air. “Nah mate, I don’t want your life on my conscience.”
“Lee, I’m not asking. Just gimme what you’ve got. I know when to stop, I just need to numb the pain of today.” he explained softly.
“There’s other ways around it.”
Shane shook his head. “No there isn’t, trust me I’ve tried.”
Lee sighed heavily as he looked around him. “Okay, what type do you want?”
Shane shrugged his shoulders. “What type is there?”
“Come back to my place with me, that’s where I keep most of my stock. I can sort you out there.” Lee promised.
Shane laughed to himself as they walked down the street. “This could possibly be the most decent thing you’ve ever done.”
“I’m not so sure.” Lee whispered.

Ten minutes later Shane was standing in the hallway of Lee’s twelfth floor flat. The elevators had broken down, so they had run up the stairs.
“Where is it?” Shane asked.
Lee pointed towards a locked door. “In there.” he whispered, before stepping forward and opening it.
Shane stood open-mouthed as he looked at the piles of all types of drugs, all hidden in the room. He couldn’t understand how anyone could get away with having so much, but nevertheless, he was glad in this case.
“Where the hell did you get all that?” he asked.
Lee smiled. “I have my contacts.”
Shane nodded but didn’t say anything.
“So, how much do you want?” Lee asked.
Shane shrugged his shoulders. “As much as you’ll let me have.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

“What?” Ashley asked coldly as Mark approached her.
“I just wanted to apologise.” He explained.
Ashley stood up and walked past him. “Forget it.” She said under breath.
He grabbed her arm and pulled her back until she was facing him. “I’m not going to let us fall out over something so stupid.” He insisted.
“I don’t care Mark, I just want to forget it.” She replied.
“Forget ‘it’ or ‘us’?” he asked, but the look in her eye gave it away.
“Ash you have to understand that I’m not used to being in this situation, I don’t know how to deal with it properly so I’m bound to be a little on edge.” He cried.
“A little?” Ashley asked, the amusement in her voice noticeable.
Mark rolled his eyes. “Okay maybe I was completely in the wrong, and maybe I did overreact, but I’m worried. At least it shows I care.”
“If I wasn’t so stupid I would think that was your way of telling me that I don’t care!” she insisted as her voice level rose.
Mark looked around the half full picnic garden to make sure nobody was listening. He leant in closer to her as he spoke. “You did what you did because you care, and that’s why I did what I did. If you’re not going to forgive me then why should I give you that chance?” he asked.
Ashley was stumped for a response, so she knew she had to give in. “Well it doesn’t look very good does it? We tell them all that we’re together and seconds later we’re arguing, and you’re doing the best you possibly can to show me up.” She whispered.
“I wasn’t trying to! And I’m sorry if it came across like that. This only seems like such a big deal because it’s our first disagreement, when we look back in a few days we’ll laugh about this.” He promised.
“Ha! What makes you think we’ll be together in five years?” she asked as she walked off.
“It’s called looking on the positive side of things!” he called before walking off in the opposite direction.

Kian sat at reception as he waited for Shakira to return from the shop. When he spotted her, he smiled brightly.
“We have a problem.” She groaned.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” Kian asked worriedly.
Shakira held up a newspaper, and as Kian scanned it he realised that spread across the front page was the heading

‘Westlife Stars – A Loss and A Gain.’

There were also two pictures, one was of Shane stepping out of the car, and the other was of Kian and Shakira.

Kian swallowed hard as he took the paper from her and started reading it.

‘Millions of people were in tears yesterday, for two reasons. One because Shane was saying his final goodbye to his girlfriend, and the second, because Kian has revealed that he is officially off of the market. The revelation came after the funeral, when Kian came and answered questions, hand in hand with his new girlfriend. Shane on the other hand, didn’t make any effort with the reporters at all. It must have come as an almighty blow for Shane, the last thing he wants to see at the funeral of, what some people think, his new fiancée, is one of his close friends falling in love.’

“Everyone’s gonna know now.” he laughed nervously.
“Is that what you want? Because if it’s not then we can say it was a wind-up or something, I don’t mind.” She assured him.
Kian shook his head. “No I’m glad people know, I just wish they hadn’t tied it in to an article about Shane.” He explained.
“It’ll be okay though wont it?” she asked weakly.
Kian placed the newspaper on his chair and then wrapped his arms around her waist as he kissed her softly. “It’ll be fine.” He promised.

Nicky stood at the end of the corridor, staring at the door to his room. He knew Stef was inside, and now was the time he needed to end it with her. He loved her, he always had, but he just wasn’t happy anymore. And he knew she wasn’t either.
“Nicky!” Someone called.
He turned to see Louis, their manager, hurrying towards him.
“Oh hi! What’s up?” Nicky asked happily.
“Seen Kian?” Louis asked.
Nicky nodded. “Down at reception.” He replied.
“Thanks. I need to have a word with him about something. You doing okay?” he asked.
Nicky ran his fingers through his hair and smiled. “Yeah I’m good. Stef seems to be coping okay too. Everything’s sweet.” He lied.
Louis nodded and patted his shoulder gently. “That’s great. Well I’ve got to go and see Kian, I’ll let you know when you need to be back at work.” He promised before running off back down the hall.
Nicky waited until he was out of sight and then started walking towards the room. He paused when he reached the door, and then slowly opened it.
“Stef?” He called softly.
He heard her call back from the bedroom, so he went and joined her.
He stopped at the door when he saw her filling her suitcase with clothes from the wardrobe. “What are you doing?” he asked genuinely surprised.
Stef walked over to him and hugged him. “I’m going back to Ireland for a bit.” she explained.
“Why?” He asked.
“Because we need time apart. I’ve been speaking to Shakira and she thinks it’s for the best too. I love you more than the world Nicky, and I don’t want us to ruin what we have because of these last few days. It’s been an emotional time so I think we just need time alone. Thinking time I suppose.”
Nicky nodded. He knew time wouldn’t help, but she seemed to think it would, and he couldn’t end it with her yet. Not now. He needed to do what she wanted, and give her some time, and then maybe she would see that it just wasn’t meant to be.
“When are you going?” he asked.
Stef looked at her watch, and then back up at him. “I’m leaving in an hour.” She whispered.
“Do you want me to take you to the airport?”
She shook her head and smiled. “No it’s fine, I’ve already booked a taxi. Shak said she’d come to the airport with me so I wont be alone.”
“Okay, I guess I’ll leave you to finish packing.” Nicky insisted half-heartedly, before stepping out of the room.
He sighed with relief as soon as he was out of earshot. She needn’t know that he had wanted to end it now, as far as she was concerned, she had done the breaking up, and Nicky was supposedly devastated.

CHAPTER THIRTY

Lee walked into his flat and tripped over Shane, who was spread out on the floor.
Lee looked at him and sighed. “I knew I shouldn’t have given in!” he moaned to himself as he realised Shane was completely stoned.
“Get up!” He whispered as he kicked Shane’s stomach gently.
Slowly, Shane started to stir.
“Get up!” Lee said again.
“I’m feckin up!” Shane shouted, surprising Lee.
He watched as Shane slowly stood up, and stood staring at the door.
“Well I guess it’s time you were heading back.” Lee suggested.
Shane laughed and shook his head. “Do you really think the guys will talk to me when they find out what I’ve done?!” He cried.
“I wont tell them, so they have no way of finding out.”
“Oh trust me mate, they would find out, they always find out.”
Lee shrugged helplessly. “Well what else can you do? Where else can you go?” He asked.
Shane looked around. “Here.” He suggested.
Lee shook his head quickly. “Nah mate, you don’t give me the time of day normally. You’re here for the drugs…” he started before Shane cut him short.
“You’re right, I am, and me coming back and forth to your flat everyday will look a bit dodgy. It’ll be safer for you if I stay.”
Lee closed his eyes and leaned on the wall. “Shane you said the drugs were only for last night. To numb the pain.” He whined.
“And what about today? What about the pain I’m in today?!” he shouted.
Lee stepped back and watched Shane cautiously. “Okay, you can stay. But you can’t get addicted Shane, it’ll fcuk you right up.” He warned.
“As if you care about my well being.”
Lee nodded. “Believe it or not Shane I do. Go and sit in there and I’ll make us some tea.” He ordered.
He watched from the doorway as Shane went and spread himself across the three-piece-suite.
‘If only he knew.’ He thought to himself as he turned and walked to the kitchen.

Kian stood up as he saw Louis approaching.
“Louis! How are ya?” He cried.
Louis looked at Kian, then at Shakira, and then back to Kian. “Can I have a word?” he asked coldly.
Kian nodded and slowly led him out of the room. As soon as the door was shut, Louis started laying into him.
“What the feck is going on here Kian? Why did I have to find out about your new love interest from today’s paper?!” He shouted.
“I’m sorry, you’re not the only one you know! Even my parents didn’t know.” Kian insisted.
“Does she work?” Louis asked.
“No.”
“And does that bother you?”
“No.”
“May I ask why?”
Kian sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. “She did work, but I asked her to travel with me. She’s not a gold digger, she’s not after my money.” He promised.
“How do you know that Kian? You haven’t exactly had a good judgement of women before.”
Kian laughed. “That was ONE mistake Louis, ONE! And I’m not going to let you question every relationship I have with a girl because of it. Things are different with Shakira, she’s different. I don’t know why or how…but I know it’s right.” He said softly as he watched Shakira through the glass window.
“Well I hope for everyone’s sake you’re right.”
Kian nodded. “I learn from my mistakes Louis, she’s been here for me through all of this, I know she’s genuine.”
After a few seconds Louis smiled. “Well then there’s not much I can say except congratulations. Now, have you seen Shane? I want to show my gratitude.”
Kian looked around him awkwardly. “There’s a slight problem regarding Shane.” He admitted.
“What do you mean? Where is he?” Louis asked desperately.
Kian shrugged. “That’s just it; we don’t know.”
“What do you mean you ‘don’t know’?”
“He disappeared after the funeral and he hasn’t been back since.” He explained.
“Jeez can this day get any worse? Why the hell didn’t anyone tell me?” he screamed.
“Maybe because we knew you would act like this! We know Shane wouldn’t do anything stupid, and when he gets over the events of yesterday he’ll be back. He needs time on his own.”
Louis sighed and turned his back on Kian. “You’re pushing it Ki, you really are!” He shouted before leaving.

Ashley stood by the large window looking out at the scenery. She had only come to London to see Shane, and obviously she knew Mark would be there, but she had never expected to feel like she did. She had never expected to fall in love so fast.
“Hey.” Mark whispered awkwardly as he joined her at the window.
“Hey.” She replied without looking at him.
“You like the garden?” He asked casually.
Ashley nodded. “Yeah I do. I have to be in the right mood for it though.” She explained.
“You in the mood for it now?”
“Yeah.” She replied.
“Well then will you walk with me?” He asked as he held out his hand.
She smiled as she took hold of his hand and let him lead her out into the garden.

“How long are you going for?” Nicky asked as he stood in front of Stef.
She shrugged her shoulders casually. “I don’t know. Just until I feel sorted, until we both do.” She replied.
Nicky nodded. “Well look after yourself.” He whispered.
Stef smiled and kissed his cheek gently. “You too.”
“If you need anything just…”
“Call.” She finished for him.
Shakira, who was waiting by the car looked at her watch and sighed. “Come on Stef, we have to be at the airport in half an hour.” She insisted.
Stef looked at her friend and nodded, and then back at Nicky.
“Well then, this is it.” she sighed.
Nicky nodded but didn’t say anything. He closed his eyes as she wrapped her arms round his neck and squeezed him tight.
“I’ll speak to you soon.” She promised before walking off towards the car.
Nicky watched her as a tear left his eye. He didn’t know how he felt; just a little earlier he was sure the best thing for them both was to split up, but now she was leaving he didn’t want her to.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

“I never meant to upset you.” Mark insisted as he walked round the garden with Ashley by his side.
“I know I just…what were we thinking Mark? We don’t even know each other.” She replied.
Mark stopped walking and stared into her eyes. “Isn’t that what’s so good about it? Knowing that we have the chance to get to know each other…inside and out?” he asked desperately.
Ashley looked at the floor and sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I want.” She admitted.
“But I know I want you Ash. We really connected, and you noticed that too. I know we haven’t even been a proper couple, but I know we’re meant to be together Ashley, I promise you.” He whispered.
“Well maybe we should just wait until everyone’s over this. It’ll be easier.” She suggested.
Mark shook his head. “We could be waiting forever. Especially if it’s Shane you’re waiting for. We need each other now, not in a few months. And we want each other now.”
She looked up and smiled as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him gently.

