BACK		You're My Angel

By Stephanie

Prologue
“Okay guys, let’s get this over and done with and then we’ll head off to that new club around the corner?”
“Yea, sure, whatever”
Moaned Kian, whose girlfriend had recently broken up wit him.
“Okay, and off we go…..Nicky, what does it feel like being married to Georgina, after being together for so long?”
Stephanie asked. Yes, Stephanie, the interviewer for OK! Magazine. She was also Shane’s best friend; he had a lot of contacts and helped her get the job she desperately wanted. She was young, just turned 19, no superstar. Had shoulder length blond hair, a curvy figure and sparkling blue eyes. She had known Shane since she was 15; she met him at a disco, swapped numbers – and boom! A friendship was developed in seconds. Although nothing more, she had dated Kian and Bryan before but knew they were her best friends and that she should end it. She loved the guys, they were a lot of fun!
“And finally…. Shane, what about Emma?”
“What about her? We’ve been together a few months…She’s a lovely girl and I hope the fans will except her”
Chapter One
“STEPH!!!!!”
Shane shouted as loud as he could. He heard Stephanie’s feet thumping, while she ran up the stairs.
“Yea?”
I asked and popped my head in, and the first sight I seen wasn’t at all disappointing. Shane, with juest a towel wrapped around his waist.
“You’re the expert, what top to wear with these black pants?”
“Shane, why wear anything, I think you look just fine the way you are!”
I said teasingly while rummaging through his wardrobe.
“Steph?”
He asked silently. When I heard the tone in his voice, I knew something was up.
“OH OH – I don’t like the sound of that, what’s wrong?”
“How do you know if you’re in love?”
I laughed out loud, not knowing he was serious.
“I’m sorry Shane, Why ask me? If anyone is UNLUCKY in love, it’s me!!”
He giggled and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist, feeling his warm breath on my neck sent shivers down my spine. Yes, okay, I admit it, I have a crush on Shane Filan. I had a crush on him when I was 15….and I have a crush on him now. But nothing serious, I don’t think it’s love. Don’t get me wrong, of course I love him, like a brother. He’s always there for me…and I’m always there for him. I am really proud of Shane, after all he’s been through, with his Dad passing away early last year…his death caused by a back injury that had accured from his horse riding days. A subject that Shane never spoke about.
“UGH!! Shane, you’re all wet!!”
He giggled and pulled me closer.
“I love you Steph, you know that!”
“Yes Shane I do, and if this top is wet, I’ll KILL you!! Here, I think this will go with those, yea?”
“No way, I always wear that, and besides, this is my 21st birthday party, I want to try something else!”
“Okay, Okay, you pushed me, wait here”
I said, and ran excitedly to my bedroom where Shane’s birthday present was. I quickly pulled out all of my clothes from my dresser, where I had hidden it.
“HA!”
I screamed when I seen the blue rapping paper, I grabbed it and ran back to Shane’s room.
“Okay Shane, here it is, Happy Birthday Hun”
“Awww…Steph, thanks! What is it?”
He asked, shaking it violently with his ear close enough to the side of the box – Hoping to hear what was inside.
“Well if you open you might just find out!”
“Good Idea!”
He laughed and ripped open the present. I watched him closely, watching every move he made.
“STEPH, I love it! This is soooooooooo what I’m gonna wear tonight!”
I laughed at his expression and choice of words. He ran towards me and hugged me. One extra thing that I benefitted from being Shane’s best friend, his hug, the hug that would make you feel like you were the most wonderful person in the world on the worst day of your life. I took in a deep breath, mmmm, I loved his scent, something I could sit down and hold against my nose all day.
“Okay, I gotta go and get ready, I’ll meet you downstairs in about an hour?”
“Yea sure”
He said and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I walked slowly out of his room, with a feeling that nothing could go wrong tonight, well…except for her…EMMA! And the worst thing about her was that she was so damn nice! It was impossible to hate her! I’m glad he liked his present though, the royal blue colour really suited him, plus, I loved it when Shane wore shirts.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Okay, finally ready! I thought as I admired my reflection. Yes, I’m glad I went on that shopping spree with Elaine yesterday. Elaine being my best friend, my soul mate. She was also my cousin but we got on so well. She dated Shane, of course I played cupid the week I got them together, and then a week later they broke up, just before the prom. I laughed as I thought about the fun us 3 used to have. Of course we still have fun but it’s not the same, ever since Shane became famous, Yes, Shane and me share an apartment but he’s hardly ever here, so mostly I’m by myself….alone. I was snapped out of my thoughts when Shane knocked at the door.
“Ready babe?”
“Yep, just about”
I said cheerfully as I opened the door, greeted by that amazing smile. The smile that could light up with darkest room.
“Wow, Steph, you look amazing!”
I smiled as I twirled around, showing off my new tight, black dress with thin straps covering my shoulders, that was complemented by my knee high boots.
“Thanks Shane, now let’s go. It’s not going to be much of a party with out the birthday boy being there!”

Chapter Two
The party was well under way. I looked at my watch, 2AM…I was killed, my feet was killing me from all of the dancing. Never again, I said to myself while cursing my shoes. I rested my head on Bryan’s shoulder, who was sitting next to me.
“You alright Steph?”
“Yea, fine….Just haven’t seen Shane all night.”
Bryan knew everything, he knew how I felt about Shane. I told him everything. He was good at listening and gave me loads of advice. A true friend.
“Spoke to soon Steph, look who’s coming your way!”
I looked up and there he was, with his royal blue shirt half open, smiling like the world was his tonight, and it was. He held out his hand, inviting me to put mine in his. I looked up at Bryan who gave me a wink and then let Shane lead me to the dance floor. One of my favourite songs were on, Unchained Melody. Wow, this song brought back memories, I thought as Shane tied his arms around my waist. I reluctantly placed my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I was tired, wanted to go home. And before you say anything, no, I’m not a party pooper…If anything I’m the opposite. But I had a very bad stomachache, my feet were killing me and my head was spinning 90 miles per hour!
“Okay Hun?”
Shane whispered into my ear. I nodded slowly and lifted my head, my eyes connected with his.
“Remember this song?”
He asked again, I nodded and smiled. This was the song that Shane and myself first danced too…and snogged! I was about to open my mouth to say something when I was tapped my shoulder. I turned around and it was her, Emma! She can’t even let me have my moment with Shane….No…No…it’s okay Steph, it IS her boyfriend, her lover, her partner, not yours!
“Can I cut in Steph?”
I looked at Shane who smiled at me, shrugging his shoulders. And of course I had to be nice to her, with Shane being there, so I agreed with a smile. I went to the booth where Bryan was before, it was empty now, probably with Kerry, I thought as I sat down. Alone….
I stared at Emma and Shane closely who had suddenly stopped dancing, and were making a scene, obviously fighting! Shit! I thought as Shane came my way and grabbed my hand. This was not good.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Shane, you haven’t said anything since we left, what’s wrong?”
He still didn’t answer me. He slammed the front door and threw the keys on the little table that the phone was placed on. He looked at me, as if I were to blame. He bit his lip and shook his head, running up the stairs, slamming his bedroom door. What the heck! I thought as someone knocked at the door.
“Who could it be at this time of the night?”
I mumbled to myself as I made my way to the door. I opened it slowly, scared of who it might be. I know it was the safest place in Dublin, but you never know!
“VIKKI!!!!!”
I screamed as I gave her a hug. She smiled at me and stepped a step back. Looking at my every feature.
“Steph, you’re looking good!”
“Thanks babe, come in!”
Victoria was my ex-boyfriends sister. We got on well, she was the best! At everything! She could make me laugh with the stupidest, dumbest comments in the world. She had a good fashion sense, she was pretty, and a very talented girl! We spent about an hour talking in the living room. She told me that she was here on holiday and asked me if she could stay for a while. Of course I agreed and showed her to the spare room, and warned her about Shane! Oh, and I think I should mention that Vikki, as we all called her, was Kian’s ex – girlfriend. Yes, they were in love…but because of a silly argument, they had split and she moved to Florida, never spoke since!
I walked back to my room after settling Vikki into her new room. I stopped outside Shane’s room, NAH, I thought as I was about to knock on his door. But suddenly I heard the toilet flush and knew instantly that it was him. I panicked, I don’t know why, I just did! So, I ran back to my room like a flash and closed the door silently. I made my way over to my bed when suddenly Shane pooped his head in.
“Hi, can I come in?”
“Sure, what’s up?”
“Steph, I’m sorry about before, it’s just that Emma was on about me and you and how we’re so close. I am so sorry”
“It’s okay Shane, Oh, Vikki’s here!”
“Yea?”
“Yep, and no smart comments, I know how you 2 don’t get along! But she is one of my closest friends, and I want her to have a good time on her holiday”
“Yea, yea, yea”
Shane said, waving off my last comment. I watched him making his way over to me, I was in bed by this time and Shane did his usual thing. Come into my room and spend the night, and NO! Nothing sexual at all, we’d just curl up to one another and fall asleep.

