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WESTLIFE....WHOLESOME OR LOATHSOME?
Truly, it was a gratifying experience - to know that boys who dance in synchrony too, can be bitchy. Never mind that we were made to wait for almost an hour in the squalid dampness of an ineffectual tent-like structure at a popular night club as the lashing rain gave us a pre-bath soaking. Forgo also, the fact that this meant being pushed neck to neck with hyperventilating teenagers and sweaty, smelly journalists from Indonesia, Singapore, Thailand, Hong Kong and Malaysia. After all, these five Irish cuties or rather, their record label, have chosen Singapore as their only Asian stop to promote their new album, Coast to Coast.
Just when thought I was going to keel over from the humidity, dampness and throbbing pain in my legs, the five teen dreams arrived amidst gloomy-weathered splendour, dry as bones, and prettily coifed up with mousse and powder. Despite the increasing stabs of resentment raining in my gut, the pretty quintet soon appeased my raging emotions with extreme cattiness at the following press conference. The refreshing tartiness of it all! Who says naughty and nice don't mix? Here's what not to ask the clean-cut lads if you don't want to suffer the unrivalled humiliation of being told off by boys with toothpaste-ad-worthy smiles and too much hair gel:
The potty-mouthed suspects: Bryan McFadden, Shane Filan, Mark Feehily, Nicky Bryne and Kian Egan of Westlife.
The victims: Certain unfortunate members of the media from Singapore, Indonesia, Thailand, Hong Kong and Malaysia.
The scene: The dark, damp & rotten recesses of my brother's three-day old sock (we aren't supposed to reveal the venue!)
"You asked for it!" Qn #1:
Never, ever question their sexual fantasies.
One unfortunate reporter from Manila mistakenly thought she could get away with this naughty number. Initially excited, Bryan extolled, "Now you're talking!" However, he demanded that she first told them her own sexual fantasy, which she foolishly did. " I'd like to have a threesome with a woman….now that I've told you mine, you must tell us yours!" she prattled excitedly. No such luck, after she divulged that juicy nugget about her poor self, Mark coldly replied, "We'd like to keep some things to ourselves….this is not relevant to our music." Ouch.
"You asked for it!" Qn #2:
Never ask them if they can truly sing.
"We're not Boyzone", declared Bryan dryly when asked if it's true that only Shane and Mark can sing. "…that's the first thing we looked for when we started the band - singers." When an unsuspecting reporter asked if he was insinuating that Boyzone couldn't sing, Bryan had the cheek to say with a straight face, " I didn't imply that Boyzone could not sing. I didn't say that!" To add oil to fire, his mate Shane added, "He said we are not Boyzone, but he didn't say that Boyzone can't sing". That's gratitude for you, Ronan.
"You asked for it!" Qn #3:
Never tell them they've put on weight.
Touchy topic ain't it? Not so for one intrepid reporter who carelessly told them they've piled on the pounds since the last time they came to Singapore last year. As usual, motor-mouthed Bryan retorted, "We've put on weight have we? You're saying we're fat! I think you've lost some weight since the last time I saw you!" One can only suppose that when his mum needs a knife at home, she simply uses Bryan's tongue.
"You asked for it!" Qn #4:
Never ask them about girlie stuff like dolls.
They may be a boy band, but they also would like us to believe they're macho you know! Besides, don't people ever have anything better to ask? Granted, it is true Westlife action figures will soon be available at a mall near you, but why ask the boys themselves when they'd be out? "Think about it"; shot Bryan to the guilty journalist, "you'll soon have little us in your house…. I wish I could have a little you in my house!" Tarty!
"You asked for it!" Qn #5:
Never ask them if they're about to get married.
Rumours about Bryan and his girlfriend, Kerry Katona of The Atomic Kittens getting engaged were rife in countless teen magazines. So no one could truly blame the clueless but innocent reporter who asked him if he was getting married. "No, are you getting married?
Undoubted champion of the annual all-boy cat-claw contest:
Bryan McFadden.
To view the whole complete set of photos, click here!
All articles courtesy of Westlife Online, none of these may be used without written permission of the webmaster.
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