Lee sat watching Shane from across the room. He knew he was mourning, but he also knew that drugs wouldn’t help. Not in the long run anyway. They weren’t really friends. Lee had wanted to be, but Shane had a different life to him, he didn’t have the time to meet new people and learn to trust them, so he stuck with the people he knew best, like his band mates, like Adelle.
“How was the funeral?” Lee asked as Shane sat staring into space.
“Fine.” He replied bluntly.
Lee rolled his eyes as he stood and walked to the door. “Yeah well if you ever decide to actually talk about it, let me know.” he said coldly.
Shane sat back and sighed. Nobody realised how hard it was for him. He knew they would all tell him he was coping great, but he also knew that deep down, he wasn’t coping at all. How was turning to drugs ‘coping?’. He felt ashamed of himself, but it was the only thing that would numb the pain. It didn’t last long, but anything was better than nothing. He wasn’t planning on staying with Lee long, only a few days. After all, he had money, he could go out and buy a house on a whim, but he had to be careful. The press were watching him more so now than normal, and when he did finally get settled, he wanted to be alone. If he couldn’t be with Adelle, he didn’t want to be with anyone.

“What do you think of marriage?” Kian asked as he and Shakira sat watching the fire in their hotel room.
She shrugged her shoulders. “That it’s forever.” She whispered.
Kian nodded. “You ever want to get married?” he asked casually.
Shakira looked at him sceptically. “I suppose so, when the time’s right.”
“When’s the time right?”
“Why are you asking?” she asked quickly.
Kian sat forward and put his face in his hands. “I don’t know. I just…I had a dream last night, about me and you…we were getting married.” He admitted.
Shakira smiled. “It sounds great, but it was just a dream Kian.” She pointed out.
He nodded quickly. “I know it just made me think. Don’t panic, I’m not about to get down on one knee.” He promised.
“It’s just too soon.” She insisted.
“And if you’re with the right person, why rush? Everything works out okay in the end right?” he asked.
Shakira shook her head slowly. “Not always.”
Kian threw her a questioning look, until she pointed at a picture of Shane and Adelle that was standing on the mantle piece.
He sat back and sighed heavily. “I really need to watch my mouth.” He told himself.
“It’s not your fault. Sometimes it just feels like everything’s normal; like she’s sitting in the room next door with Shane happily on his way to her. Like it never happened.” She whispered.
Kian ran his fingers through his hair and looked at her. “How do you know so much about it? How do you always know how I feel?” he asked.
She shrugged her shoulders and smiled. “Through experience I guess.”
An awkward silence fell between them as Kian realised she had obviously lost someone close to her in the past. He wanted to talk to her about it, but he knew now wasn’t the time. But then, when was the right time to talk about death?

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

Shane woke up on the bare floor. He was still at Lee’s, but as there was only one bedroom, Shane had been thrown into the lounge. Not that it was much of a lounge; an old black and white TV sat in the corner, and there were two chairs, both at opposite sides of the room.
He pushed the needle he had been using the night before under the chair, and walked out into the kitchen, where Lee was making breakfast.
“Sleep well?” He asked.
Shane groaned as he sat at the table. “Great.” he replied.
“Maybe you should think about going back…to your friends, to people you actually like.” Lee suggested.
Shane shook his head. “No I can’t, not yet. I need to be 100% clean of drugs before I go back.”
“Well Shane if you want to get clean of them you have to stop taking them!” Lee shouted.
Shane looked at him as he ran his hands through his hair. “I know…but it’s not easy.” He admitted.
Lee nodded as he went and sat opposite him. “I know, it’s probably one of the hardest things to do, but you’re strong enough.” He insisted.
“No I’m not. Not anymore.”
Lee sighed as he realised he had to make a drastic change, for Shane’s sake. “I want you out of here in an hour.” He said coldly.
Shane looked up at him and shrugged. “Why?” he asked.
“Because YOU Shane, need to go and see your friends, they’re the ones that can look after you, they’re the ones that know what you need.” He explained.
Shane stood up and started pacing around the kitchen. “I know what I need Lee! But I also know I can’t have it, that’s what’s messing me up! Only one thing can help me, only one person. And she’s not here!” He shouted.
“Well didn’t she teach you anything? Are you trying your hardest to go against everything she ever asked of you?! She wouldn’t have wanted you to go this way, why don’t you try doing what she would’ve wanted?” Lee asked as he stood up to face Shane.
A silence fell between them, and Lee was about to apologise, but he was too late. Shane turned and rushed out of the flat, with no intention of returning.

Aisling watched as Bryan stood staring out of the window. She walked over to him and slowly wrapped her arms around his waist. “He’ll be okay.” She promised.
Bryan nodded. “I know. I just wish he would talk to me, talk to anyone. I just wish I knew where he was, I just wish…”
“Nothing good comes out of wishing, you have to make things happen. Wishes don’t come true, ‘cos I’m pretty sure Shane wouldn’t have asked for all of this…none of us would.” She insisted.
He sighed heavily and kissed her forehead. “Do you think I’m going over the top?” he asked.
She shook her head and smiled weakly. “Of course not. He’s your best friend; you’re bound to worry. I just think you need to realise that he’s 23 Bryan; he’s capable of looking after himself. He’s just lost the person closest to his heart – I’m not surprised he wants some time alone, and if running off is the only way he can have that, then let him. He’ll thank you for it in the end.” She insisted.
Bryan nodded. “Yeah I know. Anyway, you’re my main priority, you’re the most important person to me – I need to look after you and I’m going to…I want to.” he whispered.
She smiled as she looked up and kissed him softly.

Elsewhere in the hotel, Louis had returned, and was now laying into Mark and Kian.
“You must know where he is! Shane wouldn’t just disappear for no reason!” He shouted.
“Well it isn’t for no reason is it Louis? And if we knew where he is, we sure as hell wouldn’t be standing around doing nothing!” Kian shouted back.
“Well what are we going to do? How can you guys get back to work without him? I mean if he was ill then fine, but we don’t know if he’s going to return.” Louis cried.
“He’s going to return.” Mark said harshly before walking out of the room, leaving his manager and Kian alone.
Louis turned to Kian and his expression softened. “I do care.” He whispered. Kian nodded. “I know. We all do.”
“I thought he was coping okay. He seemed fine.” He insisted.
“He tricked us all into believing he was okay. We can’t blame ourselves.” Kian replied.
He had never seen his boss like this; for the first time ever; he felt the need to comfort the ‘man in charge’.
He stepped towards him and wrapped his arms around Louis. They stood in silence for a few minutes, until Louis pulled away.
“I suppose we’ll have to cancel the tour.” He stated.
Kian nodded as he looked out of the window, into the empty garden. “I think it’s probably best if we do. The fans’ will understand; they’ll all be thinking of Shane, they’ll know he needs time.” He whispered.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Shane walked into the graveyard slowly, as he tried coming to terms with the fact that from now on, this would be the only place he would feel at home – as strange as it sounded. She was there, and that’s all he needed in life, that’s all he wanted.
He crouched down as he reached her gravestone. It was the first time he had seen it since the funeral. It was made of white stone, and the writing was written in gold. It read:
‘Adelle – Liked By Many, Loved By More.
May you rest in peace until the day we all meet again.’

Then there was a picture of her sitting on a bed laughing, Shane remembered the photo – he had taken it. He had wanted new photos of her to take on tour with him, so she was posing, and he had said something that had made her laugh. Then under the photo there was more writing.

‘Great friend, daughter, and girlfriend – May we remain in your heart as you will ours.
The angels are waiting no longer. Everything we do will be in loving memory of you.’

A tear left Shane’s eye as he ran his hand over the photo. He had never wanted to turn to drugs, but he had felt trapped, like he didn’t have a choice. He had let her down, the one person that mattered to him most, and he had let her down.
“I love you.” He whispered as he leant forward and kissed her grave. Then he sat back up and stayed staring at it, he was planning to stay there all day. He noticed an old man sitting in a chair a few rows up. He wondered if that man was feeling the same as he was, and how long he was planning to stay there.

“OK guys – in an hour you’ll be doing a press conference. The press will probably be wanting to know about Shane, and Kian, they’ll probably ask you about Shakira.” Louis insisted.
Everyone nodded and listened carefully as they were told what they could and couldn’t say.
“If anyone asks about his disappearance, just say he needs some time alone, so he is having a break. DO NOT let them know his location is unknown.” He ordered. “What if they ask when Shane’s coming back?” Kian asked.
Louis shrugged. “Tell them he won’t be returning until he feels he can. But make a point of telling them that he hasn’t left the band – the last thing we want is the fans starting to panic.”
He looked at his watch and then back at them all. “I wont be present at the conference, I have something to do – but I’ll be thinking of you, good luck.” He said as he turned and headed for the door.
Nicky stood up and started walking towards him. “What do you mean you can’t be there? What’s so important that you can’t help us?” he shouted.
Louis turned to him and stared at him coldly. “I’m going to be trying to track Shane down.” He whispered, before disappearing out of the room.
Nicky turned to his band mates and sighed. “Well guys, we better go and get ready.” He ordered.
They all nodded and stood up, they remained silent as they headed for their rooms.

Shakira wrapped her arms round Kian’s neck as he walked into the room. “Okay babe? What was the problem?” she asked softly.
Kian shook his head and kissed her quickly. “We have to do a press conference in a while. Just to clear a few things up.” He replied.
Shakira nodded. “Well that’s good isn’t it? Maybe they’ll leave you all alone once they know what’s happening with Shane.” She suggested.
Kian took her hand and walked over to the bed, where he sat down and looked up at her. “We have to lie, we’ve been told to tell them everything’s fine with Shane – and that he just needs some time alone. But they’ll ask about me and you as well.” He explained.
“Why is that a problem? It’s not as if they don’t already know about us. They’ve been okay so far.”
Kian ran his fingers through his hair and nodded. “But at things like this they interrogate you, they try and get as much out of you as humanly possible. It’s their mission to make it look like it’s all a publicity stunt.” He whispered.
“Do you want me to come with you?” she asked as she stroked his face gently.
“Would you?” he asked, sounding slightly surprised.
“Of course. You’re my partner and I want to comfort you. This is obviously going to be hard, so why shouldn’t I be there?” she asked.
Kian laughed to himself quietly. “You’re unbelievable do you know that? All I’ve wanted was to meet someone who loves me for me, but can deal with the ‘fame’ side of things too. I never would’ve guessed I would meet her so soon.” He cried.
She kissed him gently and then started walking away from him. “I’ll go and get ready.”
“Thank you.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

The conference was underway, and the band had done their best to answer all the questions without causing any concern.
“Is it true he left because he felt betrayed after Kian revealed his new love?” One reporter asked.
Kian moved forward and spoke into the microphone in front of him. “No the two events are not linked in any way. Shane was aware of my relationship beforehand, so he wouldn’t have been surprised when he saw it in the papers.” He replied.
“And how did you meet your girlfriend? Where is she from? Where does she work?”
“That’s information that is irrelevant to your job. I’ll only answer questions that have some significance.” He insisted.
“Bryan – How does it feel to know that your best friend doesn’t feel he can talk to you?” Another one asked.
“Like I said before, this is a very hard time for us all. He did talk to me after the incident, but there is only so much a friend can do – he needs to clear his head, he has to do that alone.”
The reporter seemed satisfied with his answer, so sat down again.
As the band looked out at the reporters, they knew it was going to go on for ages. They were told to answer at least one question by every person, and there were at least 100 people there. It was nice in a way; it showed that so many people were interested in the well being of Shane. At least this way, it would be harder for Shane to cause himself any harm without someone spotting him.

“Do you think if you were more supportive Shane would be sitting up there with you?” A young man asked.
“Look, you’re all asking the same question! There is one reason for Shane’s absence, and that’s because he needs to be alone. Surely you can all understand that – his life revolved around her for four years, and now she’s not there. He doesn’t want to go on as normal, because things aren’t back to normal. They never will be.” Bryan explained, before standing up and storming out.
A stunned silence fell among the reporters, and one by one, Kian, Nicky and Mark all stood up and followed their friend out.