Chapter Three
It had been a week since Shane’s party, since Shane and Emma’s fight, since Vikki visited and yes, she was still here. It was 7am and we planned a big day ahead of us. Kian didn’t know she was here and today would be the first time he’s seen her in 3 years!! She, of course, was nervous but I was determined to get those two back together again.
“Hey, you’re up early”
Shane said, cheerfully while giving me a kiss on the cheek. He was fully dressed, and then you had me, in my white strappy top, my white bed shorts and my long, warm dressing gown. I was half asleep on the table when Shane placed a cup of coffee on front of me.
“Why are you so happy?”
I moaned.
“Because Stephanie, My good friend, today, I will ask Emma to marry me!”
He said in a cockney accent. Now, that’s what woke me up. I shot up quickly, as if I was after sitting down on a bumble bee.
“You’re What!?”
“You heard me, I’m gonna ask her to marry me!”
“Shane, no, you can’t! You’re after having a fight and when you rang her she said that she never wanted to see you again, plus, you haven’t even told her once that you loved her!”
“Yea well, I missed her this past week, shit, it’s already half seven, we’re having a photo shoot t’day for the new album and I’m meant to be at the studio in ten minutes, gotta run!”
He said while closing the door behind him. Just then Vikki had walked into the room.
“What’s his rush?”
I was still in shock, I couldn’t let him do this! I jumped off of my stool and ran upstairs as fast as I could. I took a quick shower, threw on my faded Levi’s, Nike trainers and Shane’s grey fleece. As I practically flew down the stairs, I tied my hair up in a bun. It was now 8:30 and I was stopped my Vikki.
“What’s up with you?”
“Come on!”
I said as I grabbed my car keys, and her hand, dragging her out of the house and into the car. As I drove down to the studio, all I could think about was Shane getting hurt. Bryan had told me the previous day that he had seen Emma with her ex, Allan. Holding hands….and kissing. I was meant to break it to Shane but never found the right time. I heard Vikki’s voice distantly as I sped through the streets of Dublin, stopped by a red traffic light.
“You wanna tell me what’s going on?”
“Vikki, it’s a LONG story, trust me!”
“Please?”
“Okay, well….Shane, and his ex had a HUGE fight last week at his 21st birthday party, haven’t spoken to each other since, she told him she never wanted to see him again, after all he did call her a bitch when she said that he was two – timing her with me, which isn’t true, AT ALL! So, he told me today that he was gonna ask her to marry him and duh! That is such a bad idea ‘cause Bryan seen her yesterday with her EX and they looked like they were back together, from what Bryan said!”
I took a deep breath, I don’t know if Vikki caught any of that! The light finally turned green and I hit the pedal.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It was about 9am when we arrived. I spotted Mark’s car. Yes! I thought, that means they’re still here. Myself and Vikki walked into the studio and were greeted by Mark.
“Mark, where’s Shane?”
“Morning to you too! He left about 10 minutes ago, why?”
“SHIT!! SHIT, SHIT SHIT SHIT!!”
“Hello Kian”
Vicky said silently, I hadn’t even noticed Kian. He looked up, and by his expression he was obviously shocked, her being the last person he thought he’d see!
“Oh my god, Vikki, Hi!”
He said, and unconsciously hugged her. When he realised what he was doing he quickly let go. She smiled, and was blushing. I rolled my eyes at thm and gestured Mark to come with me, give them sometime to themselves.
In the meantime

“I didn’t expect to see you around here, I thought you were in Florida?”
Kian said. Vikki took a deep breath, she was nervous talking to him because they had parted on such bad terms.
“I’m only here for a little while, I’m visiting Steph and a couple of other friends.”
“Oh right.”
Kian was obviously feeling the same as Vikki, for once he was lost for words and he was wishing she had never turned up, at least she could have given him some warning! The tension in the air was growing worse, when suddenly the door burst open and Bryan walked in. Of course, the first thing he noticed was Vikki, and he was as surprised as Kian to see her back, especially after what had happened last summer. When Kian and Vikki broke up, it was Bryan who Kian had turned to, and he had poured his heart out to him many times. Bryan was the only one of all the lads who really knew how much Vikki meant to Kian; he had put on a front and brushed their relationship off as a ‘silly fling’ to everyone else, but alone, in private, Bryan had seen how Vikki leaving had affected Kian. Bryan had spent hours trying to comfort him in the days after she left, but Kian had been in pieces. It was only recently that he had started to get his life back on track, so when he saw Vikki standing the re Bryan was worried what it might do to Kian; he didn’t think he could take much more pain, not after what she had put him through
"Sorry, I forgot my keys"
Bryan wasn't sure what to say.
"Hi Vikki, I haven't seen you in a while. How are you?"
Vikki smiled; she had always got on well with Bryan, who wouldn't? He was always so friendly and welcoming.
"Hi Bryan, I'm well, and you?"
"Yeah not too bad thanks."
Again there was an awkward moment, so Bryan decided it would be best if he left them to it, and made for the door. "Nice to see you again Vikki, take care of yourself!"
Bryan found it hard to be polite to her, after all she had broken his friend's heart once already and he didn't want her doing the same thing again. Vikki said goodbye to Bryan, and he left.
"So"
Kian said, searching for something to say.
"Umm.."
Vikki cut in with
"I wonder if Steph's found Shane yet?"
"She seemed pretty wound up, what's up with them?"
Kian asked.
"Oh it's a long story, one I think would be better coming from her. Anyway, it's not my place to say."
"Oh right."
Another tense moment, until Kian finally broke the ice.
"Oh for God's sake Vikki, let's cut the crap. What do you want?"
She had expected this, she knew it wouldn't be easy with Kian, knew she wouldn't just be able to walk in as though nothing had happened.
"Kian, I don't want anything, I didn't know you'd be here. It was all so sudden, one minute I was having some breakfast; the next Steph was dragging me halfway across the country to find Shane. How was I supposed to know you'd be here? I hardly had time to think!"
"Vikki you broke my heart last summer, you know that? After you left, I didn't know what to do. I thought my world had ended; my world revolved around you and without you there didn't seem to be a reason for anything anymore."
"Kian I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I loved you too!"
Kian laughed.
"Yeah right! Of course you loved me too, how could I have thought any different? After all, it's only natural to start seeing someone else when you're in love isn't it? And of course you never meant to hurt me, you knew I wouldn't be hurt by my girlfriend being with someone else!"
"Kian calm down! You've got it all wrong, you don't understand what really happened."
Vikki was desperate to explain her side of the story, but he wouldn't give her the chance.
"What is there to understand? I understand that you went behind my back, I understand that while you slept with me you were thinking of him, I understand that all the times you told me you loved me you never really meant it. What else is there?"
"Kian please! Give me a chance…"
At that moment they were interrupted by Kian's mobile ringing. While he answered it, Vikki tried to work out what she was going to say. She knew it had to be good, she could see how hurt he was.
"That was Louis, our manager. He needs me to go to his office, there's some things we need to discuss."
Kian said when he had hung up. Vikki was disappointed; she desperately wanted to have her say.
"Oh, o.k. Listen Ki, can we meet up later? I really think you need to hear what I have to say."
Kian didn't want to; the last few minutes had been hard enough, all he wanted to do now was forget about her. But he knew he wouldn't be able to, because he still loved her, he couldn't deny that, and seeing her again had confirmed his feelings. So he reluctantly agreed to see her the next day, convinced it was a bad move. What Kian didn't know was that Vikki had realised that she was stupid to let him go. Living so far away from him, she had managed to convince herself that she no longer had feeling for him, but seeing him today had brought it all back. Today she saw why she had fallen in love with him in the first place; she saw his beautiful deep blue eyes, the same ones that are the window to his feelings, his golden hair that sparkled in the sunlight, his laugh that was so genuine and so infectious, the smile that would leave a glow on anyone’s heart, and his soft voice that she had so loved to listen to as she fell asleep in his arms. Vikki knew now that she wanted him back, she knew that she loved him and that he was the only one for her. All she had to do was make him forgive her, but it was going to be hard, so, so hard.

