A Story of Honor, Friendship, and Sacrifice
They didn't want me knowing the awful truth. Whenever I asked what they did to Kurt while he was fucked up on New Years, they would laugh uncontrollably. Never could I imagine in my wildest dreams the carnage that had ensued while Kurt was on holiday.
This is my living tribute to Wet Kurt, the worlds greatest entertainer.
Once upon a time, there were two twinkle-toed numbnut mooks named JACKASS! and Asshole Andy Armageddon. JACKASS! is the one on the left, Andy's on the right, feeling up JACKASS!'s meatwhistle. They went to a college town on the West Coast to celebrate the 2k New Year with Kurt.
Kurt got really shitfaced and started frying baloney in a skillet. He wore nothing but his wifebeater and his tightywhiteys. It was a moment of true flavor.
JACKASS! and Andy, looking down upon their comrade, began to cruelly humiliate Kurt in his vulnerable alcoholic haze. The tirade ended with the barked command that would haunt Kurt to this day...
"Get in the fuckin bathtub and piss yourself. Come on, do it you fuckin' pussy."
Selflessly abandoning all the shackles of modesty, Kurt seized the moment and let it rain as the camera flashed away, the air filled with the derisive yet appreciative laughter of his pals.
A couple days ago, as the photos were circulated at a party, a friend asked Kurt how much money they gave him to piss his fuckin' shorts.
I will forever be haunted by the shellshocked look in Kurt's eyes as he painfully uttered the words...
"I volunteered."
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lucky visitors have felt the warmth of Wet Kurt's Sacrifice since 2/25/00.