Aisling was standing in the wings waiting for Bryan, and as soon as he saw her he fell into her arms.
“It’s okay baby, you did good.” She whispered.
“It’s so hard.” He cried.
“I know darling, but it’s over with now. They know all they need to know.”
Bryan pulled away and looked deep into her eyes. “I never meant to storm off.” He admitted.
She nodded slowly. “I know. You put up with a lot out there – I’m surprised you didn’t come off sooner. Shane would’ve been proud.” She smiled.
“I don’t want to do this anymore.”
“Okay, come on the car’s outside. We’ll go back to the hotel.” She said as she led him out of the door, where Paul, their security guard, greeted them.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

“Come ere lad.” The old man called to Shane.
Shane stood up from Adelle’s grave and walked over to him. He was surprised when the old man pulled out another chair, and motioned for him to sit down.
“Always hoped for a bit of company.” The old man smiled.
Shane smiled back and sat down. He looked at the grave in front of them, and guessed it was that of the old mans wife.
“I’m Philip.” The man said.
“Shane.”
“And what brings you down here?” Philip asked.
Shane looked over to the grave he had been sitting at, and then back at Philip. “My girlfriend.” He whispered.
Philip nodded a nod of understanding. “I’m sorry lad, you shouldn’t have to experience that at such a young age.”
Shane sighed as he sat back in his chair. “What about you? Who are you here for?” he asked.
“My wife.” He replied quickly.
An awkward silence fell between them until Philip pulled out a flask, and started pouring them both some coffee.
“I haven’t seen you down here before.” He stated.
“She only died last week.” Shane explained.
“Come to say your final goodbyes?” Philip asked.
Shane looked at him and shook his head. “No, I just came here…I don’t know why. Thought it might make me feel better.” He admitted.
“And has it?”
“No, I just think about all the things we used to do…it makes it harder.” He whispered.
Philip rested his hand on Shane’s shoulder and sighed. “Are you glad you met her?”
Shane nodded. “She was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Well then, don’t think about the past and be sad, be glad you met her and that you had the chance to tell her how much you loved her.” He instructed.
Shane smiled as he watched Philip bend down and reach for his bag. Finally, someone was saying something to him that made sense. They were both in the same situation, and Shane figured that that was probably why.
He didn’t ask, but Shane felt like Philip needed to know more. “Our relationship wasn’t easy, but we pulled through. It was different because I…well I’m…” he stuttered.
“I know who you are.” Philip nodded.
Shane smiled and continued. “It’s the everyday things that stick in my mind. Like sometimes we would go and sit on top of this hill near my house in Ireland. We would just lie there looking up at the stars, and during the day we would make pictures with the clouds. It sounds so simple and stupid but…”
“That’s what made it so good.” Philip finished for him.
“Tell me about your wife.” Shane ordered.
He looked up and smiled. “She was great, a real angel, my soul-mate some would say. She made every day seem like heaven.” He gushed.
“I know the feeling.” Shane whispered.
“So anyway Shane, are you planning to stop by here tomorrow?” Philip asked.
“Yeah, how about you?” he asked back.
Philip nodded. “I come here everyday. How about we bring our photos along? That way we can get to know them a little better.” He suggested.
Shane smiled at the idea. “I would like that.”
Philip stood up and slowly started packing his stuff away. “Well then kiddo, I better be off. The weather forecast said it’s going to rain, and judging by the clouds, I would say they were right. Have a good night. You can keep the chair.” He insisted as he started walking away.
Shane watched him go and then sat alone as the rain started to fall. He looked out across the large graveyard as he thought about Adelle and smiled. Maybe now, now he had met Philip; he would be able to spend more time in the presence of the woman he loved.

Back at the hotel, everyone fell silent as Louis joined them, straight from the meeting with the local police.
“What is it?” Nicky asked.
Louis sighed and looked at them all with pleading eyes. “They’re looking into the case.” He whispered.
“What do you mean? What case? Has something happened to Shane?” Kian asked.
“No, no, nothing’s happened with Shane. I’m talking about Adelle.” He explained. Aisling shrugged helplessly. “Why? Isn’t it a bit late?” she cried.
“It was murder Aisling. Someone killed her.” He pointed out.
Everyone fell quiet. They knew she had been killed, but it was the first time they had stopped to think about the fact that she was ‘murdered’. Murdered and killed seemed like two completely different things.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

The following day, Shane stood outside the hotel looking up, knowing his friends would all be inside. He wasn’t ready to see them yet, but he was looking forward to meeting Philip again, so he needed to get back into his room and get the photos he had left behind. He had taken most of them with him, but there were still a few left over.
He sighed heavily, pulled down his glasses, put on his cap and slowly started walking towards the entrance. He clutched his room key in his jacket pocket and just prayed that nobody would see him.

Ashley smiled as she did her shirt buttons up.
“Do you have to leave now?” Mark whined from the bed.
“Yes babe but don’t worry; the sooner I’m gone, the sooner I’m back.” She whispered.

“And are you actually planning to tell me where it is you’re going?” he asked.
“I’m meeting Shakira for lunch, and then we’re going into town to do a bit of shopping.” She replied as she walked over to the mirror and started brushing her hair.
Mark sighed and threw the bed quilt over his head. “Well you better leave now then, because if I have to watch you leave I will be forced to keep you locked up in here.” He admitted.
She laughed and quickly grabbed her bag. “Okay honey I’m going. I’ll come straight to you when I get back.” She promised, before disappearing out of the door.

Ashley hummed happily to herself as she made her way down the corridor – finally, things were starting to look up. She had just spent her first night alone with Mark, and it had been unbelievable – he was such a loving, caring person.
The humming stopped and she froze on the spot as she saw Shane’s door slightly ajar. She knew she was the only one, other than Shane, that had a key to the room – so she guessed the cleaners were probably in, but even so, she didn’t like the thought of them snooping through her best friends stuff whilst he wasn’t there.
She slowly walked over to the door and walked in. She dropped her bag on the floor when she saw who it was.
“Shane!” she cried.
He turned and looked at her in surprise – he hadn’t expected to see her, he hadn’t wanted to. He grabbed his key off of the dressing table and raced to the door – but Ashley was already there and cut him off.
“Where have you been?”
“Around.” He replied harshly.
“Shane I’ve been so worried – I’m so glad you’re back.” She smiled as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
“I’m not back – I just needed to get a few things.” He explained.
She looked at him in confusion and started shaking her head. “Why? Why do you feel the need to run off?” she asked.
Shane looked to the floor and then into her eyes. “I can’t be around people Ash, they all act as if everything’s going to get easier, but it’s not – not for me!” he cried.
“Shane believe it or not we know how you’re feeling! We’ve lost a friend too.” She replied.
Shane looked her up and down in disgust. “How can you say that? She meant more to me than she did to anyone! And YOU didn’t even know her – she wasn’t your friend! You only spoke to her because she was with me!” he shouted.
Ashley wanted to shout back at him – what he was saying was out of order, but she couldn’t. As soon as she looked into his eyes she could see how much pain he was in, how much he was mourning.
“Please Shane, at least tell us where you’re staying.” She pleaded.
He shook his head adamantly. “I don’t want people popping round to see me, checking if I’m okay. I just need to be on my own!”
“You’re not alone Shane, you’ll never be alone! We’re your friends – we have a right to know if you’re safe or not!” she insisted.
“Well I’m fine!” he shouted.
“The person I’m looking at doesn’t look fine!” she shouted back. Shane fell silent and Ashley knew the conversation had ended. She needed to keep him there – if someone else, Bryan or Nicky, came by and heard him they would keep him there. And although it wasn’t what Shane wanted, at least he would be safe.
“The police were here yesterday.” She whispered.
Shane gave her a questioning look and waited for her to continue.
“They spoke to Louis, about Adelle.”
Shane sighed and shook his head. “I don’t need to hear this.”
“Yes you do Shane. It was murder – whoever shot her done it intentionally. They wanted her dead.”
“I don’t care.” He insisted quietly.
As Ashley watched him it was as if she could see him slowly falling apart. First his breathing slowed, and then his heart came to a sudden halt. She shook her head to get the vision out of her mind.
“How can you say you don’t care? Wouldn’t you like to know who’s responsible? Wouldn’t you like to know who’s causing you so much pain?” she asked desperately.
“Why should I? What good would it do? Knowing who did it isn’t going to make the pain go away! It isn’t going to make it any less hard!” he argued.
“And I know that Shane, honestly I do. But wouldn’t it be nice to know that whoever it was has been punished?” she asked weakly. She was running out of things to say, and she could see there was no way of talking him round.
“What’s punishing about someone getting thrown in a cell for a few years? That’s all that will happen! He killed her Ash, someone’s life has been wasted, and it wasn’t just someone, it was the woman I loved – the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. There isn’t any punishment for that creep that’ll make me feel better.” He seethed.
Ashley shook her head defeated. There was nothing she could say, because everything he said was right. Maybe Adelle’s friends would slowly start rebuilding their lives, and maybe they would stop mourning, but he wouldn’t. He knew that, and now so did she.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

“What’s wrong babe?” Mark asked as Ashley crashed through the door.
She stopped in front of him and took a few seconds to catch her breath. “Shane.” She whispered.
“What about him?” he asked quickly.
“He’s here…in his room.”
Mark rushed out of the room without another word.
Ashley went and sat on the bed and hoped Mark would get there before Shane was gone again. She couldn’t work Shane out, they used to be such good friends, and they would talk to each other about everything, but now it seemed as if there was a wall blocking them off from each other. She knew Shane was going through a bad time, and all she wanted was to help him, to make it that little bit easier. Ashley stood up as Mark re-entered the room.
“Was he there?” she asked desperately.
Mark closed his eyes and shook his head slowly. “No, I didn’t get there soon enough.” He whispered.
A tear left her eye as Mark held her close. “He’s changed Mark, he was being so…horrible.” She admitted.
“I know honey, he’ll come back when he’s ready.” He assured her.
She pulled away from him and stared into his eyes. “I don’t think he will. He doesn’t feel like he can come back.” She explained.
“Well then…we’ll just have to make sure he knows he can. I don’t know how, but we’ll find a way.” He promised.
“Thank you.” She whispered.

“Come with me.” Kian ordered as he dragged Shakira out of the hotel restaurant. “Kian! Where are we going?” She asked.
“I hate being cooped up inside the hotel 24/7. And I want to talk to you.” He explained.
She shook her head and laughed as she let him lead her over to a small pond with a water feature in the middle.
“Sit down.” Kian said as he sat on a small wooden bench.
Shakira sat down beside him and looked up at him expectantly. “What is it?” she asked.
He smiled as he stared at her, and slowly put his hand up to her face. “You’re beautiful, you know that?” he asked softly.
“Kian…” she mumbled as she pushed his hand away.
“Why do you get so embarrassed? It’s the truth.” He insisted.
She shook her head as she started going red in the cheeks. “I’m just…not used to it.” she admitted.
He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and ran his fingers over her eyes gently. “Your eyes…” he moved his hand and ran a finger along her bottom lip.
“Your smile…everything. You’re perfect.” He whispered.
“Nobody’s perfect.” She replied seriously.
“You are.” He said before leaning forward and kissing her softly.
She laughed nervously as he pulled away, and kept her gaze on the floor. “Is that what you wanted to tell me?” she asked.
He shook his head as he took her hand in his and started studying it carefully.
“You have beautiful hands.”
Shakira gave him a questioning look and smiled. “Kian what is this?”
“Close your eyes.” He ordered.
She hesitantly closed her eyes and waited until she was told to open them. She didn’t know what was wrong with Kian, but he wasn’t his normal self. He had always paid her compliments, but it felt like he was doing it a little too much.
“Open.” He whispered.
Her eyes widened as she opened her eyes and saw him kneeling down in front of her. “Kian what are you doing?” she asked nervously. Although she knew exactly what was coming, she had been in this situation before.
“Will you marry me?” he asked quietly.
She stared at him as she tried to take in what was happening. “But the other day…” she started before he interrupted her.
“I don’t want to rush anything, but I don’t want to go too slow either. I love you Shak, I’ve never felt this way about anyone. We don’t need to get married yet, we can just have a long engagement, all I want is to see this ring on your finger.” He insisted.
A tear left her eye as she started nodding frantically. “Me too.” She admitted.
His face lit up as he stood up and scooped her up in his arms. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He whispered.
“Let’s take advantage of it then.” She suggested.
“Here?” he asked as he looked around the garden.
“Why not?”
His face lit up as he felt her fingers slowly starting to undo his shirt buttons.

“Philip!!” Shane shouted as he rushed through the graveyard.
The old man stood up to greet him, and then they both sat down in their chairs.
“Did you remember?” he asked.
Shane nodded. “Yeah, did you?” he asked back.
Philip nodded and pulled out a carrier bag. “A lifetime of memory.” He smiled.
Shane looked down to his pile of photos and sighed. “I only have a few years.” He whispered.
“And that’s a lot more than most, so be grateful.” Philip replied seriously. Shane looked around the graveyard just as he had done the previous day. He had been suffering from cramp since he woke up, and he had tried everything to get rid of it.
“You first.” Philip said loudly, bringing Shane out of his thoughts.
“Oh right OK, well this one…” he started as he held up a photo of him and Adelle sitting on the edge of a stage with their arms wrapped around each other tightly. “…Was taken at Wembley in March last year. We were on tour and she was travelling with us. This was taken at the sound check and our friend Aisling was walking around with a camera taking photos of everything…I don’t know how many films she wasted that day.” He laughed.
“That’s a nice photo, you both look very happy.” Philip whispered.
“We were.” Shane choked.
The next photo he picked up was one of him and Adelle standing at the entrance of a ballroom. He was wearing a tuxedo, and she was in a long, black gown, and her hair was neatly resting on her shoulders. “This was at a charity ball we went to a few months ago. It was her birthday too, so we all made a real effort. After the ball we went to a club and got thrown out for being overdressed – I never thought that was possible.” He smiled.
“It’s nice when you see photos of two young people that are in love – and its so obvious how they feel too.”
“Do you think…does it look like we were in love?” Shane asked nervously.
Philip nodded and smiled. “Very much so…what about this one? What’s the story behind it?” he asked as he picked up another photo off of Shane’s lap.
Shane took the photo and smiled as he thought back to when it was taken. It was of him, Adelle, Bryan, Kian, Nicky, Mark, Aisling and Stef all sitting backstage at CDUK, and they were all trying to be at the front of the crowd.
“This is me and my friends. It was taken some time last year.” He explained as a tear left his eye. “…We were backstage at a TV show and our tour manager came in and told us all to pose for a photo. We were all jumping over each other to be at the front.” He finished.
“Do you still see your friends?” Philip asked.
Shane nodded slowly. “Well I work with the four other guys, and the girls are all one of their partners, but since the death…I don’t know, I’ve just been weird. Like I don’t care if I don’t talk to them.” he admitted.
“Do you?”
Shane shrugged his shoulders weakly. “I do, but I find it so hard to feel anything except pain. Everything I used to do revolved around Adelle, and now she’s gone…” he trailed off.
“You need your friends more so now than ever. If you want any kind of life again you need to talk to them.”
“I’m scared.” Shane whispered.
“Of what?” Philip asked sounding slightly surprised.
“They’ve put up with a lot from me, maybe they wouldn’t accept me back.”
Philip laughed to himself quietly as he watched Shane. “Friends are very special people, they find it in themselves to forgive us when we have done the unthinkable. If they hold anything against you, they were never real friends.” He insisted.
Shane looked at him as he took in what he was being told. Philip was right, maybe things would be OK. If he could find it in himself to go back to the hotel, just to try and talk, maybe they would still be willing to help him. It sure beat walking around trying to avoid them anyway.