Chapter Four
I opened my eyes slowly to find Shane sitting down on my bed, staring at me.
“Morning lazy!”
He laughed and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I smiled.
“Hey”
I said as I strectched. I was about to get up when he stopped me.
“Before you go anywhere, I’ve got something for you.”
He said, and placed a try on my knees. For the second time that morning I had to smile.
“And, the new issue of Vogue! So, where you’re ready, the shower is running, and I’ll be waiting downstairs, ready to take a day off work and focus on you!”
“Shane Filan, you’re the sweetest!”
I said as I gave him a kiss on the cheek and he left. He was so happy and I couldn’t believe it. After all he went through last month, with Emma. The memory of that night came back to me, I sat up all night, holding him until he fell asleep. I felt like kissing him there and then and never letting him go. Did I love Shane? Of course, like he was my own brother, but romantically….Maybe.
I ate my breakfast, took my shower and got dressed. Nothing special, just the usual, jeans, runners….and one of Shane’s jumpers. I don’t know why I wore them, but they were so soft on my skin, and his scent lingered on them. I ran downstairs to find Vikki giving me my birthday card and present. This was her last day here before she headed off to Florida again, and I felt bad just leaving her alone while I spent the day with Shane. I was about to invite her along when Shane came in. He heard my question and interupted.
“NO! I mean, no, Vikki doesn’t wanna come, do you Vikki?”
He smiled and winked at her.
“No Shane, I don’t!”
And she winked back. Over the past few weeks, Shane and Vikki have been very close, I don’t know what happened between them but there was something definitely there! Shane grabbed my hand and pulled me outside.
“I don’t understand why she won’t come!”
I moaned as we sat in the car.
“Trust me Steph, she wouldn’t want to. Today is the day that Kian will get back with her. He kept me up half of the night talking about her. He’s gonna come around later and take her out. Spend sometime with her.”
I nodded and relaxed in my seat. I had a feeling that today was one of those days that would stay with me for the rest of my life…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“What about this?”
I asked Shane, holding a black leather mini skirt up against my waist.
“It’s sexy!”
“And, this black see through blouce….with just a black bra!”
I said excitedly. Shane had informed me that himself and the rest of the guys were taking me out to a club tonight. I didn’t know what to expect from it! I was about to try them on when I spotted Kerry.
“KERRY!!!”
“STEPH!!!!!”
We both laughed and gave each other a hug. I’ve known Kerry since Atomic Kitten started, we met when I interveiwed them for OK! Magazine. She was the sweetest, and when I invited her out with myself and the guys, she agreed! And in the end I had to play cupid, all night herself and Bryan were flirting outrageously with each other, it was unbelievable. But none of them would make a move, so I told Shane to get Kerry out dancing and I’d take Bryan and half way through the song we’d swop, and it worked! Now she’s expecting his child, and they’re getting married pretty soon. I laughed as Bryan ran over and practically lifted me off the ground with his hug.
“Okay Bryan, you can put me down now!”
Shane laughed and started talking to Bryan about some meeting they had tomorrow night. Myself and Kerry looked through some more clothes and as I was up at the till paying for them, with Shane’s credit card, No! Before you say anything, he offered, it was my birthday present, I looked out the window and there they were, Kian and Vikki. Together. Holding hands. I couldn’t believe it!
“SHANE!!!SHANE!!!SHANE!!!”
I ran down to him.
“WHAT!!!WHAT!!!WHAT!!!”
He said, coping my voice. I told him what I seen and he laughed, as if he knew all along, that it would work out between them.
3 hours later…
Myself and Shane had the best day ever! After shopping we went to the movies, then for some dinner and for some reason he told me to change into my clothes that I bought. I didn’t understand it. So I did as he told me and changed in the girls bathroom and when I came out, all of my friends and family were there.
“SURPRISE!!!!!!!!”
They shouted. I nearly fell and Shane knew, he ran behind me and held on to me.
I couldn’t believe it. I could hardly talk, I had tears of happiness running down my cheeks. I looked at Shane, unable to talk, I pointed at him and he nodding, knowing exactly what I asked in my mind.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
As they were giving out the presents, Shane handed me his.
“Shane! Another one, what’s wrong with you!?”
“Oh, just treating a Queen how she’s meant to be treated.”
I laughed and opened it. As I laid my eyes on it, tears started running down my cheeks. Another speechless moment for me that night. It was a picture of Shane and myself when we were five years old. We were sitting on the steps outside my grannys house and he was giving me a kiss on the cheek. He had made it into a black & white picture, it was beautiful. And the frame, it was the frame that my granny gave me when I was 7. I had lost it, I couldn’t believe it, and he had it. Engraved at the top, in italic writing was ‘Friends Forever’. By this time, I was fully crying, and when I looked up to thank him and give him a hug, he wasn’t there, he was gone! I searched the place for him, ignoring Vikki, Kerry, Nicky and whoever else was calling me, trying to get my attention.
“Excuse me, myself and Bryan would like to sing a very special song for a very special person”
What a minute, that was Shane’s voice. I turned my head, facing the stage and there he was, smiling down at me, and the minute we made eye contact, I knew there and then that I loved him, this was the man I was meant to be with.
“Steph, babe, I wrote this song especially for you”
He said and gave me a wink. My mom came behind me and gave me a hug. I smiled and the crowed started to clap and cheer.
“I always knew he’d be the one you’d fall in love with Steph”
She whispered into my ear. I looked at her and gave her a hug. The music started…he sung beautifully, and of course, Bryan was up there and helping him with his rapping skills. I listened to the lyrics and smiled when he sang the word 'Shorty', this was the nickname that Shane called me when we were small…and he remembered. Again, the lyrics….they were beautiful…

Girl, you’re my angel, you’re my darling angel
Closer than my peeps you are to me, baby
Shorty, you’re my angel, you’re my darling angel
Girl, you’re my friend when I’m in need, lady
Life is one big party when you’re still young
But who’s gonna have your back when it’s all done
It’s all good when you’re little, you have pure fun
Can’t be a fool, son, what about the long run
Looking back Shorty always mention
Said me not giving her much attention
She was there through my incarceration
I wanna show the nation my appreciation
Girl, you’re my angel, you’re my darling angel
Closer than my peeps you are to me, baby
Shorty, you’re my angel, you’re my darling angel
Girl, you’re my friend when I’m in need, lady
You’re a queen and so you should be treated
Though you never get the lovin’ that you needed
Could have left, but I called and you heeded
Takin’ a beatin’, mission completed
Mama said that I and I dissed the program
Not the type to mess around with her emotion
But the feeling that I have for you is so strong
Been together so long and this could never be wrong
Girl, you’re my angel, you’re my darling angel
Closer than my peeps you are to me, baby
Shorty, you’re my angel, you’re my darling angel
Girl, you’re my friend when I’m in need, lady
Uh, uh
Girl, in spite of my behavior, said I’m your savior
(You must be sent from up above)
And you appear to me so tender, say girl I surrender
(Thanks for giving me your love)
Girl, in spite of my behavior, well, you are my savior
(You must be sent from up above)
And you appear to me so tender, well, girl I surrender
(Said thanks for giving me your love)
Now life is one big party when you’re still young
And who’s gonna have your back when it’s all done
It’s all good when you’re little, you have pure fun
Can’t be a fool, son, what about the long run
Looking back Shorty always mention
Said me not giving her much attention
She was there through my incarceration
I wanna show the nation my appreciation
Girl, you’re my angel, you’re my darling angel
Closer than my peeps you are to me, baby
Shorty, you’re my angel, you’re my darling angel
Girl, you’re my friend when I’m in need, lady
Girl, you’re my angel, you’re my darling angel
Closer than my peeps you are to me, baby
Shorty, you’re my angel, you’re my darling angel
Girl, you’re my friend when I’m in need,

As soon as it was over, I clapped and ran through the crowd. He jumped off the stage and before I knew it, we were in the middle of everyone, with all eyes on us, and this was the moment I had waited for all of my life. The day that Shane would kiss me, it was like it was never ending…it was my dream come true.

