Needing You By Anna Hadland

Anna was sat on the stone wall surrounding the park with her back facing away from the road. A single tear rolled down her cheek. The last few weeks were hard. What was she going to tell her boyfriend? That single tear turned into a million. It was 7pm and there was nobody around. It was just as well because she couldn’t face anyone right now, let alone Nicky. All she could do was come to terms with it. She had to tell him. But when? She didn’t know.

Nicky was in a band and they had come home for four weeks to spend Christmas with their families. Anna tried to hide her misery that first night he was home. Nicky sensed something was wrong.
“I’m fine. Really I am.”
“No your not and you know it. What’s wrong?” he asked.
Anna started to cry and Nicky put his arm around her. “It’s alright. Tell me then we can sort it out. I don’t want you going through whatever it is alone.”
“I’m pregnant Nick”
“That’s not too bad” said Nicky trying to comfort her.
“Its good timing isn’t it? Just when Westlife are getting started. You have no idea how hard it has been the last few weeks. I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to react badly” she told him.
“What? No I’m starting to really love the idea. Just think. A little me and you.”
“Your not mad?” “Of course not. It’s brilliant.” Anna started to cry. Not from happiness but sadness. She was keeping an even bigger secret from him.
“Don’t worry about it” said Nicky. “Everything will be fine”. If only he knew the truth.

A few months later Anna was with her friends at her house when she collapsed on the floor. “Anna? Wake up!” “I’ll call an ambulance” “I’ll call Nicky” Everyone was panicking.
At the hospital Nicky came bursting through the doors. “Where is she?” “Could I have the name of the person you are looking for?” said the nurse. “Anna…Anna Jones. What’s wrong with her?” “Are you family?” “I’m her boyfriend. Can’t you just tell me what’s wrong with her?” “I’m sorry a doctor has to tell you that. I’ll go get him. She’s in room 206.” “Thanks” he said running off. After a minute he found Anna. She was lying on the bed with her eyes closed. Her breathing was calm and slow and her skin looked so pale. “Ann?”
She opened her eyes. “Nicky?”
He walked over to her and hugged her.
“I was so worried about you.”
“Nicky I have to tell you something important” at that minute the doctor walked in.
“How are you feeling Miss Jones?”
“Alright I guess.”
“Is the baby alright?” asked Nicky.
“Nicky I…” started Anna.
“That’s something I’d like to talk to you about”. Nicky starts to look worried. “What’s wrong?”
“Are you the baby’s father?”
“Yes I am.” “Well we’ve done a scan on Anna and the results have just come back. It shows the baby only has one lung. From Anna’s notes it seems as if this was picked up a few months ago.” Nicky looked at Anna with tears in his eyes.
“Nicky I’m so sorry. I was just going to tell you. I really wanted to tell you. I couldn’t find the right time.”
Nicky just stood up and walked out which sent Anna into tears. Shane, who was waiting outside the room with his girlfriend and Anna’s best friend Susan, ran after him.

Shane found Nicky in the park next to the hospital. “Are you alright?”
“No. I feel so guilty for running out on her like that.”
“It’s not too late to go back you know.” Shane pulls him up from off the grass and drags him back to the hospital.

The doctor is back in the room.
“The scan shows the baby has a heart murmur. That will need correcting when it’s born but the surgery carries a lot of risks. Your baby may not make it through the operation.” Nicky and Anna both started crying and hugged each other.

A few days later Anna went home. Nicky made a fuss of her. Anna didn’t want him to but he kept insisting. After a couple of days of being home Anna had a sharp pain shoot across her back. “OWW!!”
“What’s wrong?” said Nicky jumping out of his chair.
“I’m having the baby!”
“What? Now?”
“Yes!”
“But it’s not due until next week!”
“Duh Nicky!”