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

“Guys, we have an announcement to make…” Kian beamed as he and Shakira joined the group who were still sitting in the hotel restaurant.
“Here we go.” Bryan muttered, before getting a gentle punch in the ribs from Aisling.
“We’re…Shakira has agreed to become my wife!”
Mark choked on the piece of raw carrot he was eating, and his face was almost purple before he was able to talk. “You’re getting married?!” he cried.
“Yeah!” Kian replied happily.
“It’s been like a week.” Bryan insisted.
Kian threw him a cold stare and slowly started to nod. “And if I’m not mistaken, it wasn’t much longer before you and Ash got engaged.” He hit back.
Bryan sat speechless in his chair as he tried to think of a comeback, whereas Aisling sat smugly, she had always wanted to see the day when someone would shut Bryan up.
Nicky sighed as he threw his handkerchief on the table. “Well I guess a congratulations is in order.” He said as he stood up and shook Kian’s hand.
Everyone congratulated them, and then they started getting ready to eat.
“I have big plans for us tonight.” Bryan whispered in Aisling’s ear.
“Oh yeah? Tell me more.” She ordered.
He whispered something back into her ear, but she didn’t hear a word of it. She was too focused on something else. She stood up quickly and ran round the table, almost falling over her chair.
“I’ll be back in a minute.” She promised as she rushed out of sight.
“I thought you’d like it.” Bryan mumbled to himself.
“So guys, the drinks are on me tonight!” Kian beamed.
“Just like they are every night. Then ten minutes before closing you sneak off upstairs so when the bill arrives you’re nowhere to be seen.” Mark mocked.
Shakira laughed as she watched Kian trying to defend himself. He was always trying to impress everyone, and keep everyone happy. Sometimes he was appreciated, but sometimes it all got thrown back in his face. Not with Shakira though, she always appreciated it, everything he did was special to her. But then, she loved him, that’s the way it should be.

Aisling stopped outside Shane’s bedroom door. She was sure she had seen him walk through reception, she had only seen him for a split second, but that was enough to be sure.
“Shane?” she called as she knocked on the door lightly.
Within a few seconds Shane appeared from behind the door, and before he had a chance to say anything Aisling had thrown her body at him.
“Shane I’m so glad to see you! Please say you’re staying for good this time!” she pleaded.
“I’m staying.” Shane whispered.
Aisling pulled herself away and looked at him softly. “How are you? Did your time away help?” she asked.
Shane laughed as he turned and walked back into his room, knowing she would follow. “You tell me. I turned to drugs and ignored my friends. All in all, would you say that’s the kind of therapy I needed?” he asked.
“Drugs?” Aisling asked in shock.
He nodded slowly as his gaze fell to the floor. “It was just a way out. It didn’t work if that’s what you’re thinking. When the effect had worn off the pain came rushing back ten times harder.” He admitted.
“And now?”
“I’m not feeling any better. I just need to sleep, clear my head and all that. Maybe things will get easier.”
She smiled and nodded. “I’m sure they will, and if there’s anything I can do, or any of us for that matter, just let us know.” she told him.
He threw her a grateful smile as he laid his body on the bed. “I need to move out of this room.”
“What? Why?” Aisling asked.
He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Adelle was in here. Every time I walk in I can smell her, feel her. It makes me think I’m going crazy;
everywhere I look I can see her doing different things. And this bed…” he trailed off as he pulled the pillow to his chest.
“I understand. I’ll get it sorted.” She promised.
“Not yet, I’m not ready to leave it just yet. But tomorrow maybe.”
“OK Shane, whenever you’re ready. Will you be joining us for dinner?” She asked as she tried to brighten up the conversation.
He looked out of the window as he thought about it, and then started nodding slowly. “I suppose so.”
“Great, everyone will be so pleased to see you.” She gushed as she looked at him expectantly.
“What?” he asked.
“We’re having dinner now.” she explained.
Shane sighed and threw the pillow down, before climbing off of the bed and following her out of the room.

“Shane!” Bryan cried as he stood up and ran to his friend.
Everyone at the table stood up and slowly started making their way over to him.
“It’s so good to see you.” Bryan mumbled.
“You too.” Shane replied weakly.
“Come on, come and sit down.” Bryan ordered as he dragged him towards the table. A few minutes later everyone had settled and all sat staring at Shane.
“So what have you been doing? Where have you been?” Ashley asked.
“It doesn’t matter.” He replied quietly.
“Of course it matters!” she cried.
“I don’t want to talk about it, I would rather just think about the future. It’s over with now, you don’t need to worry.” He assured her.
Ashley nodded unconvinced and gave Mark a weary look.
“So…what would you like to eat Shane?” Nicky asked politely.
Shane gave him a questioning look and laughed slightly. “Nicky I’m still capable of sorting out my own food. I haven’t suddenly got the mentality of a two-year-old.” He mocked.
Kian stood up and held his glass in the air for everyone to see. “I think this deserves a toast.” He bellowed.
Everyone picked up their glasses, and Shakira passed a glass of wine to Shane, but he shook it off, saying he didn’t want to drink.
“To friendship and…love.” He whispered as he looked down at Shakira.
The table all repeated it in unison, and then Shane stood up and looked at them all. “Sorry, I’ve got a bit of a headache, I think I’ll just go up and get some sleep.” He explained.
“Please stay.” Aisling pleaded.
“No really, I might join you later.” He replied.
When he was out of earshot, Bryan threw a buttered roll across the table and whacked Kian in the face. “Nice on Kino!”
“What? What did I do?” Kian asked.
“To love and friendship.” Bryan replied in a mock tone.
It took Kian a second to realise what he was talking about, but he regretted it when he did. “I didn’t think.” He whispered.
“You never do.” Nicky mumbled.

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

“It’s good to see you happy again.” Mark whispered as he kissed Ashley softly.
“Everything’s getting back to how it should be.” She replied.
He nodded in agreement and turned his attention back to the stage, where Kian and Shakira were singing to each other on the karaoke machine.
“Jeez, I’m glad I never had to do that when I proposed.” Bryan groaned.
“How come?” Aisling asked.
He looked at her and smiled. “I would’ve had to listen to you sing.” He explained.
Aisling laughed and punched him in the stomach playfully. “I feel sorry for everyone that has to listen to you!” she shouted.
“People pay to listen to me, but it’s okay, I wont make a big deal out of the fact that I’m more talented than you.” He joked.
She threw him a cold stare but then broke out into a smile. “You’re in for it.” She whispered.
A few minutes later, Kian and Shakira had finished their song, and had joined their friends.
“What did you think?” Kian asked proudly.
“Oh sorry mate, I didn’t realise we were meant to listen.” Bryan replied. “It was great.” Ashley commented.
Kian threw her a grateful smile and then sat down, before sitting Shakira on his lap.
“You know, I’m surprised they haven’t thrown us out of the hotel after that racket.” Nicky laughed.
Bryan choked on his drink as he started laughing, and when he could finally talk, he and Nicky got involved in an ‘Abuse Kian’s singing’ conversation.
“I think I’m going to head up to bed.” Ashley yawned.
Mark jumped up and picked her coat up for her. “I’ll come with you.” He insisted.
“Someone’s keen.” Kian smiled.
Mark leaned across the table until his face was a few centimetres in front of Kian’s. “We keep that part of our relationship private, we wouldn’t do it in public places such as…I don’t know…the hotel garden. Kian.” He said with a smug grin on his face.
Shakira hid her face in her hands as she started laughing, and Kian couldn’t help but smile as everyone cottoned on to why he had said it. “Yeah well…shut up.” Kian argued back.
Bryan threw him a concerned look and shook his head. “Your comebacks are getting really lame.”
Kian shrugged and fell back in his chair as he watched Mark and Ashley leave the entertainment hall hand in hand.

Ashley stopped in front of Shane’s door as they made their way down the corridor.
“You want to go in?” Mark asked.
She looked at him and nodded slowly.
“I’ll leave you to it.” he whispered as he placed a kiss on her forehead, and carried on walking towards his room.
Ashley opened the door with the spare key Shane had given her beforehand, and was surprised to see no lights on. As she stepped further into the room, she closed her eyes and prayed that he was there. She didn’t want it to all start again.
She saw a figure lying on the king-size bed, and as her eyes adjusted to the dark, she worked out it was Shane. She stood watching him for a few seconds with a slight grin on her face, and then slowly turned to leave.
“Ashley?” she heard Shane call.
She looked back round to see Shane lean over and turn a bedside lamp on.
“I thought you were asleep.” She whispered as she walked towards him and sat down on the end of the bed.
He laughed to himself and smiled. “Sleeping doesn’t come easy to me these days.” He admitted.
“How about everything else?” she asked softly.
He shrugged his shoulders and looked around the room uncomfortably. “It’s okay I suppose, as well as can be expected.”
They both sat in silence for a few seconds until Shane started talking.
“I know I’ve been weird these last few days, and I’m sorry. I was feeling down, but I should have never brought you down with me.” He explained.
“It’s okay, I just wish you would’ve talked to me.” She replied.
“I wanted to. I just couldn’t, it was too hard. Walking away from it all seemed my only way out.” He confessed.
“Well what changed? What made you come back?”
He sighed as he looked out into the night sky. “I met a man, Philip his name was, his wife died and I met him at the graveyard. He made a lot of sense, and he made me realise I need my friends. Especially my best one.”
Ashley smiled as she leant forward and wrapped her arms around his neck tightly. “I’ve missed you so much Shane.” She cried.
“Me too.”
She pulled away and looked into his eyes for a few seconds. She knew she needed to tell him about her and Mark, but she wasn’t sure whether he was ready or not. “Shane I…How would you feel if I was to tell you that I was involved with one of your friends? One of your band-mates?” she asked.
“Depends which one.” He replied.
“Why?”
“I’ll re-phrase that, it depends on whether he was single or not beforehand.” He explained.
She laughed and nodded. She was about to tell him it was Mark, but he got their first.
“It’s Mark right?”
“How did you know?” she asked.
He shrugged his shoulders and smiled. “I saw the two of you at dinner and I had a feeling something was going on. And the fact that when I left he was the only single member left…” He laughed as he realised what he had said. “Well I mean he wasn’t, I suppose I’m single now aren’t I?” he asked as he tried to hide the sadness in his voice.
She shook her head and slowly started stroking his face. “You’re only single when you want to be.” She whispered.
“I never want to be”
“Then don’t. But don’t stop living your life.” She insisted.
He nodded slowly. “I know. Maybe things will get easier, this kind of thing happens to people everyday, and they all get over it.”
Ashley nodded and kissed his forehead gently. “I’m sure it will.”
She stood up and walked over to the window, closed the curtains and then turned back to look at Shane.
“I better be getting back to Mark, I’ll pop by and see you tomorrow.” She promised.
Shane nodded and watched her go. As soon as he heard the door shut, he walked over to the curtains and pulled them open again.
“I love you.” He whispered as he looked up and focused on a certain star.