Chapter 5

So I got my wish, Shane had declared his love for me for the world, well, our world anyway, to see and I was now wrapped in his arms as we danced. It all felt so right, I could have stayed that way forever but we were interrupted by Mark and Nicky who had decided it was time to sing "Happy Birthday" and wanted Shane to join them. So reluctantly we were separated, as they dragged Shane off to the stage where Kian and Bryan were waiting, along with all my closest friends.
As they started singing, I realised how content I felt. I was so lucky; I had got the man of my dreams, I was surrounded with love, and everything seemed right with the world. It was an amazing feeling; one that I wished would last forever.

Later that night, everyone began to say their goodbyes; my wonderful party had come to an end. Soon, Shane and I were the only ones left. We looked at each other for along time before Shane said
"Steph, I hope you enjoyed yourself tonight. I wanted to give you a birthday to remember, and I know I'll never forget it."
I smiled at him.
"Shane tonight was perfect, you were perfect. Thank you."
He smiled at me, one of his dazzling smiles that I love so much, and pulled me close to him. As we kissed, the passion grew and before we knew it we were pulling at each other's clothes.
"Wait, not here."
Shane said as he stood up and took me by the hand. "C'mon, let's go home."

The next morning, I was awoken by the sunlight streaming in through my bedroom window. As I slowly stretched, I became aware of an arm wrapped around me. Then it all came back to me; Shane was right here next to me, asleep in my bed.
That's nothing new; he had slept there on numerous occasions. But this time it was for a reason other than friendship. I smiled to myself as I remembered last night; how we had driven home in silence, how it had all felt so right when we got in and hand in hand had climbed the stairs to my bedroom. How the whole experience had been so beautiful, so tender, so loving. And how afterwards we had just lain there in each other's arms until we fell asleep.
Being careful not to wake Shane, I slowly climbed out of bed and made my way downstairs to make us breakfast, my way of saying thank you for everything. As I passed Vikki's room, I noticed that I hadn't been the only one to have company last night! She and Kian were fast asleep in each other's arms, just as Shane and I had been only minutes earlier. I was so pleased for them both; I just hoped that it would work out this time!

"Hey sleepy! I brought you breakfast!"
I said as I put the tray down on the bed. Instantly I could see there was something wrong; Shane smiled at me but I knew him so well that I could always tell when he was putting on a front.
I sat down on the bed,
"What's up Shane?"
"Nothing, honestly. Come here and I'll prove it to ya!"
But I knew he was hiding something, and instantly I got the most awful feeling I knew what it was. I paused before I spoke, it was a hard thing to say, but I needed to know so I went ahead.
"You're regretting last night, aren't you?"
He laughed.
"Why would you think that? Of course I don’t!"
I looked him in the eye; I could read him like a book.
"Shane you don't have to pretend, how long have we known each other? We tell each other everything, don't we?"
He looked down, and I suddenly noticed the tears in his eyes.
"Steph I'm so, so sorry. It isn't you, honestly, it's my fault. I rushed things, I was on the rebound from Emma, and I just needed someone to comfort me, to make me forget what happened. And you were there like you've always been there. I'm sorry, but last night was a mistake."
It was as though I had been kicked in the stomach. I didn't know what to do, what to say, so I just stood up and without another word left the room and shut the door behind me. I had just made it to the bathroom before the tears started, and once they started they just wouldn't stop. I sat there for hours, breaking my heart over the rejection I had just received from the man I loved.

Whilst all this was going on in one part of the house, another bombshell was about to be dropped in the other; Kian and Vikki had just woken up.
"I've missed you so much Kian, I'm so sorry I hurt you before"
Kian pressed a finger to her lips.
"Sshh, not now, let's just make the most of this."
He kissed her, and she wished she didn't have to tell him that today was the day she was going back to Florida. But the longer she put it off, the worse it would become so she reluctantly pulled away from him and sat up. "What's wrong?"
Kian asked, bemused.
"Kian I'm leaving today, I have to go back to Florida."
There, she had told him. He smiled at her.
"No problem. I'm busy with the band for the next few weeks so we wouldn't have been able to spend much time together anyway. I'm gonna miss you but we can talk everyday on the phone, and the time will fly by."
"Kian, what do you mean? You sound as though you have it all worked out! And what do you mean about time flying?”
"Well, I mean that I know you have to go back, to tie up any loose ends and stuff, but it wont take that long and then you'll be home for good! Back with me, where you belong."
Oh god, she thought.
"Kian I don't think you realise what I'm saying. I'm not coming back; Florida is where my life is now. I have a job, a home, friends, things I don't want to loose!"
He looked at her; he hadn't expected that.
"But Vikki, you have me now! The reason you moved there in the first place was because we split up, and now that we're back together I assumed you'd move back here. I must have read things wrong; you obviously have no intention of staying with me. A holiday fling, was that all this has been to you?"
"No of course not! I love you Kian, I've already told you that, and I deeply regret what I did before.."
Kian cut in.
"Yeah whatever. You regret sleeping with my friend behind my back so don't keep reminding me of it will ya?"
"Sorry. I'm sorry, I just want you to know that I realise that it was a mistake."
"So, you're leaving me again. After all that talking, after you told me how much you wanted me back, you're just going to go back to Florida and leave me?"
"Well, I was hoping you'd come with me, I know it's a hell of a lot to ask of you but I wondered if you'd be willing to give it a try?"
Vikki knew that she was pushing her luck.
"How can I Vikki? My life is here, my job is here! If I came with you it would mean giving up Westlife and I can't do that! It's something I've dreamed of all my life, and it isn't fair of you to ask me to give it all up for you when you won't give your life up for me!"
There was a long, long silence. Vikki got up, got her clothes on and was about to leave the room, when Kian suddenly said
"But you're my world. I love you more than anything, I lost you once and I won't loose you again."
He got up and took her in his arms.
"Kian are you saying.."
He looked at her; he knew he couldn't leave her.
"I'll come with you Vikki. I have to; if I lose you again I don't know what I'd do. Give me a while; there are people I need to talk to. It's gonna be hard but if I have you I can do anything."
Meanwhile…
I lifted my head up from the basin that was full to the top with cold water. I dried my face and looked at my reflection. I eyed myself, up and down for about five minutes, and suddenly I heard his voice again. Yes, HIS voice. I was in here for over 3 hours and he kept calling me, telling me to come out. But why? He doesn’t care about me, he doesn’t love me…why would he want to see me. I smiled at his stupidity. And then that line in that song he had sung the night before came back to me ‘But the feeling that I have for you is so strong, Been together so long and this could never be wrong’
Then, for the first time that morning, I decided to go out and face the person that had broken my heart. I opened the door slowly and seen his innocent face, the face that held so many lies.
“Oh thank god, you’re okay!”
He smiled, as if nothing had happened.
‘If only you knew Filan’
I thought as I looked him up and down in disgust. It was as if he had been my enemy all my life, instead of my sweetheart, my best friend…my soul mate. I passed him, hitting my shoulder against his and walked slowly back to my bedroom.
“Steph, don’t be like that…it doesn’t have to be this way”
I kept walking until I had reached my destination of what I thought was peace, looking outside my window, trying to drowned out the sound of his voice. The voice I once thought was the voice of an Angel…but today it was the voice of him…the devil.
“Stephanie, please, talk to me. If you’re upset about last night, then I’m sorry, but it was a mistake”
“A mistake?”
I mumbled to myself. I turned around and faced him with my bloodshot eyes and pale face.
“A mistake, is that what you said Shane?”
I didn’t let him answer. I kept talking as I slowly put on my jeans. I looked at Shane’s jumper that was thrown on my bed, that I usually wore, but no, not today. I picked it up and threw it at him with all the force I could give.
“Do you have to put is like that Shane? A MISTAKE!!! Last night was the most wonderful night of my life, it couldn’t have been better, the party, the song, the attention…you!”
I stopped and calmed myself down. It wasn’t like me to get mad…but even. I knew what buttons to press to get to Shane and today I was gonna try and press them so hard, so quick until they were out of order. My dad died when I was 15, god rest his soul, I still think about him. But only the bad things…he was an awful man, a man that had no heart, a man that I seen in Shane’s eyes today. Maybe I was over re-acting about this whole situation but Shane knew how much I felt for him, he had to have, and if he didn’t, then I know why they lads nick named him ‘Trigger’. Even though my father was mean, I still loved him. He was only mean when he was drunk…which was about 90% of the time. Shane knows it still hurts for me to talk about him so I don’t, but when and if I do, Shane knows what I’m going through…when his dad died, he spent every single night, as far as I can remember, in my room, crying and crying, knowing that I went through the same thing.
“Funny you should mention the word mistake…I remember the story of the night I was born, I remember the story of my 13th birthday party…”
“Steph, don’t…”
“Don’t what Shane? Don’t let the past reflect on the future? Why not? Don’t wanna talk about my 13th birthday party? But I thought you loved parties!
Remember when my dad came home drunk? And hit my mom several times…d’ya remember that Shane…?”
“Steph, Stop…”
“No? Okay, how about when he came up to me and threw me against the wall and told me I was a mistake?”
“Stop, please!”
Shane shouted. I could now see tears in his eyes but that didn’t stop me, and either did the tears running down my face, burning my cheeks. I walked over to where he was and stop directly in front of him…eyes attached with his.
“Do you remember when he told us the story of the night I was born? The night that when he first looked at me he told my mom that I was a mistake…he might have been drunk at the time but he still said it! So, Shane Filan, Don’t you DARE tell me not to bring up the past!!!!!!!CAUSE YOU JUST HAVE!!! You called me a MISTAKE SHANE!! You know, maybe I am a mistake, a mistake from GOD, so I should correct it!”
I said as I stormed out of the room and finally slammed the front door behind me. I ran into my car and drove as fast as I could. I hadn’t a clue where I was going. I had so much on my mind. Shane gave me one night of passion, the passion that I had longed for all of my life. And afterwards he says ‘It was a mistake’. How can anyone do that? I kept on driving and suddenly braked.