Six hours later Anna delivered a baby girl. She was tiny and had a soft pink face. You wouldn’t have guessed that at that time she was really ill. “Oww!!” “What’s wrong now?” asked Nicky.
“I don’t know but it really hurts!” said Anna.
The nurse felt her stomach then called the doctor over to have a look while their daughter was taken away. The doctor looked a bit worried. “What’s wrong?” “Is that all the vocabulary you have?” asked Anna. The doctor ordered a scan. “We’re not sure yet but your discomfort may be another baby” “WHAT?!” shouted Nicky and Anna together. Anna had the scan which confirmed the doctor’s suspicions. He ordered another incubator from the special care unit. “I’m afraid we will have to run some checks on this one to see if it has the same problems as your first.” Said the doctor.
Anna had another girl. Nicky kissed her. “I love you” “I love you too.”

The next day they both went up to see their daughters. The doctor came over to them and took them into his office. “I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that your second daughter is fine and healthy. You can take her home in a couple of days. The bad news is that we have to give your first daughter a heart and lung transplant.”
“But that can take months” said Nicky.
“I know” replied the doctor. “The only thing we can do is hope for a donor. With a child this small it’s very rare that another parent will donate their child’s organs.”
“So all we can do is sit and wait?” asked Anna.
“I’m afraid so” replied the doctor.

Nicky and Anna would sit by their daughter’s bedside everyday. After a couple of days Jordan Kayley came home. They named their first daughter Emily Claire. Anna didn’t go into hospital everyday because she didn’t want to take Jordan so she and Nicky took it in turns.

After six months Emily had started to move about more and kept pulling all her drips out. She was still in hospital. Nicky decided to quit the band.
“I have more important things to worry about now” he told Louis and the others at a press conference. “My daughter is really ill and at the moment she isn’t getting any better. I have to be there for her and my family.”
Afterwards he said all his goodbyes and good lucks to everyone. They all promised to keep in touch. Then he left for the hospital where Anna was waiting with some good news. “There’s a donor Nicky” she said with a smile on her face. “The right size and match and everything.” Nicky picked her up and kissed her. “She may get through this after all. Where’s Jordan?” “She’s with your mum. They’ve gone to the zoo. I didn’t think it was fair that she was stuck at home all the time.”
The doctor came to see them. “The organs from the other baby will be taken out in an hour. They are being kept alive by ventilator in a hospital across the country. We will have to take Emily into theatre in a couple of hours. There is only a 40% survival rate in a child this small. Mainly because it’s difficult to get the drugs into them when they go home after. Let’s just hope Emily is one of those 40%.” He explained how the operation would be carried out then left.
“Maybe you should go home for a couple of hours for some sleep” said Nicky.
“No. I want to be here.”
“You look so shattered” he said as he pulled her into him and cuddled her.

A few hours later Emily was taken to the anaesthetic room. “See you soon sweetheart” whispered Nicky into her ear. Anna waited outside while Nicky went with Emily. He came out and couldn’t find Anna anywhere. He went outside to the park next door where it all started. She was sat on the wall with her back facing away from the road. “Anna? Are you ok?”
Anna turned to him. It was obvious she had been crying. Her eyes were all red and puffy. Nicky sat on he wall with her and put his arm around her. “She’ll be ok.”
An hour later they went back inside to wait. It was another five hours before the doctor came out to see them.
“Everything went fine. There were no complications during the surgery. She’s just being stitched up. You will be able to see her when she goes back to the special care unit.”
“Thank you so much” said Nicky.
10 minutes later they were up in the unit. Emily’s small body was just lying there with a million tubes coming out of her body. Her face was so pale compared to the soft pink glow she was born with. She looked so peaceful.

A few days later she was moved to the intensive care baby unit. Nicky was there overnight so Anna brought Jordan to the hospital.
“I could almost swear she’s never seen both her parents together” said Anna. “It would be nice if we could all be together at home” said Nicky.
“In the last six months I’ve never noticed how these two look so much alike.” Said Anna.

A few days later, on August 15th, Emily came off the ventilator yet she never woke up. Nicky held her while Anna was holding Jordan. The doctor came in and said they should have a photo taken together so Nicky got his camera out and the doctor took the picture. That night Anna stayed at the hospital. She was just about to go and get a cup of tea when Emily’s alarm for her heart monitor went off. Nurses and doctors fled in and one nurse took Anna into another room.
“What’s going on?” She would constantly ask but nobody answered her question. She phoned Nicky.
“Hello?” came a sleepy voice on the other end.
“Nicky there’s something wrong. An alarm went off and they won’t tell me what’s going on.”
“I’ll be there in a minute. I’ll just phone my mum to come and look after Jordan.”
Anna put the phone down and went to see what was going on. She looked through the glass window and saw doctors putting tube after tube back into her.