CHAPTER FORTY

Mark walked outside the hotel to look at the morning sun. It was a rare sunny day in London, and it seemed to clash with his mood. Finally, things were starting to look up. He no longer had to spend night after night alone, missing someone, anyone, and now Shane was back too.
“Mark!!!” he heard someone shout.
He turned round to see three girls standing together looking at him, scared to get any closer.
“Heya gals.” He smiled as he walked over to them.
“Oh my God, oh my God, it is you!” One of them cried.
“It is. How y’all doing today?” he asked cheerfully.
“We’re okay, we follow you guys everywhere around London, we love you so much! Can we possibly have a photo and an autograph?”
“Brain overload!” he laughed. “Of course you can, have you got anything you want me to sign for you?” he asked.
In turn, they each pulled out a poster of the band. Mark cringed as he saw one of them; he had obviously been having a bad day because he was the only one that wasn’t smiling.
“Okay, what are your names?” he asked.
“Umm I’m Sarah, this is Louise, and this is Sophie.” A tall blonde girl said. Mark quickly scribbled their names and then his on each poster, and passed them back to the girls.
“Has Shane left the band?” Louise asked.
Mark shook his head and laughed. “No he hasn’t, he’s just having a bit of time off.” He explained.
“Oh we have something for him.” Sophie insisted as she bent down and started rummaging through her bag.
“When will Shane be singing again?” Sarah asked.
“Very soon I imagine, he’s feeling very down at the moment so we don’t want to rush him.” He replied.
“Can you tell him we’re all thinking of him, and we miss him loads?!”
“Will do.” Mark promised.
He turned to look at Sophie when she stood up, and she handed him a large book.
“What’s this?” he asked as he studied the front of it.
“It’s for Shane, we made it after the accident because we knew we would probably meet one of you. It’s just full of pictures of him and Adelle, some are from newspapers and magazines, and some are actual photos that we’ve taken – we’ve met them both a few times.” Sophie explained.
He looked up at the three of them and smiled. “This was very thoughtful of you, he’ll be touched.” He assured them.
“It’s really sad, whenever we met her she was always lovely, she would chat and have photos with us.” Sarah sighed.
“Where did you meet her?” Mark asked.
“Everywhere! Outside TV studios, outside concerts, sometimes just walking around the shops. We’ve seen her a few times walking around with Shane in London too.”
Mark looked at his watch and then back at the three fans. “It was great meeting you, but I have to get going. If you pop by another day I’ll get the rest of the lads out here for a chat.” He promised.
“Even Shane?” Sarah asked as a smile lit up her face.
“Maybe.” He replied.
He laughed as he walked away, and heard them shouting ‘I love you’ loudly. Of course, there were fans that would go over the top when they spoke to them, and would try ripping their hair out and stuff, but most of them were polite and thoughtful.

As Mark walked up the hotel staircase, Aisling passed him on her way down.
“Where you off to?” Mark asked.
“Just got to get something from the shop across the road. Why?” She replied.
“There’s a few fans outside, so be prepared. There’s nothing to worry about though – they’re cool.” He explained.
She nodded and smiled before carrying on down the stairs.

“What is it?” Shane asked as he opened the door to Mark.
“Can I come in?” he asked nervously.
Shane nodded and stepped back to let him enter, and then led him in.
“So…did Ashley speak to you last night?” Mark asked.
“Yeah. And I’m happy for you both, just look after her.” He warned.
“I will. I wouldn’t hurt her for the world.” He whispered.
Shane stopped straightening his bed quilt and looked up at his friend. “That doesn’t mean she won’t get hurt.” He insisted.
“I’ll try my best.” Mark promised.
“Then I trust you.”
Mark sighed and sat down on a chair as he watched his friend tidying things that were already tidy, it was obvious he was just trying to keep his mind occupied.
“Are you really okay? Ashley came back yesterday and said you were fine.”
“Well then I guess I must be fine.” Shane replied.
“But…” Mark started before he got interrupted.
“You want Ashley to be happy so just let her believe I’m okay.” He ordered.
Mark nodded slowly. “Okay I will, but how are you really?”
“Well if I didn’t feel so selfish I wouldn’t have come back.”
“Talk about it.” Mark said sternly.
“Talking doesn’t help.” Shane whispered.
“It does.”
“No Mark it doesn’t! People that haven’t had to deal with it probably think it does, but I AM dealing with it, and I’ve tried talking, trust me I’ve tried. I of all people know that it doesn’t help, it makes it harder.” He shouted.
Mark stood up and walked to his friend. “How can it make it any harder? It CAN’T get any harder Shane!”
Shane nodded slowly and looked at the floor. “It can always get harder, and it always does.”
“I want to help you Shane, but I don’t know how. You say we don’t know what you need, so tell us. We can’t guess!” he pleaded.
“There’s no point, I can’t have what I need.” He whispered.
“Well what’s the next best thing?” Mark asked as the strength in his voice disappeared.
“What’s that?” Shane asked as he looked down and saw a large book under his arm. Mark looked at it and then handed it to him. “It’s for you. Some fans made it, they asked me to give it to you.” He explained.
Shane took it, and went and sat down on the bed before opening it. Mark stood behind him and looked at the pictures over his friend’s shoulder.
Shane hadn’t known what it was, but he wouldn’t have guessed it was this. He smiled as he looked through all of the newspaper clippings – even the very first photo of them together was there.
He sighed as he turned the page and saw photos of Adelle with the fans. “She understood this part of my life.” He choked.
Mark nodded and rested his hand on his friends shoulder. “I know mate, but she isn’t the only one; there are other people out there that can deal with it too.”
“But I don’t want anyone else.”
Mark walked round and sat on the floor in front of Shane. He took the book out of his hands and put it down beside him. “Shane, sooner or later you will meet someone, and I know it sounds impossible right now, but you will move on.” He assured him.
“Why? Why would I want to?” Shane asked.
“Because you can’t go through life feeling alone.” He explained.
Shane shook his head slowly. “I don’t feel alone. She’s still here, with me, watching everything I do, guiding me through life.”
Mark rolled his eyes discreetly. “Right okay so she’s here. But not forever. She wont be here forever.” He said adamantly.
A look of fear filled Shane’s eyes as he listened to his friend; nobody had been so open about it before, nobody had said it how it was.
“How long is she here for?”
Mark ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “I don’t know. She’ll always be in here…” he said as he patted Shane’s heart. “And she’ll always be in here…” he said as he patted his head. “But she wont always be here.” He finished as he looked around the room.
Shane leant forward and buried his face in his hands, and then sat back up and looked at Mark. “It’s not a case of not wanting to, I CAN’T love anymore Mark, it all ends in heartache, why does anyone bother?” he asked, not really expecting an answer.
“Because it might end in heartache, but when it’s happening it’s…the most amazing feeling in the world.” He trailed off.
Shane nodded slowly. “Exactly, which is why I don’t need to experience it again.” He explained.
“She’ll always be a part of your heart Shane…” Mark started before getting interrupted.
“She was my heart. She is my heart.” He corrected him.
“Okay she is your heart, but there’s still room in your heart for someone else, and that space will get filled.” He promised.
Shane shook his head and laughed. “You don’t know that.”
“Yes I do. I’m probably going to sound gay, but it’s almost impossible for a girl NOT to fall in love with you. You have a way with them that others don’t.”
“I don’t fall in love with someone because they’re interested in me!” Shane cried, sounding slightly offended.
“I didn’t mean that, I just mean…a lot of people don’t get the chance to find love because they come across as unapproachable, whereas you don’t.” Mark explained.
Shane stood up and laughed a little as he walked to the window. “I had a chance to find love four years ago, and I found it. I’m not ready to lose it.” he insisted.
“There’s no getting through to you is there?! Try and think past Adelle for a minute – say you hadn’t met her.”
“Mark, if I hadn’t met her I wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place!” he shouted.
“For a minute there it sounded as if you wished you hadn’t met her.” Mark stated as he joined his friend by the window.
Shane spun round and threw his fist into Mark’s face. Mark fell to the floor and Shane crouched down until his head was a few centimetres away from Mark’s.
“Don’t EVER say I regret meeting her.” He seethed before standing up and hurrying out of the room.

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

“What the hell happened to you?” Ashley asked as Mark ran over to her in the hotel garden with blood running from his nose.
“Nothing it’s okay, have you seen Bryan?”
“Mark! What happened?” she asked again.
He sighed and shook his head slowly. “Shane.” He whispered.
“What? What did you do?”
“Wait a minute Ash, how do you know I’ve done anything? Maybe Shane just lashed out, it’s not like he needs a reason to do weird stuff lately.” He argued.
“Okay, so how did it happen?” She asked sounding slightly hurt.
“I’ll tell you later, have you seen Bryan?” he asked sternly.
“No.” she replied coldly before turning and walking back towards the hotel.

Bryan’s face lit up as Aisling walked out of the en-suite bathroom in her dressing gown, spinning the belt around in her hand.
“Nice.” He grinned.
Aisling slowly made her way over to the bed Bryan was on, trying to tease him as much as possible. “I have plans for you.” She whispered.
“Oh yeah?” he asked.
“Uh huh.”
They remained in silence until Aisling crawled onto the bed and laid her body on top of his. She slowly put her lips on his and kissed him passionately.
Bryan grabbed at the dressing gown belt and pulled it, he then slowly started to peel it away from her body.
“BRYAN!!!!” Mark shouted through the door.
Aisling laughed as she saw the look of irritation on Bryan’s face. “Go and get it, I’ll be here when you get back.” She promised as she rolled off of him.
He shook his head and slowly made his way over to the door.
“What?” he asked rudely.
“Sorry mate, but I need to ask you something.” Mark explained.
“Then ask.” Bryan replied coldly as he leant his body up against the doorframe.
“Well that time you went out looking for Shane, where did you find him?”
“Why?”
“I just need to know. He stormed off when we were talking earlier and I just want to finish the conversation.” Mark insisted.
“It was the river just at the end of this road on the right.” Bryan told him. Mark nodded and started hurrying down the hall before Bryan called him back.
“Be careful what you say, if I find out you’re responsible for him running off or something again…” he warned, he didn’t need to finish the sentence; Mark knew what he was saying.
“I just want to talk to him.” Mark promised.
Bryan nodded and then disappeared back into the room. He smiled as he walked back over to the bed.
“So, where were we…?”

Mark, complete with puffer jacket, sunglasses and baseball cap, had left the hotel and made it to the river without getting recognised – which he was quite pleased about.
As he looked down the walkway beside the river, he could see Shane sitting on the edge, just looking out to the water.
He took a deep breath and then slowly started walking towards him.

Shane looked up when he heard footsteps approaching him. “How’s your face?” he asked when he saw it was Mark.
“Sore.” Mark replied in a joking tone.
“I’m sorry I just…” Shane started.
“It’s okay, I was out of line. You’ve got a pretty hard punch though – good aim too.”
Shane looked at him and laughed. “Shame you had to find out the way you did.”
Mark nodded and rubbed his face. “Well yeah, I would have preferred to find out another way…any other way, but the damage is done, I doubt it’ll make much difference to my already damaged face.” he laughed.
“I guess you’re right.” Shane joked.
Mark left it a few seconds before he started talking again. “Seriously though Shane, I didn’t mean it to sound like it did.”
“I know.” Shane nodded.
“These last few weeks have been the worst of my life…” Mark started as Shane looked up at him. “I’ve lost two people I considered my best friends. One of them can’t be brought back, and I’ll always miss her, but the other one can be brought back…but only if he wants to be.”
Shane smiled weakly and nodded. “I do.” He whispered.

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

@@@TWO WEEKS LATER@@@

Things were looking up in the ‘Westlife Camp’, the band had now moved on to Manchester, and were getting ready to do a concert at the M.E.N Arena. Shane tried to smile as much as he could when he was with his friends, but deep down he was still hurting. He convinced himself that maybe if he pretended to be okay, he would start believing it. Although so far, it seemed the longer he pretended, the harder it got. The police were still looking into her death, but they hadn’t found anything more than what they already knew.

“Shakira!” Kian called from the stage.
She looked up from her conversation with Aisling and Ashley. “Yes honey?” she asked.
He shrugged his shoulders and smiled coyly. “Nothing.” He said before turning and joining the others, who were waiting to run through the dance routine for ‘When You’re Looking Like That’.
As the music started, the three girls stopped their conversation to watch their men in action. The five of them were jumping around the stage in perfect unison until Bryan fell over Shane’s feet.
“Bry!!” Mark and Nicky shouted together.
He slowly dragged himself up and laughed. “Sorry, sorry. I was distracted.” He mumbled.
Shane looked out to Aisling and laughed. “Maybe you should send her home.” he suggested.
“No! Trust me, I’ll be even worse if she goes.” He cried.
Shane tried to smile, but failed miserably. Bryan noticed, so decided to change the subject. He knew Shane was doing really well with coping, but he still felt the need to avoid certain subjects.
Nicky turned to the band that were playing behind them and nodded. “Okay guys, forget that one for a minute, Bry’s still a little bit tipsy from last night. Move on to the next song.” He ordered.
Shane’s heart skipped a beat as the music for ‘Written In The Stars’ started, he was aware of his band mates watching him, so he couldn’t react to it. If he could sing his way through this and come out smiling at the end, it would prove to them he was over the worst. And then he could concentrate on proving it to himself.

“Stay with me, don’t fall asleep too soon, the angels can wait, for a moment.” He stepped forward with the microphone in his hands and closed his eyes. “Come real close, forget the world outside, tonight we’re alone, it’s finally you and I.”
He looked out to Aisling, Ashley and Shakira and smiled weakly as they watched him cautiously. “…It wasn’t meant to feel like this…not without you. Cause when I look at my life, how the pieces fall into place, it just wasn’t right, without you. When I see how my path, seemed to end up before your face, the state of my heart, the place where we are, was written in the stars.” He sang, pausing at the right moments for the others to join in.
As Shane stepped back, Bryan stepped forward and started singing his verse.
“Don’t be afraid, I’ll be right by your side, through the laughter and pain, together we’re bound to fly…I wasn’t meant to love like this, not without you…” The four other band members stepped forward so they were all in a straight line. “Cause when I look at my life, how the pieces fall into place, it just wasn’t right without you. When I see how my path seemed to end up before your face, the state of my heart, the place where we are, was written in the stars.”
Nicky, Kian and Bryan all stepped back in perfect unison, leaving Shane and Mark standing side by side. “I made a few mistakes, yeah…”
“Like sometimes we do…”
“Been through a lot of heartache, but I made back to you…”
“Cause when I look at my life, how the pieces fall into place, it just wasn’t right, without you. When I see how my path, seemed to end up before your face, the state of my heart, the place where we are, was written in the stars.
Cause when I look at my life, how the pieces fall into place, it just wasn’t right, without you. And when I see how my path, seemed to end up before you face, the state of my heart, the place where we are, was written in the stars.”
Everyone slid back again, leaving Shane standing alone. “…The state of my heart, the place where we are, was written in the stars.”

