BACK		More And More Each Day

By Heidi

Heidi walked in silence. She was in a miserable mood. Had been ever since she woke up that morning. “Why did it happen, Kian?” she said to herself, earning a weird look from some kids that ran by her. She didn’t care. She wouldn’t have cared if the Queen had strolled by in her underwear. Nothing mattered to her anymore. Nothing. Kian had been her best friend, her soul mate, her everything. He was the best boyfriend a girl could ever wish for. Sweet, gentle, caring…And now they were apart. She kept blaming herself for what had happened, though her friends told her not to. She still couldn’t quite believe what had happened. They had been so good together, so right for each other. “Where did we go wrong, Ki?” she whispered. “Where did I go wrong?”

“I love you, Heidi…” Kian’s sky blue eyes locked with her blue greenish ones. “Every day that passes by I feel it stronger and stronger. You’re the reason why I get up in the morning, the reason why I live. Will you do that for me for the rest of my life? Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”
Heidi would never forget those words. He had said them exactly a year ago today. They would have been married now, if things had gone as they planned. They would have been husband and wife. She would have been Mrs. Heidi Egan, instead of Miss Heidi Richmond. Heidi Egan…The sound of the name was music to her ears. She loved to say them, loved the way the words tickled her tongue. She could say them over and over again and never get tired of the sweet sound of it. Though the words brought a thorn to her heart every time she said it, because she wasn’t Heidi Egan and she never would be. She was just plain, old Heidi Richmond, like she’d always been. No, that wasn’t right. She wasn’t her old self any longer. It was like a piece of her heart had gone with Kian. Nothing could ever be like it had been anymore. Kian had always been there for her, laughed with her through the good days and cried with her through the bad. It was so strange to think about that he’d never again be there to wipe away her tears, never again smile his wonderful, boyish smile or laugh his adorable laughter. Never again would she feel his lips against her, never again feel the security of his embrace. Never again.

She shook her head sadly. No use in thinking too much about what had been and would never be again. She had to move on. “It hurts so bad,” she whispered to herself. Letting go is never easy. Neither is moving on. A warm soft trickle of something wet ran down her cheek. A tear. She reached up a hand to wipe it away, but stopped with the hand halfway to her face. Her surroundings suddenly sank in. She had reached her destination. She lowered the hand again. The tear felt right now. Swallowing a lump in her throat, she let herself sink down to her knees. The grass tickled her shorts-clad legs. A warm breeze ruffled her hair gently. She swallowed again. The lump just wouldn’t go away. Another tear followed the first one. Her lip quivered. “Kian…” Her voice quivered like a frightened child’s. “I can’t live without you.” A wave of fresh tears joined those already on her cheeks. The silence lay like a blanket all around her, reminding her of how alone she felt. “Why?” she sobbed quietly to the gravestone in front of her. She let her hand run over the words on it. Kian John Francis Egan. Her best friend, her soul mate, the love of her life. “Why, Kian?” she whispered again. “Why did you leave me here alone?” She let the single red rose she had carried fall to the ground in front of the gravestone. “I miss you Kian,” she said quietly, standing up to leave. “More and more each day…”