Half an hour later Nicky arrived. Anna still wasn’t getting any answers so he tried to find out for himself. Nicky barged into the room just as the doctor was saying: “Time of death…11:45pm.”
“NO!” Nicky shouted.
“I’m sorry Mr Byrne” said the doctor. “She’s gone.”
Anna had followed Nicky into the room and had heard everything. She broke down into tears. “Miss Jones I need you to sign a few papers when you’re ready” said the doctor. All Anna could do was shake her head.

The next morning they both went home feeling numb. Anna went straight to bed. Nicky phoned both their parents and arranged for Jordan to stay with his for a couple of days.
The day of the funeral came. The sun was shining bright and it was a warm day. Emily had a little white coffin covered in flowers. There were millions of flowers from friends and families. The vicar said a short sermon then they went outside. Anna and Nicky had decided to bury Emily under an old willow tree on a hill, which overlooked the lake down the road. Afterwards they all went back to Nicky and Anna’s place.
“Are you alright?” Nicky asked Anna.
“Yeah you?”
“Just about” he said with tears in his eyes.
“Da lo!” mumbled Jordan before she started to cry. Nicky picked her up and took her outside. Anna’s friends Claire and Jemma came over to see her. They all walked outside together and sat in the shade of a tree at the bottom of the garden. They talked for over two hours. Eventually everyone started to go home until all that was left was Anna, Nicky, Jordan and their parents.
“Why don’t you go to bed honey? You look so shattered” said Nicky hugging her. Anna started to cry which set Nicky off. “You will get through this” said Nicky’s mum.

A few weeks later Nicky came home from shopping. “I have something for you” he told Anna as she came into the kitchen. “I love you and Jordan more than anything in the whole world. I really want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He pulled a little box out of his pocket and opened it as he got down on one knee. “Anna…will you marry me?”
“Of course I will.” Nicky got up and put the ring on her finger then kissed her. “I love you too.”

The day before the wedding was Jordan’s first birthday. Anna and Nicky spoiled her rotten. They took her to the zoo and then had a party. “I just wish Emily was here too” said Nicky that night. Anna went to bed while Nicky stayed downstairs to watch some TV. Just after Anna had left the room tears started rolling down his cheeks.
On the day of the wedding Jordan was wearing a little lilac dress with little lilac ribbons in her hair. Jemma took her down to the altar then Anna came in. Nicky drew in a deep breath. They said their vows and went outside for their pictures. They smiled for the cameras but behind those smiles were tears of sadness that they never showed. As the night ended and everyone began to leave Nicky and Anna went into their back garden and stared at the moon. The night was warm. There were millions of stars in the sky but one shined brighter than the rest. “That’s our little girl” whispered Nicky and Anna agreed.

On August 15th, a year after Emily’s death, Anna woke up to find that Nicky had gone. She went to see Jordan who was quite happily playing in her cot. Anna sat and stared at her thinking that there should have been another little girl next to her. She wiped away her tears and picked Jordan up. “Shall we go and get you some breakfast?”
“Bekfas!” came the reply.
At lunchtime Nicky still hadn’t returned home. Anna had a feeling she knew where he was. She put Jordan’s coat on and put her in her pushchair. She stepped outside to see a warm summer day. The flowers were still out and there wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. Anna dropped Jordan off at her mum’s house as she was going to look after her for the day then she made her way to the cemetery. She was right. There was Nicky sat in front of the gravestone just looking at it. He reached out and touched her name with the tips of his fingers. Anna saw a single tear roll down his cheeks and drop onto the grass in front of him. She walked over and sat down next to him. They put their arms around each other and stayed like that until the sun went down.

An onlooker watching this scene would feel heartbreak and sorrow for what lies ahead will be painful and hard but in time they will get through it. And if you ever go into their house look above the fire place and you will see that single picture of Nicky, Anna, Jordan and Emily in a beautiful silver frame.