The three girls sitting in the front row clapped and cheered as the music stopped, and Shane turned to his band mates and smiled.
“You okay?” Bryan asked.
“Yeah I’m fine. It was…nice.” He whispered.
Kian looked at his watch and sighed. “Time’s up guys, the support act needs to practise.” He explained.
“I’m just glad it’s only a one nighter. If we were on tour I think I would be too drained.” Nicky replied as he made his way off of the stage.
“Why is it a one nighter?” Shane asked.
Mark looked at him and smiled. “To show everyone that you’re still with us.” He explained.
Shane nodded uncomfortably and looked at the floor.

@@@FOUR HOURS LATER@@@

“Shane!” Paul, their security guard called.
Shane threw down his stage outfit and walked over to Paul. “Yeah?” He asked.
“There’s someone down the hall waiting for you. They said you would want to see them.” he explained.
“Who is it?”
Paul shrugged and sighed. “I dunno, someone called Lee.”
Shane’s face dropped as soon as he heard the name. “Oh right…yeah okay…I’ll go and see him.” He stuttered before running off down the hall.

“What is it?” Shane asked as he found Lee.
“I just wanted to come and say good luck for the show.” Lee explained.
Shane was a little taken aback, maybe Lee really did care. “Thanks, are you staying to watch?” He asked.
Lee nodded and smiled. “Yeah, I’ve got a girl waiting for me in the second row.” He replied.
“Right well I hope you enjoy it.”
Lee smiled and started walking off down the hall.
“And Lee…” Shane called, and waited for him to turn around. “Thanks…for everything.”
“No problem.” Lee whispered before disappearing round the corner.
Shane ran his fingers through his hair and then slowly headed back to the changing room.

“Everything cool?” Mark asked as Shane walked into the room.
“What? Oh yeah it’s fine. Just an old friend of mine.” He replied.
Mark nodded and left the room, leaving Shane alone. He walked over to the mirror and stared into it, he knew he had to make an effort with Lee now; after all, he had been there when Shane needed a place to stay. And yeah, he had said some pretty harsh things on the morning Shane left his flat, but he had needed to hear it.
He turned and looked at the door when he heard it open. “Hey.” He smiled at Bryan.
Bryan smiled awkwardly and made his way over to his friend. “Hey. Can we talk?” he asked as he sat down on the sofa.
Shane nodded and sat down opposite him. “What is it?” he asked.
“Well I…I just want to make sure you’re completely ready for this.” He explained.
“I am.” Shane whispered.
Bryan carried on as if he hadn’t heard Shane’s last comment. “I mean I wont pretend it’ll be easy, because it wont. We’ve all been cooped up from the rest of the world for weeks, so it’s bound to be hard for us all…especially you.”
“Why me especially?” Shane asked.
Bryan sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m not gonna go into detail; you know why I’m worried. I just want you to know that if at any time it gets too much, don’t feel like you have to carry on. You can leave the stage at any time.” He insisted.
Shane nodded and looked up to the ceiling. “I’ll be okay, I’m looking at this as my way to say goodbye, it’s all for her.” He admitted.
“Okay, well we better be going, Louis wants us behind the stage in five minutes.”
They both stood up and headed for the door, with Shane grabbing his suit jacket on the way out.
Bryan stopped at the door and turned to Shane. “For her.” He whispered.

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

Bryan and Mark watched Shane as he stood at the side of the stage, watching the support act singing their final song.
“Think he’s going to be okay?” Mark asked.
Bryan nodded. “Yeah I do. I think tonight will be the best performance of his life.” He replied.
“How come?”
“Because he’s doing it for her.” He explained.
Mark nodded and sighed. “It’s sad…you can see the changes in him just by watching him. Normally he would be jumping around all over the place.”
“Yeah, but then he knew she was in the front row watching him. It must be hard for him to know she won’t be there tonight.” He whispered.
“Well do you think that will effect his performance? The fans can tell when he would rather be elsewhere.”
Bryan laughed slightly and shook his head. “He’s using tonight to say goodbye. Trust me, he wants to be here.”
They fell silent as the sound of cheers and screams erupted around them.
They both looked at each other and smiled. “Time to move.” Mark grinned.
Bryan nodded in agreement, and within a few seconds, the five of them were all standing together, waiting for their cue to walk on stage.
They weren’t doing anything spectacular, they were just going to walk on stage and start singing. On tour they always done something brilliant, but because tonight they were only doing it to show Shane was still a part of Westlife, they figured the easiest thing to do was to simply go on stage and do what they do best…sing.

The crowd went wild as they walked on in black suit and white shirts, and started singing ‘Unbreakable’, they were obviously very happy to see Shane again, and to see that he was happy. They were all aware of what had happened, and a few people even had banners about Shane and Adelle.
Next up, they sang ‘When You’re Looking Like That’, where each member had a dancer except Shane, who sat on the edge of the stage singing to the people in the front row.
Throughout the next hour and a half, they had covered the whole of their Greatest Hits Album, and they were now backstage ready for their final set.
“You’re doing great Shane, just great.” Nicky assured him as they walked towards the stage.
“Thanks, I think it’s helping…making it easier.” He admitted.
Twenty seconds later, the five of them were back on stage, all wearing complete white. Nicky and Bryan winked at each other; they had something planned, something that Shane didn’t know about, they knew there was a chance of it not working, but they just had to hope it would.
As the music for ‘Soledad’ started, Shane looked around to his band mates, they wasn’t meant to be singing that song – it was meant to ‘You Make Me Feel’. He smiled as he saw his four band mates walking off of the stage. He knew they were leaving him to sing it alone, and he was touched by it. He had wanted to say goodbye, but it wasn’t the same doing it with four other people.
As he walked to the front of the stage, he noticed everyone concentrating on something behind him. He turned round out of curiosity, and a tear left his eye as he saw a selection of photos of him and Adelle together appear on the screen. The photos kept changing, and it was like taking a trip down memory lane.
He didn’t start singing when he was meant to; he had forgotten where he was, and what he was meant to be doing.

The musicians started playing the music again, and this time Shane was ready. He sighed slightly and then turned to look at the audience, who were watching him cautiously.

“If only you could see tears in the
World you left behind
If only you could heal my
Heart just one more time
Even when I close my eyes
There’s an image of your face
And once again I come
To realise
You’re a loss I can’t replace.

Soledad
It’s a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you
Were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory lives on
Why did you leave me
Soledad.

Walking down the streets
Of nothingville
Where our love was young and free
Can’t believe just what an empty place
It has come to be
I would give my life away
If it could only be the same
Cause I can’t still the voice inside of me
That is calling out your name.

Soledad
It’s a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you
Were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory lives on
Why did you leave me
Soledad.

Time will never change the things you
Told me
After all we’re meant to be
Love will bring us back to you and me
If only you could see.

Soledad
It’s a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you
Were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory lives on
Why did you leave me
Soledad.

It’s a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you
Were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory lives on
Why did you leave me
Soledad.”

Shane opened his eyes and looked out to the crowd. There was a few seconds of complete silence, and then at once, everyone started going crazy. Shane had never heard anything so loud. He looked to the back of the stage, where Nicky, Bryan, Kian and Mark were walking on to join him, and threw them a grateful smile.
Bryan was pleased with the outcome, he had seen the smile Shane had just given them, and for the first time in weeks, the smile was real…

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

Bryan walked down the corridor towards the changing room behind the other four. It had been a good night; one of their best as far as performing was concerned. But it had also helped Shane, he hadn’t stopped smiling since he left the stage, and Bryan figured things were probably going to start getting back on track.
“Bryan!” Louis called from behind him.
Bryan spun round and stopped to wait for his manager to catch up with him. “What did you think of it tonight?” he asked.
Louis smiled and nodded. “It was brilliant – you’ve certainly showed you’re back. The fans were ecstatic.” He beamed.
Bryan smiled proudly, and watched as the smile slowly left Louis’ face.
“What is it?” he asked.
“The police were waiting for me when you came off stage.” He admitted.
Bryan gave him a questioning look. “Are you in trouble or something?” he asked.
Louis shook his head and laughed. “No, of course I’m not. There’s been an update on the case, they’ve found out some more information.” He explained.
“Well that’s great! What did they find out?” Bryan asked happily.
Louis stared at him seriously and then closed his eyes. “They know who did it.” he whispered.
Bryan was shocked; he was convinced it would be one of them drawn out cases that never actually got a result. “Well who was it?” he asked quietly.
Louis shook his head slowly. “I can’t say. They can’t locate this person until tomorrow, so nobody is allowed to know. I suppose it’s just so the person they want doesn’t find out.” He explained.
“Oh come on Louis! This is me you’re talking to. Do you really think I’m going to phone this person up and tell them to hide?” he asked, sounding slightly offended.
Louis looked at him sceptically for a few seconds and then started nodding slowly. “Okay, but you can’t say anything to anyone other than the other four. It can’t go any further.” He insisted.
“I won’t tell a soul.” Bryan promised.
Louis sighed heavily as he prepared to tell Bryan who was responsible for the death, who was responsible for Shane’s heartache.

“So Shane, it’s your birthday the day after tomorrow, what do you want?” Ashley asked.
He shook his head and laughed. “I don’t want anything this year – just a night in with my friends.” He replied.
“Awww that’s so sweet – why don’t I believe you?” Aisling asked happily.
Shane shrugged his shoulders innocently. “I don’t know, but you should.” He replied seriously.
“I think we should have a party.” Ashley suggested.
“Me too!” Aisling and Shakira cried in unison.
Shane looked at the three of them in turn and laughed. “Why did the guys leave me alone with you three? It’s dangerous!” he joked.
Ashley looked over to the door that separated the conference room to the side room that the other four were in. “I don’t know. I bet they’re planning something for your birthday though!” she squealed.
“What makes you think that?” he asked.
“Oh come on, what other reason would they have for leaving you out of a conversation?” Shakira asked.
As if on cue, the door opened and the four of them all walked in, with concerned looks on their faces.
“Well it certainly doesn’t look like they were planning a party.” Aisling mumbled.
“Everything okay?” Shane asked as they all circled around him.
Bryan ran his fingers through his hair and looked from Shane to Aisling, and then back to Shane. “Can we have a word a minute mate?” he asked.
Shane nodded and stood up, following the four of them out of the room.

“What is it?” Shane asked as he closed the door behind him.
Nicky stepped forward and sighed. “We have some news. You might not like it, but the sooner you hear it the easier it will be.” He explained.
Shane laughed nervously and looked at Bryan. “What’s wrong?”
“I spoke to Louis earlier and he’s been in touch with the police…they know who’s responsible.” He whispered.
As it dawned on Shane what they were talking about, he started shaking his head slowly. “I don’t want to know.”
“You need to know.” Mark insisted.
“No I don’t. I’m starting to get my life back again – this will ruin it all, I can’t go back to how I was.” He cried.
“But Shane…” Kian started. “No!” Shane shouted, before turning and ru
nning out of the room.
“What do we do now?” Nicky asked out loud, not caring who answered.
“Maybe it would be better if he didn’t know, he seems to be okay now, he’s getting on with things.” Mark insisted.
Bryan threw him a patronising look and shook his head. “If we hadn’t said anything he probably would’ve been better. But not now, not now he knows we know.” he explained.
“So why run off like that?!” Nicky cried.
“He’s scared.” Bryan whispered.