Chapter Six
“Hey Shane, good party last night”
Kian said happily as Shane walked into the kitchen. Shane didn’t say anything.
He walked as far as the table and sat down, replaying the last few hours in his head.
“Shane? Where’s Steph?”
“HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW!!!!!!!!!”
He screamed and ran out of the house. Vikki had entered the room a few seconds before hand.
“What did you do to him!?”
“Me? I didn’t do anything! I just asked where Steph was and he blew up!”
“OH OH!”
Vikki said, covering her mouth with her hand.
“What?”
Vikki sat down and started to tell Kian everything. If he didn’t know, then he had a right. Steph was one of his good mates too, and Shane, well, Shane was like a brother to him.
Shane sat down on the wet steps and let the forceful, heavy rain hit him. He put his head in his hands and suddenly everything became clearer.
‘Why?’
He kept thinking, over and over again. He looked up and seen Stephanie coming towards him. She had arrived a few minutes before but he was so into thinking about her that he didn’t hear her car arrive.
I ran up the steps as fast as I could. I couldn’t face him, not now. I was a few feet away from the door, thinking I had made it but no, he grabbed my hand from where he was sitting and pulled me so quick that I fell into him arms and onto his knees. I looked into his eyes, and this time they were full with love. I didn’t understand it. But this was the old Shane, he was back. He smiled and leant forward. Our lips met. It was the most magical scene, me in his arms and the rain running down our faces. I pulled back.
“Shane, what are you doing?”
I didn't understand what Shane wanted. One minute he's telling me it's all a big mistake, the next he's pulling me into his arms and kissing me! I felt used and completely at a loss.
"Will you get off me Shane!"
I didn't know what else to say. I pulled away from him and stood up. For a moment we just looked at each other; I couldn't believe what he'd done and by the look on his face he couldn't believe that I didn't want him anymore.
"Where are you going Steph? I thought this was what you wanted!"
The nerve of him! What I wanted? Only a few hours before he was telling me what a big mistake the whole thing was, how he was on the rebound from Emma, and now this!!
"I don't understand you Shane. You can't treat me the way you have and then just expect me to come running when you call! You told me that last night, the most wonderful night of my life, was a mistake and you regretted everything about it.
You broke my heart and now you're acting as though nothing happened! Well I'm sorry Shane, but I have feelings too, you're not the only one who's hurting, I'm hurting more than you could know."
I paused. During my drive, I had done an awful lot of thinking, and had reached a decision. I had decided that I would move out of the flat as soon as possible, I needed to get away and clear my head. I needed to be as far away from Shane Filan as I could get.
"Just so you know, I'll be moving out of here later today."
That shocked him; after all we had lived together for so long.
"Steph you can't move out! You love this place, you've always said so!"
He looked at the ground.
"And anyway, where will you go?"
I had that all taken care of.
"I'm going to be staying with Bryan and Kerry until I find a new place"
I turned to go in. As I put the key in the door, I turned back to Shane, who was standing there looking like he had just seen a ghost.
"You've let me down so badly. You're the one person I could always rely on.
Whatever happened in my life, I knew you'd be there for me. But now you've done exactly the same thing as everyone else; you've let me down when I needed you most."
As I shut the door, I felt so weak. Shane was my rock, no matter what happened he would always be there for me and now he's gone. Just like all the rest. God I needed to get away from here! I went upstairs and began to pack my clothes. I thought it might help me to take my mind of Shane. But of course, whatever I did, there were constant reminders of him, not least in the contents of my wardrobe. As I packed, I kept coming across items of Shane's clothing that I had borrowed and forgotten to give back, like his big baggy grey jumper that I practically lived in, the Addidas baseball hat I loved, and various t-shirts.
Then there were the clothes he had given me as presents. I couldn't get away from him!
Clothes packed, minus Shane's of course, which I had put to one side and intended to give back to him, I moved over to me CD's. Again, I was faced with so many of Shane's that I had borrowed. I was beginning to wonder if I actually owned anything in my room when there was a knock on the door. Oh God, I thought, don't let it be him! I called out
"Who is it?"
And was unbelievably relieved to find it was only Vikki.
"Hi, I thought I heard you come in! How was last night? I want all the details!"
I gave a quiet laugh and sat down on the bed, motioning for her to do the same.
My eyes started to fill with tears; I couldn't help it, it had all happened so quickly that I had hardly had time to think.
Vikki put her hand around me.
"Hey what's up? What happened?"
So I told her the whole story. I told her how perfect everything had been at the party; how our night together had been everything I had ever hoped for. I told her what Shane had said to me that morning. I told her how he had broken my heart and above all, I told her how much I loved him. Yes, I still loved him, even after the way he had treated me. I loved him before, and I know that there's a part of me that will always love him. Vikki was brilliant, she listened while I poured my heart out and comforted me when the tears became too much.
"I'm moving in with Bryan tonight. I can't stand it here!"
Vikki smiled at me.
"At least I know you'll be well looked after there. I'm only sorry I can't stay myself, but remember I'm only a phone call away, whenever you need me I'll be there."
She said.
"Thanks Vikki, you're such a good friend."
Then I remembered what Shane had told me about Kian; how he was going to try and get back with her.
"What happened with you and Kian?"
"Well, let's just say we're back together. We both realised that we couldn't live without each other; we were meant to be"
She looked so happy; I wish some of that would come my way.
"There is one slight problem though. Well, to be honest, it's a fairly major problem, not so much for me, but for Kian."
"Why, what's wrong?"
I asked.
"Well, Kian's gone to see Shane about it now, so everyone will know soon enough, I might as well tell you."

