BACK		When The Angels Fall

Dedicated to Meaghan Prot ? a leukemia survivor. I would also like to dedicate this to her mother, Erin Prot, a breast cancer survivor for they are both amazing examples of what ?survivor? is all about!

?This is a beautiful place.? I said as I inhaled the warm sweet air around me as Nicky held my hand. We walked further down a country trail in Dublin, where we were staying for two nights on vacation.
Nicky smiled as I complimented the place. ?Not as beautiful as you Meaghan.?
The night sky was filled with stars. It was a rare sight because the city lights often outshone them. The glare of the moon bounced off Nicky?s golden blonde hair. Ever since he came home on vacation, it seemed to me as if he had lost a lot of weight and the colour of his skin turned pale. I figured it was the work that had made him exhausted. Despite the way he looked, his sweet smile still remained the same along with the colour of his light blue eyes.
Nicky took me to a spot under a gorgeous willow tree overlooking the valleys of rural Dublin. As we stood under the soft branches of the tree, he placed his hands on my hips.
?There?s something you should know?.? Nicky started to say. ?But promise me that you won?t leave me?? He quietly spoke, not taking his eyes off me.
I saw that he was being serious. I wasn?t sure what to expect, whether it was a good thing or a bad thing.
?I?ll never leave you. What could possibly make me want to leave you?? I touched Nicky?s wrists that held my hips. ?I love you.?
Nicky?s blue eyes started to water. ?This is one of the hardest things I?ll ever have to do. Oh God?? He whispered quietly.
?What is it?? I asked him with a sense of panic in my voice. He kept his hands on my hips, only this time, he held on tighter. ?I?.. I have cancer. Thyroid cancer.?
At that moment, I felt as if my whole world had collapsed right before my eyes.
?He can?t have cancer.? I thought as Nicky sucked his lips in, waiting for me to say something back.

So high above the world tonight
The angels watch us sleeping
And underneath a bridge of stars
We dream in safety?s keeping
But perhaps the dream
Is dreaming us
Soaring with the seagulls
Perhaps the dream
Is dreaming us
Astride on the back of eagles

?Cancer?? I spat out. I was shocked. Nicky had always been healthy and in shape. How could he possibly have cancer?
Nicky nodded his head in despair and his lips trembled. I could see he was so frightened by the thought of cancer.
?You?re going to be okay though?? I leaned in closer, hoping that he would battle this.
Nicky didn?t reply but hugged me so tight and he cried on my shoulder. ?There?s no cure. I?m gonna die.? He sobbed as we held each other underneath the beautiful willow tree.
I started to cry too. I couldn?t do anything but cry along with him. It wasn?t fair. Why should someone as wonderful as Nicky deserve to die?

When the angels fall
Shadows on the wall
In the thunder?s call
Something haunts us all
When the angels fall??
When the angels fall??

?I?m only 24! It?s just not fair!? Nicky wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.
I looked up at him. His eyes were all red. They were so red with the whiteness of his skin contrasting with it. They were full of sorrow and yet this unexplained anger.
?Nicky?. I?ll still be there for you. I?ll always love you, regardless of what happens.? I touched Nicky?s pale cheek. I tried to make myself strong so he could be strong himself too. I just couldn?t be that person. At the same time, I felt so afraid for us. He was my first and only true love.
?I don?t wanna die alone. Only you and my family know.? He spoke softly. I bit my lips. ?You have to tell your friends. It?s not fair for them to not know Nicky.?
Nicky sighed. ?I just don?t want people to feel sorry for me.?
?Oh?. God no?. We love you.? I kissed Nicky.
Nicky took me in his arms and wrapped me tightly. ?I love you. You. I want to marry you. I want to have a life with you and grow old with you.? He whispered and kissed my forehead with such grace.
?It?s not fair either. We can make this. We have to.? I whispered back and let him embrace me.

***** One month later *****

Nicky?s condition deteriorated and he was limited to his own house. Not long ago, he told everyone about his sickness and people had been supporting him 110% since then. Even his bandmates held off the tour so Nicky could possibly get well. His body grew so frail due to the chemotherapy. At first, Nicky refused the treatment knowing the cancer was terminal and nothing would work. But his mother?s pleas eventually worked, hoping that a miracle would occur.
One afternoon, Nicky grew tired of sitting in the house so we decided to go for a walk around the block in his wheelchair.
?Let?s go to that abandoned park over there.? Nicky pointed to a children?s playground, which was now only occupied by squirrels and birds.
I watched as Nicky struggled to get out of his wheelchair onto the carved stone bench. The sight of that made me break down. He was so helpless and there was nothing I could do about it so I started to cry.
?Shh?. Don?t cry,? Nicky took me by the hand and comforted me. ?It?s only the medicine that?s making me tired.?
I covered my mouth. ?I just don?t want you to die.? I sobbed as Nicky hugged me. Tears from my eyes fell on the terry cloth robe he was wearing.
?I won?t die?? Nicky lifted up my chin. His glistening blue eyes still remained the same colour. ?For the time being. It?s not my time now.?
All of sudden, I felt Nicky let go of me and he struggled to get down on one knee in front of me. I gasped as I realized what he was doing.
?I said I wanted to marry you,? Nicky took out a black velvet box and revealed a beautiful diamond engagement ring. ?Would you make me the happiest man in the world by agreeing to be my wife?? Nicky proposed emotionally.
My eyes watered up again. I got down on my knees in front of him and hugged him.
?Yes.? I only needed to say it once. ?I?ll be your wife.?
Nicky slipped the ring on my finger and kissed me. ?I love you so much.?