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

Shane didn’t need to turn round to know that Kian, Nicky, Bryan and Mark were all standing behind him. “I have a right not to know.” he said without turning round.
“That’s right, you do. But why don’t you want to know?” Bryan asked.
“What good would it do?” he asked.
“It might make it easier to deal with.” Nicky explained.
Shane shook his head and laughed. “If there’s something out there that could make it easier, I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be that.”
“Don’t you ever wonder who’s responsible? Don’t you want to know who took her away from you?” Mark asked.
Shane turned round and looked at them all. The sadness that had been in his eyes a few days ago had returned, and they all knew that deep down he wanted to know. He needed to.
“You know him.” Bryan whispered.
The look of fear in Shane’s eyes said it all, he had been trying to distance himself from the conversation, but he just kept getting drawn in. If they knew him, they knew Adelle.
“Did I know him well?” he asked weakly.
Bryan closed his eyes and nodded. “Well enough.”
An awkward silence filled the room as Shane tried to guess whom it could be.
There was nobody he knew that was capable of doing something so extreme, something so painful.
“Well who…I mean…who was it?” he asked nervously.
“You probably don’t remember him, we haven’t seen him for a while. But it was…it was Lee.” He whispered.
Shane stepped back as the name ripped through his heart. He didn’t know Lee well, but nevertheless, he only knew one Lee. He nodded slowly as he tried to take it in. “He was there…I was speaking to him tonight…I had no idea.” He muttered.
“Nobody knew it was him mate.” Mark pointed out.
“But I should have known! I should have known something wasn’t right when I was talking to him – I thought he was helping me and all the time he must have been laughing behind my back! I let him see how much he destroyed me…” he shouted.
“Shane what are you talking about?” Nicky asked.
He looked at them all and laughed to himself. “I stayed with him in his flat after the funeral. He pretended to be my friend, he even came to the show last night to wish me luck.” He replied.
“You weren’t to know.” Kian told him.
“He done it, he killed her! Yet he hasn’t been caught, he’s been walking around without a care in the world, even though I’ve been going through hell.” He said coldly as a tear left his eye.
“The police are going to deal with it tomorrow.” Bryan explained.
Shane shook his head quickly. “Not tomorrow, this needs to be sorted now.” he said before picking up his jacket and rushing out of the room.
Kian started running after him but Bryan held him back. “Just let him go.” He ordered.
“Are you out of your mind?! Where do you think he’s going Bry?” he shouted. “If seeing him will make him feel better then he needs to do it.” he explained.
Kian laughed as he ran his fingers through his hair. “And you think Shane’s planning to talk about it? He’s just found out who killed her and you think he’s just going to talk things through?!”
“No, in fact I’m sure he’ll do the opposite, but it needs to be done! It’ll make Shane feel better and it’s not as if Lee doesn’t deserve it.” he pointed out.
“I agree with you totally mate, I have no intention of stopping Shane doing what he wants to him, but it could backfire – Shane could get hurt. And if that’s the case, I think we should be there to help.” Kian explained.
Bryan fell silent, and then slowly started nodding. “Yeah okay, but we don’t go in. We stay outside.” He demanded.
“Do you know where he’ll be going?” Nicky asked.
“I have a fair idea.” Bryan replied as he led them all out of the room.

Shane banged on the door loudly as he waited for someone to answer. It took a few seconds, but finally the door opened. Without giving Lee a chance to say anything, Shane hurled himself at him until Lee was squashed against the wall.
“What the hell are you doing Shane?!” Lee cried.
Shane put his hand around Lee’s neck and put his face right in front of his.
“You took her away from me. You took her and you acted like everything was okay. You acted like you cared.” He seethed.
Lee closed his eyes as he realised what was happening. “I didn’t mean for it to happen.” He explained.
Shane tightened his grip around his neck. “But nevertheless you intended to hurt her. That’s just as bad.” He whispered.
“It wasn’t my fault!” Lee cried.
Shane punched him, sending him to the floor, and kneeled down beside him. “Don’t you DARE say it wasn’t your fault! You lied to me, you were trying to get me to talk about how I was feeling – did that give you some kind of buzz?!” he asked.
“No, I regretted it straight away, I promise!”
“Promises don’t bring her back. What gives you the right to take someone’s life like that? What makes you think you deserve to get away with it?!” he screamed as he grabbed Lee’s collar and lifted his head from the floor.
“I don’t know.” he mumbled weakly.
“Neither do I. Why did you do it?” he asked for the second time.
Lee sighed as he closed his eyes. He admitted to himself that he was scared; he had never seen Shane like this before. “I thought she was interested in me…” he admitted.
Shane laughed and waited for him to continue.
“If I ever saw her on her own she would talk to me, but the rest of you just ignored me. I saw her the day before she went shopping and I asked her if she fancied going out sometime, but she just turned around and said no…”
“But you couldn’t leave it there.” Shane stated.
Lee shook his head slowly. “She knew I was interested in her, I had been for months, but she just kept saying no. All because she was with you! If it wasn’t for you we could have been together now…” he trailed off.
“So what happened on that day?” Shane asked, bringing Lee back to reality.
“They were in a shop and the two people she was with were in the changing room, I went over and started speaking to her but she just brushed me off. I was angry and upset…”
“So you took her life.” Shane finished.
Lee closed his eyes and nodded.
“Well Lee, that was a BIG mistake, and I mean BIG. You did that to her because you were upset and angry – exactly how I’m feeling now. If you had the right to do it, surely it means I do too.”
Lee’s eyes widened in fear as he realised what Shane was suggesting. “You wouldn’t.” he muttered.
Shane nodded his head slowly. “Oh I would. Trust me I would. And I will, quite happily.” He assured him.
“Please Shane, I’ll do anything.” He cried.
Shane pushed Lee’s head down and whacked it against the floor, and then pulled him up to look at him again. “Do you think that’s what she would have said to you if you gave her the chance? Do you think she would have begged you not to?” he screamed as tears rolled down his cheeks.
“I am so so sorry.”
“Stop saying you’re sorry!! It isn’t going to change the state I leave you in – it won’t make me feel sorry for you! It wouldn’t have helped her would it? You wouldn’t have changed your mind and left her to come home to me!” he said matter-of-factly.
“What are you going to do to me?” Lee asked weakly.
“The day you took her away from me was our anniversary, the day I was going to ask her to marry me. Do you have any idea how much that hurts? Knowing that if it wasn’t for YOU then we would still be together? Tell me Lee, what do you think you deserve?” he asked.
“You’re a good person Shane, you wouldn’t do this kind of thing; you’re not capable of it.” Lee insisted.
“I’m very capable of it. And don’t try bringing out the good in me because it’s gone. It disappeared the same day she did. When you took her away from me you took away everything that made me a person! It’s been gone for weeks, and it sure as hell isn’t going to return to help you!” he shouted.
Shane stood up and stared down at Lee. After a few seconds Lee sat up, but Shane kicked him back down. “You have no idea how much pain you’ve caused.” He seethed.
“I do, honestly I do!” Lee cried.
Shane laughed an evil laugh as he saw the tears leave Lee’s eyes, and for a second, he chose to ignore his own. “What’s the matter Lee, you scared? Cause you should be.” He whispered harshly.
Shane turned round and looked at the door as he heard a loud bang. Nicky and Bryan both stared in at him as they stood at the door.
Nicky saw Lee on the floor and started to panic. “Come on Shane, you’ve done enough.” He cried.
“I’m not finished.” Shane insisted.
Nicky ran into the hallway and grabbed onto Shane’s arm and tried pulling him back, but Shane spun round and pushed him into the wall. “I’m not finished!!” he shouted again.
Nicky looked at his friend in shock, and then slowly walked back out of the flat and stood behind Bryan, who wasn’t going to try and stop Shane, but was willing to help if he needed it.

As Lee sat up for a second time, Shane lifted his foot and pushed it right into his stomach. Lee was winded and it took a few seconds for him to get his breath back.
“You struggling to breathe there Lee? Do you ever wonder whether Adelle was struggling to breathe before she died? Do you ever wonder if she turned and saw you just before she fell? Because I do, and the only thing I’m sure of is that your name wouldn’t have been the last name she spoke.”
Lee nodded in agreement. “I know; it would’ve been yours. She loved you.” He whispered.
“Oh I know she did, I don’t need YOU to tell me that! Have you ever been in love Lee?” he asked.
Lee shook his head but didn’t say anything.
Shane sighed and sat down on the floor beside him. “Love’s a very strong thing. When you love someone, you’re willing to protect them no matter what. And if for some reason you can’t protect them from being hurt, the only other thing you can do is punish the person responsible for it. I loved her more than you could ever imagine, but now I can’t love her. Or I can’t express my love for her anyway. So when I find out something like WHO is responsible for the hurt, all my love turns to anger. Everyone knows that when you’re angry the best thing to do is let it all out, so surely you don’t begrudge me doing that?” he said in a voice that would have almost had you believe that Lee’s opinion mattered to him.
“You’ve done enough.” He replied.
“When do we know when enough is done? I suppose we never do, we just have to guess. So in this case, we’re probably going to be here for a while.”

“Bryan, he’s being weird.” Nicky whispered.
Bryan nodded in agreement and then slowly walked into the flat. He stopped and stood over Shane and Lee. “Come on mate, it’s time to go.” He whispered softly. Shane looked up at him and then slowly started nodding, and then turned back to Lee and snarled. “You’re going away for a long time. And when you get out, I’ll be waiting. I’ll make sure you never have a happy day left in your life.” He promised, before standing up and following Bryan out of the room.
“I didn’t think she was happy…” Lee whispered.
As soon as Shane heard him say it, he spun round and rushed over to him. He stamped on his stomach and started kicking him in the sides. Lee was crying out in pain, but Shane didn’t stop, he wanted to cause Lee as much pain as possible.
“Well she’s not happy now!!” He screamed.
Bryan stepped in to stop it, but he could see that Shane wasn’t ready to leave. Shane bent down and grabbed Lee by his shirt collar and pulled him up. He elbowed him in the face, and then pushed him against the wall. “Don’t you EVER think she’d forgive you because she wouldn’t – I wouldn’t let her!” he shouted. Lee held his face in his hands and slowly slid down the wall. There was no getting out of it – Shane had the power to do whatever he pleased.
He was almost numb from the pain, but then he felt Shane’s knee collide with his face. “Stop!” he cried loudly.
“Don’t tell me when to stop!!” Shane replied as he repeatedly kicked him in the face.
As Lee fell in a pile on the floor, Bryan knew it had gone too far, and if it were to go any further Shane would be getting done for murder. “You’ve finished.” He insisted as he grabbed Shane and pulled him outside.

When they were outside the flat, Nicky and Bryan looked at him cautiously. It took a few seconds for Shane to get his breath back before he could speak.
“Don’t look at me like I’ve done something wrong.” He ordered before walking off.
As they walked down the stairs, they had to walk through a group of men that were sitting on the stairs doing drugs.
“Snobs.” One of them mumbled as they walked through.
Shane stopped and stared at them all coldly. “Come on then! If you think you’re better than us, show us what you’ve got!” he screamed.
As one of them stood up Nicky wrapped his arm around Shane’s waist and yanked him down the stairs. “For feck sake Shane! Don’t you think you’ve caused enough damage for one night? You don’t need to try getting us killed as well!”

CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

“I really can’t believe it…Lee!” Aisling whispered.
“Stef will be pleased.” Nicky mumbled to himself.
“What? Why?” Bryan asked.
Nicky looked at him and shook his head slowly. “Nothing, don’t worry.”
A silence fell over the group as they all, except Shane, sat in Mark’s room talking about the new revelation.
“What…what was Shane like?” Shakira asked.
Bryan ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “Like I’ve never seen him.
There’s no doubt he would’ve carried on if I hadn’t dragged him away.” He replied.
Ashley leaned forward and hid her face in her hands. “Well that’s ruined his birthday completely.” She mumbled.
Mark started gently massaging her shoulders and nodded. “Yeah but honey, I think his birthday is probably the last thing on his mind.” He replied.
“Well it is now.” she replied harshly.
“What is with you these days Ash? Why do you insist on taking everything out on me?” he asked.
She stood up to face him with thunder in her eyes. “Why do you always insist on me talking to you about it?!” she shouted.
“Because I thought it would help, I wouldn’t have bothered if I knew how much trouble it would cause!” he insisted.
Ashley looked from Mark to the rest of the group, whom were all sitting in awkward silence, and then back to Mark. “I wish you hadn’t bothered.” She replied before storming out of the room.

Ashley stepped outside and went and sat on a bench in front of the hotel. She sighed heavily as she looked up to the sky. She loved Mark; she really did, so she didn’t know why she was constantly moaning at him. She knew it wasn’t his fault, it was nobodies fault – but he was just there, all the time.
“Hey.” Shane whispered softly as he sat beside her.
She looked at him and smiled. “Hey. I didn’t expect to see you out here.” She admitted.
“I’ve been out here a while. Just thinking about everything. Why the sudden urgency to leave?” he asked as he nodded towards the hotel.
She looked at him and rolled her eyes. “I just didn’t want to be in there with that lot – all they’re talking about is what happened tonight, there are nicer things…” she explained.
“And how are things with you and Mark going?”
Ashley ran her fingers through her hair and laughed. “I honestly don’t know.
Things were okay at the start, but now it seems like all we do is argue.” She admitted.
Shane looked at her seriously and sighed. “A relationship is better if you argue, it makes you stronger. A relationship without arguments is doomed from the start.”
She looked at him questioningly. “But you and Adelle never argued did you?” she asked.
He nodded slowly as he looked up at the stars. “We did, everyone does. We didn’t argue often but when we did it was bad. We would stop talking for a day or two, but that’s good, because it makes you realise how much they mean to you. I used to get so down and depressed when I wasn’t getting along with her, so when we did get things sorted it made me more appreciative of her. At least that way you never make the same mistake twice.” He insisted.
“I suppose…but I don’t know, I just don’t think we could have a relationship like…like you did.” She whispered.
“Does he make you happy?” he asked.
She nodded slowly but didn’t say anything.
“Well then, you can have a relationship like I did. All it takes is the ability to make each other smile when the going gets tough.”
“I think…I have some apologising to do.” She confessed.
Shane laughed quietly and nodded. “Good luck.” He whispered.
She kissed his cheek gently and then hurried off back into the hotel to clear the air with Mark.