Outside...

"Shane, can I have a word?"
Kian said as he came down the steps to where Shane was sitting.
"Huh?"
Shane was deep in thought, and hadn't heard Kian come out of the house.
"A word? It's pretty important."
Shane stood up.
"Yeah sure, what's the problem?"
Kian didn't know how to tell Shane, and things were made worse when he saw how troubled he looked.
"Can we go indoors?"
Once inside, they sat down at the kitchen table. Kian still wasn't entirely sure that Shane was listening but he said it anyway.
"Vikki and I got back together yesterday"
Shane looked up.
"Oh congratulations, that's great."
"You could sound a bit more enthusiastic about it!"
But there was no reply from Shane. Kian continued.
"Anyway, the thing is we realise now that we can't be apart, we love each other.
But Vikki has a life for herself in Florida. So what I'm trying to say is that I'm going to be going with her, I'm leaving Ireland and I'm leaving Westlife."
"WHAT!!? You can't be serious! You can't leave the band, it's your life! It's everything you ever wanted! And how do you know it's going to work with Vikki? She cheated on you once, how can you be so sure she won't do it again?"
Shane had certainly came back to life.
"I'm sorry Shane, I really am. I love the band, I'm as dedicated to it as anyone, but Vikki is my life and I can't lose her. It's been the hardest decision I have ever had to make, but I've made up my mind. I really am sorry."
With that, Kian walked out of the room, leaving Shane feeling completely stunned.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“HE’S WHAT!?!?!?”
“Steph, don’t shout”
“VIKKI!! YOU’RE MAKING HIM…”
I had to calm down, I took a deep breath.
“You’re making him leave Westlife, his dream, his life…all of the hard work he’s put into this project and now you’re making him give it all up for you!?”
I watched Vikki stand up and leave the room. I followed her down the stairs and headed towards the kitchen while she went into the sittingroom. I stopped when I seen Shane there, but I had to face him, sooner or later. He was sitting down at the table reading some magazine. I walked over to the fridge and got a glass of milk. After a few seconds of thinking weather to sit down with him or not, I had given up. As I looked at him, sitting there, hurting…I couldn’t bare to see him like this. I sat down and took a magazine that was left on the chair next to me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Vikki walked silently over to where Kian was sleeping. He fell asleep on the sofa, all of this thinking about Westlife and Vikki left him exausted. She rubbed his cheek slowly as tears started to fall from her eyes.
“I’m so sorry Kian”
She kept repeating, thinking of what Stephanie had said to her. His dream. His life.
“I didn’t mean to drag you into another relationship with me, it was an accident, honest.”
Kian was still lying motionless on the sofa. She smiled.
“Kian, I love you”
She said and kissed him softly on the lips. He stirred but didn’t wake up. She walked out of the room and stood in the doorway of the kitchen. Seeing Shane and Steph at the table, not talking, made her feel sick. She went into her room, grabbed her things and left a note for Kian on her dressing table. She silently left the house without saying goodbye to anyone. The taxi she had phoned from her bedroom a few minutes earlier was there, waiting to take her to the airport.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I sat silently, trying to concentrate on the text that was laid out in front of me but I couldn’t, knowing that Shane’s eyes were fixed on me. I looked up and for the first time that day, I made eye contact with him, with no anger in me.
“What Shane?”
“Why? Why do you have to go?”
“Shane…”
“Don’t Shane me! Why do you always have to run away from your problems? Even when you were small, your parents used to give out to you, you’d run away from them and you’d…you would come to me. Why can’t you do that anymore?”
I was getting sick and tired of this. Shane, and his history. Why must he always bring up the past?
“SHANE!”
I said as I stood up.
“Do you, DO YOU REALLY WANNA KNOW WHY!!! I CAN’T RUN TO YOU THIS TIME SHANE BECAUSE YOU ARE MY PROBLEM!!!”
I walked out of the room and was stopped by a car horn outside. Perfect timing, I thought as I look out of the window. I ran upstairs and got my stuff. I brought them outside and Bryan helped me load them into the trunk of his car.
I looked back and seen Shane standing at the window, his pleading eyes watching me. I felt sick. I loved him so much that I hated him, if that makes sense, well, today it made sense.

Chapter Seven
Shane watched her leave, the love of his life. Maybe he didn’t know it yet but she was the love of his life, always. He was caught up in thought. He didn’t even hear the knock on the door. This time it was a bang. He looked at the clock.
“7pm!”
He was standing at the window for the past hour thinking about her. And there it was again, the bang on the door. He walked over, in anger, and opened it. All of a sudden all anger changed to worry when he seen who was at the door.
“Kian Egan?”
“No, I’m Shane, I’ll get him for you. Please, come in.”
He said as he ran into the sitting room to wake Kian up. He shook him a few times.
“Kian!! Wake up!! You’ve got two police men wanting to talk to you”
Kian was fully awake now. Shane followed him into the hall way and stood next to him as the police officers exchanged looks.
“Kian Egan?”
“Yes.”
“We have some bad news for you.”
Shane put his hand on Kian’s shoulder for support.
“We believe you know a Vikki Smith?”
Kian nodded.
“I’m sorry son, there’s been an accident. She past away. She was in a car crash. She made it to the hospital and but failed to make it as far as the operating room. She had massive hear injuries. Again, I’m sorry”
He said. Kian didn’t hear anything after the sentence ‘She past away’ He dropped to the floor and started crying. Shane showed the two officers out and then ran to the side of his friend who needed all the support he could get. Kian was screaming at this point while he was clinging on to Shane.
An hour later, Kian’s parents were at the house. Shane decided to leave them alone and go for a walk. He grabbed his discman and left.
He walked as far as the beach and sat down. He pressed play on the discman and listened to Kian’s cd. The first song was typical to come on at a time like this. He rested his head on the sand and listened to the lyrics. It were as if it had been written for Steph, the feelings he was experiencing.

Every day girl I wake up and pray
That you'll come back home
And don't take too long
Cuz since you've been gone
Everything's going wrong
I wish you were here
Holding me near
You know I'd go out of my mind
If you ever left my heart behind
So I'm begging you please
Bring your sweet love back to me
Please come back to me
If I don't have you
To hold on to
I can't go on
In this world alone
Baby baby it's true
If I don't have you
If you said goodbye
Girl I would die
I'm a star with no light
A day with no night
If I don't have you
Late at night I reach to hold you tight
But you're not there
You're just not there anymore
I know you still care
And oh how I miss
Your soft and love
Lovely kiss
You give to me
So tenderly
We used to feel
That time would stand still
When I see you
Baby you will
So hurry home
You know you make me just so
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I felt weak and sick as Kerry told me what happened. Bryan hugged me but it wasn’t the same. I needed Shane to hug me, one of my closest friends were just after dying, the same day I lost my best friend…I lost my love. What was wrong with me? What did I do to deserve this?
I walked out of the house, with Bryans jacket on. As I was walking I put my hand in the pocket and pulled out something solid. It was his walkman. I put on the headphones and pressed play. As I walked, I listened.

