RRjan

Before we get this baby up and running, I have a few things to get off my chest. Let's all say thanks to Hedish for making us get off our asses over Christmas break and actually be productive. Way to be kid! Also, I'm going to take this time to explain Rr. Looks like I will have a place to express my non-denominational, non-judgmental opinions about the world's idiosyncrasies. Now isn't that hypocritical? Oh well, such is life! Hopefully I will be motivated to keep my part of the bargain up. Hedish, thanks for letting me jump on your bandwagon.

So, this Rr will center on the Abercrombie movement that seems to be sweeping the nation and sucking the brain cells of today's youthful consumer population. "This 'A&F thing' seems to do much more damage to the brain than some illegal herbal self-medication practices" reported Thom Yorke, rock legend and GOD. So buckle up and prepare for a very informative and sometimes frightening look at......the Abercrombie Movement: what you can do to prevent losing your soul.

It's a foggy, humid, windy day. Due to the wind there is a strange mixture of hot humidity with the northern winds coming down from the ancient home of the American bison, the Great Plains. Winter has finally hit College Station, Texas. As I walk hard into the cutting wind enjoying my last cigarette, the sympatrical appearance of an intelligent environment with the brisk air was quickly shattered with the appearance of a young lady with cell phone to ear and sigmaTHETAf**kme plastered across her chest. She walked in front of me to enter Evans Library and my day was ruined. She is an example of the effects of the Abercrombie Movement (AM).

There are numerous telltale signs if a person has been affected by this unexplainable loss of individuality. AM often causes people to give into the urges of conformity. It also forces them to drive big, uncalled for SUVs. Usually you can find a Dave Matthew’s CD in the guy's ford expedition and a *nsync/j lo/Brittany CD or any other soulless pop star in the chick's ford sport trac. I admit I’m a big fan of Dave, but it seems he too has become a victim of the AM.

The people that proved child porn can sell clothes have topped themselves with the AM. How did this happen? Well having no soul is the next logical step from losing your individuality and being made to believe you can't be happy with what you already own. This is exactly what Abercrombie and Fitch has done. With the proper advertising (action child porn!) they were able to convince thousands of freethinkers that their boxers must match their backwards visors which matches the tattoo. By the way, who is Fitch anyway? I’ve never seen this guy. What's up with that shit?

So how do we stop Abercrombie from becoming the new McDonalds of our society? To understand this comparison, look at what Mickey D’s did to the foreign perception of American cuisine. When people think of American cuisine they think of supersized sugared french fries, rainforest killing hamburgers, compressed chicken nuggets and that scary ass special sauce. If we are not careful, other countries could soon begin perceiving all Americans as suv-driving, a&f wearing mindless zealots that jam out to Dave Matthew’s.

The solution is simple. The next time you see someone that fits the profile given for a victim of the AM, simply lure them in your car with a promise of free doubledave's buffet cards. That's if you are deal with a female. Most girls that fall victim to this movement are often known to fall victim for not always keeping their food down. Catch my drift? If you are dealing with a guy, then offer him free beer. He's probably a lightweight anyway! *once again doubledave's is a good place to get the needed beer* All you do now is grab their bags and knock them out like you were L.L. cool j.

Now the fun begins. When they awake force them to listen to Jimi Hendrix CDs, Bjork CDs, Tool CDs, and the clincher.....Radiohead (post the bends)! You are striving to not make them so perky and shit. Now all you have to do is force them into a hot topic or thrift store and all of the brainwashing performed by hours and hours of child porn should be undone. The victim will soon return to being a self-thinking person. They will owe this newfound freedom to you and you alone. You could then make them your slave and force them to do all of this shit you don't want to.......or you could just have some green tea.

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*As a side note. When this article was originally written certain recent events had not yet taken place. Seems like the AM has taken hot topic and thrift stores. Is there no justice? What's next, rock music? Oh wait, look at aerosmith!