:::THE FOLLOWING MORNING:::

Everyone sat in an awkward silence as they stared at Louis pacing backwards and forwards angrily. He had called an emergency meeting, but nobody knew why. Out of the blue, he stopped pacing backwards and forwards and stared at them all. It was another few seconds before he said anything. “I had the police on the phone this morning; they said that the person they have charged was found this morning badly beaten.” He explained.
Shane cleared his throat loudly as everyone else remained silent, waiting for him to continue.
“…They have had to postpone the investigation because he is now in hospital, where they imagine he’ll be staying for the next week or so.”
Shane laughed a little, and this caused Louis to get angrier than he already was. “What the hell did you think you were doing?! I told you he wasn’t to find out, what would you have done if he had run off somewhere?” he asked loudly.
“Well he didn’t.” Bryan pointed out.
“But he could have done!”
Shane stood up and shook his head. “If we hadn’t gone round there we would have left it completely, and it isn’t their fault – they just followed me.” He admitted.
“Right, well then the rest of you can leave. I need to have a word with Shane.” He said sternly.
One by one, they all got up and slowly walked out of the room.
When they were alone, Louis walked over to Shane and pointed his finger right in his face. “What do you think the press would say?” he asked coldly.
Shane shrugged innocently. “Well done.” He suggested.
“No Shane, not well done!! How is it well done? You could have killed him, and that would have been your career over – you’re lucky I told the police I know where you all were last night otherwise they would have been round here like a shot.” He insisted.
“Who cares?! Louis not everything I do is for the press, sometimes I have to do it for me, whether it’ll leave a bad impression on me or not! It’s no more than he deserved, and I don’t regret doing it at all.” He shouted.
Louis’s face softened as he took in what Shane was saying. “I don’t blame you for doing what you did, I would have done the same. But my main concern is your safety; the last thing you need is being locked up.” He explained.
Shane nodded in agreement. “Yeah, but I knew what I was doing.”
“No you didn’t Shane. I don’t think you’ve been aware of what you’re doing since the funeral. But you need to sort yourself out and fast. You need to stop mourning and get back to normal, your lack of enthusiasm doesn’t only effect you, it effects everyone.”
“It isn’t like a dog has just died Louis! I’m mourning a person – how can you tell me to get back to normal? I’ll never get back to how I was.” He insisted.
Louis nodded as he looked around the room. “Well either you get back to normal or you start thinking of a new career path. I’m not having the other four carrying you, if you want success, you work for it.”
Shane stared at him in stunned silence. He couldn’t believe his own boss was threatening to sack him – he thought he of all people would give him some time. He watched as Louis picked up his briefcase, put on his jacket and quickly left the room, slamming the door behind him.

CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

“So you have no idea what this is about?” Aisling asked as Bryan concentrated on the road ahead.
“Nope, he just gave me directions and told me to be there at 8pm.” He replied. Aisling nodded and looked out of the rear view mirror – Mark and Ashley were behind them, and Kian and Shakira in the car after that with Nicky.
Shane had spent the day locked up in his room, but had asked them all to meet his somewhere later that night. Nobody knew where it was; they just knew that it was important to Shane.

Bryan threw Aisling a concerned look as the car halted on the top of a cliff edge.
“What are we doing?” She asked.
He looked out of the window and sighed. “This is it. This is where he wants us to meet.” He explained.
Aisling opened the door and stepped out of the car. She slowly made her way over to the two cars that were now parked behind. “Did he tell you what this is about?” she asked as she popped her head through Ashley’s window.
“No.” Ashley and Mark both said in unison.
Light drizzle started falling as they all got out of their cars and stood in silence, waiting for Shane to turn up.
A few minutes later, he appeared. He hurried past them and stopped a few feet away from the edge of the cliff. “Sorry I’m late, I had something to do.” He explained.
“Yeah okay, just step a bit further away from the edge yeah?” Bryan replied.
Shane nodded and stepped forward. “So anyway, I wanted you to all meet me here tonight because I figured we wouldn’t get interrupted, and we need to end all this tension between us at the moment.”
“And how do we do that?” Nicky asked.
Shane sighed as he looked at his friends, whom were all standing in a row staring at him. “I’m the problem. I’m the reason for it all.” He whispered.
It took a minute for everyone to realise what he was saying, but Ashley understood straight away. “Shane step away from the edge.” She ordered.
“It’s the best thing for everyone.” He replied.
“Shane!” Bryan shouted. “Come away from the edge!” he ordered.
Shane looked to the floor and shook his head slowly. “You’ve all been such good friends, I don’t know what I would have done without you. But reality is, nothing can help me. There is no way I’ll get over this.” He insisted.
Aisling stepped forward and held out her hand to him. “We’ll find a way. Come on Shane, please.” She begged.
“I never meant to upset any of you, but I just couldn’t make things right again.” He cried.
“We don’t blame you.” Nicky whispered.
“But you should! I knew this was the only way it could end, I should have done it long ago, instead I just dragged it out.”
“But…” Ashley started before Shane started talking again.
“I’m not sad, I’m not scared. So I don’t want you to be either. Especially you Mark; you need to look after Ashley.” He whispered.
Mark shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. “Why? How will this help things?” he asked.
Shane smiled as a tear left his eye. “Because I’ll be with her again.” He replied.
“And what if you’re not? What if you don’t meet up with her again?” Bryan asked, sounding almost angry.
“I wont be able to feel anything – I wont be happy, but I wont be as sad as I am now.” he insisted.
Nicky shook his head as he walked away, and then turned back and walked right up to Shane. “Shane you’re depressed, when you get better you’ll be fine. You’ll regret doing this.” He promised.
Shane shook his head and laughed. “I won’t get better Nicky, that’s what none of you understand!” he shouted.
Out of the blue, Nicky grabbed Shane and pulled him away. Shane struggled to get away from his grip, but he gave up when Bryan grabbed him as well.
“Give us a minute.” Bryan ordered as he dragged Shane away and pushed him up against the side of the car, with his hands firmly holding his shirt collar.
“What the feck are you doing?! Are you crazy?” he shouted.
“No but I will be if I have to go through this for another day!” Shane shouted back.
“I’m not letting you go. Not like this.” He said sternly as his eyes filled with tears.
Shane closed his eyes and then opened them slowly, staring into Bryan’s. “You can’t watch me all the time. If you don’t let me go I’ll do it another way.” He promised.
“You’re my best friend.” Bryan choked.
“So do the only thing I ask of you.” Shane whispered.
Bryan looked away and laughed nervously. It was a no win situation; either way he was going to lose his best friend, but they could either part as friends or enemies. “I never knew you felt so down.” He admitted.
“I feel worse than you could ever imagine.” Shane replied quietly.
“We can’t lose you Shane. Not because of this.” He insisted.
Shane nodded as he put his hand up to Bryan’s and pulled it away from his neck. “You lost me long ago.”
Bryan stood staring at him in silence, and then wrapped his arms round him tightly. “You’re my best friend.” He said for the second time.
“Bryan you’re the one person that made me hesitate doing this; you’re the best friend anyone could ask for. But at the end of the day, I know it’s better for all of us if I go now.” he explained.
Bryan pulled away and nodded slowly. “I’ve never been one to stop you doing what you want.” He whispered matter-of-factly.
Shane threw him a grateful smile and walked past him, back to the others. Bryan couldn’t watch him go, he hid his head in his hands and cried, cried in a way he had never done before.

Shane felt awful as he stood talking to the others; he kept looking past them and over to Bryan. But he had to keep remembering that this was the best thing for everyone. Even if it didn’t seem so now.

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

“It’s all I want.” Shane insisted as he continued to try and convince his friends it was the right thing.
“What about us Shane? What about me?!” Ashley shouted.
He looked at her sadly and shook his head. “The last thing I want to do is upset you Ash, but I need to do this. I need to be with her.” He whispered.
“Shane…can’t we just talk about this back at the hotel?” Kian asked calmly.
Shane shook his head adamantly. “There’s no going back. I don’t want you to be sad, honestly I don’t. Be happy that I’m finally going to be happy.” He suggested.
“It’s easier said than done.” Aisling replied.
Shane nodded. “I know, I of all people know.” he whispered.
“Is that what you want Shane? Do you want us all to kill ourselves grieving over you?” Ashley cried.
“No, and I know you won’t. You’re stronger than I am.” He insisted.
“How can you be sure? We all thought you were strong but if you were you wouldn’t be doing this!” Nicky shouted.
“I thought I was strong too. But I’m not, I’m weak…too weak to go through life feeling like I do. You have people to help you, when she went I was alone, I couldn’t talk to anyone, nobody could help me.” He mumbled as a tear left his eye.
“You didn’t let us help you!” Aisling cried.
“Because I knew it would have been a waste of time! If I couldn’t help me, what chance did you have? But I wont be needing help anymore; she’s calling me. She’s waiting for me.” He said softly as he looked up to the sky.
“Shane why are you being so weird? What’s happened to you?” Mark asked.
“Love happened to me. And death happened to me.” He whispered.
Shane smiled as Bryan slowly made his way over and stood among his friends. It was time to say his final goodbyes. He started at one end of the line and worked his way along. “Ashley, I’m so so sorry you have to go through this. I got you involved when it wasn’t necessary, maybe if you hadn’t come down to London it wouldn’t be so hard. But I love you, and you’ve found a good man in Mark, he’ll look after you. I don’t want you to be upset, and I don’t want you to take it out on Mark, it’s not his fault. You’re a great gal, and if I’ve ever said anything in the past that has upset you then I’m sorry. You’ve really helped me these last few weeks, and I appreciate it so much, but this is the only thing left that I can do.” He then turned to Mark and threw him a weak smile. “You know you’re one of my greatest mates – it’s inevitable, but I’m glad I had the chance to meet you, I feel honoured. You always used to help me get the gal I wanted back in school, and I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you – I wouldn’t have been able to do a lot of stuff if it wasn’t for you. Shakira…I never really got to know you that well, but you seem like a brilliant person, and you make Kian happy, so you’re obviously very special. He needs someone like you around, someone that’s willing to stand by him. Towards the end you were a proper part of our group, and I’ll miss you as much as I miss everyone else. Kian…I’ve known you longer than any of the rest, and I love the friendship we found. I’ve shared some of my best times with you, and of all my old school friends, I couldn’t think of anyone I would rather spend every day of my life with than you. Thank you for taking the time to get to know me.” He sighed as he tried to hold back the tears, he had to remain strong – he couldn’t show them how scared he really was. “Nicky, what can I say? You’re one of the maddest people I know, you’ve always been able to make me laugh. Whatever gal you end up with, whether it be Stef or someone new, I hope they deserve you. There are not many that would pass the test. You’ve made some of the hardest times in my life easier, and it’s partly because of you that I’ve lasted as long as I have. Thank you. Aisling…you were Adelle’s best friend, and I can understand why. She loved you and so do I. I owe you a lot, not only do you keep one of my best friends happy, but you kept my gal happy too. If it wasn’t for you I don’t think my relationship with Adelle would have been as blissful as it was, and I can’t thank you enough for that – it’s the best gift anyone could have ever given me. You always used to be so happy, and I hope you can get back to your normal self soon. You’ve given me a lot of advice over the years, and I wish there was some way I could pay you back…” he insisted as she interrupted him.
“Then stay here with us.” She pleaded.
Shane laughed a little and carried on. “…I wish there was some way I could pay you back, but I can’t. If I stay here I’ll be down and I wouldn’t be much use to anyone. So I just have to hope that you knowing I love you is enough…for now. I’m gonna miss you.”
Shane broke down as he looked at Bryan. He hated seeing him, his best friend, looking so frail and defeated. “I’m so sorry Bryan, but I have to.” he cried. Bryan nodded and closed his eyes.
Shane sighed and wiped his eyes quickly. “I said everything to you earlier, and I meant it Bry, every word of it. You made the world seem less scary, and if it wasn’t for you I don’t think I would have had the courage to tell Adelle how I felt about her the first time. You deserve the world, and if there was one person I could protect from pain and heartache it would be you. You deserve to be happy, and I hope you are. I love you.” He whispered.
There was a few seconds silence until Shane broke it again. Nobody else knew what to say, they hadn’t believed he would do it, maybe it had just been a cry for help. But it was real; it had gone too far to be a joke.
Shane ran his fingers through his hair as he took a step back; one step further from his friends, and one step closer to the edge.
“You guys are the best friends anyone could ever ask for. And I know that in the end you will all see that what I’m doing is for the best. I wouldn’t be happy in life, not without her. Please don’t hate me.” He pleaded.
“I love you.” Ashley cried.
“Tell Louis I’m sorry.” Shane choked as the tears began to fall harder.
“Shane…” Ashley started as she stepped towards him.
Her eyes widened as she watched him, it seemed to happen in slow motion. She screamed out in horror as Shane stepped back again. “I love you all.” He whispered, before stepping back again, and falling to his death.