Remember when
We never needed each other
The best of friends
Like sister and brother
We understood
We’d never be
Alone
Those days are gone
Now I want you so much
The night is long
And I need your touch
Don’t know what to say
Never meant to feel this way
Don’t wanna be alone tonight
What can I do to make you mine
Falling so hard, so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do
How did I fall in love with you
I hear your voice
And I start to tremble
Brings back the child
That I resemble
I cannot pretend
That we can still be friends
Don’t wanna be alone tonight
I wanna say this right
And it has to be tonight
Just need you to know
I don’t wanna live this lie
I don’t wanna say goodbye
With you I wanna spend the rest of my life
What can I do to make you mine
Falling so hard, so fast this time
Everything’s changed, we never knew
How did I fall in love with you

I didn’t bother to look where I was going. My eyes were full with tears and I was crying, crying hard this time. I was walking and bumped into someone. I looked up and there he was. Shane. For a moment I didn't know whether to turn and run or to face him.
"Steph, hi."
I took a deep breath.
"Hi Shane."
As I looked at him, I saw that he had been crying. Was it over Vikki or me? "I don't know what to say to you Steph. I know how close you and Vikki were, you were like sisters."
I knew all that, I didn't need him to tell me!
"That's right Shane, she was my friend - a true friend. She stood by me through the bad times and the good. Only this morning I was crying in her arms."
He looked down.
"I'm so sorry Steph. I never wanted to hurt you, I..."
I didn't let him finish.
"But you did hurt me Shane, you hurt me more than anyone."
I paused. Should I say what I was thinking?
"I'm hurting so much. About Vikki, and about you. I need you now more than ever Shane, but I can't turn to you. You let me down, and I can't just forget that. I want you to hold me, to tell me everything will be okay, but you know what? It won't be okay, because I have just lost the two people I loved most in the world, and nothing anybody can do can make that hurt go away."
Shane didn't know what to say, I could tell he really did regret what had happened.
"I'm sorry. I can't say anything else, just please give me one more chance! What I did was stupid, I was angry about Emma, and I wasn't thinking straight. But you and me together, it feels so right! It's what I want most, I realise that now!"
"So why did you tell me it was all a mistake? How do you think that made me feel?"
"I know, I know! I don't know why I said that, it was THE most stupidest thing I've ever said and I'm sorry! I was mixed up, crazy. I knew I wanted you more than anything, but Emma hurt me. But now I know; now I know I can't live without you Steph. Please, please let me prove it to you!"
I was reluctant. Vikki dying had made me realise that life really is too short, so you should make the most of it while you still can. And the one thing I wanted out of my life was Shane, I couldn't deny that. He hurt me so much, but the reason it hurt so much was because he meant so much to me. The only people who can do that to you are the people you truly love. But it was too soon to give him an answer; my head was all over the place.
"I believe you regret what happened Shane, but if there is a chance for us, and I mean IF, then you have to give me time. Can you do that?"
He nodded, and gave a small smile. We started walking together along the deserted, cold beach. We didn't say anything for a long time, but it wasn't an awkward silence. On the contrary, it was what we both needed. After a while, Shane spoke.
"Kian's really cut up, I don't know what to say to him. I feel so useless!"
"There's nothing you can say. They planned on spending the rest of their lives together, he was prepared to give up everything for her."
Then I remembered something.
"Shit!!"
I stopped walking and Shane turned to look at me.
"What?"
"I just remembered the last thing I said to Vikki, before she left this morning. Oh god, I had a go at her. I told her that she was forcing Kian into giving up all he's ever wanted from life. I told her that she was being selfish!"
I started to cry. Shane took me in his arms.
"That was the last time I ever saw her! The last words I spoke to her before she died were angry ones; I told her she was selfish! Shane how could I? I told her she was selfish and now she's dead!!"

Chapter Eight

When he woke up the next morning, the first thing Kian thought was why wasn't he in bed? Why was he at Shane's flat, on the sofa? Then it all came flooding back; it hit him like a brick as he remembered Vikki. He started crying and couldn't stop.
A few minutes later Shane came down the stairs and found him, curled up on the sofa, his body shaking with sobs. He quietly sat down next to him and put an arm around him. He had been awake for most of the night, just trying his best to comfort Kian. But he was inconsolable, and it made Shane feel so useless.
Finally, the sobs seemed to lessen, and Kian turned to face Shane. He asked him the same question he had asked a thousand times the previous night.
"Why did it have to happen to Vikki, Shane? What did she do to deserve this?
She was so young, we had the rest of our lives ahead of us and now it's all been ripped away! What am I going to do without her? She was my life! I was gonna give it all up for her, you know?"
He looked at Shane, his eyes red from the crying. Shane didn't know how to answer, so he just shook his head. There was a knock on the door, which Shane answered. He was surprised to again find a policeman on the other side; what now?
"Yes?"
The policeman seemed to be carrying something; it looked like a suitcase but Shane couldn't really tell.
"I'm sorry to do this to you son, but I have Miss Smith's belongings here and as Mr Egan was the closest thing to family she had in this part of the country, I was advised to leave them with him. If it's not appropriate, I can take them back to the station and make further inquiries."
"No that won't be necessary, I'll take them."
Kian had appeared in the hallway behind Shane. He reached out to take the suitcase, and sign a form.
Shane wasn't sure if this was a good idea. After the policeman left, he went back to the lounge, expecting to find Kian there but the room was empty. Shane went through to the kitchen and found him, sitting at the table.
"Kian are you sure you're up to having Vikki's stuff? You don't have to, they could keep it at the station for a while."
"It's okay Shane, I want it. I need to have it, it's all I've got left of her now..."
His voice trailed off. Shane thought Kian might be better off on his own for a bit, so he went to have a shower. While he was gone, something caught Kian's eye. It was a note on the table, addressed to him. He picked it up; it was Vikki's writing! Maybe this would explain to him why she left without saying goodbye. He slowly read it, trying not to cry.

Kian,
I'm so sorry for everything I've ever put you through. And I'm sorry for not saying goodbye, but I don't think I could have faced it. As you will have gathered by now, I've left for Florida. I know we had agreed to go together, but I was talking to Steph earlier and she made me see how selfish I've been. I have no right to ask you to give up your whole life for me, I know that now. I'm sorry for putting so much pressure on you, but I hope you can understand that I only did it because I love you. I love you more than anything Kian, I wanted you in my life so badly that I didn't stop to think of how I might be hurting you. But I know now that if you left Westlife you'd have nothing; it would make you miserable and I don't want to do that. More than anything, I want to see you happy and if you came to Florida with me you wouldn't be. So this is my way of saying goodbye. Please don't follow me, writing this has been hard enough and I don't know if I could cope with telling you t o your face.
Goodbye Kian; thank you for loving me, thank you for making me so happy. I know you'll find love again one day and when you do I hope she deserves you and realises how special you are. I'll never forget you, and I'll always love you. Please don't be angry with me; it's for the best.

Vikki

Kian couldn't believe what he had just read. Vikki had left him; she didn't want to make him unhappy so she had left him. He couldn't take this in. Didn't she realise how much he loved her? He would have given up everything for her; it didn't matter because she was the one thing that made him truly happy. She had got it all so wrong! Then he remembered that she said Steph had made her see sense. Steph had told her to go; it was her fault Vikki left! If she hadn't stuck her nose in then Vikki would still be alive! Kian got up and headed for the door. He had to find Steph.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Shane was in his room towel drying his hair when Kian walked in.
"Where's Steph?"
"What?"
Shane asked, confused.
"WHERE THE HELL IS THAT BITCH!?"
"Kian, what's wrong with you!?"
He asked, throwing the towl on the bed and following his friend down the stairs.
"D'ya know what she did! She told Vikki to leave me! It's her fault Viki's dead! It's her fault that I'm left without my Angel!"
"Egan! How can you say that!? Steph and Vikki were like sisters, ever closer. She never wanted to hurt anyone..."
Kian didn't say anything, he left in a rush. While Shane was talking, Kian was trying to think about what Vikki had said about Stephanie leaving and where she would be staying. He ran into his car and Shane followed him. He couldn't let Kian do this to her, this would crush her. She had gone through so much today and when things start to actually go okay, this had to happen!

Kian banged at the door and when Bryan answered, he pushed hi out of the way.
"Where's Steph?"
"She's in there with Kerry"
He said with a confused look on his face while pointing towards the living room. Shane came running in and headed straight for Stephanie before Kian could even start talking.