Take your father?s cross
Gently from the wall
A shadow still remaining
See the churches fall
In mighty arcs of sound
And all that they?re containing
Yet all the rugged souls
Looking for their lost homes
Shuffled to the ruins
From the leveled plains
To search among the tombstones

***** One month later ? August *****

Our wedding was gorgeous. It was set in a church right on the cliffs of Eastern Ireland ? facing the sea. Nicky who was still sick, insisted on standing instead of sitting in his wheelchair. Shane, who was his best man, stood right by him with a huge smile on his face.
As I made my way down the aisle of the secluded church, I saw Nicky about to cry at the sight of me wearing my mother?s wedding dress. He took off his required oxygen mask ? for the high altitude of the church, and handed it to Shane.
?I love you.? He mouthed to me as we faced each other.
I smiled back and mouthed the same words as the priest spoke to the wedding party.
?Your vows please?? The priest asked Nicky with a gentle smile on his face.
Nicky kept his blue eyes on me. I could tell his mother was already soaking her hankerchief. ?I would like to quote a passage from the Bible first.?
Nicky took my hands and smiled again. ?Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil. But rejoices with the truth. It always protects?. Always trusts?. Always hopes?. Always preserves.?
My eyes filled up with water as Nicky spoke so softly.
?Meaghan, you?re the light in my life. All of the things I have gone through, you were right there by my side for every second of it. Without you, I don?t know who I would have been for you make me a better man and you make me the happiest man on the earth.? Nicky?s eyes were also filling up with water too.
I squeezed Nicky?s hands and smiled. ?Nicky?. When I first saw you, I knew you were the man I was going to marry. Without a doubt. I would like to recite a saying so you can know how much I love you and how much I would give up the world for you. ?Love knows no reasons. Love knows no lies. Love defies all reasons. Love has no eyes. But love is not blind. Love sees but doesn?t mind.? My lips trembled as I said my vows.
The priest closed his book and turned to Nicky. ?Do you, Nicholas Byrne, take Meaghan Prot, to be your lawfully wedded wife??
?I do.? Nicky happily said and grinned at me.
?Do you, Meaghan Prot, take Nicholas Byrne, to be your lawfully wedded husband?? The priest asked me.
?I do.? I smiled and Nicky squeezed my hands even more.
?You may kiss the bride.? The priest chuckled and Nicky kissed me passionately, not letting go of my hands.
I couldn?t believe that we were finally married. Maybe a little bit sooner than I expected but it was all I ever wanted ? to be with the man I loved.

***** Two months later ? October *****

Nicky?s condition worsened even more that he gave up the chemotherapy since it was doing him in. In the two months we had been married so far, our life was happy but there were emotional times as if the world stopped spinning. Nicky and I moved into a new condo near his family?s house. Despite his weak body and disappearing strength, I always viewed him as a strong person with a huge heart.
It didn?t matter to me how much time I had left with Nicky. Sometimes I worried that I wouldn?t get a chance to say ?I love you? so I said it every day.
One morning, when Nicky tried to get out of bed, he collapsed and fell off onto the hard ground.
?Oh my God!? I cried and rushed to his side to help him.
Nicky panted as he sat against the bed in pain. ?Ugh.? He groaned and tore off the tubes attached his body.
?What are you doing?? I gasped as he looked up at me with the tubes in his hands.
He groaned again. ?I just want to live my last days in peace. With you and my family,? He tossed the plastic tubes away. ?Not with these. It?s not helping me a single bit.?
I got down on my knees and kissed him. ?Oh baby.? He was right. Nothing was working. Our miracle wasn?t going to happen.
?You?re the strength in my life. You make each day so much easier for me.?
Nicky kissed me passionately on my lips and hugged me tightly.

When the angels fall
Shadows on the wall
In the thunder?s call
Something haunts us all
When the angels fall??
When the angels fall??
When the angels fall??

After hugging each other for what seemed to be hours, Nicky groaned again.
?I don?t feel so good.? He rubbed his forehead.
?I know baby. I know.? I helped him back into bed and laid down next to him, still holding on to his precious body.

***** Two days later *****

?Meaghan?? Nicky?s voice was so distant and weary.
I turned over from my side of our bed to face him. ?What baby??
His beautiful blonde hair was already gone and his light blue eyes turned into a glassy grey colour.
?Tell Mum I love her. Everyone too.? Nicky croaked and squeezed my hand. It was so light since he barely had any power in him. I could see Nicky wincing in pain. That caused me to shoot straight up in bed.
?Oh my God. Nicky?.? I shook his shoulders hoping he was still awake. Lately he had been slipping in and out of conscious.
His dark lashes fluttered. I saw him kiss my hand slowly. ?I love you?. I will always love you?.? He whispered and started to close his eyes.
?No!? I cried and wrapped my arms around him. ?Don?t go!? His body felt so frail and I prayed that God would just give us one little miracle.

These are my feet
These are my hands
These are my children
And this is my demand
Bring down the angels
Cast them from my sight
I never want to see
A million suns at midnight

I reached down and kissed him on his lips. The moment my lips touched Nicky?s, I knew he had just given his last breath.

My hands are empty
The streets are empty
You can?t control us
You can?t control us anymore??

I cried so hard as I rocked Nicky?s lifeless body in my arms. His body was so weak that it was like I was holding a toddler in my arms. He was only 24 but the months we spent together could make them seem a lifetime.
I looked down at my rings that Nicky had given me and remembered the vows he spoke. I knew, in these short months, I would still love him a lifetime and beyond.

When the angels fall??
When the angels fall??
When the angels fall??

~ Lyrics ~ When The Angels Fall ~ Sting