I was standing by the fire when I seen Shane running towards me, but all of my attention left Shane to Kian's angry face.
"Kian..."
I was about to say sorry about his loss when he started shouting. I couldn't understand a word he was saying. I looked at Bryan who was sitting next to Kerry - Both with the same confused look on their faces.
"What?"
I asked, scared. I looked at Shane who was shaking his head and looking at Kian.
"YOU LITTLE SLUT!!YOU BIG MOUTH BITCH!!"
I went all pale, this was the last thing I needed. I could feel tears form in my eyes but no, I wasn't gonna cry, I was going to be strong. I had to find out what was wrong with Kian. Shane came behind me and held me tight, as if he knew bad news was on the way. Bryan stood up.
"Kian! What's wrong with you!?"
"You wanna know? YOU WANNA KNOW!? Well, THIS LITTLE WHORE IS TO BLAME!! SHE KILLED VIKKI!! SHE KILLED MY VIKKI!!"
I felt sick, weak, dizzy, pale. I was so happy that Shane was holding on to me. Only for him I would have probably fainted. It were as if his arms were protected me from Kian's harsh words. I was strong up until Kian was blaming me for Vikki's death. I fell back and Shane held on to me. He push my head onto his shoulder when I started to cry.
"KIAN!!! DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK TO HER LIKE THAT!! DON'T YOU THINK SHE'S GONE THROUGH ENOUGH?"
Now Kerry was involved. What was happening, what have I done wrong? Kian looked at me again.
"WHY THE HELL DID YOU TELL VIKKI TO LEAVE ME??HUH??? WHY!!!!!!!!??????"
He shouted so loud that the vains in his neck were popping out and his face was so red that I would be afraid to burn myself if I were to touch it.
"I NEVER TOLD HER TO LEAVE YOU! SHE CAME TO ME FOR ADVICE!! I TOLD HER THAT SHE SHOULDN'T BE DRAGGING YOU AWAY FROM YOUR DREAM..."
"Oh so, You KNOW ALL ABOUT ME!! DO YOU!? YOU HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE WHAT GOES ON UP IN HERE"
He pointed to his head.
"OR IN HERE!!"
And to his heart. I felt guilty. Kian made me see that I was to blame, it was because of me! I looked up at Shane who had so much love in his eyes that it gave me strength. There and then I knew that I wanted to be with him again.
"Kian, I think you should leave"
Bryan said while Shane squeezed me tight. Bryan and Kerry showed Kian to the door and I could hear more shouting.
"Shane, is it my fault?"
I whispered as tears fell from my eyes.
"No! Of course not!!! You had nothing to do with it, it was her calling Steph..."
I couldn't bare it any longer. I placed my lips on his. He pulled away.
"Steph, I...are you sure? Sure this is what you want?"
I had never been so sure about anything. Shane was my strength; I needed him.
Without him, I'm nothing. It was time I told him that.
"Everything that's happened over the last couple of days has made me realise you have to follow your heart; you have to before it's too late. I love you Shane, I've always loved you. I never want to lose you, promise me you'll never leave me"
Shane's face was a picture; he didn't know whether to laugh or to cry! I could see the love in his eyes as he said "Thank you Steph; thank you for giving me another chance. I won't let you down again, I promise. I'll always be here for you, I'll never leave you on your own again."
With that, he kissed me again, long and slow and full of passion. We were interrupted by cheering from Kerry and Bryan, who had quietly come back into the sitting room while Shane and I were, umm, otherwise engaged!
We reluctantly broke apart, and smiled at them.
"About time Shane, you finally saw sense then?"
Bryan said as Kerry hugged me.
"I'm so happy for you Steph, I always knew you two would work things out in the end!"

Chapter Nine

As soon as the car pulled onto the drive, I felt awful. Shane had convinced me to move back home with him, and I had agreed. But now I was beginning to think that it wasn't such a good idea. For a start, I hadn't been back since Vikki left, but the main reason for my feelings was Kian. His car wasn't there, which was a relief, but I was still scared he might come back at any moment and I didn't want to face him again. As we got out of the car, I told Shane how I was feeling. He put his arm around me.
"It'll be OK, I won't let him talk to you like that ever again. You've got me here now. Anyway, he's not here, I bet he's gone back to his place."
That made me feel a bit easier. But as we went inside, I was faced with reminders of everything; of Vikki and of Kian.
"What's this?" I asked as I noticed a suitcase in the kitchen. Shane reached out and pulled it away before I could look closely at it.
"It's nothing, honestly. Nothing for you to worry about anyway."
Why wouldn't he tell me who it belonged to?
"Come on Shane, tell me!"
He looked reluctant, but told me who it belonged to.
"It's Vikki's. The police brought it round earlier, Kian's meant to have it but he obviously had other things on his mind..." his voice trailed off; he didn't want to remind me of earlier.
"Oh"
I couldn't face this now, I needed some time on my own, to sort my head out. I told Shane I was going to unpack, and went upstairs.
I must have fallen asleep; I only intended on having a lie down for a few minutes, but I was woken by the sound of shouting from downstairs. Oh god, it was Shane and Kian. My initial thought was why couldn't he leave me alone, but then another thought came into my mind. He sounded so angry earlier, what if he did something stupid? What if he tried to hurt Shane? I got up and slowly went downstairs. The voices were coming from the kitchen, and luckily they didn't sound so loud now. In fact, I thought I could hear crying.
I went in to the kitchen, and saw Shane standing there with Kian, sobbing in his arms. Shane saw me come in.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Kian kept saying over and over.
"Shane?" I said as I approached them.
"It's alright Steph, it's Ok. Everything's gonna be alright now."
Shane had been right; everything was going to be OK. Kian couldn't believe what he had said to me, he had been so sorry. I didn't hold it against him, I understood. He had just lost the love of his life, he needed someone or something to blame, and I had just been unlucky. I knew he didn't mean it and it broke my heart to see him so cut up. I knew how much he was hurting. So we had hugged, and made up. Kian faced a long road; it would be a long time before he would get over Vikki's death, if he ever would. But we were all there for him, he knew that. As for me and Shane, well things were perfect. That's the only word I can use to describe it. I kept thinking I would wake up soon, that it was all a wonderful dream. But it wasn't a dream; it was real, so real! But before we got on with our life together, there was one last thing to do.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was the day of Vikki's funeral. Nobody said much, nobody knew what to say. But the service was beautiful, and Shane and Kian sang for Vikki, a song Ki had chosen for her.
"I chose this song because it says everything, it describes how I feel. I only had a short time with Vikki, but the time I spent with her was the happiest of my life. There was still so much I wanted to tell her, now I'll never have the chance. But I know that she's watching over me, and I hope she knows how much I love her, how much I'll always love her."

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
Now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away
So far away

Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive
Alive

And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

Darling I never showed you
Assumed you'd always be there
Took your presence for granted
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared

And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

Eventually I'll see you in heaven
Although the sun will shine the same
I'll always look to a brighter day
Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray

And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say

There wasn't a dry eye in the church. But I was so proud of them; they had given Vikki the perfect tribute.

EPILOGUE

"And the winner is....WESTLIFE!"
I smiled as the 5 members of Westlife jumped with joy. Yep, their 7th Smash Hits award tonight. They were on a roll. Bryan had one ' Best Dad in Pop' and himself and Kerry won 'Best Married Popstars' Kian had one ' Best Hair Cut' Shane won 'Best Looking Popstar' and 'Best Dressed Male'. Then Westlife together won 'Best Video' for When You're Looking Like That and are now after winning 'Best Album' for Coast To Coast. Shane looked at me and smiled. He kissed me quickly running onto the stage. As I watched them all smiling, laughing, Bryan pretending to cry, I smiled. Life couldn't be better. I had Shane, I had the bestest friends anyone could have, and .... I was complete.
Kian still thinks about Vikki. We sit and talk about her a lot. The best thing is, it doesn't hurt anymore. Shane came running down and showed me the award. I laughed and kissed him again. This is my life...

And he's my angel.
…The end…